Author Topic: Being victimized by gay people (Read 11783 times)

lforsyth · « **on:** January 08, 2011, 07:26:57 pm »

I'm at my wit's end.
I thought I was done with someone who victimized me since 1995 but he's back. He is a very FAT person who does not like himself but feels he has to destroy me.

In 1990 I was tasked to employ an assistant to help me with development of a system to support the Apache program. I rejected {him} and chose someone else.

[He] has been victimizing me ever since.

leatherman · « **Reply #1 on:** January 08, 2011, 07:56:28 pm »

perhaps you should think twice about posting his name (ie modify your post) if that is his real name. these forums are searched by google; so within a short amount of time, he might find this posting - especially if this person is following you around (on the net too); or just checking himself out online.

odyssey · « **Reply #2 on:** January 08, 2011, 08:06:55 pm »

Quote from: lforsyth on January 08, 2011, 07:26:57 pm

I'm at my wit's end.
I thought I was done with someone who victimized me since 1995 but he's back. He is a very FAT person who does not like himself but feels he has to destroy me.

In 1990 I was tasked to employ an assistant to help me with development of a system to support the Apache program. I rejected XXXXX and chose someone else.

XXX has been victimizing me ever since.

It sounds like you might have some issues yourself if you are assuming he doesn't like himself because he's fat, you feel the need to type fat in all capitals, and are going from this one case of victimization by a gay person (Tim is gay?) to "being victimized by gay people" (plural).

I sure hope this post is a joke, because it doesn't seem real. It doesn't make sense, there is no logical train of thought running through it. If it is not, you might consider thinking through what you can do to change yourself, because you certainly can't change anyone else!

WillyWump · « **Reply #3 on:** January 08, 2011, 08:08:29 pm »

Ok,

I agree with Leather about posting names, it really can come back to bite you. Especially since you called him very FAT. But since you've received advice previously about Google searches and even had one of your posts sanitized by the mods I am assuming you know the consequences. So I wont bother with "that speech" again.

Can you elaborate on how this guy is victimizing you? Perhaps then we can offer some cogent advice.

Have you made an appointment yet to see a trained therapist one on one ? Please do so.

-Will

joemutt · « **Reply #4 on:** January 08, 2011, 08:20:33 pm »

You're victimizing yourself it seems. Get help.

Joe K · « **Reply #5 on:** January 08, 2011, 08:24:24 pm »

Quote from: joemutt on January 08, 2011, 08:20:33 pm

You're victimizing yourself it seems. Get help.

Exactly. Nobody can make you a victim, short of at gunpoint, without your permission.

woodshere · « **Reply #6 on:** January 08, 2011, 08:34:58 pm »

After countless posts and replies of advice, I don't see where you have said anything about what you have done to help yourself...(therapy). I cannot understand why any of us continue to offer suggestions on ways to help you. I for one won't until there is something to show you are taking steps to help yourself.

Rev. Moon · « **Reply #7 on:** January 08, 2011, 08:36:54 pm »

With all due respect, and I am not saying this with any intention to hurt you, this is getting very old. You are seeing victimizers and bullies everywhere. You need to address this within yourself and seek professional help so that you can face life with less fear and a little more happiness.

And I agree with Will, you shouldn't have posted that person's full name; if he were to see this he could easily claim that it is you who has something against him.

(edited name)

David Evans · « **Reply #8 on:** January 08, 2011, 11:02:50 pm »

L-

I've edited the post so that the name has been removed. I don't mean to go overboard in terms of moderation, but I think you are in a place where you simply aren't able to think clearly and act with self restraint and self preservation in mind. I'm telling you now that I will continue to do this kind of editing if you persist in these kinds of posts.

I have, since you IM'd me, been looking into the legal situation at your work. I must admit, Arizona law absolutely sucks in regards to protection of people for persecution about their sexuality. I would still encourage you to contact Lambda Legal at the URL I sent you. I'm not a lawyer and I expect they'll have much better advice than I could give.

That said (and I am not a professional and am not qualified to diagnose or issue advice) but I am very, very worried about the fact that you appear to be constantly in crisis, constantly upset with your coworkers, and constantly putting your own wellbeing in jeopardy by your posts here.

