Our wonderful David (Miss P) has left us.

[Matty the Damned]

Miss P took his life on Sunday.

Sleep well, darling.

MtD

[Jody]

It is with a very heavy heart that I must inform you that our divine Miss P...David...has committed suicide this past Sunday.

Jeff, who is very brokenhearted over this news, just informed me and asked that I let all of you know on this great website.  David contributed so much to so many.  As you know he was smart and witty, a very clever and funny and terrific fellow.  We will all miss him.  Many of us last saw David in Memphis.  I got to do dinner with him one evening after the boat ride and we went to Graceland as well.

Jeff, who is just the most kindhearted southern gentlemen was in constant contact with David the past few weeks and tried desperately to help him to not make this tragic choice one cannot reverse.  He was about to contact the authorities in Philadelphia, David's adopted home, to intervene.  Alas to no avail as David apparently decided he was carrying too large a burden to go on.

We have lost many here, too numerous to mention...the latest being RAB (our darling Rocky) as well as Tim (Moffie), Ric, our beloved LLisa - sweetieweasel and other fine folks I just can't recall right now as I sadly have to inform you of this latest tragedy.  Phil just called and is broken up by the news.

Rest in peace David, thanks for your wisdom and friendship.  You were a true asset to these forums and all who got to know you.  You survived many years living with HIV and had much physical pain.  I cannot put myself in your shoes, your pain is gone, it is hard to make sense of this but we loved you man.

Jody

[Matty the Damned]

I have created a thread for him in the Memorial forum.

MtD
(Who is overwhelmed with grief)

[thunter34]

I somehow never thought about having to post in a thread like this for you.  You always exhibited so much life on here.  Hell, if there can be such a thing as a forums legend, then you certainly were one and will remain.

I treasure the brief hours in Memphis now more than ever.  You were a bright light, David.

I will miss you so.

[BT65]

David, my initial reaction was total denial and intense anger.  Now I just cry.  You were one of my first friends here, I will forever miss you.  RIP my sweet friend and comrade.

[Joe K]

I just can't do this anymore... words simply fail me.

Joe

[BT65]

My spirit is crushed, I just talked to David last week. So glad I was able to spend time with him in Memphis.  He touched many and I just can't believe I won't ever talk to him again. RIP David. I love you.

Betty

[eric48]

I had opened a thread in the off-Topic a while ago, out of concern, but he had replied somehow...

He once had mentionned several cases of suicide in his support group. We have lots of similar issues here,too

Same as matty, i am overwhelmed

Eric

[Wade]

I never had the pleasure of meeting David,
but always felt I knew him.
I don't think he realized how much of the forums he was and how
many he touched. I have missed his posts the past few months, and
Winter wont be the same without Miss Ps weather reports ...
Wade

[RobbyR]

So sorry to hear this. I didn't know him at all just interacted with him here some he'd always have good advice. Condolences to those who knew him.

[zach]

i've stared at nothing for an hour now, with no words

david, you are loved, and you are greatly missed

[Ptrk3]

I am shocked and deeply saddened to hear this news.  I'm relatively new to the forum, but always felt of David as a kindred spirit and always looked forward to reading his insightful, endearing, reflective, and witty forum entries.

May he now enjoy the peace that passes all understanding.

My thoughts are with all who share the burden of his irretrievable loss.

[aztecan]

I will always remember him standing with me at the top of the Pyramid of the Sun at Teotihuacan.

When I saw him in Memphis, I had no clue.

Safe journey to the Summerland, dear friend.

Save a spot in the sun for me.

Mark

[initforlife]

I'm so lost here to hear this.  my heart is broken. Please one life taken over this virus is one to many.  Please if anyone reads this and needs to talk please pm or if you need to vent please come to us here and  talk. I love you all and will be here for who needs me.  David you were a kind soul. it was a honor to meet you in Memphis and you will be missed Greatly Rip my dear friend!

[Dachshund]

Just one of a kind. So glad that I briefly got to meet him in Memphis. Tim is right, Miss P is legend.

[wolfter]

Accurate words escape me while I try to wrap my head around this horrific news.  So saddened.  RIP David

[Rev. Moon]

I just saw this on Facebook and I am in shock. This just can't be. I will miss him and love him forever. I can't, I just can't. RIP, David. You are and forever will be one of a kind.

