Boyfriend is HIV+

[poppy523]

My boyfriend is HIV+, and he has been since he was a baby.  I know that he takes two pills every morning, and that his viral load has been undetectable for a while, but that's about it.  We've been together for a year, so I know that we should be comfortable talking about this with each other, but I'm not.  I know it's silly, but I feel like any time I bring it up, I'm rubbing the fact that he's positive in his face.

Does he have a normal life expectancy?  Is being HIV+ from birth any different than getting it later in life? 

He takes his pills every day, but he never thinks ahead to reorder his prescription, so every month there are a few days he goes without taking anything.  Is it dangerous to be off of medication for that long?

We use condoms, and my doctor told me that I should get tested every six months or so just to make sure.  But, what are the realistic chances of me staying negative if we stay together and eventually decide to start a family?

I haven't told anyone about his status.  I'm very close with my parents, and he has told me that I should tell them.  It's killing me not telling them, but I'm terrified of what they'll think of him, and I don't want them to be constantly worrying about me.  Does anyone else have similar experiences to this?

[mecch]

We've been together for a year, so I know that we should be comfortable talking about this with each other, but I'm not.  I know it's silly, but I feel like any time I bring it up, I'm rubbing the fact that he's positive in his face.

You need to get over being uncomfortable talking to him. If he has no problem talking about it, why do you think you are rubbing it in his face. Its just a fact of life and something to be dealt with.

I haven't told anyone about his status.  I'm very close with my parents, and he has told me that I should tell them.  It's killing me not telling them, but I'm terrified of what they'll think of him, and I don't want them to be constantly worrying about me.  Does anyone else have similar experiences to this?

What they think of him is THEIR problem not yours.  Ok, I understand its your problem if you value their opinion so much. Its probably a good idea if you get over the taboo aspect yourself, which seems to be an issue - re: your statement above...   But then again, if your parents might be cool about it, this might help you chill.  However, in general, I've found that its important that the HIV- partner be cool and confident about it (knowledgeable, and strong in the feeling that HIV status is not a problem for the relationship) cause this gives confidence to the next person on, down the disclosure line.

He takes his pills every day, but he never thinks ahead to reorder his prescription, so every month there are a few days he goes without taking anything.  Is it dangerous to be off of medication for that long?

My personal feeling here is that this is reckless behaviour by your bf.  1) He should be proactive to begin with, to be mature enough to get what is required in life!  And he definitely should not be going a few days every month, that means 12x a year a few days, without medication.  I feel this is a red flag that something is off.  If I were you I would question him on his motivation for this behaviour.  It simply is NOT recommended, at all. 

We use condoms, and my doctor told me that I should get tested every six months or so just to make sure.  But, what are the realistic chances of me staying negative if we stay together and eventually decide to start a family?

If your bf is reliably undetectable you will stay negative.  The questions about starting a family are manageable but rather technical, I am not up on all the statistics if they even exist. But there are plenty of couples conceiving the natural way, with the partner reliably undetectable it seems you don't need condoms..

Does he have a normal life expectancy?  Is being HIV+ from birth any different than getting it later in life? 

I think the standard response to the first question is "near normal" I'm not sure if its normal.  I don know the differences for HIV+ at birth and life expectancy.  My observation may be that this is not the most pressing matter when you are in love.  If I were in love with someone with a life expectancy of 5 years (and frankly this has happened to me) I would just deal with that fact as my object of affection would be dealing with it as well.