Broken Condom

[londonboy99]

Hey,

I had receptive and insertive sex with a man I met on a website last week and am now freaking out about HIV. My girlfriend is coming back from travelling abroad on the 21st of December and will want to have sex without a condom as she has an IUD. I asked the man if he was clean and if I was free to go condomless in future and he said yes.

However, I still don't trust him. We had, as I mentioned, insertive and receptive oral sex and at one point the tip of my penis grazed his anus, which was lubed up, I presume, as it felt very wet and I am not sure anuses can secrete that much (he wanted to fuck and brought me a condom but I didn't feel anal so we didn't do it). He ejaculated on my chest and me on his.

Is there any danger here whatsoever? I can't help but feel that my guilt at cheating on my girlfriend with a dude is transferring into irrational anxiety. If I am being irrational, are there an anxiety websites which could help?

[Andy Velez]

The only confirmed risks for the sexual transmission of HIV are unprotected vaginal and anal INTERCOURSE. That's it. As long as condoms are used for those activities you are well protected.

Rubbing your penis against a guy's anus is not a risk. You just need to be sure that you did not insert your penis into his anus.

Oral sex is only theoretically a risk. In the real world of HIV we know that sexual risk is about unprotected intercourse.

As long there was no unprotected intercourse I don't see HIV as being an issue for you.

[londonboy99]

Nah, I put the tip of my penis close to his anus, enough to feel that it was wet (lube?) but didn't insert as I, just, didn't want to. I've been hearing a lot about rectal secretions having high concentrations of HIV, but rectal = quite far in, so am presuming I'm OK.

[Andy Velez]

HIV is a fragile virus. Touching or rubbing against the anus are not risks for transmission. I don't see any need for further concern about HIV in relation to this incident.

[londonboy99]

Thank you.

[londonboy99]

Hi,

Bit of a long story, this....

I slept with a girl last night and when I pulled out I realised that the condom had broken. I mean, properly broken. I think it happened towards the end of the intercourse, and I felt something weird but carried on anyway.

Anyway, after I had finished I asked her what we should do about the morning after pill. She seemed weird about it and was like 'there's something else as well'. Turns out 2 and a half months previously she had been sexually assaulted in a nightclub by an unknown assailant. She screamed quite loudly and he withdrew without ejaculating and ran away; he was a white, 20 something male. Anyway, the next day she went to the police and they put her on PEP, just to be safe, as he wasn't high risk. She took the PEP religiously and got tested either 4 or 6 weeks after the incident, with what she said was a 'blood test' - I'm guessing a duo test. She said she had tested negative twice since the attack but needs to go back in July for a confirmatory test.

My main worry is my risk. She seemed fairly calm about the whole thing, whereas I'm freaking out a bit, to be honest. What ironic is that I recently had the chance to sleep with a girl who said she'd never been tested for anything, despite having a long-term ex who was fairly high risk (intravenous drug user), because 'she'd rather just not know and drop dead'. Ignoring the weirdness of that statement, I actually am more worried about the broken condom situation, which is probably, if anything, safer than that.

Can anyone help quell my anxiety? Should I go and get a test?

[Ann]

Boy,

I've merged your new thread into your original thread - where you should post all your additional thoughts or questions. It helps us to help you when you keep everything in one thread. It doesn't matter how long it has been since you last posted in your thread or if the subject matter is different.

If you need help finding your thread when you come here, click on the "Show own posts" link under your name in the left-hand column of any forum page.

Please also read through the Welcome Thread so you can familiarize yourself with our Forum Posting Guidelines. Thank you for your cooperation.





I've yet to see the insertive partner end up positive over a condom break, but you'd be wise to test to make certain. Going by what you've told us about this woman, it's highly unlikely that she's hiv positive. For one thing, PEP is very effective and for another, her four or six week negative is highly unlikely to change.

The earliest you should test is at six weeks. The vast majority of people who have actually been infected will seroconvert and test positive by six weeks, with the average time to seroconversion being only 22 days.

A six week negative is highly unlikely to change, but must be confirmed at the three month point.

Please make sure you read through the condom and lube links in my signature line. A correctly used condom RARELY breaks.

Here's what you need to know in order to avoid hiv infection:

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together.

To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex without a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results.

Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv. Some of the other STIs can be present with no obvious symptoms, so the only way to know for sure is to test.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

Ann

[londonboy99]

Ah, sorry about that, I did think about merging it but I saw a red warning sign so didn't bother, will do in future, if I ever post here again, which hopefully I won't need to!

Thank you, she was very candid about the whole thing, and the risk was so low I don't even think she needed to even tell me, though I respect her for doing so. I will get a test, just to be sure, but won't worry myself into the ground over it. I'll also try to use the correct condoms; this is the only time that a condom has ever broken on me, sod's law this is the only time it vaguely matters. I'll also speak to her after her 3 month confirmatory test. She's been checked for everything else and obviously was checked for HIV when prescribed PEP, so I'm fairly sure I'm cool. I think there's more chance of me winning the lottery two weeks in a row than contracting HIV here!

[Ann]

I think there's more chance of me winning the lottery two weeks in a row than contracting HIV here!

Very true.

One thing I meant to comment on before - your references to people being "high risk" or "low risk".

You need to understand that people are not high or low or no risk, ACTIVITIES are high or low or no risk. It's not WHO you do, it's HOW you do it. The HOW should include condoms. Make sure you get those three letters in the correct order when assessing your sexual risks.

You can have as much sex as you like with as many people as you can manage, no matter who they are or what they look like or what they do for a living or whatever, just so long as you ALWAYS use condoms.

Sexually speaking, the only true "risk group" is that group of people who have unprotected anal or vaginal intercourse with persons of unknown or positive hiv status. Seriously.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!!!

By the way, you said next time you'll "use the correct condoms". If you're having a problem with finding the correct size for you, have a look at the website Condoms are a Girl's Best Friend linked to in my signature line. It's a condom shop in Amsterdam and their website has a lot of great information, including how to size condoms. Get reading!

Ann

Ann

[londonboy99]

Yeah, I usually use magnums but only had regular condoms and I'm probably too big for them. Oh well.

[Ann]

Yeah, I usually use magnums but only had regular condoms and I'm probably too big for them. Oh well.

Bragging?

Not that I'm a size queen or anything.

You should still check out the links in my signature line. You never know, you just might learn something new.

Otherwise, relax. Test to make sure, but don't sweat it. Your local GUM clinic will take good care of you.

Ann