You've been told numerous times that you should seek professional help. I can only repeat this request, nay actually URGE you to find good counseling, even if you have to drive miles to find it and pay good money out of pocket to do so. I can't think of a single thing that would likely help you more. If you are already seeing a therapist, then I urge you to share with them what's going on with you - and if they're not helping you enough then you should get a second opinion and find someone who can help you.

Frankly, I don't think there's anything that anyone on these boards could write to you that they haven't already written. You appear to be in a crisis situation and you need to take steps to get yourself out of it. I hope you will take this seriously.

David
Moderator

CaptCarl · « **Reply #9 on:** January 09, 2011, 09:33:58 am »

Quote from: lforsyth on January 08, 2011, 07:26:57 pm

I'm at my wit's end.
I thought I was done with someone who victimized me since 1995 but he's back.

[He] has been victimizing me ever since.

   If you've been letting this guy victimize you since '95, it's your own goddamned fault. I have read a number of your posts, and they all seem to have this sort of common thread. After a while one would think that any rational person would have put a stop to it by now. At some point, it is YOUR responsibility to grow a pair, and tell the guy to fuck off, and not in a whining "please leave me alone" way, but in a way that convinces him that if he keeps it up, the shit will most definitely hit the fan. And not the sanitized kind you go through HR to do, but the kind that you take care of personally.

   To be honest, I think that you're gonna be in for stuff like this for the rest of your life. You seem too comfortable in your role of "victim" to change. It's easy to be a "victim" and blame everybody else for your problems. Taking the responsibility to change takes strength and courage that, to be frank, you just don't seem to have. Isn't it about time you got off the Cross? Good luck to you...

CaptCarl

Merlin · « **Reply #10 on:** January 10, 2011, 04:19:43 am »

Hmm...I thought many GREAT replies were given to your problems in another thread but seems this is beginning to be more than a problem.

I guess some see dead people, but others like you see bullies.

Guess, you are the lucky few to have such a gift.

PS: How come I feel uneasy now like I'm being bullied to read this stuff again here.

wolfter · « **Reply #11 on:** January 10, 2011, 02:48:57 pm »

Oh Lord, about ready to give myself another self-imposed timeout.

denb45 · « **Reply #12 on:** January 10, 2011, 03:19:49 pm »

Quote from: lforsyth on January 08, 2011, 07:26:57 pm

I'm at my wit's end.
I thought I was done with someone who victimized me since 1995 but he's back. He is a very FAT person who does not like himself but feels he has to destroy me.

lforsyth..........you simply cannot ever be victimized by anyone, or any group of people, unless you allow this to continue, doing nothing, is not the answer to this problem you continue to have with other(s) and I think you know the answer to this problem, and only YOU can stop this, by putting an end to this, but yet you allow this to go on...take back the power that you have given to these individuals, until you do this things will NOT change for the better, you are the only person that can make that change

lforsyth · « **Reply #13 on:** January 12, 2011, 06:10:29 pm »

To set the record straight, choosing someone else for a job was the start but he was being laid off and I was told by my management that I had to recreate his reports in the system I was in charge of. I did and he took it personally against me. At first he pretended to be a friend but then he started doing things like inviting me out to go to Karaoke night which was pre planned for an overweight person to come onto me thinking I was into that. Sorry for the last post, I was really pissed off! I was really pissed off at this encounter and having to be put into this situation.

He finally got a job somewhere else and I thought I was through with him but it didn't turn out that way. He now works through others to still victimize me.

I mentioned to a woman at work that I never got along with him and she immediately turned against me. Contradicting anything I said. Even about being a long term survivor. I even helped her get car insurance after a group helped her to get a used car after she lost her home. I even told them that if they had included me in the car deal I had a 2004 Neon she could have for free. I gave it to someone else at work. Recently, when I came to the smoking place she and the kid were talking, they both looked at me and he walked away. Later he was coming out to smoke and I was leaving when I said "jokingly" that he shouldn't light up or someone would turn him in. I also added "we all do it" while laughing.

He told the others that he want's to be friends with that I threatened to turn him in.

Now I am a horrible person who should be destroyed.

