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Author Topic: Decision made.  (Read 5750 times)

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Offline Growler

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  • Posts: 568
Decision made.
« on: July 19, 2012, 06:55:39 pm »
I have decided to consent to  cognitive testing to check for dementia. I could cope with forgetting things but the new paranoia is way too hard.
GROWLER
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“If loving someone is putting them in a straitjacket and kicking them down a flight of stairs, then yes, I have loved a few people.”

Offline BT65

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Re: Decision made.
« Reply #1 on: July 20, 2012, 03:41:00 pm »
Growler I know I hardly respond to your posts, but I follow them just the same.  Please keep this thread updated with anything you find out.  And take care of yourself as well as you're able.
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Offline Growler

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  • Posts: 568
Re: Decision made.
« Reply #2 on: July 31, 2012, 08:57:51 pm »
Now waiting for the appointment date. Things are stable and I'm doing OK......crazy as bat-shit still, but fuck that's nothing new!
Asked the AIDS Council for help putting together a living will. I figure best to get my wishes down while I'm well or else my well meaning Jebus reborn sister will have me in a nursing home being forced feed Arv's while I finger paint on the walls with my own shit for the last 20 years of my life.
Oh I know what you're thinking, he's dying..... boo hoo hoo. Think of me as being like the smell of cat piss on your best Persian carpet...... you can't get rid off me that easily. Just having some neuro/psychological? issues that need addressing and I'll be fine.

GROWLER
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“If loving someone is putting them in a straitjacket and kicking them down a flight of stairs, then yes, I have loved a few people.”

Offline leatherman

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  • Google and HIV meds are Your Friends
Re: Decision made.
« Reply #3 on: July 31, 2012, 09:53:44 pm »
Quote from: Growler on July 31, 2012, 08:57:51 pm
Asked the AIDS Council for help putting together a living will. I figure best to get my wishes down while I'm well
it's never a bad time to get that kind of paperwork in order. ;)

Though I totally don't believe in that bus that everyone talks about that could hit you tomorrow, there are earthquakes, tsunamis, crazed shooters, religious fanatics, extremist militia, bigots, and muggers out there.

besides it's easier to do this paperwork when you're not busy dying so you can have it on file before trouble starts.

Quote from: Growler on July 31, 2012, 08:57:51 pm
I'm doing OK......crazy as bat-shit still ... my well meaning Jebus reborn sister
you're doing fine! Now your sis playing footsie with Jebus, now she might be the bat-shit crazy one.  ;)

I know we haven't really chatted much on here; but I always read your posts and sure keep you in my thoughts as you go through all these issues. Best wishes to you! :)
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leatherman (aka Michael)

We were standing all alone
You were leaning in to speak to me
Acting like a mover shaker
Dancing to Madonna then you kissed me
And I think about it all the time
- Darren Hayes, "Chained to You"

Offline Mishma

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  • Posts: 234
  • HIV drugs are our Allies but hardly our Friends
    • Marquis de Vauban
Re: Decision made.
« Reply #4 on: August 01, 2012, 02:35:14 pm »
Cognitive testing is no big deal. I've flunked a number of tests and it is not the end of the world.
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2016 CD4 25% UD (less than 20). 30+ years positive. Dolutegravir, Acyclovir, Clonazepam, Lisinopril, Quetiapine, Sumatriptan/Naproxen, Restasis, Latanoprost, Asprin, Levothyroxine, Restasis, Triamcinolone.

Offline Growler

  • Member
  • Posts: 568
Re: Decision made.
« Reply #5 on: August 01, 2012, 11:12:23 pm »
Can I be honest with you, I'm not sure whats happening. The thing that worries me is that I know that things aren't right and I can't figure it out. I sometimes think I'm doing things that I'm not. I think people are staring at me or spying on me. Sometimes I think that nothing is real including me? At times during the day I just have to go lie in the sun and close my eyes and try to disappear because I can't quite work out if things are real or if its all my imagination. I think I've gone mad but I'm aware of it and that doesn't make sense to me? I really hate this and explain it better but it's truly not good at all. I can function which is weird? I just tell myself to do this and that, don't talk or look at people, keep a neutral look on my face, dont rush and shower and eat and change my cholthes and be polite and all things that I should so I am ok. But that said its totally fucked seriously fucked.

GROWLER
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“If loving someone is putting them in a straitjacket and kicking them down a flight of stairs, then yes, I have loved a few people.”

Offline phost86

  • Member
  • Posts: 54
Re: Decision made.
« Reply #6 on: August 03, 2012, 12:41:08 pm »
Yeah, I have problems with seeing what really is and reacting to my mind going off in all different horrible places and I understand what you mean for the most of it. I hate the feeling of just pushing through..getting out of bed..dressing..trying to get out..
Sometimes I feel like a little ball spinning round and round in a bucket spinning further down into the black pit of the bucket not knowing how long I'll stay down or when I'm going to spin up again. I guess fighting for control of the ball and trying to do whatever I possibly can to keep it from going down gives me a tad more strength..makes me a little bit more stronger. Then there is the issue of spinning too close to the top of the bucket and spinning out..yup, it's hard for me to find balance.
I think it's great your moving on and getting tested..at least you will know.
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Offline Growler

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  • Posts: 568
Re: Decision made.
« Reply #7 on: August 07, 2012, 02:17:40 pm »
Today's the day. Have my neuropsych this afternoon. Happy to report that I am feeling great so expect to pass with flying colours. I suspect that the reason why I haven't had such a great couple of weeks is that someone stole my phone while I was sleeping and I've been lost without it. But yesterday I finally could afford a new one so I'm back online proper instead of having to rely on the library computers which of course I can't access at night.
Take care and thanks for the reassureance.

GROWLER
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“If loving someone is putting them in a straitjacket and kicking them down a flight of stairs, then yes, I have loved a few people.”

Offline Growler

  • Member
  • Posts: 568
Re: Decision made.
« Reply #8 on: August 08, 2012, 03:10:16 am »
Its done. Can't stop shaking and want to vomit. I get the results next week. Afterwards she started to talk about HIV accommodation.  I don't know what is happening but one step at a time.
GROWLER
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“If loving someone is putting them in a straitjacket and kicking them down a flight of stairs, then yes, I have loved a few people.”
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