Ladies Thread Part 49- "YES WE CAN" Be happy, Be strong, Be Proud!!

[Snowangel]

Hello to all my Beautiful girlfriends-
Hope everyone is doing well!

Win- I am glad to hear Billy's surgery went well and the doc gave him a sleeping pill to help him sleep. 

BT- Geezo! Your professor must go a mile a minute, that would make me nuts, I think.  I would probably forget what class I was talking to and talk about something totally un-related to what the class is about.

Viv- I hope you can get some rest over the long weekend, try not to think about the upcoming report cards and take some time for yourself.

I will be back later, I just had a total mind fart and forgot what I was going to write!  DUH!!

[27years]

hie ladies am just passing through and just thought of wishing you all a happy weekend, mine is already messed up, but will pull through, catch you later in other forums

[vivyt]

Good Morning! Have a good day. Will check in later!

[netta]

Hi ladies, just want to say hi, have not felt like posting much. A lot on my mind. Still not moved and it has me on pins and needles.Waiting on inspection 2 the first failed cause of stupid stuff, like a hole in the screen, well everything is fixed and waiting on the re inspection, of course I,m a procrasternator and haven't started packing but a little bit. My laandlord is waitng for  the lease, but i told him I  haveto move next week before the holiday, come hell or high water! My mom will be here on the 17th! I want to be settled in by then. He said he would give me his lease, which is what he  did when I moved in this place, I just payed a portion of what I expected the rent to be. I have always done this,cause the lease could taake up to a month ! I should have already moved! Ok I am just praying, my nerves are shot.Hope all is well, love netta.

[BT65]

Hey ladies,

Snow, I love the avvy of your dog.  What a cutie.  Thanks for starting the new thread.  I adore the title.  Of course, now we can say "Yes we did!"

Andrea, what's going on?  Any plans for the days off?

27, I hope your weekend gets better.  Try to get out and do something that makes you happy, even if it's just getting some ice cream.

Netta, I hope the whole moving situation works out real soon.  I know how much you want to move. 

I got all my homework done today.  I just wanted to check in.  I've got a bad migraine, so I'm going to go lay down for awhile.  Have a good evening ladies.

[Sweet_C]

Hi ladies!! TGIF!!!!!     And 27years, hope you manage to have a little bit of fun this weekend.  Netta--good luck on the move!

[vivyt]

Well still coughing and wheezing....I AM OVER IT!!! I don't know what else to do but it is driving me crazy! What is the worst is how it still hurts when I cough. This morning I woke up and my whole body is sore. I don't know what is going on.

I don't really have plans for this 4 day weekend (YAY!). I am going to meet my friend, the one I disclosed to, for breakfast this morning so that should be nice. I do have to get some stuff graded and start on my report cards but for sure I am going to start watching the second season of Dexter. Does anyone else watch it? I used to have Showtime and I started watching it when it first came out and got hooked. After the first season though I canceled Showtime so I never got to watch the second one. My mom bought the DVD's for me so now I can. The box has been sitting here since August! LOL! I think it's time.

That's about all. Anyone else doing anything?

[Sweet_C]

Wow, you are still coughing!  What did your doc say about it??

[BT65]

Hey ladies,

Sweet C, what's going on?

Andrea, I would ask your doctor for a referral to a pulmonologist.  That's not normal that you still have the cough.  Please don't just sit and wait for it to go away. 

I spent the day with my granddaughter.  We went to see High School Musical 3.  I have to say, those kids can dance.   It was well choreographed also.  Then, we went to Kmart and I bought "Life," the game.  We came back to my place and played it for awhile.  Then we went to my granddaughter's favorite Chinese place.  I'm not crazy about Chinese food, but I'll do about anything for my granddaughter.  It's a buffet, so I did fill up.  Then I got the bill.  Now, my granddaughter is only 8.  For the both of us it was $24!  I thought I would fall over.  That is just way too much money for my liking.  So, we won't be going there again unless I stike it rich and get a sudden craving for Chinese.  Anyway, all in all it was a good day.  I saw my grandson when I took my granddaughter home.  He's getting so big.  They're both in Montessori school-my grandson's 3 and in preschool, and my granddaughter is in 3rd grade.  It's a very good school system.  I'm grateful they're both in it.

There are some ladies who have disappeared.  Where is Wish, Cin, Cristy, Queen, Drag and Keeping?  And anyone else I missed?  I wish they would say "hey" or something. (Hint, hint to you ladies who are just lurking).  Anyway, I'm going to check out a few more threads and watch some t.v.  You ladies have a good night.

[Ann]

I'm always lurking (I should join a step program for lurkers. "My name is Ann and I lurk") so ...

Hey!

[Snowangel]

Netta- Nice to see you!  I hope the moves goes well.

Viv- I just watched Dexter for the first time a couple of weeks ago, I never realized he was a serial killer in it.  It is a good show.  What did your doc say about your cough?  Has he/she given you a time limit to go back and get it checked?  Please don't let it go too long.

BT- I hear you on the chinese bill, it seems like everything now a days is outrageous.  I need a good chunk of change in order to take my 4some anywhere these days, it is such a bummer.  
Thank you!  My avvy is Cassius, he is such a big baby.

I have been so tired lately, I am not sure if I am trying to catch up with the time change or what is going on.  I have been getting a lot of headaches too?  I have been struggling a lot lately with if or when I should tell my oldest about being poz.  A lot of my issue is that he has so much going with his father, I don't want to add to his worries AND it is almost like he is psychic and knows what questions I don't want to answer and asks them.  This summer my ASO was having a picnic that I was planning on going to.  I took him with me to drop some boxes off  the day before and he asked me so many questions about why I would go there and how I knew those people, that he started crying and then I started crying and I never even told him what the place was.  Thank goodness he didn't read the sign on the wall.  Needless to say, I never went to the picnic.  I think I will ask everyones experience in living with, one of these days.

Hope everyone has a good day!

[Sweet_C]

Betty I didn't realize you were a grandma!!

Hi Ann!!

How old is your son Snowangel?  It takes me a couple of days to adjust to time changes too, so maybe that is what's causing it.

I'm hanging in there.  I'm still doing good on the Isentrees/Truvada regime.  I know there are a lot of unknowns with this drugs--esp being so untested with pregnancy and first timers-- but I have a good feeling about it.  I've gotten more queasy taking an Excedrin.

Also, I convinced my SO to come in and get tested with me at my next doctor's appointment in a week.  That will be a huge load off my shoulders.  I am so hoping he is negative. 

