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Main Forums => Living With HIV => Topic started by: puertorico2006 on May 29, 2007, 04:36:52 am

Title: HIV dampered my sex life tonight!!!!
Post by: puertorico2006 on May 29, 2007, 04:36:52 am
Well I just had this SUPER SUPER SUPER hot guy over tonight and we hit it off quite well today.....

He just so happens to have a Siberian Husky also so we took our dogs to the beach, i guess she was still in heat a bit but nothing happened. We had fun, talked, swam, so i was like cool he seems like a nice guy....He then asked if id like to do anything later so i said sure....

So we decided to watch miss universe and a movie at my house and he brought his dog. Eventually the movie was over, i was about to take him home...and all of the sudden his dog finally found the "spot" and well i dont know if youve seen dogs mate but they end up stuck together for about a half an hour. My dog was screaming and crying and i couldnt take it so we went up to my room....

One thing leads to another and we are making out...and he is one of the best kissers ive ever kissed. I was going to stop there but then he takes off my shirt and then things got even more hot and heavy. Then all of the sudden he reached and tried to take my pants off....and what starts to happen...instead of SEX SEX SEX im thinking HIV HIV HIV, in turn making me lose my hard-on and i guess he could sense my uncomfortableness and asked if i minded and i said maybe not today. I have not disclosed to him yet and its WAY more difficult because i didnt meet him on MANHUNT, i met him on MYSPACE and honestly i was like hmmmmm id like to see him again first. Sometimes i think its best to disclose right away, and other times i get a vibe that i should wait and not shock him at that moment in time, but either way it puts a damper on my sexual functions if it crosses my mind any time during sex, which with someone who i dont know there status its complete loss of boner *sighs* how embarassing...

So thanks HIV for preventing me from getting laid tonight.....although when i took him home he asked if i was doing anything tomorrow to hang out a bit again....Ill definatly mention it tomorrow before any sexual activity ....hes younger than most guys i go out with so im not sure about his maturity level (younger than me)...Just felt like venting about not getting any because i couldnt disclose, and not getting any because i couldnt stay hard

-josh
(who never had this problem before HIV so it sucks)
Title: Re: HIV dampered my sex life tonight!!!!
Post by: DanielMark on May 29, 2007, 05:32:50 am
As awkward and difficult as it might have been, you did the right thing Josh.

I hope for only the best when you do finally disclose to him (if he hasn’t been living under a rock the past 25 years).

At least the doggies don’t have these complications.  ;)

Daniel
Title: Re: HIV dampered my sex life tonight!!!!
Post by: adrianmnk on May 29, 2007, 07:33:11 am
Difficult situation, yes. What I find troublesome is there is no ideal time to disclose HIV status and no way to guess how a man, younger or older, might respond. I am amazed at how many gay men are still burying their heads in the sand, pretending HIV doesn't affect them. Before you even kiss this younger man again, I'd find a gentle way to introduce the HIV into the discussion. If he can or can't handle it -- and who's to say he's not poz too?-- then it's better to know before you get attached and he gets resentful
Title: Re: HIV dampered my sex life tonight!!!!
Post by: Matty the Damned on May 29, 2007, 07:34:32 am
Difficult situation, yes. What I find troublesome is there is no ideal time to disclose HIV status and no way to guess how a man, younger or older, might respond. I am amazed at how many gay men are still burying their heads in the sand, pretending HIV doesn't affect them. Before you even kiss this younger man again, I'd find a gentle way to introduce the HIV into the discussion. If he can or can't handle it -- and who's to say he's not poz too?-- then it's better to know before you get attached and he gets resentful

Hey Adrian!

Welcome to AIDSMEDS. Maybe you'd like to tell us about yourself.

MtD
Title: Re: HIV dampered my sex life tonight!!!!
Post by: milker on May 29, 2007, 08:20:00 am
I have now felt comfy having sex with undisclosed status, as long as it's protected. I've already met someone at a bar asking if I'm "clean", replied "I'm positive" and the answer was "is it okay if you just blow me?" which was fine with me :D And also explained to him not to use clean to ask for status..

