POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => Living With HIV => Topic started by: Joe K on January 28, 2008, 12:00:41 pm
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If it was not for laughter, I do not know if I would have survived the last 23 years with HIV. But sometimes, things happen and you can not do anything but laugh at the folly of it all. In that vein I wish to share my second most embarrassing moment ever. I just know that far too many of you will relate to this adventure.
The year was 1995 and I had stopped at the grocery store, on my way home from work, to pick up a few things. I had just started two PIs (Protease Inhibitors) and I was far from adjusted to the new meds and the havoc they caused with my body. So I am shopping and suddenly I get THAT urge. You know the one. The one that says that you have exactly two minutes to get to a bathroom, because that is when you are going to have projectile diarrhea.
Now this was a store I had never been in before, so I had no idea where the bathroom might be, or if they even had one for the public. I start searching frantically, but each step I take only intensified the urge to explode. I realize that detonation is imminent. I am in the produce aisle by now and I look around frantically for something that may help... and that is when I saw my salvation: Asparagus. Well not the asparagus itself but those huge rubber bands that they bunch them with. I quickly grabbed two and closed each pant leg, right above the shoe.
No sooner had I done this and the torrent was unleashed. It was disgusting and I just made a mad dash for the exit and safety of my car. I like to think that I handled it well, until I realized that I was wearing ivory colored pants. I can only imagine what I must have looked like leaving that store, but in a situation like that, what can you do? And that is how I learned to carry a towel, diaper wipes and a full set of clothes in my car at all times.
So what was one of your most embarrassing moments, courtesy of HIV???
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Hi Joe
I also remember the one with the urinal..you have certainly had your fair share of "embarassing" moments...thankfully I have not had any, at least so far touch wood.. ;)
Hugs
Jan :-*
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That happened to me at the movie theatre once. It was in a theatre with stadium seating. I sat on the very last row up at the top and had to run down the stairs. I didn't make it to the bathroom so I didn't get to finnish watching the movie.
Dan
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LOL rubber bands nice touch. I haven't had any accidents as dramatic as yours. But between me, my late husband, my child that passed and a couple of boyfriends. I've seen and experienced my fair share of underwear thrown away and nervous tidying up in the public restroom.
That horrid shaky leg, toilet seat rim inprinted on your ass, just when you think you are done and finally you can stand up, wipe and maybe get some circulation back into your poor legs <BAM> you have to sit back down cause God knows how there could possibly be one more drop of poop in your body but there issssssss. You have a seemingly never ending river of crap. Giving you the idea that surely your intestines must fall out soon because there is no way one person could possibly make this much dookie.
LOL ok now I am amusing myself.
lovins :-*
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I had a similar accident like killfoile, except instead of it being a grocery store (bad enough, yes... but at least you're near your car) mine was on the Brooklyn bound A/C/E platform of the Hoyt-Schermerhorn Street station of the NYC subway during rush hour!
pictures (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hoyt–Schermerhorn_Streets_(New_York_City_Subway))
I did manage to make my way down to the less populated extremity of the platform and duck behind a column, pull my pants down and let loose torrents of liquified Saquinavir shit. Pulled up my pants, saw a MTA worker staring at me on the opposite platform and dashed into an awaiting C train to get home.
The year was 1996, I'd just started the Saquinavir/Invirase as my first PI as it was the first one available, and I wasn't yet on prescription immodium/loperamide though that quickly changed once I brought up this horror story with my doctor and screamed at him.
My dependence on public transportation at all times, living in a large city, greatly distressed me whenever this recurring and uncontrollable urge for immediate excretory release reared its ugly head and consequently caused me to develop a generalized anxiety disorder which persists to this day, though its been reduced/controlled somewhat through cognitive behavioral therapy and the fact that once I went on fuzeon in 05/06 my diarrhea issues reduced comparatively.
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Ah those wonderful memories of blind panic when you know that its going to happen and happen quick.
I am a school teacher and i had a slight accident while stood up in front of 30 students, i was lucky that i had a teaching assistant in the room so when i felt my muscle control becoming out of control i shouted that i had to get some resources and i would be gone for two minutes and i did not want to hear a word while i was gone.
I ran hell for leather out of the class and into the loo where i had was able to ditch the underwear and sort myself out.
I now always carry imodium with me
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Joe Dear,
I was at a party in Long Beach, in the home on the parade route, the morning of the Gay Pride Parade. We had brunch and nothing was left off... there was even an ice sculpture on the buffet. I was in a room with my closest friends, went outside to smoke something and took a huge and sudden dump while wearing white shorts.
My house is 5 blocks away on Ocean Drive and I trekked through the alleys to get home as the crowds were forming on (take a guess... Ocean Drive?) Yes.
On another Long Beach Gay Pride Day... My BF stayed over the night before, we spent the entire night having sex. We got up, had breakfast and took the dog out before we went to a parade party. Reaching my front door, with Kaiser on leash and holding hands with Larry, I took a dump as he opened my door. I showered/ changed and we went to Uncle Jim's for the parade party.
I have always used laughter to get through any number of difficult situations but... since HIV/AIDS, I have become champion at it, even if someone doesn't get the joke.
