POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => Living With HIV => Topic started by: wiwada on December 30, 2010, 05:44:43 pm
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Almost 2011, time for some thinking . 2010 sucked (ok the first 4 months were not bad). I’m going to start 2011 newly single as I finally managed to make my now ex see the light. He deserves to have a life without medical drama and I’m sure he’d like to have sex again . Sex is something I can’t see myself ever having again . No desire for it since the day I got my diagnosis. He promised not to tell anyone , that’s at least something. Christmas was strange , everybody happy and there was me , I could beat all Oscar candidates.
What do I want for 2011?
Nobody to find out
No need to go on medication as I can’t even swallow an aspirin on a good day
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I must agree that this was not the best year for us either.
First I got HIV and then gave it to my partner then other stuff just happened.
Not sure if all our health issues are HIV related, but now that is all any doctor would say.
The past few months have been going well and we are feeling much better with the exception of fungus..
With that said, there is always hope!
No one knows what is ahead of us but after this year it has got to be better.
Imagine the future you want and make it happen.
Cheers from rainy paradise,
Hoover and Dr. T
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I got my diagnosis this year too, but I don't see it as all bad. I mean everything happens for a reason. It was a wake up call for me to treat myself better, for me to take charge of my own health. I think it also brought my husband and I closer together.
I'm ready for 2011, don't get me wrong, but I'm not going to let 2010 be a blemish on my memories.
Happy New Year,
Katie
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I got my diagnosis this year too, but I don't see it as all bad. I mean everything happens for a reason. It was a wake up call for me to treat myself better, for me to take charge of my own health. I think it also brought my husband and I closer together.
I'm ready for 2011, don't get me wrong, but I'm not going to let 2010 be a blemish on my memories.
Happy New Year,
Katie
Great attitude Katie..that will see you through many good years to come.
Have a great New Year, we in NZ will be farewelling 2010 and celebrating a New Year tonight.
Aroha
Jan :-*
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I won't be sorry to see the arse end of 2010.
This was the year we lost Daddy Tim. Tonight I shall have a drink in honour of the Great Old One. :'(
May be 2011 be a death free year -- at least for these Forums.
MtD
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I won't be sorry to see the arse end of 2010.
This was the year we lost Daddy Tim. Tonight I shall have a drink in honour of the Great Old One. :'(
May be 2011 be a death free year -- at least for these Forums.
MtD
I still have Tim, Kate, and Ric in my address book, I can't bring myself to delete them..I will join you tonight Matty and have a drink or two to the ones we have loved and lost... :'(
Aroha
Jan :-*
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I still have Tim, Kate, and Ric in my address book, I can't bring myself to delete them..I will join you tonight Matty and have a drink or two to the ones we have loved and lost... :'(
Aroha
Jan :-*
Vale, my betters. My Heroes. My parents. The soldiers who made me safe from arrows. And God Damned, those newly forged, who forget who made the very weapons they use.
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Also Lisa. Our beloved Sweetieweasel.
An Elder God, if ever there was one.
:(
MtD
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Also Lisa. Our beloved Sweetieweasel.
An Elder God, if ever there was one.
:(
MtD
A big lady, in body, heart and soul, once seen never forgotten..her laughter is still with me, she was so full of life.
Gone, but never to be forgotten.
In sadness
Jan :'(
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it seems that when everybody around me is happy and looking forward to the new year,i am so sad and i have actually disconnected my phone on NEW YEARS EVE and go to bed.I Know that this will pass and i have nothing to look forward to,it's seems that the disease is not killing me but it is in fact the solitude ,the loneliness,the need to have some type of human connection,the need to be touched and held.I feel like i'm damaged goods and i know that i will spend the rest of my life alone.I HAVE evrything i need and want and yet i have nothing!!
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For me, 2010 has seemed to fly by. I had a deja vu moment this week when looking at the "Top Stories About HIV" on this site and others for 2010. It doesn't seem like a year has gone by since reading the ones for 2009. It does seem that time flies by after highschool. I talk to all my friends from school on FB, and I can't believe how much time has gone by. So, I'll say goodbye to 2010, but wish these years wouldn't go by so fast.
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2010 was a ..... dunno how to call it.