[keepingfaith]

Hey Ladies,

I'm here just mostly Lurking. Sometimes it just hard me to post since I am working with the children most of the day. And when I get home I be like so tired...My back is feeling so much better. It took a week for it to get to feeling better. I can't go to the chiropractor until my insurance kick in.

[BT65]

Hi ladies,

Snow, I told my daughter almost right from the start, after her dad died.  She's been around all kinds of people, has gone to people's bedsides with me etc.  She is one of the most open-minded adults I know today.  There is usually literature/books at ASO's about telling children.  Good luck. 

Hey Ann, nice of you to drop by.

Sweet, what a relief that your SO is finally going to get tested.

Keeping, I didn't know you were working.  Sometimes I just don't remember things.

My day was full of nothing. My brother came over tonight and we watched more of "The Wire."  Other than that, I really did nada.  I hope you ladies have a good night.

[Winiroo]

I told my son when he was little also. He was too young to really understand everything but I have always been very open with him about things in life. I dont like keeping secrets it is too much work. 
I've cleaned up some of the information about things at times and sometimes have been very clinical when talking about things but he did well with the information I have given him. I think him knowing things and me not sheltering him from facts of life information helped him to not make some of the same mistakes in his teen years that I did.

[vivyt]

Hey all. Nice to hear from everyone. I agree with BT...I wish people would just stop by and say Hi.

I really did absolutely nothing this weekend. I seem to be getting into the habit of that...LOL! I saw my friend on Saturday and was totally exhausted. I came home and took a nap. My cough has gotten a little better. What bothers me the most is the wheezing and the feeling that there is stuff there to couch up and then when I try there's nothing. I am waiting to finish my antibiotics before I go back in.
Tomorrow I go my gyno for the post-op check.

I dread having to tell anyone about my status. I just told a friend of mine but that felt totally right when I thought about doing it. I have not really had that feeling with anyone else. What is starting to happen though is people are starting to ask why I'm not married, have a child, etc. It makes me want to just go away and hide. The youngest person that knows is my sister. She is 18 now and she was about 17 when my mom told her. When she talked to me all she could do was cry. We don't really talk about it now. If figure if she has questions and when she is ready she will ask me. Anyways....that's all...I'm going to look for something to watch on tv.

Have a good night ladies! 

[jennynyc7]

Hey ladies,

Haven't been posting too much lately and I know I am missing stuff. It was my Birthday Friday and of course I wasn't able to enjoy it fully. On Wednesday of last week I woke up itching like crazy and looked in the mirror and was broke out in a rash....gotta love VIramune! Went to my I.D. Dr and he confirmed it was indeed the meds causing it but was puzzled as to why I got a rash 9 months into treatment. It is doin better now, my skin is still crawling but overall the rash is gone. Had to stay home from work 3 days last week with no pay, that sucks!

Hope everyone has a good week!

[BT65]

Hey ladies,

Wendy, I'm glad to know someone else who told their kid early on.

Andrea, please let us know what your gyn says.  I would definitely be in contact with your doctor about the continued wheezing.  You don't want it turning into something too serious. 

Jenny, happy belated birthday.  Sorry it was such a bummer.  Maybe now that the rash is gone, the itching will subside soon (hopefully). 

OMG, I just killed a spider that was in a candle in front of the computer.  Things like that freak me out, 'cause I absolutely hate spiders.  Anyway........ I cleaned my apartment today and did the little decorating I do for x-mas.  I don't put up a tree anymore (no reason to really).  If I had kids I would.  There are some cute things though that I put out.  Does anyone remember the Taco Bell X-mas dog that they had years ago?  I still have one.  I wish I could remember his name.  The sound doesn't work anymore, but he's still cute. 

I don't have anything happening today.  Just trying to figure out how to budget the last of my money to last the rest of the month.  I'm anxious to get my letter from social security that's going to tell me how much my check will be next year.  I know we're supposed to get that 5.8% raise, the biggest one I've ever gotten since being on SSDI (1994).  Of course, my rent will go up, the spend-down on Medicaid will go up, and my food stamps will be cut (all $14 of 'em).  Oh well.  Give and take I guess.  You ladies have a good day.

[Queen Tokelove]

Yeah, I haven't been posting much but I am still around. Prolly for not much longer, my internet will be shut off for a few weeks, due to I had to pay a more important bill. We all know how that goes. So, if you don't see me, that will be why.

Not much going on, we had our first snow last night and I had to shovel before I went to my doctor's appointment today. I have the sniffles and my heart was racing, the doc said. I told him it was prolly because of the shoveling. Have to get some scripts filled, may do that later.

Still has been kicking it with Sexy. Yeah, I know I said I was just going to be friends with him but......Has seen him but hasn't really stuck around long. Papi on the other hand makes me kind of nervous because I feel he is rushing things so I have been avoiding him.

Now it's getting cold and I wish I had someone to snuggle with.....

[vivyt]

Hello Ladies!

Jenny- Happy belated birthday. I hope things turn around for you soon. I had a rash when I started Atripla but it didn't itch. It went away, but since then my skin is much more sensitive then it used to be.

Queen-  Look at you juggling two guys! I would love to just have one...LOL!

BT- I love Christmas! Last year was the first year I did not get a tree and I missed it. It is a pain to get in and a mess to get out but they smell so good and look so pretty. I know which dog you are talking about. I don't know his name but he said, "Yo quiero Taco Bell." Right?

Well I went to the gyno today and it was all good. She said that the sample showed no signs of cancer.  She was very happy, as was I. She did mention that she was still on alert since when all this started the colposcopy came back negative but she did another test which showed precancerous cells. She called a gyno/oncologist and discussed the findings with him and he said it sounded ok but she should check for lesions and if there were then I needed to go see him. So....she checked me out and found nothing and said that everything looks as though it is healing very well. I have to go back for another pap smear in 3 months. So all is good down there. I am glad to be done with all that. I have another day off tomorrow and I still haven't done much work...I will never learn. I like to tell myself that I do my best under pressure...LOL!

Have a good night ladies!

[Sweet_C]

Man, I just lost a post I had typed out.  Vivy, I feel the same way about disclosing at this point.  I was at the eye doctor getting new contacts the other day, and I couldn't even bring myself to put down on the form that I am HIV+.  I think in a year or two, I will feel a little more confident about disclosing...but now I think I would break down in tears.  Reading posts from those who have been living with HIV for a long time really helps though.  It's nice to see people not ashamed of having this disease.

[Dragonette]

Hi ladies!!!