[bocker3]

This news seems too surreal. 
I've interacted with David from my first days on here.  Sometimes we bickered, sometimes we snickered and commiserated. 
David - I am so very glad that I got to meet you in person in Memphis this summer.  I will miss you and your weather maps terribly every time a storm approaches.  At least you are now released from the pain that drove you to this.  As others have said, you are and will always be a legend on this forum.
Until we meet again -- rest well, my dear Miss P.   

Mike

[Jeff G]

Just so you know … Im going to live the best life I can live and i will do the best I can do because life is fucking precious and we owe it to the ones who have fallen.

Be kind and be loving … it wont cost you a fucking thing but it just might make the day a little more bearable for those who suffer in silence.

[leatherman]

this is the most shocking, distressing, sad news. While the world is a more diminished place without him here anymore, these forums are all the better for the time he was here with us.

Goodbye, David. 

[Almost2late]

RIP ... So sorry

[tednlou2]

I just can't believe this awful news.  With all the things he has dealt with, he always seems to just push forward.  I admired his intelligence and how he could remember just about everything... many things about our health and issues.  I remember joking with him and asking whether he kept note cards. 

I have been wondering why he's been absent from the forums.  I thought maybe he just had other things going on.  While I could be annoyed with him at times, I missed his knowledge and wit.  It seems obvious now it was so much more.  He had just come up on FB Friday, as someone I may know.  I had just sent him a friend request, thinking I should get to know him better-- more than just our interactions here.

[komnaes]

I am not the praying type, and I am sure you were not Miss P. But I am 'praying' tonight, hoping if there is one in a trillion chance that there's a spirit left of us when we depart, and you will hear me citing this Buddhist mantra for you:

"Don’t worry about anything. Even if you find your attention wandering, there is no particular ‘thing’ you have to hold onto. Just let go, and drift in the awareness of the blessing."

We know you were suffering and in angst of this disease; and less than two weeks ago, the last time you replied to me, you said it had destroyed your body less than two weeks ago, and even a cure was to be discovered now it wouldn't help you.

Now that you had taken things in your own hands, we have to understand. I just keep hoping again and again since I heard the news that you didn't feel much pain at the moment that you left this body so tortured by this god forsaken virus behind.

Many of us have loved you as a comrade, a soulmate, a brother, .. and I will miss you like one for the rest of my life.

[Matty the Damned]

Such eloquence from all of you, brothers and sisters. You do David proud.

I'm not quite there yet. But I do have a pictar with which I think our beloved Miss P. would identify.

MtD

[Andy Velez]

...Having to accept the unacceptable...  Possessed of a wickedly sharp sense of humor and no less a capacity for instantly available kindness, a true appreciator of life, Miss P/David leaves an enormous void.  Won't forget he passed this way. 

Words fail me because I don't want it to be true.

Hold hands and stand together, mates.  Until we meet again , David.

[Dachshund]

I hope they send David off in his favorite Alexander McQueen. You were fierce forever my friend.

[weasel]

      It was such a pleasure to meet David in Memphis this summer .
 
      I found him to be warm  and friendly , We've know each other from the forums and facebook for years . When I needed an answer with out unnessary babble I went to David .

      He smiled when I told him he was a hunk . 

     It's a morning I wish I could call my Mother , the only person that truley
 listened to my words . 

    I am so very sad ,  Knowing so many were in constant contact with David
 makes me feel better .    have no daubt David knew he was loved by many .

    Crying my eye balls out ,   I KNOW David will be in the great afterworld .

          R.I.P. my dear David

                                                         Carl   

[WillyWump]

Just utterly overwhelmed at this... No words at the moment

[Peter Staley]

Devastating news. We lose far too many this way. David was a real mentch. So glad I got the chance to meet him in Philly back in 2008. He took me to one of his favorite local diners for lunch. Wish I had that picture from his camera that day.

[hope_for_a_cure]

God rest your soul David.  I wish there was something I could have done.  We never know what others are truly dealing with.

[mitch777]

I cried last night with a heavy heart. I will miss him dearly.

That is all I can say right now. 

[Tonny2]

       ojo       OMG!!!....what was wrong with him?...last I knew, he told me he was trying the sensor thing for his pain...REST IN  PEACE buddy                         -j-

[phildinftlaudy]

Not sure what to say. It just keeps becoming more and more real.... And the more real it becomes, the more painful it is....

