Blood on Condom/Finger , very scared now.

[scaredsomuch]

I am here because i did a terrible mistake, where i really
need your advice because i am very very scared that i have been infected with hiv.

I was on a holiday in the Philippines and as i am always taking care,
for 5 days i just could enjoy the weather and although i got clear offers from SexPros,
i didnt do anything than enjoying my holiday, because i am too scared to get any disease
and also i am married and love my wife.

needless to say, on the 6th day i got drunk, and was playing pool billard with a 18 year old (she
even show me her passport for whatever reason). As i was a bit horny that night and also drunk,
she just asked me to go for my hotelroom to take a rest. well, .. the idiot i am i agreed and took
her to my hotelroom. she shower and put some anti bacteria wash on her vagina called "LACTACYD".  She told me she always use condom and just got to school, where they did a complete checkup for stds , she meantioned even they checked urine. (But i seriously wonder why they do that at school???).

Because me in a drunken state, i believed it it safe to do a bit more, so i she did a unprotected
blowjob on me for about 2 minutes and wet kising.. Then she wanted more, so she wanted intercourse.

I put a condom on and - the idiot i am - entered her. after about 50 seconds i looked down and was SHOCKED!! because i see alot of blood on the condom and a bit on the bed.
She was having her menstruation! i immediately put my penis out and told her that while she was also afraid of seeing the blood.

i run to the shower and slowly unroll the condom, but she used her finger and put it away in one fast go (to toilet). i showered quickly and noticed there was a bit blood on my right finger because of the unrolling the condom i touched the outside where was blood. i cleaned that and cleaned my hole body with soap. she washed my penis also. i think there was no blood touching it but with all the soap and the quick action its not easy to be 100% sure.

i was in shock and sober immediately because i was so afraid now that i got infected with anything. i was freezing and wanted to puke, so much disgusting i felt while thinking of that incident.  i asked her again and she told me she only sleep with guys she like and always use condom (but how can i trust her).

the next morning i met her and she told me sometimes she asks men to go with her for money so that she can pay the school. she was learning some communication job for telesales.

Now the part which i really hate about myself most: Because i was still scared
i asked 2 friends of mine (a young couple from Germany), which had the room next door at the hotel about this. The girl is a VET and she tried to calm me down saying there could be no risk because of the condom, and if afterwards blood would touch my body only could enter when there is a broken skin condition. I asked her that i have a wife and we dont use condom, that if i tell her about this stupid thing from last night, that she would be terrible sad and maybe leave me, and if i use condom she surely would know it also. The girl said i should be 99.9% be ok, so
normally i should be fine anyway and just need to forget about it and not do it again ever!

When i return to my home country after 2 days, i believed it and just wanted to continue to have a normal life, i continued to have the normal sex life on the following day  (3rd day after that incident). I wanted to use condom but my wife said why because i dont need them, but i was
still scared. so i panicked and pull out to not drop any semen into her anyway. (yes, stupid enough that i agreed to sleep with her).  I felt sad, stupid and sorry and i thought of stopping sex until at least 6 weeks where i can go for a first test.

now, around 10 days after my wife suddenly has headache and a bit fever (37.1 orally), now
on the second day still a bit fever but the headache is gone. no other symptoms.  she dont know why she had the headache and fever, she said in the office the aircondition was maybe too cold.

Now i am totally lost and shocked, even cried and she asked me why i told her i need mental
help because i am scared. i want to hit myself because i was not only stupid to have sex with a pro, no - i also slept with my wife after it unprocted because i trust the condom intercourse with the pro because she was only 18 and always use condom so maybe i thought what are the odds....

I am mostly worried because of all that Menstrual Blood it was so SHOCKING to see.
i heard someone got infected that way but that condom broke , so i prey that my condom
was still intact, which looked like it was but everything went so quick and fast.

for myself, i feel fine , no fever (36.3 just tested) but then who knows, i never can be sure this
way. please help me assessing my risk and hope i can get some help here.
i worry so much for my wife. yes it was totally stupid to sleep with her unprotected but if she would know i dont want that she leave me. want to cry about this big mistake.

please help! thank you so much!

[Matty the Damned]

Well Scared, the good news is that I can't see any risk of HIV transmission from the sexual encounter that you've described. You used a condom, which is a good thing. You don't need to test as a result of this incident.