I am back... I have been back for a week and I must apologize for not posting earlier. I wanted to... I have visited here incognito and especially after Obama (yey!!! phew!!!) was elected it was so hard not to post and join in but I held back.

First thing first, we did get married and even though it was one of the most exahsting periods of my life (the week leading up to the wedding) it was beautiful and special though more in retrospect, in reality it was like putting on a show... I was not sleeping much even though I used sleeping pills, I was so stressed and there was so much moving around and constantly being with people speaking spanish (my spanish has greatly improved though but it was a crazy time). I dont have many pix yet I am waiting for the official paid photogarpher to send them. So many people have helped us do this thing most of all my husband's family and it was so hard emotionally that I cant begin to describe knowing they they dont know and what if they knew and having to hide myself and basically accepting all this goodness and not feeling that I deserve it or that it has anything to do with "me". Also my husband's mom crying b/c we went back and me heartbroken b/c my parents went home alone with both their children moved to other countries, and also going back to the netherlands was hard after all the warmth there, it seemed so aloof and distanced (northern europe) but I must admit also a bit of a relief...

It was such an intense couple weeks b/c afterwards we did some traveling with my parents when I got back I was so disoriented. and during those weeks it was just flashbacks upon flashbacks of my life and past without me being able to escape or distract myself.

The reason I stayed away for a bit longer (actually, today is just a week since I have been back) was that I didnt and still dont feel so good. my elated and exhausted mental state became something of a meltdown when I came back, plus I had a ton of work. i wanted to react not just here but to other things in my life but it was like I was zombified and couldnt move much I still cant but its getting better and some things I have to get on with whether I am ready or not.


Jenny - Happy Birthday!

Andrea - congrats on the good results, Im happy for ya!

Netta I hope you luck out with the inspection this time. I hope you feel better!
 I am at home waiting for the freaking leak into my bedroom of stinking, stale water from the neighbours balcony to be fixed for who knows what time. There is not question of moving though. The housing market here was always tough but now with the recession its virtually stagnated, no one buys everyone rents and no one is moving.

Sweet C I dont disclose always only when I think its relevant... I did disclose to the eye doc b/c there're certain things that need to be checked in your eyes when youre poz I think. I dont mind the docs its the secretaries I mind when i have to fill in a form and I get stares and sometimes whispers (if there's more than one working). It can slide off of me or not, depending on my mood and context.

Tendai!! The last I read from you here you were contemplating jumping shyguy's bones... I miss you, and I hope you're OK and those close to you are. I thought a lot about you when I was away. I am aware how indescribably lucky I am with every little thing even the things that arent so good. I hope things are better at work, that no news [re dr evil] is good news.

Snow, it made me sad reading about your son. Maybe he is so afraid cos who knows what he imagines, maybe it would be better for him to know "the whole truth and nothing but the truth" b/c it can redeem you. tough question. I hope youre feeling more energized now.

Queen good luck with the juggling  . Cant beleive you have snow already.

Betty!!! How are you doing? thanks for asking after me!!! I was so happy when I read your reactions about Obama it amplified my happiness [though still cant beleive people have to stand 3 hours outside to vote, what with your knees as well, the pix on the news were insanity but alls well that ends well]. Hows that sexuality class going?

Wendy how are you? I hope Billy's shoulder is much better I cant see that post but I beleieve he did the surgery already?

This is a cold year here too and in London it was snowing in Oct when usually they only get snow in mid winter if at all.

I am sorry I skipped some names I have to get ready to leave as well as soon as those clowns get here (from my estate agancy) to look at the damn leak. If I had any balls which I obviosuly dont but you know what I mean Id hold back on the rent. If I wasnt always a foriegner I wouldnt be so chickenshit.

Love you ladies hugs to those I missed - Cindy, Cristy, Ann, Keeping, the Moms, Jamie, Afraid, the girl from Minneapolis (sorry forgot your name) Tatenda, Latifah, 27years (sorry about that shit with your boss), Em, Brandy, Paulette and everyone else.

[tendai]

Drag!!!!! Whats up girl! Welcome back. Glad your wedding went well, cant wait for the pictures! so how was the honeymoon?  i cant even imagine the places u went to. Great to have u back posting again, we missed you.  take care ok and burn yourself out. u've entered another stage in your life now and i wish u guys all the best.
Dr Evil is ok these days, im charging these crazy fees and some people are able to pay so he's happy when the money is coming in like that.  share some of it would ya doc?  anyway i havent jumped shyguys bones yet, he's too shy i guess. but theres this other very unshy guy who's nagging to jump my bones but he's from another town and only comes here once in a while.  who knows? i told him my status over the phone but it doesnt faze him though.

Viv - im relieved your tests came back negative. cancer is so much scarier than HIV ever was. Im glad u're ok and hope u continue to be. and now for that darn cough...

Queen - i know the feeling of wanting someone to cuddle with.. sucks.  least u got two choices girl, wonder who u'll pick in the end

Jenny - happy belated birthday. sorry about the rash and glad its over with now. hows the itching now?

Betty - u know what we've done with the US dollar out here. its gone and been trashed like nothing.  $14 will buy u 2 litres of cooking oil and maybe 6kgs of rice and thats it.  Guess how much a full chicken costs - $10US.  A six pack of beer was going for $10-12 but due to competition its gone down to $5-8.  I dont know how much things cost over there but im pretty sure they arent as expensive as they are here.  i remember MSlady saying she bought a 32 inch tv for $50 but here u get a 21 inch for something like $200US depending on the store.  A lot of our shops are licensed to sell goods in foreign currency now and people are flocking there. U find a bigger queue at the foreign currency counter than at the local currency queue (thats if theres even anyone buying or anything being sold there). Its just crazy out here. so thats why  im amazed that $14 worth is enough food for you considering the crazy prices here.

keeping - im glad your back is getting better, i remember when my mum used to have back trouble and how she was almost in tears when it struck.

Sweet C - i agree about the long termers. they give me hope that i can live and grow old with this disease. i've had it for 3 years and im still not comfortable about disclosure, though i will disclose to health professionals if i need to. take your time about the disclosure and do so when u feel u can handle it. but why do they need HIV status for prescribing contacts anyway?  and congrats on convincing your man to get tested, im keeping my fingers crossed that he test negative..

[Snowangel]

YEEHAH!!!! Viv.... Glad the your test came back OK.  I hope your cough is better as well.