David was one of the first people I talked to when my dad got ill and passed, when my brother got ill and passed, and when my mother took ill. He was that person I always called when I wanted to hear an empathetic voice. He was that voice of reason. He listened - not always without judgement - but the important thing was "he listened."

I thought about calling him last week. I wanted to share with him the news about my new fiance from the Dominican Republic. I knew he would have some jabs to make. He would have some abrasive words. Some words of concern. Some joking and sly remarks. But, more importantly, he would show interest, concern, and love.

As disguised as he might have tried to have kept it, David was about concern and love. He engaged people whether with wit, attitude, or intelligence out of a genuine concern and love for his fellow man (and women).

Always the storyteller...
The experienced traveler....
The seasoned veteran...

And, yes a legend to these forums...

David - continue telling your stories, continue your travels - you will remain a legend... and a friend to me.

You are and will continue to be missed - but, I'm still counting on you to be only a phone call away.

-Phil

[Jmarksto]

...with tears, my heart breaks for David, my heart breaks for all of you, and my heart breaks for his family.  May the warm memories bring some comfort...

[Rev. Moon]

I woke up this morning alone in a hotel room. In that haze that clouds the mind after six hours of unconsciousness I thought for a moment that I had just had a most awful nightmare. And then it hit me. It was real and there was no going back.

In between conferences and meetings I kept thinking of the one person who has had the greatest influence in my life as a seropositive individual.

It was the little things about life that made us pozzie sisters. We shared an excessive passion for late eighties and early nineties house music. We could spend hours going back and forth on who, between Tenaglia or Vasquez, was the greatest DJ/remixer. He always corrected me for misspelling Junior's last name as "Vazquez".

We loved fashion, and no one knew the labels, designers, and styles better than he did.  We loved ethnic food, exotic places, and beautiful men (especially Dominicans and Brazilians). We shared a passion for independent artsy-fartsy films and everything that Terrence Malick directed. We could go on about how beautiful and under-rated The New World was, even if it wasn't historically accurate.

We were both fascinated and could quote lines by memory from 'Paris is Burning'. I was Angie and he was Venus, sisters from the House of Xtravaganza. He always had history lessons for me about the fabulous world that was gay, Black, and Latino NYC in the late 80s.

Last, even though we were removed by circumstances from the city, we shared a tremendous love for the beauty in its madness. He was Brooklyn and I was Queens. And we both appreciated and defended the trashiest, campiest, and silliest aspects of what makes that overwhelming urban space a place where gay men feel truly at home.

A couple of years ago we talked about doing a weekend in the city and hanging out with Queen Michelle. Now they're both gone. Now all I have is the feeling that maybe we should have made actual plans instead of just talking about it.

I'm sorry about this lengthy post. I need to exorcise this sadness in some way. We have experienced so much loss in the past few years. I wish everyone strength and I send every person in this forum my love, especially those whose life was made better by David's often witty, some times snarky, but always very loving presence.

He will always be loved. He will never be forgotten.

[Jeff G]

Here is a link to Davids Memorial Service .


http://www.loudounfuneralchapel.com/obituaries/David-Sowards-2/

[weasel]

    Thank you Jeff

[Grasshopper]

Such sad news to read.
My sincere condolences to all who knew and were friends with David.

[Lou-ah-vull]

Like many of you, but especially our dear group that met in Memphis this August, I am simply shocked and saddened to hear this news.  I had the blessing to get to know David at the Mexico City AMG and then on these forums afterward.  This year when he came to Memphis I had the rare opportunity to take a private walk with him and have a very spiritual conversation.  David asked most of the questions and guided most of the discussion.  I had the distinct impression while the conversation was going on that I was to remember how he had revealed himself to me in those moments. 

I have come to learn in my work that many people become so burdened with the pain--physical, emotional, mental, spiritual--that they just want it to stop.  David did not harbor the impression that his death would render him forgotten.  He knew there would be those of us that would remember and would come to emphasize his loving soul and his courageous struggle with this insidious disease.  I have watched over the years as he reached out to help some of the most marginalized and most troubled on here and offered encouragement.  I certainly also saw much of his biting satirical wit but never let myself be troubled by it.  This really was a loving soul. 

The best thing we can do is remember him and continue our work to help others who cross our paths and are in need of empathy, friendship, encouragement and support.  This is the great work that this forum offers.  As I am fond of quoting from Angels in America when I lead the AMG Memorial Service.... "the great work continues."

