2nd Day of being poz! ..how did you guys cope with this?

[Electricfuse]

Hello All,

I found out that my results tested positive for HIV and Syphilis yesterday. I am now waiting on a call from my doctor to let me know the next steps in curing syphilis and taking the steps to living with the HIV infection. I am in the military, so I will lose my job over this. I guess I will have to make plans to rearrange my life and move forward in a different direction.

At this point, I will assume that I am HIV positive. I've experienced some of the common symptoms within the past 60 days. However, I am waiting for the Western Blot Test to confirm or deny.

I haven't broken down yet. Haven't cried about it. Just a lot pondering and asking myself is this really happening. I haven't accepted that I have HIV yet, until I receive the final say.

My question is, has anyone ever received a false-positive result before and the Western blot test show negative? I've read that the ELISA/EIA test is sensitive and can show false-positives sometimes in reaction other infections in the body, such as syphilis. How common is this?

[Live040314]

Hello and welcome,

I want to say that I hear you and am here for you. On a second note, you will most likely take a little flack for posting in the just diagnosed section of the forum. I believe there is a section for "Am I infected?" That the moderators will want you to post in until you have the results of your western blot. Okay, now that the formality is out of the way, I was recently diagnosed on the 3rd, it's a scary time. Just know this, the western blot is the only test that can "Diagnose" someone as HIV+, just because you had an ELISA come back positive doesn't mean you have been diagnosed. Is it likely? Yes. Do they have instances of false positives? Yes. Is there anything you can do to change the results? No. You have to accept things as they come. You will be okay. There are thousands of people on this forum, many of whom have been living with HIV for decades. We will support you, don't worry. It can be a shock and yes it's hard to move forward right now, but you CAN move forward.

[Live040314]

Also, with regard to the military, I am a vet. Many of us on here are. Simply being HIV+ is not grounds for separation from the military. There are many other things regarding your health that go into a determination like that. I urge you to research this topic further before assuming you will simply be discharged for contracting a virus.

[Electricfuse]

Thank you so much for your response. I'm sorry if posted in the wrong section. I'm new here. I hope the mods Cut me a little slack lol

..but I just received confirmation that it was positive.

[Live040314]

Well...now you know. Take some time to process the information. If there is one thing I've learned in the past month it is that life continues. It has to. Get a good doctor, evaluate who (if anyone) you are going to tell. Get your bloodwork checked out and move forward. Again, it's scary and shocking. Don't be hard on yourself, it is what it is. Sorry about your diagnosis but in the end it can be very empowering to know that you have this, it isn't going away and the ball is back in your court. It's your life.

[Electricfuse]

Hello,

I just, 5 mins ago received confirmation that I am HIV positive. I have an appointment with the doctor on 5 May. What should I expect?

[Electricfuse]

Thank you for the words of encouragement. I have a friend that I haven't seen in a long time that will be visiting me shortly. I really need to talk to someone about now, but I'm a little nervous. I know I will have to tell my family pretty soon as well. I'm still kind of in a little disbelief though...

[Live040314]

Disbelief or denial is usually the first step. It's okay. Acceptance will come. I want
You to know that you are your own keeper. You do not HAVE to tell anyone right now. I told people I knew would support me. I wish I would have waited until I had more information available from my first set of labs ( just so I could have answered all of the questions that are inevitably asked) everyone assumes the worst immediately and that just simply isn't the case usually. I did, but as it turns out I'm pretty healthy still and with medication should stay that way for a long long time. If I would have known that when I told my mother I think the stress she was experiencing and therefore I was experiencing.

[Live040314]

Hey again,

You can ask this question in your original post as well. You don't have to feel the need to create a new post for each question. It actually helps to keep them all in the same place.

In answer to your question, if it's anything like my appointment, they will show you the test results and either schedule or take a whole bunch of additional lab work. CD4, viral load, Hep A,B and C, Liver function, Complete blood count, HIV Genotype testing and possibly other STD screenings.

This information may all take some time to trickle in and from there the doc will get a feel for what medication if any to put you on and you will go from there. In the mean time I read about the virus and just tried to learn as much as possible. Start a journal that you can bring with to the doctor. Write all of your questions down, regardless of how silly. Use your appts to ask questions and get to know this thing. It helps.

