I'm more scared this morning

[scaredom]

This is silly I know, but my tongue looks whitish and I think it may be thrush starting. I read a post from Peter to someone that if they had shingles they should prepare for not-so-great numbers. I had shingles recently in February.

I'm scared that I will go downhill fast now. It's becoming more clear that I will have to take the risk of disclosing and go to the doctor that NAP suggests, even if my ex-wife works at the same hospital.

I can't get to the doctor fast enough, but yet I'm terrified to go.

[Ann]

scare,

You're going to have to talk to your doctor sooner or later. There are laws in place which prevent medical practitioners from disclosing medical details about a patient unless there is a medical reason for doing so. There really is no reason why your ex should find out and for anyone to tell her would be to put their job on the line. When you see your doctor, let him know about your worries regarding disclosure and let him know you're aware there are laws to protect you.

I had shingles a few years ago and yes, my numbers went down, but they came back up. Your numbers can go in either direction. Mine have been all over the place, up and down and side-ways, but I'm still not on meds after eleven years positive. I've never had a clear downward trend that lasted more than two blood draws.

A white tongue does not necessarily mean it's thrush. Thrush normally hurts - especially if you drink something hot or something fizzy. And spicy stuff... ouch. Sometimes a white tongue simply means you need to brush or scrape it more often when you brush your teeth.

Hang in there. You're going to be ok, really you are.

Ann

[Assurbanipal]

Try to stay calm -- stress is itself not good for anyone, infected iwth HIV or not.  And, it's easy to start to panic at any slightest sign (that may or may not mean anything) while you are waiting for results.  As Ann said, thrush usually is more than just a visual thing -- it hurts!

But that is not to say that you should unduly delay starting the process of choosing a doctor.  Have you talked to NAP about doctors in other locations. and looked into the feasibility of visiting them?  or about how to manage your prvacy concerns -- you won't be the first person to have concerns about this, and they can probably help you.

Hugs (and deep breaths)

A

[Andy Velez]

You're entitled to good medical care, so don't deprive yourself of that because you are scared and worried.

You might be walking in there alone physically but you have all of us behind you keeping you company and waiting to hear how it goes. Have your feelings whatever they maybe, and just make sure you take good care of yourself no matter what those feelings are.

If you do that you're going to start feeling and being better.

Cheers,

[Horizon]

dont worry too much abut the white tongue. I also had a whitish tongue recently, but it is not thrush, and it went away after gently brushing my tongue when brushing my teeth.
White tongue can happen when you are tired, run down etc...so try to relax more...and make sure you eat a balanced and healthy diet.

[scaredom]

Thank you all. I know I'm overreacting and you're post are bringing back to sanity. If only for a little while.

[Assurbanipal]

So ... it's Labor Day weekend -- the last weekend of summer from your kids point of view.  With this reminder that life is fleeting, hope you spoil them rotten and relax!

[scaredom]

Of course you guys were right and my tongue and everything is back to normal.  I feel a little embarrassed about the panic.

[BT65]

I feel a little embarrassed about the panic.

Don't feel embarrased.  I know I went through times of panic in early diagnosis.  You just keep hanging in there.

[Andy Velez]

Scare, this episode was a fairly common part of the getting accustomed to living with HIV and realizing life is going to go on process. Good that you were able to discuss it here.

Cheers,

[scaredom]

Thank you

I keep waiting to wake up from this nightmare, but I can't and won't.

[Runningbear]

Hi Scare...I was diagnosed late last year and started HAART in February.  I'm a father of two kids, 11 and 8, and I'm 43. I, like the others on here, know exactly where you're coming from.  You're not going to have to go through this alone.  It will take a bit to get a handle on this and I know it's easy to say, but you and your kids will be fine, and the boogey-man is not hiding out waiting to strike.  One thing I found out was that the treatments that are available are amazing, with advancements all the time.  This is not the end of the world, but is a pain in the ass.  I also find it very helpful to chat with others who have kids...  Feel free to IM me too if you want.  Take care of yourself.

Runningbear

[mpls_apple]

You will be fine. You will go through some ups and downs, fits of anger, sorrow. It's like an ongoing death in the family

And you wont go downhill fast, the human body can rebound in amazing ways. The best thing to do is take care of your body. If you smoke or drink on a regular basis stop both of them,  They will kill you for sure.

Medical care and monitering is key though to staying on top of things.  You can go from fine to very sick quickly.  A few months back i got a staph infection in the back of my neck from getting my hair cut. I went from a small nick which i thought was a ingrown hair to a full blown mrsa staph infection, that was scary but i made it through.  You will be fine and get through it all. Try to keep a positive attitude and thing about other things in your life.

[riverlassie]

-Everything takes time. And even with this diagnosis we all have plenty of time. And the time is spent partially with going through 4 stages.                                                                                        1st. stage is the shock and disbelief, and thinking that life is over.
                                                                                                                                           2nd stage is finally realizing that one isn't going to just die overnight and that there is actually so much to learn to the point where we even re-overwhelm oursleves.
                                                                                                                                           3rd stage is realizing that life is a gift to hold and to share with others that are struggling coming to terms. It's actually when your life begins. I always compare it to the greens looking greener, yellows brighter and reds bolder. I start to see it as a very strange blessing wrapped in what looks like ugly paper. But the closer you look at the paper a beautiful picture emerges. Sounds crazy I know but its tue , if you haven't seen it yet , you will.
and the                                                                                                                                   4th  stage, the last stage    is the looking at death. I know to most this is morbid . But its all a part of life where pos or not. And when you see many friends and aquaintences pass on you study it more . And when you witness a friend embrace his/her death you see the power it gives them to their life even at the time of death . It's powerfully amazing.