A few years ago, I was driving north from a visit in L.A., stopped to refuel in San Luis Obispo, got back on the freeway and broke down. The Highway Patrol helped push the car further off the road and called my cousin in Monterey. Three hours later, cousins and a tow truck show up. Me and Kaiser are safe in cousin RIP's station wagon, we stop have breakfast at a coffee shop, I go to the bathroom... everything is fine. We get to their house... Cousin Rip has a migrane, jumps out of the station wagon and straight to the only bathroom. I take an unplanned and unexpected dump at their front door.
I have a special name for this... I call it the three minute warning. I have learned in the past 12 years to:
1. Never were white shorts
2. Do not go to parties where there may be an ice sculpture
3. Do not walk the dog on Gay Pride Day
4. Never wear white shorts
5. Never buy fuel in San Luis Obispo
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D Have the best day
Michael
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Believe me, when I got down to about 78 lbs from the wasting syndrome back in '94 and everything that entailed, I started wearing Depends. (No, I don't have to now). And I also found that Lommotil was nothing compared to Immodium.
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Oh boy...thanks for reminding me :)
I had gone out for drinks and appetizers after work with some friends not long after starting meds. I had about a 20 min drive home and about 15 mins in I knew I was in trouble. You know when your body starts tingling and you get that wierd feeling in the back of your throat? I tried so hard to make it home. I had a 5 speed and it was so hard to drive. LOL. When I finally got to the end of my street (Thank God it was the end with no houses) it let go. I stopped the car and ran(more like waddled really fast) in the woods and threw my pants down. Shit was everywhere, what a mess! I was still living with my mother at the time so I had to sneak in the house and take a shower and then sneak my pants out to the trash. Gross, gross, gross..I was so bummed I had to throw my pants out :'(
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It was 28 miles from my house to the clinic. It was a beautiful California summer afternoon, the top was down and I was flawless. Life couldn't be better as I downshifted for a stoplight and shit at that stoplight. There are days when you just gotta get labs done and other days a swim in the lake is really more important. ;D ;D
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D Have the best day
Michael
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....dookie.
Do you mean shit? :o
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Believe me, when I got down to about 78 lbs from the wasting syndrome back in '94 and everything that entailed, I started wearing Depends. (No, I don't have to now). And I also found that Lommotil was nothing compared to Immodium.
Nonsense Betty! Wasting = chic. I now lament the fact that I can no longer fit in my 30" waist clothing.
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Do you mean shit? :o
LOL I was trying to think of other words to describe excrement, fecal matter, bowel movements ect.
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Nonsense Betty! Wasting = chic. I now lament the fact that I can no longer fit in my 30" waist clothing.
Yes, I remember floating into the department stores regularly to buy a size 1 and the jealous stares of the high school girls I would get. Ah, the old days.
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LOL I was trying to think of other words to describe excrement, fecal matter, bowel movements ect.
Yes, we must behave politely at all times here in these f**king forums. lol
(edited to maintain appropriate dignity.)
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Yes, I remember floating into the department stores regularly to buy a size 1 and the jealous stares of the high school girls I would get. Ah, the old days.
When I was a size one I dont recall jealous stares. Felt like more people where wondering if I was anorexic or commenting on how small my boobs where. LOL
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awwwwww. You all made my day, haven't had any of the wonderful experiences you have mentioned yet, but, reading everything made me laugh so hard I wet my pants...
he he.
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When I was a size one I dont recall jealous stares. Felt like more people where wondering if I was anorexic or commenting on how small my boobs where. LOL
Dear, I'm 5'9". So me looking slender was very en vogue.
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Ah, yes, flashback to......1996. Seems we all had our moments then, lol. I was taking Fortovase (18 pills a day). I didn't know you could take Imodium everyday at that point, so I weathered the storms as best I could.
I was on a blind date at the Baltimore Harbor. We waited two hours for a table at a nice restaurant, and what does my dumbass order? My favorite dish. The infamous Fettucine Alfredo, yes, LOTS of Alfredo. Dinner is fine, we walk around the Harbor and end up in a book store. The moment starts to overcome me, but me, always liking a challenge, squeeze cheek and tell my date I need to go to the restroom. I turn the corner and two male janitors have the ladies' room closed for cleaning! OMG. I was waiting outside that door for 10 minutes and then my date comes around the corner, seeing how agitated and uncomfortable I am. I tell him my blood sugar must be high from "Alfredo" so I have to "pee really bad" and I proceed to squeeze cheek, going on fifteen minutes now.
The janitor supervisor keeps seeing me waiting anxiously and says his guy is almost done cleaning. The other male janitor was cleaning in the last stall when I busted into the restroom, tired of being polite. Too late. Skitties were already in my drawers as I flushed to hide the sound of the explosion exiting my ass. I believe the janitor in the last stall had exited the restroom by that point. I had to throw out my underwear and go commando for the rest of my date.
And my date never had a clue what sheer terror I had gone through. :D
Badda-bing.
LOL :D I started taking Imodium DAILY soon after!