[Joe K]

Electric,

I've merged your new thread into your original thread (and updated your title) - where you should post all your additional thoughts or questions.  It helps us to help you when you keep everything in one thread.  It doesn't matter how long it has been since you last posted in your thread or if the subject matter is different.

If you need help finding your thread when you come here, click on the "Show own posts" link under your name in the left-hand column of any forum page.

Thank you for your cooperation.

Joe

[pittman]

As far as what to expect....

At your doctor's appointment(s), you will have lots of tests in the next few months. They will want to see a few tests on your viral load and CD4 count and % to get a sense of your current state by looking at the trend.  A single test is not generally considered enough as your numbers can fluctuate quite a bit.

Also, they will test for possible resistance to particular drugs, so that when you would start treatment, they know what the best combination for you will be.

They will also test to get some baseline numbers prior to starting meds. That helps when seeing any possible impacts the meds may have.

Depending on your results, your doctor, and your own inclination, you will be potentially needing to decide when to start meds. If your numbers low, and you were not recently infected, them you probably will be urged to start soon.  If your numbers are good, then you will have a choice. Wait, or start early treatment.

Outside of doctor visits, expect to have a bit of an emotional roller coaster for the next while. The first bit can be hard, and it certainly can leave preoccupied. It does settle down and actually become much more routine.

[Electricfuse]

Thank you so much for the info. My doctor's appointment feels so long away, and I just want answers soon as soon as possible to get this taken care of.

[Electricfuse]

...This is only the 2nd day and thats all I can think about. Its hard to keep focus at work. I just wanna go home and lay down, but I don't want to ne alone either. I feel this is going to be a bit tougher than I thought. I'm nervous, scared, upset and I feel like Im going to be battling this alone. I told one friend about it, and it felt good to just recieve a tight hug. I'm still in shock that this has happened to me and I know that I will let so many people down, but I dont want anybody to feel sorry for me and this isn't the way I wanted to got out! I feel like this is a bad dream that I can't wake up from. I keep hoping that this may be one big mistake. Somebody at the lab got my blood work mixed with someone else's! I don't know...

I know of 2 individuals who I trusted that I had unprotected sex with. I told one right away to get tested to make sure, but I don't know how to tell the other person. I would put my mind at ease to know who exactly I potentially recieved this infection from because I really don't wanna be alone in all this! ...excuse the vent

..but with all that being said; How did you guys cope with this when you found out? It seems like its going to get harder each day, expecially since I have much going on in my life. I just don't want to think about this everyday.

[mecch]

Have you seen the Newly Diagnose lessons here:
http://www.poz.com/newly_diagnosed.shtml

You want to get what "taken care of"?  Syphilis - they'll treat right away. If its uncomplicated first stage it will be taken care of right away. 

As you know HIV is for life so prepare yourself for a rather long adjustment until you feel your old self and normal again. 

Have you ever had HIV negative tests, and if so, when was the last one?

[Electricfuse]

I know... Yes. Last one was 10 Dec 2012

[mecch]

Well thats a silver lining. You haven't been HIV+ for very long.  Most ID docs will reassure a person just diagnosed that medical science really has it together for treating HIV.  So the big challenge is often psychological, social, financial, etc.

[Electricfuse]

That make me feel a bit better. I feel this infection was very recent being that my body was doing some crazy things with in the past 60 days.

...financial. Thats one thing I'm concerned about because I know treatment can be expensive.

[skeebo1969]

  On my second day i called the CDC hotline at 3 am.... Had no one to talk to so operator Sherry had to do.  Bless her heart, she stayed on the phone with me for 30 minutes.  That was 9 years ago.  It gets easier with time and knowledge.  You've found a great place in these forums to gain that knowledge.  The support and advice you find here will prove valuable in ridding yourself of the anxiety a diagnosis brings. 

[Live040314]

Hey bud,

I know the feeling of financial stress...when I was diagnosed, honestly my major concern wasn't the HIV or my health, it was how am I going to afford to treat this and still live!! Luckily I met some great people through this site and I have learned quite a bit about the system and how to make it work. All told I am looking at approximately $135 a month now for medication, I can save for that. Beyond that I have also started the process with the VA to seek care there am hopefully make this a little more affordable. There are options, don't stress about it, just do your homework and ask questions and I am confident you will figure it out. Being a vet is going to help you a lot!

