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Author Topic: children  (Read 10996 times)

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Offline tigger2376

  • Member
  • Posts: 462
  • too bad to die youngish!
children
« on: May 12, 2007, 10:45:31 pm »
I had a child, my son adopted when I was 15. It was his 25th birthday on April 28th, and I never thought I'd hear from him. Its 3.40am in UK and just got a call about an hour ago from the US from him, he forgot the time difference! I've always been on the adoption register so he could find me, but never imagined I'd be in this situation. He's coming to London next month. I'm terrified. If I tell him I'm positive, it'll either scare him off or devastate him...if I don't, I'm a liar
Help?
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I know i'm going to enjoy the party in the afterlife, but do you all mind that I'm going to be VERY late!!!

Offline BT65

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 10,786
Re: children
« Reply #1 on: May 13, 2007, 02:17:16 pm »
Hey Tigger-
   I should be keeping up on this forum.  I haven't been checking it out lately, and that's my fault.
     You don't even need to worry about disclosing to him right now.  You to have ALOT of catching up to do!  My daughter (who's 22) knows, but she's known ever since I tested positive.  She's had time to accept it.  Also, you and your kid haven't seen each other in years.  I would just get to know each other first and in time, if it's meant to come out it will.  Good luck!
Peace-
Betty :-*
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Offline Dragonette

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  • Spring symptoms
    • NotPerfectAtAll
Re: children
« Reply #2 on: May 13, 2007, 02:53:18 pm »
I agree. I don't have kids but it makes sense. Let him see how healthy and wholesome you are first!

"Disclose" always sounds to me like there is a big dark secret, in the dating context it can be interpreted this way... but in other cases, maybe "tell" would be less scary. If you had another illness, would you tell him right away or hold back a little? I think that is the key here. I mean, it's not like there is any rush or incentive to say anything as in the dating world.

Take care......... enjoy getting to know each other.
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"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

Offline Queen Tokelove

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,031
  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: children
« Reply #3 on: May 13, 2007, 10:09:14 pm »
Awww Tigger girl, I know how you feel. My sister raised my youngest son and I was terrified because of all the drama she had given me in the past. Surprisingly enough my son accepted me and we talked about it. I agree with the others, make up for the lost time. Obviously, well to me anyway, it seems like he is reaching out. Let me know how it goes.....
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Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

Offline anniebc

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,185
  • AM member since 2003
Re: children
« Reply #4 on: May 13, 2007, 10:37:59 pm »
Hi tigger

First of all I think it's wonderful that he wants to connect with you and is coming to visit you...but I agree with the other ladies, just take this time to get to know each other and just enjoy the time you'll have with him, there will be time later to talk to him about your status.

Keep in touch and let us know how things go.

Hugs
Jan :-*
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Offline cjc

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,011
  • Sweet Girl
Re: children
« Reply #5 on: May 15, 2007, 11:59:39 am »
That is fantastic. I do agree with the other ladies, Disclosure can wait. Get to know him first,there is no rush on that. Best of luck with the meeting.  Cristy
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Offline tigger2376

  • Member
  • Posts: 462
  • too bad to die youngish!
Re: children
« Reply #6 on: May 21, 2007, 09:21:02 pm »
I've had a long letter from my son, Dan, filling in a lot of the blanks. Photos as he was growing up, a history, his feelings about his adoption, and me. It was SO emotional. He doesn't NEED to know I'm positive, I realise that now, with a lot of help from all on the forums, its just something thts happened to me, not who I am. I can't really put into words how it feels but it says something that after I'd told my dearest friend and my family, I came here. Thank you all so much. I'm not given to the 'mushy stuff' but your support and genuine delight for me has been overwhelming. Will keep you updated...
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I know i'm going to enjoy the party in the afterlife, but do you all mind that I'm going to be VERY late!!!

Offline tigger2376

  • Member
  • Posts: 462
  • too bad to die youngish!
Re: children
« Reply #7 on: June 15, 2007, 07:20:11 pm »
Just an update. Met my son weds, was great/weird/emotional/wonderful/scarey! thanks so much for everyones support.
hes a maths teacher, looks just like me poor sod, and we got on surprisingly ok
its not ever going to be hearts and flowers and fluffy but its a start...still felt a little awkward having to omit great bits of my recent life, but its odd...getting some closure on the 'other big thing in my life' has helped. cried all day yesterday...relief and joy
Logged
I know i'm going to enjoy the party in the afterlife, but do you all mind that I'm going to be VERY late!!!

Offline emeraldize

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,397
Re: children
« Reply #8 on: June 15, 2007, 08:11:01 pm »
Hey Tigger

Nice to get the update! And, it reads as if it went well. It had to be wonderful to see yourself in him, to know that he's doing well and to acknowledge that you made a difficult decision, at a young age, that turned out quite favorably.

Em
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Offline cjc

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,011
  • Sweet Girl
Re: children
« Reply #9 on: June 15, 2007, 08:16:30 pm »
glad the meeting went well.   Cristy
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Offline Queen Tokelove

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,031
  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: children
« Reply #10 on: June 15, 2007, 09:11:13 pm »
Tigger~~

I'm glad the meeting went well. Does this mean there will be more? I hope so. Am happy for you...
Logged
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

Offline Ulong

  • Member
  • Posts: 43
Re: children
« Reply #11 on: June 16, 2007, 12:33:20 pm »
Sounds like it's going well for the both of you. What a lot of emotions to sort through!
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