Rest peacefully David.  You will always be fondly remembered.
Gary

[smapdi]

Hello everyone,

I wanted to send my sincerest condolences on the loss of David. 

He was also an avid Apple device devotee and found forums for like-minded souls, and that is how I and a large group of Macintosh users knew him.  The way you describe Miss Philicia (we knew him as bedstuy, or beddie as we affectionately called him) is true to our experiences with him.  I thought I would share some of the wonderful ways he delighted us with his presence.

Often he would share his stories of New York days, his love of Dominicans, and of course how there was no county superior than Loudoun County.  It didn't matter that he lived in Philadelphia.  He was a staunch Loudoun supporter.  If a piece of technology failed, it was deemed a LEMON.

Oh did you get a new chair? Is it an Eames? Oh then forget it.  He played himself as a label whore but not in a gross Paris Hilton kind of way, but more of a "educate you plebes about the finer things in life" kind of way.

We created some playlists called Smaplers, and each one had a theme.  The first Smapler theme was Songs That Go To 11.  He submitted Loleatta Holloway's Greatest Performance of My Life.  On topic, fitting, and true bedstuy.

He would antagonize the closed-minded by changing his avatar to something fetish based. Truly hilarious. 

He thought I was too good for my husband, and told me so - not maliciously but more like in a sinister with a smile kind of way. The two of them (and others) would have these great back and forth conversations about anything.... politics, Dyson vacuum cleaners, and the proper ingredients for a greek tomato salad. 

Once I met up with him while traveling for work and we had dinner together.  It was May 12, 2011, we went to the Oyster House.  We were of course fabulous. I took a selfie of us with what was probably my old BlackBerry and my husband is currently trying to find it.  During those years I organized an annual holiday gift exchange.  It was a tight knit community.  We watched people grow up, and grow out of the forums. For a while we exchanged holiday cards.  Then the forum we shared had to close, and I didn't see him often at our splinter forum.  He last posted in June of this year. I joined twitter and followed him there, where he more frequently posted his vivid photographs.  I, like others, patiently awaited for him to write his inevitable biography, Legendary Behaviour.

I knew he had an alter ego over here since many of his photos posted on our forum shared space with photos posted over here.  I did not let on that I knew, but I was glad that he was so active and supportive to so many people.  It's wonderful that so many of you got to spend time with him online and in person.

It's not easy, losing a friend from the internet.  You can't explain it to your family or friends, so where does that sadness go?  I wish it had a place; I wish a lot of things. My intention in posting was to give you a glimpse into another slice of his life, and let you know that he was a joy, but you probably knew that already.  I hope he's looking down on me, judging me on how gauche it is to register over here for this.  That would make me smile.

[wolfter]

Thanks Gary.  You always make me cry and I appreciate it.  Once again, your words are so precise and heartfelt. 

[RobbyR]

I didn't know him but after I heard the news went to his Facebook & he seemed like a really vibrant, stylish, fun guy! Loved his photos, he was obviously very full of life, fun, & I totally loved his sense of style from what I saw. And quite handsome. So sorry for his family & friends that are missing him. Hope he is at peace now. I am sorry he felt there was no other way out. Thinking of all of you who knew him & again my condolences. Xoxo

[britchick]

I'm just reading this very sad news now.I can't quite believe it
Miss P you will be missed so much.
You were one of a kind and thank you for being you.Thank you for all your posts....your humour,your  photos ,your winter weather reports and for all the people that you supported and helped here on poz.

britchickxxx

[OneTampa]

My heart is broken with the news that David has left us.

I told David several years ago that he reminded me so much of my cousin who passed over 15 years ago.  I felt a spiritual connection.

Other Board Members have listed superlatives to describe David all of which I agree.

Condolences to all families (biological and friends) of the one and only David (Miss P.)

I am crying now....no more words.... 

[Ptrk3]

I've spent several hours over the past few days scrolling through David's 400-plus pages of forum entries to get full measure of his loss.  Though I did not have the good fortune to meet him in person, in perusing his entries, I developed a better sense of his wit and style:  urbane, elevated, lewd, charming, and never, ever boring.  He was a fully "realized" human being, a wise soul.  His entries read like "found" literature.

Still, I remain deeply shaken by his loss.  He is the first forum member I became familiar with who has passed on.  I know deep depression and know what it feels like to want to die, even before my HIV diagnosis.  It is painful for me to think of the depression David must have been in over the past few months, as he stopped contributing to the forum.