I must admit I wished that the person I met for sex in bed (not against a wall in the dark  :o) was going to ask, for some reason I wanted him to ask really bad, or do something that would force me to tell (e.g. if he wanted to do bareback), but it didn't happen. I know I'm really close to being able to disclose after the kiss, when things become more heated.

It's not easy, but I'm getting there, you will too! But so far I feel like I have not put anyone at any risk, so I'm proud :D

Milker.
Title: Re: HIV dampered my sex life tonight!!!!
Post by: milker on May 29, 2007, 08:47:41 am
Be careful what you're asking for :D

[attachment deleted by admin]
Title: Re: HIV dampered my sex life tonight!!!!
Post by: Buckmark on May 29, 2007, 11:00:37 am
Josh,

It seems to me that it is time to disclose your HIV status to this guy,
given that your are obviously on the verge of sexual relations with him.
Especially since you seem to like him so very much, I urge you to take
the risk of disclosing to him now.  I agree with what Adrian said:  it is
better to know before you get too attached, and he gets resentful.

His reaction may or may not be what you hope it to be, but the longer
you wait, the greater your anxiety will be (and subsequent loss of "wood").
And the longer you put it off, the greater the chance he will think that
you are simply not interested in him (which clearly isn't the case).

Also, don't forget that you have a wonderful opportunity here with a
guy that you are really attracted to.  Those opportunities don't come
along very often (well, at least not in my life).  Yes, HIV could be a
factor that prevents the relationship from going further, but so could
a thousand other things.  HIV may or may not come between you, but
as it stands right now, it seems like it already is coming between you,
due to the lack of disclosure.  So when you think about it, what have you
really got to lose?

Regards,

Henry



Title: Re: HIV dampered my sex life tonight!!!!
Post by: puertorico2006 on May 29, 2007, 04:57:41 pm
Well i will probably disclose tonight or the next date honestly....i like him, hes nice, but ive grown to be able to handle rejection (even before HIV) so that doesnt scare me so much. The thought of being rejected doesnt bug me as much as the problems with the "wood" which normally happens if i have sex sober haha if im drunk the hiv thing doesnt drive me nuts running through my head....On the other hand maybe being rejected for having HIV will bug me more than being rejected because im too young, too skinny, too outgoing, or too anything else....

Hes nice, i want to see him again...but anyone that knows me also knows at any point in time im going out with several guys getting to know them because i havent found the right one....but i guess when the right one does come around ill drop the others.....


-josh
(who likes this boy but can be a player because he knows most gay men are too)
Title: Re: HIV dampered my sex life tonight!!!!
Post by: Dragonette on May 29, 2007, 07:12:23 pm
Hopefully this will pay off, as he will appreciate the fact that you didn't take it further. I know I would if I were him. besides, buidling up sexual tension is good for the future of the relationship (and the quality of the sex I reckon...).

Regarding the "wood", when the brain goes into worry overdrive, I suppose circulation doesn't go southwards. And vice versa... would be hard to analyze too much when one has a huge erection  :)

PS i find it hard to believe that the topic didn't cross his mind at all, even if you didn't speak about it.
Title: Re: HIV dampered my sex life tonight!!!!
Post by: Iggy on May 29, 2007, 07:23:21 pm
Quote
So thanks HIV for preventing me from getting laid tonight

Or how about thanking yourself for a whole lot.

Nope - I don't see it as HIV dampering your sex life so much as you rising above the sex. 

Title: Re: HIV dampered my sex life tonight!!!!
Post by: puertorico2006 on May 30, 2007, 03:31:36 pm
well i didnt mention it last night but we went out to a movie so it wasnt the best place to talk about it...but things didnt get hot and heavy either so i guess thats ok

oh well...another night :-D

-josh
Title: Re: HIV dampered my sex life tonight!!!!
Post by: puertorico2006 on May 30, 2007, 03:42:10 pm
Oh yea on a side note there was this commercial in the movies before the movie when i went with him and it was this hot guy and this girl washing a car.....and he saw his reflection in the mirror and it was a hideous face and then it said in spanish "some things you just cant see" and then it talked about abstinence being the way to protect from STD's (didnt mention condoms).....i was offended at the fact that they used a monster faced person to attribute it to std's like if that person was ugly because of what they have....

it really sucked....

and the friend i was with which is the cute 20 year old said right after i said "oh my"...people just need to protect themselves and that wont happen....which is true so at least i know he knows that part hehe

-josh
(who thinks that comercial should be removed)
Title: Re: HIV dampered my sex life tonight!!!!
Post by: Jeffreyj on June 01, 2007, 07:45:04 am
Josh,
I can relate to this. I have been in the same situation, and couldn't get hard. But when I told them, I felt better about myself. If he rejects you oh well, his loss. You have to live with yourself, so if being honest makes you feel good, GOOD!!! I always disclose, and you know what?