How can you know how I feel if you have never been in my position.

Believe me, or don't believe me. I feel helpless and have to just keep away from those who want to hurt me so I don't hurt myself. I need to keep myself sane and safe.

I already know that I'm not wanted at the next gathering. Thank you very much!

zach · « **Reply #14 on:** January 12, 2011, 07:05:32 pm »

You seem like a very sensitive person, and thats ok, but in this case it seems to be failing you. Fight or flight, eat or be eaten. I think the Captain gave you some good advice, if you've felt this way for 15 years, it's time to take a stand.

lforsyth · « **Reply #15 on:** January 12, 2011, 07:11:37 pm »

That's just it. How do I stop it! I've gone to HR and their no help. I've talked to my manager and she told me "It's this way everywhere and you just have to learn to live with it", She also demands that I work more than an 8 hour day and has also victimized me. My first week working for her she came up to me and said that if I didn't work enough overtime she would make it "Mandatory without pay". There's no support in this workplace.

I'm 61 Years Old. Have had HIV since before 1986 and have arthritis in my neck that limits my head movement.

I'd like to retire but the corporation took away health benefits for retirees. How can I survive? That's my real question. I want to get out of this situation and still be able to survive.

Can anyone help me to get to a happier life without this BS? But all my life I've known that I have to get out of it on my own.

My Mother beat me when I was young and told me she never wanted me. I got past that and the family (except for my Father, who always loved me and always believed in me) was surprised that I not only left home but also Figure Skated Professionally. Even studied by NASA for my spins. I left home and never went back.

But you are all right. I have to take back my space and those who do respect me before it's too late. Mark, a straight guy honked at me yesterday and just yelled at me how I was doing. That's hopeful.

lforsyth · « **Reply #16 on:** January 12, 2011, 07:47:27 pm »

I'll be back in the normal area tomorrow and just tough it out. Then report back in.

You are all right. I haven't handled this correctly. I still feel that you all look down on me.

emeraldize · « **Reply #17 on:** January 12, 2011, 09:02:01 pm »

You might feel that people here are looking down at you, but it is just your feelings. I think it's you looking down at you.

Throughout this thread, people have taken the time to give you suggestions. Given your post regarding being beaten by your mother, I think the advice to get counseling, while you have health benefits, would be time and co-pays well spent. It could make the difference between your quality of life now and on into retirement.

You're 61 and it's high time you get more out of life, particularly outside of work and learn some coping skills at work. Why not find a different place or time to smoke? Why not quit? If it's inevitable that a smoking habit draws you within striking distance of these people, why let your unhealthy habit wreck a good day?

It's okay to be a sensitive person, in fact it's great to be a sensitive person, but what comes with that is knowing when and how to circle your wagons.

Can you clarify something you posted? You wrote you already know you're not wanted at the next gathering. Do you mean an AMG gathering or something work-related. It struck me as if it's AMG and if so, what would ever make you write that? The gatherings are open and if you can attend one, you should!

Em

leatherman · « **Reply #18 on:** January 12, 2011, 09:06:53 pm »

Quote from: lforsyth on January 12, 2011, 06:10:29 pm

I already know that I'm not wanted at the next gathering. Thank you very much!

Quote from: lforsyth on January 12, 2011, 07:47:27 pm

I still feel that you all look down on me.

but see, right there, you did it again. and again

(please don't misread what I am about to say. I'm not mad or upset but only trying to be kind and helpful here)

What in the world does our advice to you about your problem at work, and the advice of many to get some counseling to help with your feelings and problems of being a victim, have to do with you coming to a gathering?? People here have actually taken time over and over in various threads to think about the problems you presented and, out of friendliness, kindness, and camaraderie, offered you advice and constructive criticism. Yet now you just imagine (in the role of a victim I should point out) that your presence wouldn't be wanted and that people here are looking down on you.

I think you should believe that everyone that has replied to you has made their comments in good faith of helping you.

If people here didn't have a little bit of concern about the problems you have told us about, then they could have just as easily not spent their time answering here; but gone on to another thread. If people here really did think very little of you, they sure wouldn't have spent time considering your issues and posting their suggestions. You have totally misread this thread if you think people are looking down on you.