Welcome Back, Drag!  We missed you. I am glad you had a wonderful wedding and got to spend time with your parents and in-laws.  I feel the same way you do about feeling bad about not letting people know but I fear the consequences too much to bite the bullet and let it out.  My life is hard enough already to have to worry about ignorant people treating my kids wrong.  Since we moved here in 04, I can count on one hand how many times my SO's mother has seen her grandchildren and we never get invited to anything.  My mother, on the other hand, one of the only people I have told, chooses to pretend like it doesn't even exist.  I think she is more concerned that I am living out of wedlock. I think I might have mentioned this but I was talking to my mother and mentioned I was thinking of talking with my oldest and she told me she thought I should wait till he is 18!! As far as my oldest is concerned, I feel like I am in a catch 22.  I have tried so hard not to let him know the kind of person his father really is so that he is not scared.  If I tell him and the court orders him to have visits, my son would probably have a nervous breakdown.   I hope you can get some rest and things get back to normal for you.  I know it is hard but try to forget about the past, without it, you wouldn't be where you are now.  You need to be proud of who you are and what you have accomplished.  How has your wrist been feeling?  Should we start calling you Mrs. Drag? 

BT- $14 bucks that is just crazy but I am not suprised.  I stopped going to get benefits.  I had to load up all the kids, who were still toddlers, get them in and upstairs safely, wait to be called, fill out all kinds of paperwork or show the paperwork I have (again) for 5 bucks a month.  No thanks, you can keep it.  I am looking forward to decorating for Christmas.  If I can get some money, I think I might take the kids and pick out a tree.  I love the smell of a fresh cut X-mas tree, maybe that will help to lift my spirits.

Jenny- Happy Birthday!

Ten- Getting booty every once in a while is better than none at all and it will be even better since you know he is not bothered by your status.

Queen- Why not live on the wild side and cuddle with both, at the same time, that might be good for some laughs.

Sweet C- My son is 10, but sometimes I feel like he is a wise old man.  I wish I could say disclosing is easier, but I haven't done it much....yet  

Win- How are you and Billy doing?

Keeping- How are your classes going?  I hope your insurance kicks in soon!

The kids are home from school today so we might bake some cookies.  Is anyone thinking about going to the AMG in Boston next year?

[BT65]

Hey ladies,

Drag, welcome back!  So good to hear from you.  I'm sure it's normal to feel completely spent going through what you did.  When you're not at work, give yourself a break and just rest.  Congratulations, by the way!  I'm so happy for you.  You deserve all the happiness in the world.  My Human Sexuality class is going well.  We had to read the chapter about LGBT persons and write a reflection paper on it.  I wrote about coming out as bisexual to people, the process etc.  It's an interesting class.

Queen, two guys, aye?  I guess I have my kitty to snuggle with.

Andrea, so glad the test came out alright.  You must be relieved.  I hope that's the end of it.

Sweet C, it's important to disclose to all your doctors.  Drag is right-the eye doctor needs to look for things specific to people with HIV (CMV etc.). 

Tendai, if MSlady got a 32 inch t.v. for $50, she got it from Goodwill.  You can't get a brand new 32 inch t.v. here for less than about $400-500.  The $14 a month I get on foodstamps doesn't feed me for an entire month, trust.  It only lasts a couple days.  Food is outrageous here right now.  The office that figures the food stamps here is kind of fucked up.  Anyway, I know it's not as bad as it is there, though.  I don't know what a 6-pack of beer costs, but I know a case costs about $13 (I see advertisements).  I don't know how that compares to there.  How are things with Shyguy?

Snow, did you bake those cookies?  What kind? 

I have a horrible sinus thing going on.  It's not an infection, must be just a virus.  I'm taking vitamin C, which seems to lessen the severity of my colds.  Probaby caused by the temperature going from 60 to 30 in one day.  Oh well, I've been worse and I'll get over this.  Just wanted to bitch a minute.

I went shopping today.  Other than that, not much else.  Just trying to stay warm.  You ladies have a good evening.

[tendai]

hey girls

betty - hope your sinuses get better.  this food thing is bad all over huh.  at least you guys  got options like the food stamps and soup kitchens and stuff, theres some people here waking up in the wee huors of the morning to get stuff off trees before the donkeys get them. funny fruit that usually they dont eat

snow - its a catch 22 indeed, but i think he should know what kind of a man he is but not to paint too horrible a picture of him.  i hope the court decides not to let him visit.

im kinda bummed out.  Mr Out-of-town said that he suspected that i have HIV because when he saw me my skin  was 'too soft'. he kept going on about it the day we met grabbing my hand saying "your hands are so soft, your skin is so soft".  crap, i didnt know i was walking around looking so obvious. its no wonder shyguy disappeared. i'lljsut comfort myself saying 'maybe i didnt miss much anyway'. sour grapes i know

[Dragonette]

hi ladies!

good to reconnect and thanks so much. Tendai b4 u go offline, that guy's an ass, he shouldnt say stuff like that 2 start with, but its rubissh anyway, if anything my skin's much more rough, bumpy and dry since im poz, not that it should serve as indication.

idiot! one more!!

i spent the whole day yesterday and today still around this freaking leak into my bedroom, and it aint over yet, nor was it the first time, you should all see the panel of learned experts that conference here once in a while, all ready to talk and non ready to work. idiots.

speaking of idiots, since the election results I have let myself watch all those Palin compliations (the real stuff not spoofs) on yourtube and actually laugh and not just be gripped with terror. i hope she sinks into oblivion.

ok this is a bit on the negative side, my hand hurts, work piles up, nothing is working at the moment, but its all peanuts compared to the serious things and i acknowledge that, just letting out some steam.

Ten I think what you describe is the result of the dollar devaluating and the shortage that you have there ending in exorbitant prices. but the dollar crashed everywhere - where im from we used to have all the important things priced in dollars, rent, flights, houses etc, but thats finished a while ago, the dollar just got too weak.

I am modifying to add something: when I was offline you wrote something about going into Facebook and comparing yourself with all those peers who "made it", mostly by marriage/and or immigration. Tendai, knowing a little about where you are from and how much you have done to help people, you are just so strong, so lively, spirited, and KIND (of course not pefrect  ) and yeah some people get lucky and some get luckier and of course they would flaunt it wherever possible, it doesnt change who YOU are and you are this amazing beautiful person inside and outside (I have seen pics).

Im so sorry you guys (Betty, Snow) have to deal with all these reprecussions of the food vs. the dollar as well. Betty it seems there is so little choice as well. I shop everydaycos I dont have a car and my biggest expense is food (probably cos I dont have a car, a mortgage or children, or even a pet). food and airline tickets, both of which have inflated like crazy.

