alitte scared

[Landslide]

Hi to you all

I just wanted to start by agreeing with so many on here that the time you people make for the visiting and worried people here is not short of amazing and its also very inspiring!

I am alittle anxious at the moment but having read through the site and watched for alittle whille on here I feel i am hopefully just being abit irational and full of guilt.

My story starts on Nov 1st 07, im from the UK and went on holiday to Thailand with a friend and going out round the bars and consuming a night outs worth of alcohol we gave into the temptation and paid to take a couple of girls back to the hotel.  The long and the short of it is that we had sex and it started and stopped a few times, for some reason we took a shower before and in between, strange i know, she wasn't dirty in appearance nor i but it was a nice hotel room with great facilities and seemed like fun.  Anyway i had some extra strong durex comdoms which we did use for sex, not for blow jobs.  I did use a few comdoms that night, as we stopped and started a few times eg for a shower and never even had sex for any real length of time eg 10+ mins.  As i said my friend was there in his bed to and busy and it was all abit of a giggle and abit stange - though not so funny now.  The next morning woke up girls still there, perfectly nice and waited until we basically suggested they go and they went.

So far so good but my worrys started when i didn't really no my facts and was worried that i should have used a comdom for blow jobs - why take chances.  The anxiety ruined the rest of my holiday as i don't particularly want to be the type of person who goes on holiday and shags thai sex workers and i very disappointed with myself, to compound this my firend thought it was all very funny and wouldn't stop talking about women and i just felt abit dirty.  Anyway it wasn't really a pleasant holiday generally after that due to my emotions and though there was other good nights out as the drink relaxed me, i never wnet close to taking another girl home.

When i got home i checked out on the net and i satisfied myself that as i'd used comdoms for sex i was ok a a few quick bj's don't really pose a risk.  I felt happy and decided to deal with my guilt as i am not the first and won't be the last to have done this.  Later in November i met a girl that i liked and i we started a relastionship which is going well still and this was pretty much out of mind.  Over Christmas i got a nasty  cough and working back can say with certainty that this was 5 weeks after exposure, it lasted about 10 days and went. 1 week later on xmas eve it returned and lasted about 10-12 days and the first 2 days i had abit of a temperature and then abit of a cold with the cough between the new year which was now 8 weeks+ past exposure.  Looking back now i don't think this was any ARS as from what i have read it doesn't fit the time frame but since this cough i am left with an annoying petrusion by my jaw and just under my ear.  I am worried because i started think what if my concentration slipped that night, my memory isn't minute for minute perfect - i just know i was definitely using comdoms and but what if i went in for awhile without - you'd think i know b

I wasn't 2 worried at the time, abit concerned with same stubborn cough twice but on the back of it i seemed to have got a petrusion by my jaw and below my ear which i have assumed is a lymph node/ gland and coming out of my jaw and its still hear to this day over 2 months on.  It doesn't hurt and is not red but is uncomfortable, you cannot see it just notice it when running my finger over it, its more bulbous than the other side and does cause me to get abit of pressure in the ear and i keep clicking my jaw and hear a fading swooosh sound.  I went to the DR a month a go and she said no Glands were up and didn't really even seem to agree that there was a petrusion there and said it was blocked sinus between my ear and throat and prescribed Otrivene nose spray and this done nothing. The petrusion is def there, just subtle and does cause dull feelings in my face and ear and is very unsual for me especially for 2 months and because of all the what ifs and the timing and freakiness of it i am wondering if is my bodies response to infection despite feeling fit and healthy.

I am going back to the DR's for second opinion but am just looking to get some opinion on whether this sort of thing happens as stupidly did a search on the net and of course swollen lymph nodes come up as common in people who have hiv and can be in the the early months. 

Can anyone put my mind at rest, and i am sorry if it sounds irrational but i just want to feel confident about seeing the DR without them poking around asking me personal questions which can lead to more worry.

Many thanks

[Ann]

Land,

You've got no worries where Thailand is concerned. You did nothing risky.

However, what about this new girlfriend? You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together. To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex with a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through all three condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results. Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse - whether you're with a sex worker or the girl next door - and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

Ann

[Landslide]

Ann

I appreciate the quick response and i ams orry for the lengthy email

I have read through all the lessons, i understand its a difficult one to catch.  I had a check 4 years ago and was neg and was checked for gonareah and Clamidiya last summer.

