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Author Topic: Feeling kinda low...  (Read 7284 times)

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Offline marco23

  • Member
  • Posts: 392
Feeling kinda low...
« on: January 27, 2007, 09:34:26 pm »
It's Saturday night...I'm feeling low tonight. This might sound weird but I started posting this, then I'd delete it....and I'd post again, and delete..and post and delete..I feel embarrassed posting this - I know that sounds stupid, I've read so many other people posting their feelings..and it's wonderful that feelings are expressed..but..I almost deleted this post again...
I'm usually a happy guy but..lately, I just feel like crying. I'm not one to easily share my feelings...especially when it feels so personal....I almost deleted the post again.. crying now...but...had to vent as much as I could.
Don't hide your hurt, pain and feelings inside..for they will harden your heart.

Offline Ihavehope

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,366
  • Yes, I'm a cry baby, AND WHAT?
Re: Feeling kinda low...
« Reply #1 on: January 27, 2007, 09:48:46 pm »
It's ok boo. I am here for you as a matter of fact we are all here to listen and type our thoughts. Don't you ever feel embarrassed to share your emotions with us. Life in general is a rollercoaster and crying and venting is necessary. Was a matter Marco, you are your exact feeling right now? Did anything cause you to feel sad tonight? or just feeling a little lonely? Talk to us, it will help you.
Infected: April 2005
12/6/06 - Diagnosed HIV positive
12/19/06 - CD4 = 240  22% VL = 26,300
1/4/07 - CD4 = 200 16% VL = ?
2/9/07 = Started Kaletra/Truvada
3/13/07 = CD4 = 386 22% VL ?

Offline koi1

  • Member
  • Posts: 713
Re: Feeling kinda low...
« Reply #2 on: January 27, 2007, 09:55:36 pm »
Don't be afraid to express your feelings.

On Friday I got a ticket after the train had passed and I was waiting for the bars to go up. The patrol car claimed that I was too close and stopped me. I rarely cry but when I got to my sister's house I started bawling because I just thought everything was going wrong. HIV, exorbitant errors in my medical insurance which claimed I owed a lot of moneny, a parking ticket. But I think it was mostly the HIV. My sister was ther to comfort me and told me to keep things in perspective. I did. I feel a lot better now. Fuck the homophobic cop who gave me a ticket (bumper sticker on car). Fuck anyone who is here to bring me down. Don't be afraid to express your feelings. Like the pretenders song says if you're mad get mad if you need to cry just cry.

rob
diagnosed on 11/20/06 viral load 23,000  cd4 97    8%
01/04/07 six weeks after diagnosis vl 53,000 cd4 cd4 70    6%
Began sustiva truvada 01/04/07
newest labs  drawn on 01/15/07  vl 1,100    cd4 119    7%
Drawn 02/10/07
cd4=160 viral load= 131 percentage= 8%
New labs 3/10/07 (two months on sustiva truvada
cd4 count 292  percentage 14 viral load undetectable

Offline appleboy

  • Member
  • Posts: 344
  • Just me!
Re: Feeling kinda low...
« Reply #3 on: January 27, 2007, 10:05:07 pm »
Crying can help.  I have learned that holding it in sometimes is just not the best thing.  I have also learned that laughter helps too.  Never feel like you are alone.  This is a good place to be with lots of loving supportive people.  Here is a huge hug for ya!
Chin Up!
AppleBoy
If you are walking down the street and your pants drop to your ankles bend over pick them up and keep on walking!
My Blog

Offline budndallastx

  • Member
  • Posts: 463
Re: Feeling kinda low...
« Reply #4 on: January 27, 2007, 10:41:22 pm »
Men have been taught that crying is a sign of weakness which definitely is not the case.  Sometimes we just need a good cry to get the emotions bottled up inside out.  Leaving them buried inside does nothing for your overall mental (or physical) health.  The one thing I have discovered from this forum is there are people on here who care and are willing to listen (even electronically). 

You've reached out and hopefully discovered you're not alone.  If I can help you in any way, even to just listen and not comment, let me know.

Wishing you the best !!

Tom
Meds since: 11/20/2006
Sustiva / Truvada
12/08/2008 VL:<48 CD4 622 (38%)   
9/8/2008 VL:<48 CD4 573 (30%)
5/2008 VL:<48 CD4 464 (30%)
1/2008  VL: <50  CD4 425(28%)
9/2007   VL: <50  CD4 465 (27%)
6/2007   VL: <50   CD4 443 (26%)
3/2007  VL: <50   CD4 385 (25%)
12/2006 - VL: <50   CD4: 384 (25%)
11/2006 - VL:  22K  CD4: 208 (18%)

Offline marco23

  • Member
  • Posts: 392
Re: Feeling kinda low...
« Reply #5 on: January 27, 2007, 11:01:09 pm »
Thank you...I'm crying so much right now...I can't even type!..I do feel a little embarrassed.I was ready not to post this again!!.....but...thank you.
« Last Edit: January 27, 2007, 11:02:50 pm by marco23 »
Don't hide your hurt, pain and feelings inside..for they will harden your heart.