Snow it is so tough and I have no idea what to advise you. Life can be so harsh but having to explain it to inoccent people is harsher. People like your ex make it so hard to be objective. However much pain and problems he is carrying, at some point it becomes inexcusable and hopeless and he has crossed that like for sure. Whatever and whenever you tell your son I know youre a great mom. About the poz group, who knows maybe he cried cos he felt threatened that you would find another man therfe and break the relationship you have now. Or maybe he knows something is wrong but doesnt know what and imagines that you have a terrible illness. With all the stigma of HIV when it is explained properly its not as bad but for a 10 year old to take it all in. You know what I met this great guy with a 13 year old boy and his boy definately knows, I dont know since when though. My other poz friend only told her kid when she was 15 or 16.
I dont think you should stay away from SOs family just cos youre poz. at least you dont have to hide physical stuff like I do... let's make a pact to hide less.

Love you ladies and thx for being there for me, sure wish you were closer. I have been feeling very lonely, i should get out and expose myself to real people more, make a few friends cos they wont make themselves. but i tend to shy away to the computer or to books or just to my brooding self.

Hugs,

[emeraldize]

Man, I just lost a post I had typed out.  Vivy, I feel the same way about disclosing at this point.  I was at the eye doctor getting new contacts the other day, and I couldn't even bring myself to put down on the form that I am HIV+.  I think in a year or two, I will feel a little more confident about disclosing...but now I think I would break down in tears.  Reading posts from those who have been living with HIV for a long time really helps though.  It's nice to see people not ashamed of having this disease.

Couple of things to share here...Moonlight advised a while back copying a post (especially a long one) before posting if you don't want to risk losing it. Seems sometimes it's very easy to lose a post while there will be months and it never occurs. No insult intended if you know how to do this, just hold your left mouse button down, wipe the copy block(its background will go black and text becomes gold), hit Control C, let the button go, click the text so it returns to a white background. Of course, you won't have to paste it (Control V) unless if after you click Post on the forum window you happen to lose it, then if you do, Paste the text you copied and Post again. Should you lose it yet again, you'll still have it at the ready to paste providing you haven't done another copy/paste of different text in the meantime.

Regarding doctors/nurses even receptionists who handle your records, there's no better place to practice disclosure than with healthcare providers. In five years, I cannot think of one person who wasn't compassionate or understanding or relaxed or it led to some fantastic there-but-for-the-grace-of-God-go-I type of conversation from the medical person. Further, they must, legally, hold your information quiet due to health information privacy laws for patients. They put their careers and more at risk if they don't. They realize, better than anyone, that a virus ends up in host, not a specific type of person, community or lifestyle---just a host.

In the case of an eye doctor, they are important to inform because they can look for changes in your eyes and be even more on the lookout for you; dentists can note changes in gum or cheek tissue, tongue surface changes, etc. It becomes more about enabling them to be the best they can be for you rather than thinking well, they have to use universal precautions and protect themselves so I don't have to worry. Be self-ish---help them to help you.

Ultimately, you'll have tallied up practice time. And, if you haven't told family or a good friend, they're likely your next best disclosure practice people. They love you and that is a form of medicine that life cannot be lived well without. Your immune system needs their love, yes, even their informed love. Once you let that barrier down, you can relax and your adrenals are not on alert defending your anxious mind that is busy keeping a big, fat secret and further taxing your system.

Gee, I'd best copy this post lest I risk losing it, heh?

[emeraldize]

Tendai,
Like Drag's, my skin is much more dry post-HIV. This guy was fishing for a way to flush information out if there was any to be had.

[vivyt]

Good Morning.

Welcome Back Drag! I am so glad to hear that everything went well. Congratulations!! Now it's time to get back to the grind.

BT-That class sounds really interesting. A nice change from economics...yuck! I hope you feel better. How do they determine how much to give in food stamps? Is there some kind of formula?

Snow-I would say that you are the best judge of what your son is ready to handle. It's best just to read the situation and not say too much. There's a story I once heard about a child asking his mother where he came from and the mother launched into the whole thing about where babies come from and the child said after that all they wanted to know was what city they were from because a friend of his was from some other place.

Tendai- I don't get what the skin thing has to do with HIV. Is that a line or something? Where are you at again?

Hi Wendy, Cindy, Keeping, Queen, and anyone else I may have forgotten to mention.

Back to school today after having 2 days off! Have a good day everyone.

[BT65]

Morning ladies,

Tendai, I realize how fortunate we are here having soup kitchens, food banks and food stamps.  I wish you guys had things like that there.   If your leader was a humanitarian at all, he would care about the suffering the people are going through.  What is going on there concerning the government? I haven't heard in awhile.

Drag, I sure hope you can get that leak fixed soon.  That just doesn't sound healthy.  What's taking them so long?

Andrea, I'm not sure exactly how they determine food stamps.  Sometimes it seems it's different for different people.  Like, a friend of mine makes and pays out about the same amount of money I do, but she gets $40 more a month in food stamps.  And some people cheat the agencies, saying they make no money (hide it from them) and get like $175 a month.  Of course, those people risk going to prison.  I know the agencies don't count cable t.v. or internet as a monthly expense, and I can see why (although it would be nice if they counted the internet for us college students).  And I believe they only count $25/month for the phone.  I'm not sure how they figure out everything else.  Our governor sold our welfare agencies here in Indiana to private companies, which is going into effect right now.  And with private companies, I think people will be getting less in benefits.  Because when it goes fully into effect, the money essentially is the worker's money (the more people they keep off the rolls, the more money and bonuses they get).  I suppose we'll just have to wait and see.  BTW, how is your cough? 

It's raining and cold here this morning, but it's supposed to get up into the 40's, so that's not too bad for this time of year.  I'm going to go to the library to return a book I just finished reading and get another one, and pick up my lab slips at my doctor's.  I'm not getting them drawn of course, until the sinus thing clears up.  Other than that, I have class tonight (Forensic Psychology).  And that's pretty much my day.  I hope all you ladies have a good one.

[Queen Tokelove]

Evening Ladies----

I hope everyone is having a relaxing evening. I finally am after being at the grocery store most of the day. But I am exhausted. About the food stamp thing, it really pisses me off that they think someone can survive off of ten bucks!!! And how it is so different in different states. I get 175 every month and that barely lasts me the month. And the price of food being the way it is, is not helping either.

I have been having chest pains since Monday, not sure what that is about. It's on my right side. I am wondering if the racing heart when I saw my doc on Monday has anything to do with it? I have to go see my ID doc tomorrow so I will mention it to him.