I agree with you and a check for me and the gf is something we would be wise to do, difficult to bring up especially in a newish relationhsip - it shouldn't be but talking about where you've been and what you done doesn't tend to sit well when getting to know someone - and i fully appreciate the gravity of that comment for consequences.  Even when i wet for previous tests they only really advise the hiv test if you fall into certain categories.

For the moment i need to deal with this and have confidence to go to the DR's without coming out more concerned which is going to unsettle me.  It all sounds daft and irrational i know but whilst knowing i did use comdoms, the timing of this for 2 months now and being is unusual is a worry for me and is making me question how well i recollect all the events - what if i did go in for a while uncloaked.  No one can help me on my shady memory and that drink and sex don't mix, lesson learnt there but where has this come from. 

[Ann]

land,

You don't have to have "the talk" with the girlfriend until you feel comfortable doing so, but in the meantime, you need to be using condoms.

The next time you go for a sexual health check up, remind the doc that it's not risky people, it's risky BEHAVIOURS. I never fit into any of the so-called risk groups either - except for one and that is the one in which ALL people who have unprotected intercourse fall into. (um, the UNPROTECTED INTERCOURSE group) I ended up hiv positive and if you met me in the pub, you'd never, EVER guess I was positive. (and I live in the Isle of Man and was infected in the Isle of Man - if it can happen here to an ordinary person, it can happen anywhere. You and your girlfriend both would be wise to remember that.)

It sounds to me like you won't stop worrying about Thailand until you test. Symptoms mean nothing, only testing will reveal your hiv status. From what you've reported, I expect you'll test negative.

Ann

[Landslide]

Thats a good point well made and its not suprising when you are giving advice that you won't stand for exceptions. 

Though i used comdoms in other previous relationships, we are not at present, we both feel its going somewhere and its going to be difficult to suggest it now without weird looks. Given your experiences, that sounds abit stupid as infection does not consider this. 

I am pleased you are confident in my diagnosis, and i can't rationalise that i have been infected given all the variables.  But the swollen lumph node for 2 months, despite being small is a worry particularly as i feel perfectly well.  Without this small lump i honestly think i wouldn't be trying to rationalise things.

I wasn't by the way presuming that a + person would noticeably be ill and i am not here to sound off my own ignorance of other peoples condition so apologies if it came across like that. I would have to deal with it if i had it and thats not so much my worry but i wouldn't like to be responsible for having passed it on.   

[Ann]

Land,

I didn't presume you thought that positive people would look ill, only that hiv doesn't enter a person's mind when someone looks well. You'd never suspect I was poz and you can't tell by looking at your girlfriend either.

If your relationship is meant to be, then it will withstand you raising your concerns. You can always tell her you read something on the internet that got you thinking. Tell her you are concerned because you care about her and wouldn't want anything to happen to either of you. We women like a sensitive, caring side in a man.

Another tack you could try is to tell her that you always get a check up at the GUM clinic once a year - would she come with you this year? "After all, it's what responsible adults do."

Please remember next time you find yourself in a new relationship - use condoms from the beginning until you're comfortable enough to test together. It's just a fact (and responsibility) of modern day life.

Good luck (and goodnight, it's past my bedtime!)

Ann

[Landslide]

Again good advice thanks and this will have to be something i tackle in my own time with her. I hope we work out anyway but if i should get into other relationships in future then this advise will be heeded from the start!!

In the meantime i am worried about this slight lymph swelling as i am associating it with the what ifs and recent infection despite a low risk.  I am very regretful at having got drunk and slept with a a sex worker and the fall out of a + result worries me most to those around me.  I do recognise the stress side of this casuing the anxiety but i suppose first stop i will have to seek second opinion from the DR and hope it has a simple explanation...

Thanks   

[Ann]

Land,

If your lymph gland worries you, go see your GP. In the meantime, keep your hands off it as touching it can actually be the cause of it swelling and remaining swollen. It's very unlikely to have anything to do with hiv.

Reading back over your first post, I see that this encounter would have happened more than three months ago. You can test now and collect what I fully expect will be a negative result - and it will be conclusive.

Ann