Since you used a condom, the presence of menstrual blood does not increase the risk of HIV transmission either. Nor does the fact that this woman sometimes practices as a sex worker. Also you've discovered that excessive alcohol consumption and casual sexual encounters are not always a good thing.

Nevertheless, you should take the time to read our Welcome Thread which contains links to our transmission and testing lessons.

Rather than a legitimate fear of HIV/AIDS I think you're experiencing a fair degree of guilt because you've been unfaithful to your wife. Unfortunately we're an HIV/AIDS website not a marriage counselling outfit so, we can't help you with those things.

MtD

[Matty the Damned]

I should also add that the symptoms you describe are meaningless when it comes to diagnosing HIV.

MtD

[scaredsomuch]

Hello,

first, thanks for the reply.

can you tell me about the following:

1) if there was bloon on the finger, then later it touched the outside of my penis head, some people
say it is still a risk, some people say because of the air it is not. what is the truth?

2) if i would have been infected on friday, then on saturday night i would sleep with my wife unprotected, would that be enough time for me to spread something on her? or does the virus first need time to multiplicate it is so shocking to see she has fever now about 10 days after that.. and also she has  a bit neck pain, so maybe some lymph swollen there? i checked her armpits and under the chin and behind ears which seemed to be not swollen tho. i especially worry about the timing and she doesnt have any sneezing , coughing, just fever and headache.while the headache lasts one day, the fever is now on day2. 37.1 orally.

[Matty the Damned]

Scared,

You're getting into the realm of the what-ifs and that's not good.

1) if there was bloon on the finger, then later it touched the outside of my penis head, some people
say it is still a risk, some people say because of the air it is not. what is the truth?

The truth is that HIV is not transmitted that way. A bloody finger touching your knob will not give you HIV. HIV is tranmitted through unprotected vaginal and/or anal sex and sharing contaminated injecting equipment such as needles and syringes.

As for the rest of it, I'll make the same point I made earlier. You weren't at risk of contracting HIV from the protected sexual encounter so you don't have to worry about having infected your wife or anyone else. If your wife is feeling ill she needs to see a doctor, but this is really not an HIV situation.

Remember to read our Welcome Thread.

MtD

[scaredsomuch]

Thank you.

Can anyone tell me, if someone is newly infected, if that person can
spread hiv to someone else on the next 1-2 days already, or does
the virus first need to mulitply itself in order to be able to infect someone?

if my wife wouldn have fever, i would be way more relaxed,
because myself i feel fine although i am worry that i also get some problems,
so i check myself everyday. I worry so much about the timing of her symptoms
and also the reason that its "just fever, headache" but no other reason like flu sneezing coughing etc.

[RapidRod]

Stop with this. You did not have a risk. Get over it already.

[Andy Velez]

OK, it's time to stop this nuttiness before it goes any further. Can you read this? YOU WERE NOT AT RISK IN THIS SITUATION! PERIOD.  NO MATTER WHAT VARIATIONS YOUR MIND COMES UP WITH. NO MATTER THAT YOUR WIFE HAS A FEVER. PERIOD.

You are a dawg, a dirty rotten dawg who went straying, just like the rest of us. There's nothing you can do which will undo that bit of your personal history. And all the guilt and remorse and worrying about your sin carrying over to your wife ain't gonna undo that.

Torturing yourself needlessly and with no basis in HIV science of course, will not change it. Accept what you did, take a breath, let it go and get on with your life. If your wife's symptoms persist she should see her doctor.

This is NOT an HIV situation. Got it?

Cheers,

[scaredsomuch]

Thank you for your words , Andy. A bit harsh, but
it seems it is necessary to talk to me like this because
i was on this board long time ago also with an incident like this, but at
that time there was no blood involved. i was so scared to see the blood,
you can imagine.

needless to say, whatever dog or not i am, i am a person who
fears many things, and infections which can spread in a way that
you also infect the persons you love most, is a terrible thing for me to think of.

i will stay away from excessive drinking, because one leads to another, i never
would have done stupid things without the alcohol. a drunken mind can
be a dangerous mind. and please, can someone shut off those damn hormones
which tell me to think of sex in a way like in this situation. i dont want to say that i was forced
to do the things i did,... i just think that men especially have a big problem sometimes
to be in control. and i am sad about it that it can become dangerous everytime.

[Andy Velez]

You're absolutely right about not mixing excessive drinking and impulsive behavior sexually. It's a very dangerous combination.