[mecch]

There is no miracle solution.  Talk it out here and with your friend. Or anyone else you eventually tell in real life.
As for notifying the partners, yes you should. No you shouldn't expect either of them to be helpful in your new status.  What is different about the one "you don't know how to tell"? You told one to get tested. Why can't you tell the other? I am confused.
Did the first one already come back to you to confirm HIV-.  So you think its the 2nd?

If the sleeplessness continues, get sleeping pills. If the anxiety becomes overwhelming: 1) go running or lift weights.  2) do breathing exercises, etc.  3) get some anti-anxiety pills - they work great. 

[vertigo]

If you're on active duty in the US military you can't be kicked out for being HIV positive.  Also, Tricare is really a very good deal, and I would expect that most health care costs will be covered.

Your career may take a different path, however.  Generally you must remain CONUS and not deploy overseas.  The navy is starting to make some exceptions to this policy, but I don't think the other services are yet.  Depending on what your specialty is, this could wind up being career limiting.  Or it might not matter.

In the short term you're going to have a lot of lab work done, get meds for the syphilis, and probably start HIV meds fairly soon thereafter.  The meds are really good these days, and the odds are that you won't have any serious side effects.

The bigger issue for many of us following dx is mental and emotional health.  Contracting HIV is a bit of a mindfuck, with all sorts of feelings about how we got it, if we exposed anyone else, how we will pay for it, if it will affect our jobs, relationships, etc.  It's a lot to process.  Rest assured you will adjust to this "new normal".  People are resilient, all of us.  You are too. 

[vertigo]

The first few weeks after diagnosis can be pretty rough, I'm not gonna lie about that.  Having someone to confide in can be helpful.  Or you can talk to us here.  But outside of partner notification, don't feel like you have to tell everyone your status right away.  Once that info is out, there's no taking it back.  A few weeks or months from now you may find that you're feeling very differently about being poz.

This site has a lot of great info regarding the medical side of things -- treatments, labs, etc.  The outlook is very good for people contracting HIV today.  Life expectancy is either the same as for negggies or very close to it.  You'll find some scary stories if you go poking around the internet too much, but anything older than 2-3 years is already dated.

Be aware that anxiety can bring its own set of symptoms, so try not to stress too much.  Although the saying is trite, you will feel better with time.  Two years after my own dx, I can say that my life hasn't changed much.  I now take pills every day and have gotten to know my doctor better, but that's about it.  You will feel normal again, too. 

[geobee]

Here's my advice --

There's no right way to receive the news.  Calm and cool, screaming and crying, it's all good.  Do whatever you have to do to process it.  Some people tell no one.  Some people tell everyone.

Here's what I did:  I told my close friends and family within a few days.  I needed their love and support and I also needed their advice.  I realized I didn't have to be alone with this.

I also got smart re: HIV.  I joined this site, surfed the web, learned all about it.  I soon realized that I wasn't going to die from HIV.  My biggest concern was that I'd have to start taking medications and I'd have nasty side effects.  Fortunately, for me, I have none today.

But, well, HIV is still a big deal.  I lost some friends.  My husband left me (which, since I was the primary breadwinner, was very expensive).   But I found a therapist and she's really helped me navigate the post-diagnosis world.  Your health care provider might offer therapy.  If they do, I'd encourage you to do it.

And I've never said this before...but...I didn't have the courage to get out of a relationship that had been over for years.  When all the counseling and about a zillion other things didn't work, I should have just said "I'm done with you" but I was afraid to do that. 

Having HIV forced me to re-evaluate my life, my identity, my choices.  That has been a blessing.

Also, I decided to go on meds right away.  I was diagnosed early, in the "window period", and thought I'd try to keep my numbers up by starting meds early. 

I guess that's the last thing I'd say --dealing with the emotional part -- you've got plenty of time for that.  But getting a good doctor and taking control of what you can -- I'd get started on that.  The more control you can add back to your life, the better you'll feel.

Also, this is a wonderful forum.  You'll find lots of good advice here.  Welcome.