I also notice that his last "activity" on the forum (when he last logged on) was October 31, in the afternoon, so part of his last day was spent here among people with whom he felt comfortable.  How I wish we all could have known and reached out to him; "thank you" to those on this forum who knew more and did try to reach out.  Depression, though, can be a relentless demon:  death can seem the only way out. Nothing or no one can help.

But I do find some comfort in reading David's many entries, a true legacy to this forum.  His vibrant spirit will continue to live on through these entries and touch "oldsters" and "newbies" alike. David leaves us all a living legacy, so I do suggest that people take some time to look through his many entries as a way to help keep him alive and close to us all.

Lastly, though I do understand that people come and go to this forum, I do feel some concern when people who contribute frequently suddenly stop contributing.
I worry about them.  There are several I could name here but I don't want to raise unnecessary alarm; sometimes, people may just need to take a break.  Sometimes, they get sick. Some come back after an absence, and some seem to disappear.

But please, if you ever feel depressed, don't lose contact with this "virtual" family, this forum.  Reach out to people.  Feel free to "pm" those you with whom you may feel more comfortable.

As Peter Staley noted (and thank you, sir, for your hand in creating this forum and all your work over these many years to get us the drugs that keep us alive), far too many of us are lost through suicide.  In David's memory, let's renew our determination to live our lives fully and in so doing, let David live through us.

Rest in peace, Divine Miss P.

[WillyWump]

Letter to David,

When I got the call about your passing it was surreal, didn't even sink in for about 10 minutes. I kept thinking in what ways this could be a joke...but I had to eventually give in to the reality that you were gone. When an acquaintance dies it hurts but you can shake it off and post a "RIP, he will be missed" but this is not that situation. Your death hurts deep like the death of a family member, it's shocking, its haunting and its deeply hurtful.

So I cut ties with you totally in July, we both know why...and I know you understand my decision. But really you were on my mind alot during the past few months, and I almost texted you a pic a couple times...once when I had a fly stuck in my "very authentic" enchilada at your fave place El Maracumbe, and another when I had an especially bad case of diarrhea. Really there were countless moments/situations I know you would have got a kick out of, but I had to laugh at them alone. I always thought there would come a time when we would re establish communication (I should have been a better friend to you)...but It never came, and now it never will. So I will go on laughing alone, but thinking of you when I come across the crazy stuff we enjoyed.

Things I will miss...

-your detailed weather maps.
-Your FIERCE fashion pic selfies.
-The way you would hang up on me mid call.
-Your Instagram photos of Philly architecture (they were really good)
-Your 4:15 am txt pics of your toilet with a caption of "MORNIN!",
-Our heated debates over whose church was better (surely now you realize its Methodist),
-our heated debates over politics,over mexican cuisine, whose alma matter was superior... and many many more. You were a worthy sparring partner and a one of a kind friend. For the rest of my life whenever I see a press coffee maker I will think of you.

Although I simply cant do it now, one of these days I will go back over out texts so I can relive the wonderful craziness.

You pissed a lot of people off and had your enemies. But when someone was worthy of your friendship you really didnt disappoint. You were a great friend, and you were a caring friend. I am fortunate to have had you as my friend. You were one of my biggest sources of support when my mom died and I thank you for that.

I could go on and  post pages of memories and what not,  but I wont. I will save them for myself and perhaps share the really awesome ones here on the forums in the years to come.

David I wished you hadnt done this, I wished you were still here. But I wasnt in your body and at least you are out of pain now. Say hi to my mom for me.

Love you and miss you terribly,
Guilermina

Ps- you really hurt me with this one you bitch.

[karry]

Very sad. I will miss his wit and advice a lot.
Rest in peace, Miss P.
Karry

[Jody]

I was wondering if anyone would contact Mini and mom
..I know they would want to know...I didn't want to just send a PM.

[Jeff G]

I was wondering if anyone would contact Mini and mom
..I know they would want to know...I didn't want to just send a PM.

I sent her a PM … I could not find her number so I sent her mine and asked her to call me .

[smapdi]

Everyone, there have been some great photos posted on his tribute site.

[Basquo]

I just sent Mum an email. She'll see it when she has time to herself. I didn't want to catch her in the middle of being the awesome mom she is.

[skeebo1969]

  I still can't believe it.  My heart hangs heavy for all of you who had the privilege of David's friendship.