Offline skeebo1969

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,931
Re: Feeling kinda low...
« Reply #6 on: January 27, 2007, 11:26:27 pm »



  Marco...

  It is ok and don't for a second be embarassed...  I would do the same thing when I first came here..

  It is ok to go through any sort of feelings and there is nothing wrong with it..  Just type away my man, we  are here and want to hear what you got to say...

  (((HUGS)))

  Thomas
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline marco23

  • Member
  • Posts: 392
Re: Feeling kinda low...
« Reply #7 on: January 28, 2007, 11:57:13 am »
Well...I had a rough nite, I woke up this morning looking like Whitney Houston on crack! Not a pretty site! Feeling so much better now, guess I just had to have a good cry fest..
Ihavehope, Rob, Appleboy, Tom, Thomas....thank you guys, your words helped me pick myself back up.
Hugs and kisses to each of you...you are greatly appreciated.
Don't hide your hurt, pain and feelings inside..for they will harden your heart.

Offline Andy Velez

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 34,126
Re: Feeling kinda low...
« Reply #8 on: January 28, 2007, 12:02:17 pm »
Marco, I'm glad today is looking better than yesterday. That stuff comes and goes.

You have friends here and a part of true friendship is to be able to share the whole deal, good, bad and in-between. I don't know about you, but I think I would find anyone who was happy and cheery all of the time to be unendurable.   

Meanwhile, enjoy your Sunday.

Cheers, 
Andy Velez

Offline skeebo1969

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,931
Re: Feeling kinda low...
« Reply #9 on: January 28, 2007, 12:10:04 pm »
Well...I had a rough nite, I woke up this morning looking like Whitney Houston on crack! 

  Well look at the bright side at least you don't have a Bobby Brown to contend with.

  (((HUGS)))

  Thomas

  PS  Bobby if your visiting...sorry man! ;)
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline bear60

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,105
Re: Feeling kinda low...
« Reply #10 on: January 28, 2007, 01:16:02 pm »
You will be fine. Its good to let your feelings out. I hope you know that you are still the same person you were before your HIV diagnosis and you still deserve the same rights and priviledges.  ( Including a boyfriend if you want one.)
Poz Bear Type in Philadelphia

Offline Javicho

  • Member
  • Posts: 268
Re: Feeling kinda low...
« Reply #11 on: January 28, 2007, 03:15:37 pm »
Marco, don't feel bad thats why we are here, this is the only safe place that I have to share my emotions, you are been very suported with other's I have read all your post specially when someone is new in this forum you allways welcom them and say very nice things to all, so now is our turn to let you know that we all love and care about you feel better  :-*

J.

Offline budndallastx

  • Member
  • Posts: 463
Re: Feeling kinda low...
« Reply #12 on: January 28, 2007, 03:17:47 pm »
Marco -
Glad you're doing better today. 

Just remember, we're all here for you!

Tom
Meds since: 11/20/2006
Sustiva / Truvada
12/08/2008 VL:<48 CD4 622 (38%)   
9/8/2008 VL:<48 CD4 573 (30%)
5/2008 VL:<48 CD4 464 (30%)
1/2008  VL: <50  CD4 425(28%)
9/2007   VL: <50  CD4 465 (27%)
6/2007   VL: <50   CD4 443 (26%)
3/2007  VL: <50   CD4 385 (25%)
12/2006 - VL: <50   CD4: 384 (25%)
11/2006 - VL:  22K  CD4: 208 (18%)

Offline rick21007

  • Member
  • Posts: 286
Re: Feeling kinda low...
« Reply #13 on: January 28, 2007, 03:32:20 pm »
I always considered crying an important part of a well-balanced life---that and kissing.

Glad you feel better today   Rick

Offline dtwpuck

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,013
  • дано мне тело, что мне делать с ним?
Re: Feeling kinda low...
« Reply #14 on: January 28, 2007, 03:45:55 pm »
It's easier to say "don't be afraid to express your feelings" than to do it. 
Try to remember that everyone has feelings and most of us have been trained to hide them, feel ashamed for having them, or feel like it's too much trouble to share.  This is especially true with us men ... gay or not. 
You are dealing, however, with a serious issue.  Just try to remember that when you don't let the feelings out, they will still find a way, sometimes not so pleasantly.  Take a deep breath... the people here know what you are going through, and many have come to terms with how to feel.