[Ann]

Hi EF, welcome to the forums.

I've merged your new thread into your original thread, as they are both dealing with the same basic issues - getting to grips with a new diagnosis. It makes it easier for everyone to follow your situation this way, you included.

If you are finding it difficult for whatever reason to let this other person know that he needs to test (and don't forget they both need to know about the syphilis too), you can have your local health department get in touch with him. They will not disclose who alerted them to his need to test, they will just get in contact with him to say he should test for hiv and syphilis.

In many states a meeting with someone from the health department is mandatory anyway, so you can give them his details then. Again, they will not divulge who gave them the information as doing so would violate HIPAA laws that protect your medical information.

It WILL get better in time. There WILL come a time when you don't think about it everyday.

I reached that point within a year or so - although as someone who has been a member of this forum since 2001 (my diagnosis year) and a site mod/admin since 2002, I do think about hiv pretty much every day, I just don't think about my own hiv every day. Not even when I take my meds. I just throw them back with a glass of water without reflecting on why I'm taking them.

In the meantime, don't beat yourself up over how you're coping with your diagnosis. The early days are an emotional rollercoaster ride for sure, but every rollercoaster ride comes to an end eventually. This will too.

Reaching out here is a great first step, because you are not alone and we've got your back.

Hang in there. You're going to be alright.

Ann

[Electricfuse]

Meech,

Honestly. I'm doing some back tracking now. I will eventually let him know. I feel he may take the news hard

...the main reason I decided to get tested was because the person I was dating recently for the past 3months let me know he had Chlamydia and was not sexually envolved with anyone else while we were dating. I let him know I wasn't either, but I thought I probably brought something from my past to my current relationship. He was the first person I called about the results. I let him know I didnt have Chlamydia but something else. He was very nonchalant about the news. He said he will get tested again, and told him to let me know the results.

I don't believe I contracted HIV from him because we only had oral sex. I know there is a chance, but the risk is very low, but I started having symptoms about 3 weeks after our first sexual encounter ..so the time line doesn't add up to me. However, he has been very distant since and it seems like he doesn't want to deal with me anymore; which is understood. But, I just feel he isn't being completely honest with me about something and I'm not trying to force him to be..

What are you thoughts on this?

..anyways, its the 3rd day and I woke up feeling a lot better. I know its not a death setence, just means I have a lot of changes to make and news to break. I don't feel sad at all today, just trying to stay focused on work. Thank you all for the words of wisdom and encouragement. It helped start my morning off right!

[mecch]

I didnt understand the post. That was all about the guy you did tell.
Why don't you take Ann's advice for the guy you didn't tell.

Sometimes its impossible to figure out how one got it or from whom.  So one just puts that in parenthesis and moves on.

As to the guy you did tell, well, you didn't write that he came back with news that the retest is negative.  Plus, you get a cagey feeling.  Not much you can do about that relation and line of communication.  It takes two to tango.

[Theyer]

Hi hope the fourth day is even better. Medically you have done the very very best thing possable and for now its just wait for the next doctor appointment , there may well be some changes ahead , but the one where you don,t get checked out get a very very damaged immune system, end up in Hospital for a long time,,,,,,,,,,,,,,is not happening.

Take a break and let that soak in.

[Electricfuse]

Hi hope the fourth day is even better. Medically you have done the very very best thing possable and for now its just wait for the next doctor appointment , there may well be some changes ahead , but the one where you don,t get checked out get a very very damaged immune system, end up in Hospital for a long time,,,,,,,,,,,,,,is not happening.

Take a break and let that soak in.

Thanks. Today is going a bit smoother, but I still don't feel like my normal self. I'm really just anxious to get to the doctor so I start the treatment process and get rid of this other STD. A week feels so long! Ugh ...but I've had a real good supportive friend that has been keeping me company through this.

[RapidRod]

Any questions that you have, write them down and take them with you to your doctors visit, don't try to remember them, because you'll go blank when you are bombarded with information. The doctors are use to the lists of questions and expect you to have a list. List the little things too that you might think would be silly to ask them, but you would like to know, no question is silly, it only becomes silly when you don't ask. Make sure you have a pen to write down the answers to your questions so you don't forget. Try to relax, you have a lot of things going on and you'll be stressed to the hilt. If you haven't already received a letter from your local health department or a call to set up an appointment with you, you will. It will be to give you information on all the programs and assistance that will be available to you and they will also ask you if there is anyone that you would like for them to notify to get tested. That is totally up to you. They won't push you on the subject. Good luck on your first appointment and I hope the doctor is one you feel comfortable with. 