[wolfter]

Willy, I read this morning and thought about it all day.  I appreciate your sincerity

[CallMeSid]

I'm very shocked and very sad to hear this news.

Miss P was a character and she was generous with her knowledge and insight here in the forums.

I was always impressed with her ability to persevere and muddle through life's difficulties.  I admired her for that.

Rest in Peace, Miss P

[Buckmark]

It has taken me a while to post about Miss P, because I am so damn angry about it all.  For as much as he liked to be controversial and stir the pot in public, he was very kind and caring one-on-one, and he reached out to and helped many people.  I think that seeming duality was just his nature.  I hate that he was suffering so much, and didn't / wouldn't / couldn't reach out for help, and felt he had no help or hope.  This place, this world, just won't be the same without him.

Henry

[BT65]

Henry, I'm glad you posted that.  Anger was my first reaction.  Jeff texted me as soon as he got the news and I thought someone was playing a cruel joke.  Looking at his obituary is finality.

I went back on my phone to texts from January and every time I was sick or had broken a bone, David had texted me.  Every single time. 

It doesn't matter what I wish would have happened.  We just have to muddle through.  But I'm still pretty pissed.

Betty

[ImisstheOldTimes]

Well I'm an avid contributor to a few of the Off Topic Forum threads, and sadly, I just saw the picture of Ms. P on Willy's Wuppette's thread saying he had passed, and I thought, surely I'm reading that wrong, let me look at the In Memoriam forum, and there it was right on top...so being the nosey person I am, I read all the prior post and continue to cry.  I believe he is the first forum member I had associated with at times in different threads, when I first joined.  I remember his avatar being "Brittany Murphy" like busty woman, and I thought, why she's brave to capture that...(that was before I found out the David was a guy).  He offered condolences to me when my dad passed....just a kind hearted person.

I still remember the days I took to fully ready the Wumpette nutrition thread just to see the humor and competitiveness in it.  Several of us joked about Willy and Ms. P, finding each other in the end and grow old together, the Golden Girls!

I will miss reading about your being "mere blocks" from anything over the top or fabulous! And even though I never met you in person, I still feel (felt) close to many of the members on here.  For all of you who continue to grieve, may your spirits find peace, and encouragement in the memories you have!

Much love to all,
Heidi

[Lou-ah-vull]

I have reflected more and read your eloquent posts.  I have used these "quotes" in our Memorial service at numerous AMGs and they seem very relevant here.  They don't answer our questions (how can they answer them?) but they offer an empowering suggestion:  "we can love those we don't understand even without complete understanding" and "we can still reach out to those who have gone before us even though we are haunted by their memory."  I hope this helps.

“Each one of us here today will at one time in our lives look upon a loved one who is in need and ask the same question: We are willing to help, Lord, but what, if anything, is needed? For it is true we can seldom help those closest to us. Either we don't know what part of ourselves to give or, more often than not, the part we have to give is not wanted. And even more often, we do not have the part that is needed.  And so it is those we live with and should know who elude us. But we can still love them - we can love completely without complete understanding.”
― Norman Maclean, A River Runs Through It and Other Stories

It is those with live with and love and should know who elude us. 
Now nearly all those I loved and did not understand when I was young are dead, but I still reach out to them.
“Like many fly fishermen in western Montana where the summer days are almost Arctic in length, I often do not start fishing until the cool of the evening. Then in the Arctic half-light of the canyon, all existence fades to a being with my soul and memories and the sounds of the Big Blackfoot River and a four-count rhythm and the hope that a fish will rise.
Eventually, all things merge into one, and a river runs through it. The river was cut by the world's great flood and runs over rocks from the basement of time. On some of those rocks are timeless raindrops. Under the rocks are the words, and some of the words are theirs.
I am haunted by waters.”
― Norman Maclean, A River Runs Through It

[Theyer]

Oh David.
I hope it all makes sense now
Snot & Tears
M

[Hellraiser]

I haven't been able to bring myself to log in and deal with this most recent loss to our tribe.  David was one of the first people I communicated with here and he held my hand through many PM's as well as open thread.  I hope wherever his spirit is now he's found solace.

-Trey

[wolfter]

I'm ever so sure many of have him embedded into their consciousness since we heard the news.

[Theyer]

Today has been a day when I could not think off much else than David , I know I am not the only one who is still grieving .
Snot & tears
Snot & tears
M

[BT65]

Michael, I have him on my mind a lot.  Along with a few other people who are no longer here. It seems like one more death brings up all the other deaths.  At least for me. 