If you don't like the advice or construction criticism you've received that's one thing

but it's not right to shift it around putting yourself in the role of victim and us as more of the "bad guys" out to hurt you.

It really sounds like you're having an awful lot of real problems and I just don't think that any of us are going to have any miracle answers for you. I really think that someone local, some sort of counselor, could help you sort through issues figuring out what you can change, what actions you can take and even what things won't change that you'll just have to learn to live and deal with.

skeebo1969 · « **Reply #19 on:** January 12, 2011, 09:18:49 pm »

Quote from: lforsyth on January 12, 2011, 07:47:27 pm

I'll be back in the normal area tomorrow and just tough it out. Then report back in.

You are all right. I haven't handled this correctly. I still feel that you all look down on me.

L,

I think it's rather evident no one looks down on you; even if it comes harshly, the advice is meant to help. I admire you because you have lived with this disease for 24 years and managed to work to almost retirement age. Here I sit, diagnosed in 2005, and barely able to work 40 hours in a piece of shit position because I collapsed after my diagnosis thus ruining a good career. You've done nothing but tough it out and L, let me tell you, that speaks volumes on who you are.

You're a fighter... and fighting the good fight sometimes wears us out.

It's time to talk to someone.

If it means anything to you, I hope this guy's balls rot off like the other guy we wished for in your other thread. We won't wish anything on the woman yet, she may still be our friend in the end.

Merlin · « **Reply #20 on:** January 13, 2011, 02:45:14 pm »

People who look down on you will NOT bother to spend time giving great advice after advice and moral support here to you.
Please be circumspect and grateful.

As much I try to emphatize with you before, reading your incessant whines now is worse than being sucked dry by vampires-at least it does not seem so draining anymore.
Sorry I seem harsh but I meant well and I really truly find non stop whiners very very displacing to my chakras! Ommmmmmm.

And now back to you, Tiffany, for the weather. ~ Russell, from True Blood

lforsyth · « **Reply #21 on:** January 13, 2011, 07:54:56 pm »

I went back to the smoking area, today I was careful to observe IM to see if those who did me wrong were Away or Available. I was surprised that the two were the leaders of the "straight" group said hello to me and even waived. Even one of the supposed victims waived to me as I drove off after work.

I don't know what to make of it and need to explore that more. But I am a bit paranoid after being under Eastern Rite Church and seeing how Rome comes in and can destroy to be careful. Maybe they are gearing up for round two.

Don't expect much more from me in the future. I know I'm on my own and have little support from the gay community at large, let alone in Phoenix/Mesa.

One thing nice happened towards the end of the day. A guy that I'm attracted to came out to the area. He comes up to my shoulders and is a bit heavy, hairy and just turns me on. When he talks to me I know he is talking to me and he knows I have HIV. His name is Tom and I hope we can get past third base.

I have hope.

Miss Philicia · « **Reply #22 on:** January 13, 2011, 10:58:54 pm »

Why do you refuse to see a psychiatrist -- don't avoid the question.

skeebo1969 · « **Reply #23 on:** January 13, 2011, 11:13:33 pm »

Quote from: lforsyth on January 13, 2011, 07:54:56 pm

His name is Tom and I hope we can get past third base.

Out on the smoke deck?

leatherman · « **Reply #24 on:** January 14, 2011, 01:11:06 am »

Quote from: lforsyth on January 13, 2011, 07:54:56 pm

A guy that I'm attracted to came out to the area. He comes up to my shoulders and is a bit heavy, hairy and just turns me on. When he talks to me I know he is talking to me and he knows I have HIV. His name is Tom and I hope we can get past third base.

well, it's nice to hear that not everyone you have contact with is victimizing you.

You have made it out as if you were persona non grata with nearly everyone and yet today people are waving and talking to you, including a hottie. Hopefully, you felt as if that was all a nice ray of sunshine in your life today.

Hopefully more days in your future will be sunny too.

Hellraiser · « **Reply #25 on:** January 14, 2011, 12:52:28 pm »

Quote from: lforsyth on January 13, 2011, 07:54:56 pm

I went back to the smoking area, today I was careful to observe IM to see if those who did me wrong were Away or Available. I was surprised that the two were the leaders of the "straight" group said hello to me and even waived. Even one of the supposed victims waived to me as I drove off after work.