[Electricfuse]

I didnt understand the post. That was all about the guy you did tell.
Why don't you take Ann's advice for the guy you didn't tell.

Sometimes its impossible to figure out how one got it or from whom.  So one just puts that in parenthesis and moves on.

As to the guy you did tell, well, you didn't write that he came back with news that the retest is negative.  Plus, you get a cagey feeling.  Not much you can do about that relation and line of communication.  It takes two to tango.

Sorry about the long confusing explanation rant.

...and you're right. I'm just really finding some type of closure mapping out a time line of events of who I practice risky behavior with and when I started to notice symptoms between now and my last negative test. I know it seems silly, but thats mostly what I can think about.

As far as the gentleman that I told, he will get his results in 2 weeks. He has been real supportive and saying really sweet things about the situation. I'm just waiting on his results before I go to the next person that I don't know how to tell. The reason I'm unsure to tell him is because I feel he is responsible, gets tested regularly and would let me know of anything has happened with him, because we commicate every so often.

...I know it can be impossible to know who you recieved an infection from, but trying to figure out is just kinda keeping a bit grounded. Its weird.

[Electricfuse]

Any questions that you have, write them down and take them with you to your doctors visit, don't try to remember them, because you'll go blank when you are bombarded with information. The doctors are use to the lists of questions and expect you to have a list. List the little things too that you might think would be silly to ask them, but you would like to know, no question is silly, it only becomes silly when you don't ask. Make sure you have a pen to write down the answers to your questions so you don't forget. Try to relax, you have a lot of things going on and you'll be stressed to the hilt. If you haven't already received a letter from your local health department or a call to set up an appointment with you, you will. It will be to give you information on all the programs and assistance that will be available to you and they will also ask you if there is anyone that you would like for them to notify to get tested. That is totally up to you. They won't push you on the subject. Good luck on your first appointment and I hope the doctor is one you feel comfortable with. 

Thank you! I will do this! I'm a bit nervous thinking about it though. Just hoping that I recieve any good news from this situation that Im in.

[vertigo]

As far as the gentleman that I told, he will get his results in 2 weeks. He has been real supportive and saying really sweet things about the situation. I'm just waiting on his results before I go to the next person that I don't know how to tell. The reason I'm unsure to tell him is because I feel he is responsible, gets tested regularly and would let me know of anything has happened with him, because we commicate every so often.

You really should notify your other partner now.  Letting him know is the right thing, and doesn't have anything to do with someone else getting a test result back in two weeks.  As has already been mentioned, if you don't know how to do it then let the health department handle it.  They make anonymous notifications all the time.  It seems funny that you say how responsible he is, and how he would let you know if something happened, yet you're sitting on your hands when you have some really important information to share.

Sorry if it seems like I'm being hard on you, but people with new infections oftentimes have very high viral loads but yet are totally unaware of it.  All your partners should have a chance to get tested/treated to stop the chain of infection.

[mecch]

I still don't get it. Now you say someone is sweet and caring and yet i thought this was the cagey one.   
Just let the health department handle it... Or do it yourself. Whichever.  Get it over with and move on.

[Theyer]

Any questions that you have, write them down and take them with you to your doctors visit, don't try to remember them, because you'll go blank when you are bombarded with information. The doctors are use to the lists of questions and expect you to have a list. List the little things too that you might think would be silly to ask them, but you would like to know, no question is silly, it only becomes silly when you don't ask. Make sure you have a pen to write down the answers to your questions so you don't forget. Try to relax, you have a lot of things going on and you'll be stressed to the hilt. If you haven't already received a letter from your local health department or a call to set up an appointment with you, you will. It will be to give you information on all the programs and assistance that will be available to you and they will also ask you if there is anyone that you would like for them to notify to get tested. That is totally up to you. They won't push you on the subject. Good luck on your first appointment and I hope the doctor is one you feel comfortable with.

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