No, I don't have a choice of who to cuddle with. With Sexy it's like you have to make an appointment. He has traffic at his house like crazy since he is off from construction. And Papi is just rushing things and it has turned me off completely. I hate winter, it always seems to put me in a funk with the holidays and stuff. But I am trying not to let it get to me.

Congrats Mrs. Dragonette. Glad the wedding went well.

[tendai]

viv - im in zimbabwe, the land of the poor millionaires.  

i think that guy was trying to show how 'informed' he is about the virus.  said he based his suspicions on the fact that he knows people who are on ARVs and their skin is 'different'.  Guess its one of those ill-informed assumptions people make about people based on physical appearance.

em - it made me smile (in a weird way) thinking im a "hostess" to the virus.  

drag - thanks for the kind words.  hope your arms better

people are just dropping dead from cholera around here. some people have had no water for about 2 months. sewage systems are all shot to hell, raw sewage flowing down the streets of high density suburbs.  i dont know if these people who think they're running the country are normal or what. how can they let this continue? honestly i wish there was some kind of retribution to be meted out to them  for all the suffering and misery they are causing.  why cant they put the people first and then sort out their power games at their own expense and leisure.  the main government hospitals have closed coz there is no equipment no drugs and staff have gone on strike coz they cant get their salaries out of the bank because of the cash limits imposed by the central bank. we can only take out $500,000.  A ride to work costs $200,000. thats 400k a day.  a loaf of bread costs 400,000. that doesnt make any sense.  now even those who think they are so rich are going to be affected somehow. maybe then people may want to do something. the politicians wont compromise and mugabe wont let go his death-grip, i just dont know what its going to take for something to finally happen here.  meanwhile we soldier on, or is it trugde on like the exhausted stupid sheep that we are...

anyway what doesnt kill u can only make u stronger (we hope). catch u all later. hugs and kisses to all

[netta]

Hi Ladies, Congrats to Drag! I am doing ok, feeling sick lately, a virus is going around like the flu, I have not gotten my flu shot yet, and I guess I should wait, since having this sinus bug? Anyway good news, I am finally moving this weekend ! The apt. passed and I got to sign my lease Friday!!!! I am so thankful and greatfull. if I could get enough energy to finish packing !!! I bought some zinc logenzs and some alka selzter flu meds and some soup, of all times to be feeling bad!!! My mom arrives Tuesday from New York. She is 78 and sharp as a tack. We call her Big mama. I am happy she is visiting cause she is getting up in age and I need to spend  quality time with her. We have had a rocky relationship all my life, but I have learned to forgive, and move on.My twin on the other hand, is the opposit. Its arkward to tell my mom I love her, sometimes, it was never said growing up, I even have a hard time telling my daughter!,does this make me a bad person??, no just shows how disfunctional my family life was growing up, I do however have a great relationship with  my son and daughter. I show her I love her and thats good, I help her as much as I can and I'm there for her, babysitting , cooking, cleaning,I give her a lot of my time and money when I can. she works hard and going to school for her masters degree! ,so even though I don't say it often enough, she knows. ironically, she does not tell me she loves me either.My son on the other hand lives in N.Y. and is single and very independant, He is also distant, doesn't visit enough ,unless I travel to N.Y. but he dos tell me he loves me all the time.Kids are strange! Well I hope all is well.
Queen, you get a nice amount of foodstamps !! I could eat well with that, I get 50.00 but they just increased it to 75.00. Has anyone heard we are getting a larger raise this year with disability checks???

[netta]

Tendai- I am so sorry for what you and your people are going through. I wish you could come here to the U.S.,Something has got to give! Please pm me.

[BT65]

Morning ladies,

Queen, yeah, you should tell your doctor about your heart and the pains you're having.  They might need to do a work-up on your heart.  I had one done when I was 16 and they found out I have two faulty heart valves.  Now I'm on heart medication, which keeps the heartbeat even.  Please take care of yourself.

Tendai, I just don't know what to say.  I am so, so sorry you and the rest of the people have to live like that.  I wish raw sewage would flow through Mugabe's office.    This morning I just saw Bush get a humanitarian award for his work with Africa and I was thinking, "if only they knew what Tendai and the people in that area go through." 

Netta, yay!  You get to move, that's great.  I know how much you're looking forward to it.  About your mum...... you know my mum died last August.  I miss her terribly.  But my mum and I always had a close relationship.  She did some strange things when I was growing up, but like you said, forgiveness comes in, especially with aging parents.  Even if you two weren't real close, I don't think anyone can replace a mother (as long as she's not a monster or anything).  As far as your kids, you said it-you show them you love them.  That's important.  And yeah, I heard about the 5.8% raise we're supposed to get in social security.  Of course, that will mean something will get cut (food stamps, etc.).

It's cold and rainy here again today and it's supposed to be for the next couple days, then snow.   It's that time of year.  My therapist is coming over today and tonight is the Human Sexuality class.  I enjoy that one more than the Forensic Psych.  It's much more interesting and the teacher is more focused. 

My sinuses are still giving me trouble.  Yesterday I went to the drug store to get something for them.  When the pharmacist was putting my license number into the register he said "you know, some people make methamphetamine out of this."  Now, this is a pharmacist I've known for years.  I'm not sure exactly why he said that.  Maybe just to make conversation.  We have had quite a few meth lab busts around this area lately. 

Nothing else to report.  You ladies all have a good day.

[netta]

  :DThats funny Betty ! My sinuses hate me also, I bought a nette pot and it seems to help some, I am so dry, my face,lips get very dry also. Did the medicine he gave you help?
Queen, I hopeyou are feeling .
BTW has anyone heard from minismom???
Hope everyone is well.

[tendai]

netta i sent u a pm. congrats on the apartment, u having a housewarming party?  how i wish i could move from where we staying, but hey its cheap compared to other places. maybe when things settle around here (God only knows when that will be).

Im sure considering myself lucky anyway, thinking of all those who've been hit by the cholera etc. u get to count your blessings and i get to think 'man i may have HIV but theres a whole lot of other worse shit that can happen to me'. My boss's niece died from cholera yesterday, she was a nurse so guess she got it from caring for patients. so at funerals people go shaking the hands of the bereaved in condolence, so all thats stopped now for fear of spreading the germs. the driver said they were bumping elbows

thank goodness its friday, what u  all going to be up to. i've got no special plans. try to go to the bank and see if i can get whats left of  my money out now that we're allowed to make interbank account money transfers.