Mr. Softy has gone away!


Good luck!
Title: Re: HIV dampered my sex life tonight!!!!
Post by: puertorico2006 on June 01, 2007, 02:51:11 pm
Last night i thought i was going to chicken out again...almost did....

and then somehow i mentioned things from my past and how i did drugs and how id changed and no longer do them because they had consequences.....well he was interested and wanted to know more so i explained how i was hiv positive ....At first he thought it was a joke until he realized it was serious, then i explained a little bit about the virus, how it is transmitted and h commended me for being able to tell him, so i thought "oh well he will just want to be friends" but then we went to the car, help my hand, and we went to my house to watch a movie and he stayed over....it was nice :-D

He has not been tested in a while and he hasnt been a saint so he is kind of worried himself but i told him not to worry, that either way he will be fine, think optimistically, and most importantly take care of himself in the future so that doesnt happen to him :-D

so i had a good night last night...and we are going to hang out again tonight :-P which is strange for me because people normally drive me insane after seeing them 2 days in a row haha

-josh

(who had no problems with limp dick  once it was out in the open ;D)
Title: Re: HIV dampered my sex life tonight!!!!
Post by: Miss Philicia on June 01, 2007, 03:12:52 pm
I'm confused.  So did you get plowed yet or not?
Title: Re: HIV dampered my sex life tonight!!!!
Post by: Jeffreyj on June 01, 2007, 04:56:49 pm
That is a very common response. So you felt better after you told him, right?

The truth will set you free.....so true!
Title: Re: HIV dampered my sex life tonight!!!!
Post by: Matty the Damned on June 01, 2007, 06:12:12 pm
More importantly, if you did fuck him, was it to the melodious sound of dogs rutting?

MtD
Title: Re: HIV dampered my sex life tonight!!!!
Post by: puertorico2006 on June 02, 2007, 02:40:15 am
I didnt get plowed, he didnt get plowed but we fooled around a lot and did oral, dry humping, etc lol....but big thing is that i didnt have any "wood" issues...


but he did ask me a question and i answered him "you dont have to worry about that" but i couldnt explain why he shouldnt worry....im going to post this question in this thread but probably in a seperate one also.....he said "should i be worried about your pre-cum when giving you head" i said that he shouldnt because saliva has kind of antibacterial properties yada yada yada but honestly i told him to look it up :-\....i know that its the correct answer but can anybody give me a better or more thorough answer?

I want to be able to give good, concise, clear, truthfull answers so he doesnt worry....hopefully he doesnt come across a CDC website or anything when looking it up
Title: Re: HIV dampered my sex life tonight!!!!
Post by: xyahka on June 02, 2007, 03:11:28 am
hi about the oral sex risk there was a thread finished few days ago... there are some scientific docs and sites posted there (specially look at Ann's post) i think that might help you to explain him.

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=12630.msg157672#msg157672

good luck

Juan Carlos
Title: Re: HIV dampered my sex life tonight!!!!
Post by: milker on June 02, 2007, 07:42:52 am
I'm confused.  So did you get plowed yet or not?
This is taking too long. We want the juicy part.  ;D

Milker.
Title: Re: HIV dampered my sex life tonight!!!!
Post by: Miss Philicia on June 02, 2007, 10:23:48 am
Really.  That's so light-weight to do oral and "dry humping" (the latter not even being worthy of mentioning!) and not proceed to full on plowing.