But was the year when I started the treatment, and when I realised what means to be HIV pozitive, after almost 1 year of fucked up denial since was diagnisticated. And of course the year when I discovered Poz.com, which was a great thing for me.
No more drama and alcohol, but good books, good music and of course sport.
and who knows for the new year maybe some love, after almost getting used in being alone.
All the best for you guys, thanks for being somewhow close and wish you an Absofuckinglutely great new Year.
Hugs.
G.
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Almost 2011, time for some thinking . 2010 sucked (ok the first 4 months were not bad). I’m going to start 2011 newly single as I finally managed to make my now ex see the light. He deserves to have a life without medical drama and I’m sure he’d like to have sex again . Sex is something I can’t see myself ever having again . No desire for it since the day I got my diagnosis. He promised not to tell anyone , that’s at least something. Christmas was strange , everybody happy and there was me , I could beat all Oscar candidates.
What do I want for 2011?
Nobody to find out
No need to go on medication as I can’t even swallow an aspirin on a good day
I have been worried about you in your existential crisis from earlier posts last year. Im sorry you haven't been able to more forward to restart your sex life. From an outsider's perspective, -- "He deserves to have a life without medical drama and I’m sure he’d like to have sex again" and this -- "No need to go on medication as I can’t even swallow an aspirin on a good day" -- are self-defeating and self-denigrating ways of looking at things. You deserve a boyfriend and love and sex, hopefully all from one man but not even necessarily. You've got to eventually understand that you have needs and you can't arrange all your life to please others, act in ways that they "deserve", pretend you are feeling what you are not, etc etc.
People can find all sorts of reasons to think they dont deserve something - sex, love, happiness, money, etc. Yet if you can open your eyes to people in this forum at least you can see that most HIV+ people eventually understand HIV is a side issue - not a "deal breaker" when it comes to sex and love in their lives.
Was there a medical drama last year for you, related to HIV, or was it the drama of discovering and now being HIV+ - You know when the time comes you will have to take HAART if you want to stay well, whether that time is soon or in many years. But it does work, HAART. So this problem of swallowing medicine - you might want to work on getting over that. If you can eat and swallow you can surely swallow a pill, mechanically, so might that be an emotional issue? Thinking that medicine can be of no use to you, for whatever reason ("because I cant swallow a pill") is not going help you adjust to the normal life, normal life for an HIV+ person.
I guess i need to say that its fine if someone doesn't want to have sex, but its important to think about the reason for not wanting it and be ok with that. Otherwise, its some sort of "privation" and my experience, as no longer young, is that young people can deprive themselves of necessities for ultimately unhealthy reasons. You are too young to think that things are not possible. Too young to loose hope and direction.
Some of this perception of "autopilot" must change. Cause for example you choose difficult and ambitious actions - such as going to university - but top if off with - "oh, but I don't feel like doing what i studied" - thats just an avoiding way of looking at things.
At the end of the day you'll need a career - and you did something great by getting any degree, and you'll probably get some jobs that you love and some you don't, and its all good - all part of the process. It's not autopilot even if you pretend it is.
I have heard other people talk the same way about family gatherings - putting up a pretense when inside one feels crappy or anxious, etc. I mean there is something to be said for keeping gatherings on the light side, its a social skill we all appreciate. But on the other hand, it does help when special people - some friends or some family - can know if there is a heavy burden underneath. Knowing that other people know your pain, this makes having fun seem both possible, and putting a happy face on doesn't seem like a fraud, rather it feels like a genuine effort to find happiness and fun, no matter the circumstances.
Anyway I wishing you the best for this year. I feel a since of "frozen" in your posts and I hope this coming year things thaw out a bit and start moving. I hope your ex respects your privacy - seems like he will and you don't have to worry about that, at least.
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2010 was a great year for the most part. My relationship with my soul mate built even stronger. In fact, we decided in December he will be moving in with me in the spring of this year. I finally feel like I have a life long commitment with someone. Never had this solid of a relationship. We had many great times at Phillies games, amusement parks, trips to Boston, the beach, etc. I have been to quite a few good concerts in 2010. Unfortunately, I was hoping to find a better job. Had several interviews, but nothing that I felt I could commit to. Also, I lost my cat. That was the most difficult loss I had to deal with in many years. He was my companion and my buddy. However, I am very much looking forward to 2011 and feel that it will be even better.