My biggest fear coming true already

[fearless]

Philly,

for what it is worth, first time disclosure is often but not always the hardest.
Before you get yourself in this situation again can i recommend you try it a couple of times with friends or something, or someone you meet in a bar etc. it's never easy but does get easier, and i'll bet you'll be pleasantly surprised with most people's reaction. Most times I've received a thanks for your honesty response. They may politely withdraw after that and you may have some feeling of rejection/isolation. but it ain't the end of the world.
Your new to all this so your fear is understandable. but confront it and take control, don't let fear control you. give it a go and don't let this virus beat you.
i do wish you all the best.
Fearless.

[Oceanbeach]

Hey Philly,

I disclosed on the first date to a person I met on a dating site.  I have had AIDS for 12 years, he is negative.  Our first date was last February and I wrote about every thought process and action, here in the Forums.  He is in San Francisco, (over an hour away) and 7 months later, he is still active in my life as I am in his.

In the past 12 years, I have lived HIV alone except for my Case Managers of which the 2 former Case Managers are still close friends and the support from these forums.  Last Spring, I started feeling loved and still do because, he is with me every day by phone or email and taking an active role in my care and my life.  He has offer and provided help in health issues which are above and beyond what a casual friend would do.  We are having the grandest time in a new relationship, which is growing every day.

Many of the same Forum members who are advising you had done the same for me when I was in your place.  Please add me to the number of Forum members who advised me to disclose and see what happens next.    Have the best day
Michael

[Philly1972]

I was so proud of myself (and friends were proud of me) at how well I handled this - I didn't let it get me down and kept such a positive attitude (no pun intended).  Now I feel like that has been reversed and the reality of the situation has just hit me.  This episode has made me realize how this f**king disease is going to impact my life and make finding someone even more challenging - as if it hasn't been challenging enough. 

I know I shouldn't feel this way but I do.  This on top of the loss of someone I thought I could have something with has really got me down.  I hate this!  I keep wondering why this couldn't have happened last summer before a stupid, unfortunate accident changed my life.

[jojodiablo]

I was so proud of myself (and friends were proud of me) at how well I handled this - I didn't let it get me down and kept such a positive attitude (no pun intended).  Now I feel like that has been reversed and the reality of the situation has just hit me.  This episode has made me realize how this f**king disease is going to impact my life and make finding someone even more challenging - as if it hasn't been challenging enough. 

I know I shouldn't feel this way but I do.  This on top of the loss of someone I thought I could have something with has really got me down.  I hate this!  I keep wondering why this couldn't have happened last summer before a stupid, unfortunate accident changed my life.

I know i am a bit late at a chime in, but here it goes anyway. As you said several tims in your post someone who is 22 is still a "kid" and not old enough to make this decison and blah blah blah and i know this should be taken on a person by person basis, but i am personaly 22 and my partner is 20+ years my senior, and we have spent a wonderful 9 months together. But if it would have came about with him not letting me make the decision of us being together due to an issue such as his status, i would have been more upset to not have the choice by being lied to.

[mpls_apple]

THe way i see things in your case or anybodys case is if someone doesn't want to date you because of HIV take the following steps:

STEP 1 realize that yeah, if they are uneducated about HIV/AIDS it can be a   scary thing to think about dating, but offer to EDUCATE THEM!

STEP 2  if after some education they are still scared it probly shows that they are a shallow/niave person and you would prob. be running into bigger issues in the future than your hiv status...move on