I don't know what to make of it and need to explore that more. But I am a bit paranoid after being under Eastern Rite Church and seeing how Rome comes in and can destroy to be careful. Maybe they are gearing up for round two.

Don't expect much more from me in the future. I know I'm on my own and have little support from the gay community at large, let alone in Phoenix/Mesa.

One thing nice happened towards the end of the day. A guy that I'm attracted to came out to the area. He comes up to my shoulders and is a bit heavy, hairy and just turns me on. When he talks to me I know he is talking to me and he knows I have HIV. His name is Tom and I hope we can get past third base.

I have hope.

You are ignoring all advice and relaying your experiences like you would to a close friend or therapist. Doesn't this flip a light switch for you?

emeraldize · « **Reply #26 on:** January 14, 2011, 02:37:11 pm »

"Don't expect much more from me in the future."

Okay.

lforsyth · « **Reply #27 on:** January 15, 2011, 06:56:59 pm »

You are all correct!!!!

I've been reading "Feeling Good" again. I'm victimizing myself. The Smoking group may have turned people away from me, but then they were really never friends. Not like all of you who kick my ass and get me back to reality. That I am loved and cared for.

I feel closed in here in the second seat of the Mormon Church. I feel all alone. The kid who victimized me just couldn't deal with himself.

Love, Hugs and Tugs.

wolfter · « **Reply #28 on:** January 15, 2011, 08:24:46 pm »

I'll choose not to make flippant remarks as I am really concerned about you well being. I don't think you're going to find solace and answers through any anonymous forum that will help you resolve the underlying issues you're dealing with.

Instead of acting like none of us know or understand the issues you're dealing with, please remember some of us wrote the book! I've noticed that several of the people that I respect here have offered great advice and suggestions that you seem to disregard.

I'd suggest your print off all your posts and share them with your primary doctor so he/she has a true picture of what's going on with you. I truly wish you well.

phildinftlaudy · « **Reply #29 on:** January 15, 2011, 08:34:19 pm »

Larry:

In addition to some of the excellent guidance others have previously given -

I will add this - and it will be my only response on this thread -

Some of this may sound kind of cheesy:

As long as you are seeking validation from others (whether it be at work, here on these forums, or anywhere else) you run the risk of not being happy.

People are imperfect - and relying on something external to yourself for validation (particularly other people) is not one of the best moves.

You have to be able to validate yourself. Be comfortable with yourself. Be good to yourself. Enjoy the best company and companionship in the world - your own company. You have to be your own "best friend." Positive self talk can go a long way in getting there.

I love being around me. I validate myself and I check myself continuously.

It's great to have positive feedback from others - but if you give other people the power to build you up then you are also giving them the power to tear you down.

Take the suggestions given - find an unbiased, professional third-party to talk to about your thoughts and feelings --- it is actually the best gift you can give yourself.

Miss Philicia · « **Reply #30 on:** January 15, 2011, 08:34:54 pm »

Quote from: lforsyth on January 15, 2011, 06:56:59 pm

You are all correct!!!!

I've been reading "Feeling Good" again. I'm victimizing myself. The Smoking group may have turned people away from me, but then they were really never friends. Not like all of you who kick my ass and get me back to reality. That I am loved and cared for.

I feel closed in here in the second seat of the Mormon Church. I feel all alone. The kid who victimized me just couldn't deal with himself.

Love, Hugs and Tugs.

Why do you refuse to go to a psychiatrist -- you never answer this. And yes, I'm going to ask you this until you answer. You have a corporate job so money can't be an excuse.

Also, how much do you drink alcohol? Should you consider going into AA?

skeebo1969 · « **Reply #31 on:** January 15, 2011, 09:12:28 pm »

This up and down behavior has gotta be making his coworkers' life a living hell... I've seen this first hand, it's infectious.