[Sweet_C]

Drag, I'm so happy the wedding went well!!! I bet it was beautiful.

Viv--Good news on the cancer.  It's funny how people seem to dread HIV so much more than cancer.

Tendai--OMG, I couldn't imagine what things are like there.

Congrats on the move Netta!!!!

Thanks everyone, esp. Emeraldize, for the responses on the disclosure to docs issue.  Since you explain it that way, I will not just brush those types of questions off anymore.  I trust the docs, but it's the receptionists and nurses and most leery of.  Oh well, one day I really won't care what anyone thinks as long as I'm healthy.

I hope the rest of you ladies have a great weekend!!

[MOONLIGHT1114]

Hi GFs~

So sorry I have been away.  I have been staying (living) at Iceman's and its kinda become a regular thing.  I am sentimental about not being at my own place, but Ice has been feeding me, and the commute is easier from here.

I have had some really rough days with the neck and perception thing, but I am handling it, esp where driving is concerned.  I have really bad trigger finger or tendonitis in my right hand and its almost become unbearable this past week.  Good thing is, even though I can't bend my middle finger all the way down, at least it can stay straight up, in case I have to give anyone the bird, lol!

Iceman's sis and her family, as well as his kids came over last Sunday.  We watched football and celebrated Ice's birthday a couple days early.  His bday was Tues 11/11.  I took the day off today and we celebrated my birthday.  I am 39 today.    Just resting and being a couch potato and putting ice on my right hand.

I got a gorgeous watch from Iceman tonight and he bought concert tickets for the day after Christmas to see a rock band that has been around here since the 80s!  I am excited!

Its been a fun birthday week, with lots of cake and celebrating!

Hope those of you under the weather feel better.  Drag, you are just zonked out from all of the excitement so get some rest!  Queen, are the chest pains getting any better?  I think Viv and Netta and a few others were feeling yuck, too?  Take care of yourselves!

~Cindy  (who is now hitting Control A, Control C, just in case    )

[vivyt]

Hey all.

Cindy-How are things going at work? Sorry about your hand. If it's not one thing it's another! It sounds like Iceman's family has welcomed you in. Is that going well?

Sweet C-  To me, the idea of cancer really wasn't a big deal especially after the HIV. I don't know if that is normal or what but at this point anytime something goes wrong (physically) I'm like "whatever, I'll deal with it." As far as disclosure goes, any type sucks. Any other disease and people feel sympathy and show concern. With HIV they are like, Oh...and you know they are judging. I don't blame the people I blame society and we still have a long way to go before people REALLY understand what this is about and who it effects.

Tendai- Wow! It sure seems like there is a lot of unrest there. I think I need to do some research on your area. Take care of yourself!

Netta- Hi! I have one of those pots. When my sinuses were really bad I used it. It really works and your nasal passages feel so much better. I should really use it more often. My mom got it for me but she had a difficult time finding one. My ENT recommended it.

BT- That is kind of random that the pharmacist would mention that. Huh. Are you enjoying your classes more?

Well this weekend I should be totally about business. My report cards have to be finished by 7:00am Wednesday morning. We have to enter them in online. Of course I still have to organize my grades and add in last minute quiz grades etc. This last week was a short week, we had Mon and Tues off for Veteran's Day and we had to do give district interim test. Every grade has to complete a writing prompt and we all have to get together to grade them and that is what we started to to do last night. One of the teachers is  new to the grade level and he is a pain. He has to be right all the time and when he doesn't get his way he gets and attitude. I think he has "short man's complex". He came up to 5th grade from 2nd and of course we are showing him the ropes but he tries to tell us how we should do things. In 5th grade the kids are supposed to write 4-5 paragraph essays and then we have to grade them. Well he was disagreeing with how we grade them so my partner asked him how do they grade paragraphs in 2nd grade and he said they don't do paragraphs. So...why are you telling us how to grade something you have no experience with? I mean please! He just aggravates me. He is totally overwhelmed with the work load and we knew that would happen but he doesn't want help and all he does is blame others....ok....that's enough of that!
I am planning to get all my work done this weekend! Yeah I know I say that all the time LOL!

Have a good weekend everyone!

[BT65]

Hey ladies,

Cin, happy belated birthday!  It sounds like you had a really nice time.

Andrea, yes, I'm enjoying my classes more than the last 8 weeks.  I've heard of nettie pots (thanks for the reminder, Netta), but I just feel like I would panic with liquid going into my nose.  I hope you get your work done.  Don't overload yourself. 

My weekend has been a whole lot of nothing.  My sinuses are still bothering me and yesterday I had the random sweats, which I hate.  Anyway, I quit taking the generic Sudafed.  It didn't do anyting but make me drowsy.  I'll live.  Oh, I did get my homework done today.

Tomorrow all I plan to do is look through the sale ads.  If anything else comes up, you all will be the first to know.   Have a good evening all.

[vivyt]

Well I didn't get much work done. I have been glued to the news and a little worried about the fires. Usually when the fires happen they are in areas far away, this time they are very close. One big one is about 20 minutes from me. This is the worst I have ever seen it! Crazy...

[BT65]

Andrea, please take care and let us know how you're doing.

[vivyt]

Well I am still here!  I have never experienced anything so crazy. The fires are still burning but the Santa Ana winds have stopped so that has helped, at least that's what the news says. Practically all of southern ca. has declared a state of emergency. The fire has not really gotten any closer. It's still about 15-20 minutes away but the devastation is terrible. There have been thousands of people evacuated. You really can't even go outside, the air is so bad. There is ash all over the place. We do have a regular fire season out here but this is unlike any other. The fire department didn't even know how to approach it all because it was just jumping all over the place randomly. It really hit the residential areas hard. It's just scary at how close it can get. Right now it is 0% contained but the fire department seems to have a better handle on it. Just to clarify...the fires are in Los Angeles county, Orange County (where I'm at), and Riverside county. I feel so bad for the families who lost their homes. It is heartbreaking to hear them on the news.

The only good thing from it all is that it has forced me to stay inside and get most of my report cards finished. Hey, there has to be a silver lining right?  I'll keep you posted!

