Scared to tell husband

[snicole]

Hello,

Found out poz about 2wks ago. Scared on.how to.tell.husband.  And about.a.year.ago.he had a
 Visit at.hm frm.a lady.frm.health.dept. And.had been getting urgent letters from health dept. I went and got tested then was neg.now poz. He only said.that the lady said his test didn't say yes or no.

Thanks

[Ann]

Nicole, it sounds like your husband had been named as a contact after someone else tested poz - hence the visit and urgent letters from the health department - and it also sounds like he chose to ignore the situation. And you've ended up poz as a result.

If the woman from the health department really did say something along the lines of "his test didn't say yes or no", and if he did actually test, he very well may have tested "indeterminate".

If this is the case, the health department should have been advising him to get tested again as an indeterminate response can happen when a person has tested too early in the window period. Maybe that's what all the "urgent" letters were about.

You're just going to have to tell him. If you're frightened of him, make sure you have someone else present. If you can't manage to do this in a private place (ie having a friend or family member present), then either get him to go to the doctor with you and tell him there, or at the very least, tell him in a public place and have a back-up plan to go somewhere without him afterwards if you fear he may become violent when you're back home alone with him.

It really does sound like he's the one who brought hiv into your relationship, so don't let him blame you. He needs to get tested one way or another before he ends up infecting others, or ends up in hospital desperately ill.

Good luck.

[snicole]

Thanks Ann

Would the same response be if he had been tested at a clinic or hosp.

Thanks

[Ann]

Thanks Ann

Would the same response be if he had been tested at a clinic or hosp.

Thanks

I'm not entirely sure what you're asking, but I'll take a stab at it...

If you're asking about getting an indeterminate hiv antibody test result, it can happen regardless of where you test. What causes an indeterminate test is testing too early in the window period, before enough antibodies are produced to create a firm positive result. Indeterminate results are also sometimes called weakly reactive. And put in lay-man's terms, "neither yes nor no".

If you're asking if he would have had frantic "urgent" letters from a clinic or hospital after testing indeterminate (or even poz) and not picking up his results, yes, it's totally possible. They'd be interested in getting in touch with him to stop onward transmissions, such as to you, his wife. They'd also want to make sure he was in a position to get on meds before he got sick.

Again, if you are afraid to tell him because you're afraid he'll be physically violent, do NOT tell him without others being present. Can you clarify why you're afraid to tell him?

[snicole]

Scared of how he will react and perceive me. He could try to get violent. I had told him last wk I was going to see Sum1 about y the lady came ovr frm health dept he had no.reaction. If I had
Tested negative after the lady came out does tht mean he is the carrier? Also he didn't seem.very concerned at that time about the letters or about the lady coming to the house.

Thanks