POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => Living With HIV => Topic started by: Texan38 on September 26, 2008, 07:56:29 pm
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Lately I've just been feeling....lost. I just feel as if I don't know where I belong. I feel out of place. I can't explain it. There are days when I want to break down and cry.....I feel anxious....I feel lonely....I feel frustrated. I don't know.
I feel I'm embarrassing myself as I type this. I'm sorry, I just don't know where else to express my feelings and I'm not even sure what those feelings are!
I went to the "gatherings" yesterday after work and when I arrived I was informed everyone was at a dinner in a restaurant on the other side of town. Invitations had been mailed out. I informed the guy at the front desk since I had registered, I had yet to receive anything in the mail. He then nonchalantly said "oh, we've been having problems with our mail system but it'll get fixed." They've been having problems but invitations were mailed out? I shook my head and left.
I'm sorry, I feel I'm complaining and I don't even know what I'm complaining about. I'm pretty sure you all think I'm a nut case, maybe I am. I don't know.
I'm not sure what I'm feeling anymore....I just feel lost.
Sorry and thanks for reading my nonsense.
Take Care.
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Texan, I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I think most of us have felt the same way at one time or another. If the feelings get too intense, you might want to consider seeing a therapist. They can really help you sort through things and get a good plan on getting yourself back on track going. Just a thought......
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Hi Texan
First of all no-one is going to think you a nut case, we have all had days like that, feeling lost, don't really know why, we all have days when we seem to be heading in the wrong direction, don't be so hard on yourself, you will get back on track, and as Betty said if you feel it's getting out of hand talk to someone..or just keep posting, sometimes just writing things down helps.
Hugs
Jan :-*
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Hey Texan,
What you describe is very normal for us pozzies and you only need to become concerned, if you believe that any of these feelings are having a negative effect on your life. I suffer from depression and it can sneak up on you and before you know it you start to lose interest in normal things you enjoy. If you think you are feeling very different, I would also suggest that you speak with a therapist, just to get another opinion.
The reason I suggest a therapist is that you state that you do not feel right, but are unsure of what the real issue may be. This is a classic sign of depression and treatment can be effective and does not have to be long nor involved. You may find that just by speaking with someone, you will get a better perspective on what is concerning you.
The most important thing is that there is nothing wrong with you as a person, you may just be suffering from another disease: depression. Try doing things that you enjoy and treat yourself to something special. Please do not beat yourself up, because you feel off, as you can not always control depression by sheer willpower. The hardest part about depression is not that it makes you sad, but rather it removes your interest in your normal activities. Give if a few days and if you still feel the same, please consider talking to someone.
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With news on the economy, politics, etc. it's no wonder we're not all over the edge.
It's also a seasonal change (Summer to Fall). If you're more of a warmer weather person, there could be a melancholy feeling of the pending cooler weather, etc.
I'm kinda down as well. Work/economy things, then add a recent breakup of someone I'd seen a lot over the summer. A vicious stew, if you will.
I'm Good, though. I actually started therapy early September. Having someone professional to talk with helps quite a bit, as they're paid professionals to handle drama and the moods, LOL.
You're not alone in that "lost" feeling. Mine is more an adjustment and anxiety-driven issue, but it's undercontrol.
Hang in there!! - T
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Yikes,
Bummer, its no fun missing the party! You know, it is possible your invitation got lost, but that hardly helps.
There are so many reasons a person might feel lost. Using that expression (lost) rather than depressed or the blues makes me think you are overwhelmed at the moment.
If I may, I agree completely with Killfoile. Little snafu such as missing the party are not the real issue and it seems yours might be fairly critical -- you should seek some professional mental health assistance. At the very least, mere medication - certain antidepressants - can nip that lost feeling in the bud and the therapy can help you find your way.
Zoloft is amazing stuff. One time a few years ago I felt lost. (And it had nothing to do with HIV by the way). After several weeks of that feeling, one weekend I decided on Monday I would check myself into a hospital because I felt simply I didn't know what I was supposed to do. I didn't feel suicidal, just completely lost. On the Monday morning, it happened to be a sunny day, and I said, I would cold call some shrinks first. The second one I called actually answered, spoke to me for a few minutes, said it was critical I see her (or someone) and made an appointment the next day.
The next day she said that I was going through the motions well enough to not need a hospital and put me on Zoloft and started therapy.
In two days of Zoloft I had a rather pleasant feeling and in two weeks I didnt feel lost anymore. I could see all the stuff that was stressing me. Suddently it didn't overwhelm me to see this stuff and make priorities and deal with some and wait to deal with others, and for certain, just accept and move on.
The doc eventually told me that my lost feeling was only partially a *depression* -- more that I felt too much anxiety... which can lead to evasion, lost, and then depression afterall.
The message is, its perfectly human to feel what you are feeling and I for one, think professional mental health assistance could really help you. Anti-depressants PLUS therapy worked really fast in my case, maybe yours too.
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It s good you brought it up Texan38 because I often feel like that
and I think that when we are embarassed to write it down we
isolate ourselves and that makes it all the more lonely.
Accept this {{{{{cyberhug}}}}}}
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I can say that I have felt what you have described and if we are all honest I am sure that we have all been there from time to time. Nuts? No I don't think so, otherwise you are traveling in a very large group and in good company.
As difficult as it is for myself at times I believe that when I feel like this I need to do two things. One, allow myself the right of my own feelings and then secondly try to understand why I might be feeling this way.
I can certainly take an every day issue or error (like mail failure with my invitation in it) very personally when reality is that it was just a mistake. When I feel like you described I have a tendency to take on more than what is real.
Its OK to be human and have feelings and experience them. I find it difficult to stay there and allow these feelings to dictate too much of my time. Take care of yourself with some self TLC....I am sure you deserve it.
Create a shift in your experience next time and the feelings of lost or loneliness could be changed into something positive for yourself. Feelings like this pass....keep this in mind. It is not permanent. Take yourself out to dinner!
Be well and chin up. You are OK. Feel, live and shake it off and care for yourself. You are not nuts!
Jeff
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I want to "Thank You" all. Your replies mean a lot to me. Yesterday, (Saturday) I actually went out and drove to a place that's about an hour and a half away where there are woods, fresh air and the calming sound of a creek. I was overwhelmed with emotions, I just needed to go off somewhere to take some time for myself and have a chance to breathe and get my mind straight.
Betty, Ann, killfoile, hankgaguy, mecck, joemutt, hjefs....thank you. Your words, advise and caring feelings were felt and helped me realize I'm not a nut, I'm just human and there will be days when "sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't"...that jingle just popped into my head. :D
Thank you all again for helping me get my mind back on track. :-*