Big hugs.  Big tears.  Much love.
~puck
Floating through the void in the caress of two giant pink lobsters named Esmerelda and Keith.

Offline marco23

  • Member
  • Posts: 392
Re: Feeling kinda low...
« Reply #15 on: January 28, 2007, 03:56:41 pm »
Thanks y'all...I'm from Texas so I can say y'all....I've had a lot of emotions built up, it was only a matter of time before I would burst, just thought it would happen sexually though...but regardless, I let it out.
Again...Thanks y'all, I needed shoulders to cry on and y'all were there...
 :-*   :-*   :-*   :-*...I feel so much better.
Don't hide your hurt, pain and feelings inside..for they will harden your heart.

Offline poet

  • Member
  • Posts: 934
  • Poet living and working in Central Maine
Re: Feeling kinda low...
« Reply #16 on: January 28, 2007, 04:44:06 pm »
Sorry I missed your original post, Marco.  I work on the weekends so get to the threads afterwards.  Like everyone else: whatever it is that you feel, let it out here.  The more aspects of a person we get to know online, as in life, the better friend we can be here for each other.  Good news.  Bad news.  The moments of life.  Glad that you got it out and that some of the others, including guys I didn't know about, came through.  Best, Win
Winthrop Smith has published three collections of poetry: Ghetto: From The First Five; The Weigh-In: Collected Poems; Skin Check: New York Poems.  The last was published in December 2006.  He has a work-in-progress underway titled Starting Positions.

Offline heartforyou

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,132
  • I must be a survivor in many ways...
Re: Feeling kinda low...
« Reply #17 on: January 28, 2007, 05:27:11 pm »
Hey Marco,

I just found your post now... time difference..
Please, write about your feelings....you can here. We are family.

Feeling blue, or depressed can happen to anyone. So, nothing to be ashamed of.

I am glad you feel a bit better. Just keep us posted.


Warm hug and a tissue to dry your tears with..

Hermie
Infected 1983. Diagnosed in 1987 and still kicking
Dovato once daily. Hydrea

Happiness is the freedom of breathing fresh air every day.

Offline Christine

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,069
Re: Feeling kinda low...
« Reply #18 on: January 28, 2007, 06:02:06 pm »
Hi Marco,
Hope you are feeling better today. Don't be embarrassed to say anything. You are not alone in those crappy, cry filled days. Big hugs to you...:)

Christine
Poz since '93. Currently on Procrit, Azithromax, Pentamidine, Valcyte, Levothyroxine, Zoloft, Epzicom, Prezista, Viread, Norvir, and GS-9137 study drug. As needed: Trazodone, Atavan, Diflucan, Zofran, Hydrocodone, Octreotide

5/30/07 t-cells 9; vl 275,000

Offline Jeffreyj

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,403
Re: Feeling kinda low...
« Reply #19 on: January 28, 2007, 06:30:24 pm »
Hi Marco,
Hang in there buddy!
Positive since 1985

Offline appleboy

  • Member
  • Posts: 344
  • Just me!
Re: Feeling kinda low...
« Reply #20 on: January 28, 2007, 06:47:30 pm »
Marco,
I am glad you are feeling better!  :-*
Appleboy
If you are walking down the street and your pants drop to your ankles bend over pick them up and keep on walking!
My Blog

Offline koi1

  • Member
  • Posts: 713
Re: Feeling kinda low...
« Reply #21 on: January 28, 2007, 07:09:13 pm »
Hey,

Glad to hear you are feeling better. I think since my diagnosis I have three good cries. One was with the ID team when my liver was doing crazy shit. I don't cry very often but when it come I can't help it, and I really let it out.

rob
diagnosed on 11/20/06 viral load 23,000  cd4 97    8%
01/04/07 six weeks after diagnosis vl 53,000 cd4 cd4 70    6%
Began sustiva truvada 01/04/07
newest labs  drawn on 01/15/07  vl 1,100    cd4 119    7%
Drawn 02/10/07
cd4=160 viral load= 131 percentage= 8%
New labs 3/10/07 (two months on sustiva truvada
cd4 count 292  percentage 14 viral load undetectable

Offline ndrew

  • Member
  • Posts: 695
  • ....-.-.-.-.-.....
Re: Feeling kinda low...
« Reply #22 on: January 28, 2007, 08:24:12 pm »
Hi Marco,

Glad you are feeling better!  There have been a few times where I howled like a wild animal caught in a trap into my pillow (for fear of scaring the neighborhood.)  It was very carthartic to let that stuff burst out from the pit of my being... and not pretty.  Not pretty at all...  :)

Kindest,
Drew

 


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