I'm going to have to proposed 10 gay demerits.
Title: Re: HIV dampered my sex life tonight!!!!
Post by: puertorico2006 on June 02, 2007, 01:22:41 pm
LMAO i deserve demerits but im enjoying it actually so i should get 20 hahaha

i actually had fun just "hanging out" without sex involved...whats wrong with me :-O lol


and thanks xyhaka for the link to that thread
Title: Re: HIV dampered my sex life tonight!!!!
Post by: milker on June 02, 2007, 02:51:32 pm
LMAO i deserve demerits but im enjoying it actually so i should get 20 hahaha

i actually had fun just "hanging out" without sex involved...whats wrong with me :-O lol


and thanks xyhaka for the link to that thread
Hello? You're gay, he's gay, you're young, you're cute, you're hung, you have a nice ass, SO YOU FUCKING GET LAID DAMNIT. Oh well, i'll have to take care of it myself, again.

Milker.
Title: Re: HIV dampered my sex life tonight!!!!
Post by: Miss Philicia on June 02, 2007, 02:58:37 pm
Actually, if they're NOT having sex yet continuing to see each other it might indicate actual romance (you know... like soppy crap where they think they're saving it for the "right time") which, in that case, come San Francisco you might find yourself wearing a chastity belt.
Title: Re: HIV dampered my sex life tonight!!!!
Post by: puertorico2006 on June 02, 2007, 03:22:39 pm
LOL .... well i dont know if ill be wearing a chastity belt, but this guy has had such an impact that i told my other option "lets just be friends" so thats a good sign.....

I dont normally get caught up into guys, i normally keep my distance and never get emotionally involved. Im not emotionally involved yet but i see a possibility ...hes one of those people you meet, you click, and you feel like youve known them forever....havent felt that since my last boyfriend 3 years ago and that didnt turn out so pretty lol....thats DANGEROUS and i usually try to avoid that :-D
Title: Re: HIV dampered my sex life tonight!!!!
Post by: Miss Philicia on June 02, 2007, 03:40:05 pm
I'll need visuals before I can submit my approval forms.
Title: Re: HIV dampered my sex life tonight!!!!
Post by: puertorico2006 on June 02, 2007, 03:50:36 pm
I'll need visuals before I can submit my approval forms.

sent you the link let me know if he passes approval lol
Title: Re: HIV dampered my sex life tonight!!!!
Post by: Miss Philicia on June 02, 2007, 04:22:19 pm
I wish I'd read that reply there before I saw your PM, because you didn't explain who the link was and I sent back a hasty reply!

Anyway, did you ask for a photo ID with age listed?   I hate to have to fly down and bail you out of jail for raping a minor.
Title: Re: HIV dampered my sex life tonight!!!!
Post by: puertorico2006 on June 02, 2007, 04:24:59 pm
HAHAHAHA hes not a minor....although you never know now days....

i normally dont like guys younger than me so its wierd.....but oh well go with the flow....

-josh
(wouldnt be the first time i need bail money)
Title: Re: HIV dampered my sex life tonight!!!!
Post by: Matty the Damned on June 02, 2007, 06:39:17 pm
i normally dont like guys younger than me so its wierd

Maybe you acquired this new found taste for chicken from Milker . . . ;)

MtD
Title: Re: HIV dampered my sex life tonight!!!!
Post by: puertorico2006 on June 02, 2007, 07:40:22 pm
damn milker and his contagious shit.....oh wait we are talkiing about taste in guys sorry...LOL
Title: Re: HIV dampered my sex life tonight!!!!
Post by: milker on June 02, 2007, 09:55:44 pm
school bla bla bla about penis and kissing with the tongue is not my forte. I think this boy need some real education, and I'll be there.  ;D

Milker.
Title: Re: HIV dampered my sex life tonight!!!!
Post by: Miss Philicia on June 02, 2007, 10:38:28 pm
i normally dont like guys younger than me so its wierd.....but oh well go with the flow....

"younger" does NOT explain it for everyone on this thread.  Use the word "pre-pubescent looking."  I'd question whether he's even started to grow pubic hair myself.  This one is not chicken meat, it's more like shrimp.
Title: Re: HIV dampered my sex life tonight!!!!
Post by: puertorico2006 on June 03, 2007, 10:08:59 pm
"younger" does NOT explain it for everyone on this thread.  Use the word "pre-pubescent looking."  I'd question whether he's even started to grow pubic hair myself.  This one is not chicken meat, it's more like shrimp.

