First 30 days-Mecch will like this

[absopozilutely]

So here is my first 30 days.
2/4 12:22pm: Oraquick at CARES comes back positive
2/4 12:45pm: I go to work... (lol, I work way to much)
*insert a bunch of stuff here*
I then went and met with my Program Manager, who is AWESOME.
Got a text from the Peer support person, and we talked on the phone...
2/19 Official Western Blot (LAME, but expected)
Started Complera 3/2 after Genotype came back WILD, so open to any medicine (THANK YOU GOD!)
Original CD4 at 407 (LAME again, but not terrible, plus I was infected 12/18 so my body was still reacting) Anyways, Viral Load at 104,000 (Dammit, again, but not terrible)
4/1/2014, NOT an April fools joke, I reached out to the person that gave it to me, and told him I forgave him, but begged him to get his tests redone and checked, and to please wear condoms with others, I told him that I didn't blame him, and like Mecch had schooled me on a different thread, I took ownership, I was a consenting adult, I knew the risks, I took them, and I lost (ps: THIS is why I dont go to casinos, I ALWAYS lose!)
I feel a few emotions, a bit of depression because I havent told my family, I really dont plan on it for now. I feel a ton of anxiety because I want to live to be old! I'm SCARED of being alone/single forever. I'm stressed because of how much i'm working, I partly think i'm doing it as a means to keep myself busy. I'm sure that I should feel more things but I think thats it.

I just got my 30 day tests done and waiting for VL and CD4, which i'm SOOOOO nervous about! According to the doctors it'll be a few days, LAME again! Anyways, now I take my pill, once a day, I caught this very early, and I accept it. Who says we cant live 40 years with this? Its just a virus, one that can be controlled, and one that you cannot ever ever let control you! I keep waiting for it to hit me, but really, i'm not sure it will, in my head (I know this will sound stupid) I knew that if I acted risky, then things could happen, (damn gambling) but hey, whats done is done, I haven't cried once, I wont cry because I'd feel like that'd be me letting it win for a few minutes, SCREW YOU HIV I will NOT let you wear me down like that. I hope to be more active in talking with you all, I'm considering going to AMG, but i'm just such a newbie, I dont want to feel out of place. Hmm. I've met some really awesome people on here, some who I text daily, some who we check in on each other. I talked to someone the other day and said its funny that our friendships start off by confiding are big "secret" first, and then we get to know each other, lol. I look forward to the many years that we all can talk and chat.

Always,

Abso.

[absopozilutely]

Oh yeah! No side effects from Complera, in fact, my ALT (Liver Enzymes, are the best they've been in years, but my Phosphorous is low, I emailed my doctor, from google, to many Carbs (Damn Bagels!)

[absopozilutely]

Cd4 came in at 688! 38% yesssssss!

[mecch]

Looks like the complera is doing its good work. Did they give you a new viral load yet?

I don't think you should worry about working so much - if its a coping mechanism that is helping you keep busy and not get too depressed. But eventually try to just work normal hours and also let yourself be open to really feel whatever you might need to feel about getting diagnosed and having to live with HIV. Everyone is different, some are emotional wrecks, some are worrying types, some are cool cucumbers about the whole thing. 

As a aside I don't really understand this whole story about the guy.  You told us he told you that he's infected and that he and his bf like to watch him infecting other guys.  But now you forgive him, huh? And you tell him he needs to get tests checked?  huh? Its very convoluted.  Not sure what that is all about.  If he's poz, knows it, has a viral load and gets off barebacking others while saying he is HIV-, then you don't need to forgive him.  You got his MO modus operandi screwed up or at least you haven't communicated it very well here.  I mention it because you keep bringing it up and it doesn't sound like you are working towards clarity on this, so maybe put it in parenthesis and worry about yourself.  Sometime down the road, this all might become clearer.