I feel the same way you do Michael.  Love you.
Betty

[Joe K]

It has taken me this long to even consider a reply to this news.  A part of me wants to scream at David on how suicide is the most selfish act in the world.  How could he do that to all of us who cared for him?  Then I thought...

How horrid must the world have seemed to him?... so horrid that he took his own life.  Having lived my life with mental illness, I already knew the answer.  I have walked very close to the line that David chose to cross and I can empathize with the absolute despair and the need to simply make the pain stop.

David, I am so sorry that the darkness overcame you and while I respect your decision as being yours alone, I mourn the result of that decision.

For years, you were the bell-weather of this forum.  Just seeing a post from "Miss P." meant that all was right with the world, at least for that day.  You are possibly the most unique man, that I never got the pleasure of meeting in person.  I'm very angry with you and soon I will forgive myself for that anger... as you did nothing wrong.

Yet another loss of a piece of my heart.

Joe

[pozniceguy]

 . we all make  choices  and  trying to understand the choices  other make   can be a very difficult task...David always seemed to  cherish life had  future plans  and seemed to enjoy  being himself . the few times I met him were  memorable.. and fun to be   there... what a terrible loss to  all ..his  family here  and those who  called him son /brother  and friend in the rest of  the world

RIP  David   we will truly miss you

Nick

[Growler]

Goodbi Sorry Miss P.
G

[Jeff G]

Jane Sowards, Davids mom asked me to share a letter she sent to me. David bought Christmas cards and asked his mother to send them this year for him . I got his card yesterday and in the card I found this heartfelt letter that she asked me to share.


With heavy hearts we send Christmas blessings. On November 1 our son David passed away at the age of 50. He could no longer enjoy his jaunts around historic Philadelphia and only left his apartment to do things he needed to do. On November 14 we celebrated his life at services here in Leesburg with a reception following for his family and friends.
Beautiful flowers in shades of burgundy, sapphire blue, gold, salmon and green highlighted with rosemary and wheat and cinnamon sticks ( to celebrate his love of cooking and food } designed by a high school classmate graced the chapel along with other arrangements of flowers and plants. Friends of David, called and wrote from France, Sweden and Germany, California, New Mexico, New York and Pensilvania and Maryland as well as Virginia. Alan and Traci had family and friends from our local area as well as from out of town and our support group has grown larger with each passing day. Davids friends gathered at our house to talk about the good times and the bad times, to laugh and cry together. We found comfort in getting to know his friends who we had not met before.
Somone shared this quote and its so true “ Grief never ends… but it changes . It’s a passage not a place to stay. Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor lack a faith… it is the price of love. “ ( Arthur unknown } We know even in Davids death that he made an impact on the lives of others world wide through his participation in an online forum where he gave help and counsel to others. We know his is in a better place and free of pain and we will see him again. As we clean out his apartment in Philadelphia we are surrounded by Davids friends who are there to offer help and support. We could ask for anything more.

[Jmarksto]

Thank you Jeff.

[heartforyou]

May he rest in peace, relieved from his earthen burdens.

[OneTampa]

Thank you Jeff.

OT

[BT65]

Yes, thanks Jeff for sharing that letter with us.  I'm glad she sent you one.  I can't imagine having to sort through your own child's things, it has to be heartbreaking. 

Betty

[wolfter]

every time I attempt to type and speak of MissP, I usually erase it.  David and I had so much in common.  When someone posted a pic of him playing trombone, I stared in awe.  I played this same damn brass instrument while faking the 8th scale. 

David and I had our mutual respect.  And I always believed his knowledge.  He was one of the smartest people I knew.

[initforlife]

Thanks Jeff for sharing..  I sure didn't know how to respond at first either. I only knew David a short while from this board and met him briefly in Memphis. but I know he was a kind soul. and every winter when the weather was bad and we were all stuck inside and on the board we could count on him and others to give us a good laugh.  there is no replacing people like him  . Forever in my heart !

[tednlou2]

Yes, thanks for sharing this.

Now that time has passed, can we discuss what was going on-- especially from those who had more access to him?  When lifespan issues would come up, David would always say why would you want to live to 80 or 90, if you had many health issues.  So, I figured David may be someone who takes his life-- when that time came.  I did not realize he was already there.