[tendai]

viv - that must be so scary. i cant imagine what those who lost their homes are going thru. the fires look so ferocious on tv and on satellite pictures its nothing but smoke in those areas. i wonder what started them, bar-b-q gone wrong? at least u're safe. i hope u're prepared for evacuation if it comes to that.
i wouldnt say we have unrest here as such. people are too scared to do anything like march in the streets, the riot police are so well-trained and prepared and no-one wants to get beaten up. its more like an economic meltdown free-for-all kind of thing.  prices are just shooting every single day, the foreign exchange rate goes up at least twice  day. bread costs ZW$1,5million a loaf, in forex it should cost 1US$ but we have crazy prices here. the news said they're about to form the unity government but we're not holding our breath, heard it all before . 
and that colleague of yours sounds like a real pain the neck! empty vessels and all that..

Betty - hope your sinuses are getting better. what u planning on buying?

Cindy - Happy birthday to  both u and iceman. glad to see you guys going strong as ever

Netta - finished unpacking? hows the new apartment look?

my weekend was uneventful, a friend of mine came with a six pack of beer, "avoid cholera - drink beer" was the general idea. its finally raining, at lest it will clear the filth in the cholera areas and farmers can get down to serious business now . the stupid rain cut off our power at home sunday afternoon, i hope its restored by the time we get back home today.
y'all take care now

[Queen Tokelove]

Morning---

This will prolly be my last post for awhile. I was hoping it would be til check day but the car gave out on me so what money I do have left will have to go to getting it fixed. And then on top of that, we get hit with more snow. Well, the chest pains was coming from me shoveling, I pulled a rib according to my ID doc. My cd4 dropped a little but I think that was due to the flu shot and being sick a few times. I did end up getting a middle ear infection which has slapped me with a case of vertigo. I do not like feeling drunk and off balance, this sucks majorly. Yesterday, I slept all day or I should say Saturday.

I am still trying to get past the minor setbacks and see about getting into school. I got a call from someone from the school saying they were impressed with my test score but it's been phone tag mainly. So since you guys will not be seeing me anytime soon. I will wish you all a Happy Turkey Day and a Merry Christmas cause I am not sure if I will be around then either. I will PM my snail mail addy to BT if anyone wishes to stay in contact with me or call. I will miss you all.....

[BT65]

Morning ladies,

Andrea, I'm glad you're doing alright.  I saw on the news that some people were allowed to go back to their homes (or ashes).  Is that in your area?  I'm glad you got the report cards done.

Tendai, "drink beer, avoid cholera,"  .  That's funny.  I hope your power's back on.  What is the unity government?  And oh, I'm not buying anything.  I just like to look at the sale ads.  I do look at the grocery sale ads though, to see who's got the best deal.  It's just kinda fun to look sometimes.

Queen, you're sure going to be missed.  I'm sorry about your inner ear infection and your car messing up.  If it's not one thing, it's always something else.  Take care of yourself and have a good holiday season.  We'll see you when we see you. 

And yeah, if anyone wants Queen's address or phone #, pm me.   

It's snowing here, big flakes.  It would seem that since I've lived in this kind of season-changing weather almost my whole life that I'd be used to it.  But the first snow is always a surprise.  The weatherman was telling people to slow down and said there's been a lot of "fender-benders."  You'd think people would know better by now.  I'm going to have to adjust also (to driving).  I'm not driving my big tank anymore, so this little car will probably slip and slide more. 

Today I'm going to do laundry and go to the store and get some toilet paper and dish soap.  Other than that, I have nothing else planned.  I really don't want to go out to even do those small tasks; putting off the inevitable I guess.  But, I shall.  You ladies have a good day (and safe if you live where this snow's hitting).

[Dragonette]

Hi ladies,

Happy Birthday Cindy, wishing you all the best in the world.  I hope this neck issue resolves, Ive been having my RSI on and off too. Sounds like a great cozy family time with Ice!

Andrea, OMG please be careful stepping outside, it's very bad for us to inhale smoke. I know you need to work and go out and everything, but please put yourself first. Maybe I'm overracting, not to the fires (that's madness) but with the smoke thing, but I am extra careful with that kind of stuff myself.

I hope this will be history soon, so many natural disasters all the bloody time.

Betty I hope you sort out your sinuses soon. I remember as a kid how painful that can be. It's cold here too but not snowing yet, but we dont get nearly as cold as Indiana. "We", as if I was "them", well you know what I mean anyway. Im buying very little these days too. although my husband (I was going to write BF) just bought a TV. we havent had one that worked for over a year, its second hand so was quite cheap, Im going to christen it by watching a drama about additiction tonight on BBC, Pure its called, even thought it starts past midnight. What the hell, im tired and stressed at work anyways these days...

Tendai, I don't know what to say anymore. Cholera. Its like the plague,  real plague passing so easily and putting HIV into perspective, you read about these things in disaster zones after an earthquake or something, except that this disaster is totally manmade. I do read and watch and I have seen shocking report about the state of the hospitals in zim, if they can be called that at all. I don't mention it here, unless you do, I figure you dont need to be reminded. Every time I read from you its like being slapped awake and told to appreciate my life and forget all my grivences, cos they are just luxuries.

Netta congratulations on the move, finally! Its nice to hear about your mom. Probabaly the thing that hurts me most is being away from my parents for extended periods of time.

Sweet C thanks for your wishes, they are sweet... I am wary of receptionists also. but then again we cant be the first possies weve seen and if we are they'd better get used to it.

Queen I hope things work out for you re school and am sorry your car flopped again, that sucks and i hope you wont have to stay offline for very long.

I would like to post everyday but I cant spare the time, takes me about 1/2 hour and after all the time off for the wedding and missing 4(!) workdays last week due to the leak in my house [which i am not yet satisfied is completely resolved but I hope so] and with a bunch of deadlines over my head I am just swamped. I try to come as often as I can and miss you ladies!

[Queen Tokelove]

Well, computer is not off yet, I expect that it will be tomorrow for sure. I have had one hell of a day which has had me in tears for the most part. I'm not ready to get into all that but I am just not really sure how much more I can take. I am still stuck with vertigo, my sister is getting on my last nerve, car is still broke down and not sure what is going on with school, I am still playing phone tag with the guy I mentioned before. I spoke to my ASO case manager literally bawling on the phone.

I am feeling myself getting depressed because I am not seeing a way out at the moment. Those that know me know I am not one to really ask for help from anyone. And that is because I try to help myself to the best of my ability before looking elsewhere. Today, I tried to get help with some things and basically was told, "No, that getting help fixing my car to try to go to school is a convience". What a crock of shit.

I heard that Obama is planning on doing a stimulus package too but it is suppose to be for a grand. Has anyone else heard anything about this? I sure hope it is true, that money could help me get another car at least.

I just thought I would check in since my internet is on for the moment. I ask that you girls pray for me because at this point I feel like I am going to crack.