Miss Philicia · « **Reply #32 on:** January 15, 2011, 09:15:18 pm »

I find it hard to believe he can hold a job acting like this... something isn't adding up.

buginme2 · « **Reply #33 on:** January 15, 2011, 09:34:15 pm »

Is this guy for real?

wolfter · « **Reply #34 on:** January 15, 2011, 09:42:23 pm »

Quote from: buginme2 on January 15, 2011, 09:34:15 pm

Is this guy for real?

Be quiet and sit down .....lol

Hell yes I want some cheesy poofs.

skeebo1969 · « **Reply #35 on:** January 15, 2011, 10:09:21 pm »

There's gotta be a problem with Arizona's drinking water....

Merlin · « **Reply #36 on:** January 16, 2011, 04:53:02 am »

Yup, all the signs are there- what we have here is a tru-blu, true blood, Psychic Vampire !

I'm outta here with my last remaining drop. Yikes!!!

RAB · « **Reply #37 on:** January 17, 2011, 06:14:11 pm »

Quote from: buginme2 on January 15, 2011, 09:34:15 pm

Is this guy for real?

Yes he is. Apparently just going through a really difficult time. From what I experienced in LV, Lforsyth is a kind, gentle, and generous human being.

I suspect the problem is he's just totally lost right now. I can't think of anyway to post something that would help him, because it's already been posted by so many others. I just hope he finds the courage to take some of that advice.

RAB

denb45 · « **Reply #38 on:** January 17, 2011, 07:58:54 pm »

Quote from: skeebo1969 on January 15, 2011, 10:09:21 pm

There's gotta be a problem with Arizona's drinking water....

I was thinking about moving there, but later found out that, I was better off health-care-wise, just staying right here in New Mexico, so I quickly out that outta my head, when I found out that the-cost-of-living was about the same as living here in Albuquerque, NM

Basquo · « **Reply #39 on:** January 17, 2011, 08:35:31 pm »

Quote from: RAB on January 17, 2011, 06:14:11 pm

Yes he is. Apparently just going through a really difficult time. From what I experienced in LV, Lforsyth is a kind, gentle, and generous human being.

I suspect the problem is he's just totally lost right now. I can't think of anyway to post something that would help him, because it's already been posted by so many others. I just hope he finds the courage to take some of that advice.

RAB

Echo that. Santi and I had dinner with him; very nice guy, well-spoken and a gentleman. Doesn't appear stated age (looks younger.)

lforsyth · « **Reply #40 on:** January 20, 2011, 06:35:24 pm »

No one cares. I don't care anymore. My life has been worth nothing.

denb45 · « **Reply #41 on:** January 20, 2011, 07:30:06 pm »

Quote from: lforsyth on January 20, 2011, 06:35:24 pm

No one cares. I don't care anymore. My life has been worth nothing.

We all do care, so stop saying that, but do you care enough to talk with a professional, that's the burning question here, now isn't it

anniebc · « **Reply #42 on:** January 20, 2011, 08:22:51 pm »

Quote from: lforsyth on January 20, 2011, 06:35:24 pm

No one cares. I don't care anymore. My life has been worth nothing.

Ok that's enough Larry...haven't you read any of the replies the guys have written here, they have offered suggestions about some councelling, they have offered their support, but for some reason you are not listening to any of them..what is going on?..stop feeling sorry for yourself and do something to help yourself...get some help, you certainly sound like you need it.

I'm sorry if this sounds hurtful but enough is enough, if you keep this up then no-one is going to bother answering your posts, if you are not listening then they are just wasting their time.

As denb said:

Quote from: denb45 on January 20, 2011, 07:30:06 pm

We all do care, so stop saying that, but do you care enough to talk with a professional, that's the burning question here, now isn't it

Aroha
Jan

thunter34 · « **Reply #43 on:** January 20, 2011, 08:24:50 pm »

Quote from: lforsyth on January 20, 2011, 06:35:24 pm

No one cares. I don't care anymore. My life has been worth nothing.

Well....now that we've got that resolved, I suppose we can wrap this little thread up.

WillyWump · « **Reply #44 on:** January 20, 2011, 09:32:06 pm »

Ok, Larry for the 31st time..

Please get professional help!

Or at least please tell us why you refuse to do so.

We care about you but obviously the back and forth here isnt' helping you

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Author Topic: Being victimized by gay people (Read 11783 times)