~ Cindy
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Ah, those wonderful AIDS horror stories.....
One time I threw up in my plate at a restaurant, I think it was TGI Fridays....talk about ruining the evening for people sitting near me.
I've had too many bowel accidents to remember.
At one point, my molluscum was so bad I was having facial/neck surgery every 10-14 days. I wore bandages a LOT, big old white gauze pads taped on too, not a cute little round pastie-shaped bandaid. Lots of people would say "oh you poor thing, were you in a car accident?" I just said "YES" It was easier than attempting any explanation.
One time I cursed a lady out and made her cry, when I caught her making fun of my cousin Mark at a restaurant in 1988 or 89, because he had facial KS lesions. I'm not embarrassed about that though.......
He was so brave; his poor face was just covered with big ugly purple KS lesions, but if we said "do you feel like going out to eat?" he was always ready to go, and didn't pay anyone who stared any attention. He was my inspiration for not feeling bad about going out in gauze bandages all the time.
You do what you have to.
I still think Joe's "asparagus rubber bands" story is the best (or worst?) ;D
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These were so funny! My bladder is the size of a raisin. You all had me laughing so hard that I had to keep getting up to go pee. I finally just brought the laptop in with me ;D After our crazy weekend, this was something I so needed! Thank you all so much.
mum
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I had a pretty embarrassing Pozzie moment today, that didn't have anything to do with the bathroom.
This morning at the conference table at work, the subject of Heath Ledger's death came into the conversation. Someone said, "I heard he had AIDS and died of pneumonia."
Someone else said, "Don't be stupid -- nobody gets AIDS anymore."
A third person said, "I believe everyone with AIDS died in the 1980s. Nobody with AIDS is still alive anymore."
Another wise individual noted, "I believe gays still get it sometimes. Does anyone know if Heath Ledger was queer? He played a queer in a movie, I think."
One of the earlier speakers concluded the conversation with the astute observation, "No, he didn't have AIDS. You can tell when somebody has AIDS. They get sores all over their face."
I have a CD4 count of about 200 -- a full-blown case of AIDS if there ever was one. I didn't contribute anything to the conversation. :-[
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Dear, I'm 5'9". So me looking slender was very en vogue.
LOL I am 5'9 also. I suppose I didn't have as good of a self esteem at the time.
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Oh Cindy, Saquanavir (Fortovase) was the worst for me. Between it and my undiagnosed celiac sprue, there were numerous times I wished I could find a big cork or butt plug or something to stop the torrent.
There were many times I didn't quite make it home, or to a bathroom.
To this day, I don't wear white pants, white shorts and, contrary to my gay youth, I have worn underwear for some time because I have ruined too many pairs of pants and simply cannot afford it any more.
HUGS,
Mark
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This isnt a "flash crap" moment but this was embarrassing for me.
I was taking Viracept back then (lots of chalky pills) and I took a handful, swallowed and went right out to do yard duty (those were my classroom days). I noticed that I had sort of a weird taste in the back of my mouth the rest of the morning. Couldn't figure it out. I was being observed that afternoon by a bunch of administrators and families that were interested in being in my class. While I was up in front doing my thing, I felt a powerful sneeze come on. I tried to hold it back...then .....
Aaahhhhchooo ZING! a bright blue pill shot out of my nose and hit the whiteboard in back of my little audience. It stuck to the wall and I just went on teaching, paying no attention to it until they left. My assistant and I laughed so hard, she peed her pants.
Sharkie ;D
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LOL
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This morning at the conference table at work, the subject of Heath Ledger's death came into the conversation. Someone said, "I heard he had AIDS and died of pneumonia."
Someone else said, "Don't be stupid -- nobody gets AIDS anymore."
A third person said, "I believe everyone with AIDS died in the 1980s. Nobody with AIDS is still alive anymore."
Another wise individual noted, "I believe gays still get it sometimes. Does anyone know if Heath Ledger was queer? He played a queer in a movie, I think."
One of the earlier speakers concluded the conversation with the astute observation, "No, he didn't have AIDS. You can tell when somebody has AIDS. They get sores all over their face."
A sad conference you sat in on jabez.....unfortunately, this is how AIDS is viewed by a lot of Americans (or should I say "Not Viewed", since it is mostly ignored)
Alan
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This isn't a pozzie moment, but it's an embarassing public potty moment.
When our oldest was about 2, hubby took him to the bathroom in Walmart to change his diaper. I was waiting for them over near the pharmacy. I saw them coming and heard our son yelling something that made everyone around snicker, but I couldn't understand what he was saying. I put my hand to my ear to say, "repeat it louder", which he did. I still couldn't understand him but knew it MUST be funny because people were still laughing. Hubby was waving frantically and, in true wifely form, I was ignoring him. When the pair finally got close enough, our son yelled at the top of his little voice, "Mom, a watermelon seed came out my butt!" Hubby, head hung and slowly shaking, walked right by me. I had to run to catch up.
Mum
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...and who thought projectile blue nostril pills, LOADS of projectile crap (traveling at very high speeds), mysterious watermelon seeds and BUTT plugs would be so entertaining?
I just LOVE you guys! :D