In the forums, he would joke about his foot issues.  He would discuss it seriously.  But, I had no idea the toll it was taking on him.  Was he discussing this with you LTS members, more so than in the other forums?  Or, privately?  Was I just oblivious?  It really makes me wonder, in case there are ever signs with other member friends, friends or family.

When he disappeared from the forums, I figured he was upset over forum politics or just had better things to do with his time.  It never occurred to me he was suicidal. 
Well, not until we asked about him and he responded right away.  I don't know what it was, but that set off an alarm for me.  I don't know why.  It seemed like someone having a very rough time and wanting to hear people still cared about him.  He had not replied to other threads, but responded right away he was still here.  I could be totally wrong about that theory, but that did make me begin to wonder about him.  That's when I sent him a friend request on Facebook-- just a day or two before he took his life.

Did he suffer in how he committed suicide?  That has really been on my mind.  I hope it was quick and he did not suffer.  That really bothers me, thinking he may have left the world suffering more than he already was.  For those who knew him so much better, I can only imagine how you're dealing.  I had many interactions here, some PM's about how he said he found my nude pics and how he was impressed (I still think he found someone else's junk pics) lol, but we never had phone or text messages.  But, I think about him so often.  At special occasions, we go around and toast someone having a rough time or who died.  David was one of mine, besides a friend who also died.  I guess 7 years of us both being on here just about everyday makes you grow fond of members-- even with ones who can make your bp rise on occasion. 

I guess I'm just wondering whether he was so determined, that no one or nothing was going to change it.  Or, whether this was done in deep depression that maybe he would have not done this if not for depression.  Or, the pain was just so much and clinical depression wasn't really the issue.  I suppose clear-headed people can commit suicide, when they see their quality of life is not what they want and they cannot do the things they love to do.  I guess one doesn't have to be in deep depression to make that decision.  It is just confusing because he went to Memphis.  He was not held up in his apt and he traveled.  Did he seem depressed?  In lots of pain?  Did he put on a show all was well?  Was that his goodbye?

Edited for spelling

[Jeff G]

There is many things about the loss of David that are still too raw for me to discuss or go into in a memorial thread. I am more interested in sharing the positive things he added to the forum and remembering how courageously he lived his life than dwelling on how he died.

David was not mentally ill and he didn’t just quit on life, he was a courageous man who was in tremendous pain and has now found peace never to feel pain again.

[BT65]

I feel the same way Jeff does. I'm not ready to talk about all the dynamics that went into his death.  I don't feel it's essential right now.  David had been a close friend ever since I joined the forums.  I'm happy he is not suffering any longer but of course, like everyone else, will miss him.  But he did life his own way, and he did death his own way and I respect that.

Good call, Jeff.
Betty

[tednlou2]

I figured it would be still too raw for many.  I completely understand that, while also believing suicide is not discussed enough.  And, I suppose maybe there is not much to discuss, except he was in great pain.  Perhaps the only time it is beneficial to discuss is when someone had depression and something could be learned on what to look for and when to intervene, in case they ever see the signs in others they know. 

But, again, I completely understand it being too raw.  Two months is still like yesterday, I know.  And, again, maybe there isn't really anything to learn from this, as far as watching for signs in others.  Severe pain that can't be treated is different from depression, which can often be helped-- to some degree.

I just wanted to clear up that my question about how he died was something I think many always worry about-- that the person they knew did not suffer.  It was not in any way to get every detail or even any details, except to hear he did not suffer.  I think most know that's how I meant that, but wanted to clarify in case. 

[Jeff G]

It’s OK Ted, I always encourage people to talk about anything they want to discuss so if you don’t mind me making a suggestion I will ask if maybe we want to discuss suicide we should start another thread about it. I know I would reply in a thread like that.

[GSOgymrat]

I've not visited the forums as frequently and just read David died. It's just very sad. The forum has felt more empty lately and now I know why.

[tryingtostay]

I felt very comfortable talking with Miss P/David.  I just learned about this today.  It put a big hole in my heart when I heard.  I am glad I had to chance to converse with him on here. 

So sorry 

[joemutt]

Very saddened to learn of the passing of this fabulous man.

[mikejh]

I spoke to David a few days before, he was sad but ok. Tried to call him the next day but no answer. Have not been on this forum since his tragic death, could not read the various forums without looking for his comments. He and his posts will forever be missed.

[OneTampa]

Now 3 Years....



OT

[Ptrk3]

May he continue to rest in peace and may eternal light shine always upon him.