LMAO....he does have pubic hair...ive seen it ;-)
Title: Re: HIV dampered my sex life tonight!!!!
Post by: Carolann on June 03, 2007, 10:16:45 pm
Puertorico, people like philly and I are in our forties, so everyone who could be our child looks young, including you.

By the way the pic of you with your dog gives this old lady the vapors. Grandma can look can\'t she? LOL

Carolann, who has had her share of youngins back in the day.

Hugs

Carolann
Title: Re: HIV dampered my sex life tonight!!!!
Post by: pozMBiM on June 06, 2007, 09:03:32 pm
My fear of discloser isn't rejection, but gossip. A guy I am about to have sex with deserves to know my status. My fear is that he will then tell everybody he knows and they aren't entitled to know my status. Rock and a hard spot and I don't know the answer.
Title: Re: HIV dampered my sex life tonight!!!!
Post by: puertorico2006 on June 06, 2007, 11:24:31 pm
That is very true....If you disclose to 1 person you really disclose to 4,12, or more people. People have a hard time keeping things to themselves in general. Thankfully i dont give a shit what people think but your right it isnt anyones business unless your fucking or choose to disclose to them....

by the way i havent had sex yet but hes slept over my house all week...and i took him for an HIV test and hes negative so i was glad for him  ;D
Title: Re: HIV dampered my sex life tonight!!!!
Post by: Longislander on June 06, 2007, 11:36:46 pm
if anything it seems you've found a good friend. Good luck  ;D
Title: Re: HIV dampered my sex life tonight!!!!
Post by: Catman on June 09, 2007, 05:39:56 pm
Oh yea on a side note there was this commercial in the movies before the movie when i went with him and it was this hot guy and this girl washing a car.....and he saw his reflection in the mirror and it was a hideous face and then it said in spanish "some things you just cant see" and then it talked about abstinence being the way to protect from STD's (didnt mention condoms).....i was offended at the fact that they used a monster faced person to attribute it to std's like if that person was ugly because of what they have....
it really sucked....
-josh
(who thinks that comercial should be removed)

  Hello Josh- You know, I've seen that commercial on TV and at the movies (specifically at the theater in Mayaguez). It is offensive end even I felt bad when I saw it. It was over a month ago.
  Your email really got me thinking. You know, getting laid isn't as good as having a great friend who might always be there for you. I love sex, but I'd rather have a friend to share time with and who is not freaked out if I'm positive. I didn't have sex with my partner (for 13 years now) until a month after we became a couple. We were "friends" for about 5 months. We only saw each other, rarely, at a pub because I never told him were I lived. I never let him take me home. I was "picky" and private about being positive but I did disclose before having sex with him. This didn't happen until about a month after he accepted my satus and he insisted on becoming my partner. We did start with safe sex but that ended quickly and barebacking is what we enjoy. Usually me spreading the cheeks! ;D He still remains negative. I am very cautious of my pre-come sensation and pull out when I'm on top. At the beginning, being positive did affect me mentally and I did go "limp" a few times when my partner asked me to penetrate him, but I just replied that I loved him too much to do so. He did put a face  :-[, but he knew it was for the best of his health. That lasted for about a year and now it's a whole other story. I do occasionally "top" him, but mostly I'm bottom which is no problem with me. It is much safer for him, for me to be the receiving partner. Still, if you and your new friend do not blossom into something romantic, friendships do tend to last longer than many relationships!  ;)
Title: Re: HIV dampered my sex life tonight!!!!
Post by: cmhjeff on June 09, 2007, 06:41:12 pm
LMAO i deserve demerits but im enjoying it actually so i should get 20 hahaha

i actually had fun just "hanging out" without sex involved...whats wrong with me :-O lol


Absolutely nothing is wrong with you! Josh I found your story very touching! I'm impressed by your self control. He didn't run when you told him so that's a good thing! My fingers are crossed for you!
Jeff
Title: Re: HIV dampered my sex life tonight!!!!
Post by: BT65 on June 09, 2007, 09:34:58 pm
Hey baby-
  Good luck with this guy.  Let us know when "it" happens.
Betty