POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => Positive Women => Topic started by: sexyzpiee on May 13, 2008, 11:41:05 pm
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I meet this guy back in December, and we started off talking on the phone, we talked 4 about 3 months before we ever went on a date.(my choice). I decided 2 tell him that I was positive before we ever meet, so he already knew ahead of time, I thought that would give him time 2 decided if he wanted 2 continue with the friendship. OK, here's where the problem occurs. This is May and its been 5 months, the conversation is great the chemistry is terrific. So know we are becoming sexual, first kissing, then it progresses 2 touching. Granted we talked about this ahead of time, his comments were " That doesn't change the way I feel about u". Why during the whole sex act he was feeling 4 the condom 2 make sure it was on ???. what a turn off. Have I seen him since NO>>> I GIVE UP!!!
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Oh man! What a jerk! I am so sorry that happened. I can't even imagine what I would have done in that situation. If he is like that, you are better off without him anyway! You wouldn't want that to happen every time.
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Maybe it's just me but maybe the guy was nervous. Even though he said it wouldn't change the way he feels about you, he just wanted to make sure. How would you have felt if he was putting his back all in it(sex) and then noticed the condom came off? I think old boy deserves a conversation at least but that's just me. If you'd rather walk away from a guy that you vibe with without trying to understand why he was doing what he was then that is your choice. Just saying....Give a brother a chance to explain at least. :-\
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This would make me upset. It is very much a reminder you don't need at that moment. You can think of it from his side, but listen to how you feel.
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This would make me upset. It is very much a reminder you don't need at that moment. You can think of it from his side, but listen to how you feel.
I guess it's just me then because I have come across so many men who don't even consider wearing a condom. I think it is refreshing that he cares enough to be cautious.
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sorry, I think that guy was completly normal. It takes time to become used and more relaxed about having sex with a poz. Even if we know it's virtually harmless in our minds (and not everyone does mind you), psychologically its a big barrier. Back when i started having sex with my fiance he or I would be checking the condom every few minutes, it gave us a sense of security. One time the condom dropped, that was actually in our first time, and it's not a nice feeling to call the doctors, worry etc. Nowadays we hardly ever check it, so give it time and I am sure with time things will slide into the comfort zone, so to speak ;). Besides which, I don't know about you but sex was always pretty awkward in the beginning even when I was neg. Besides which #2, he should be checking the condom even if you were of unknown status to avoid getting you pregnant or with another STD. OK maybe not that often ;D. So hopefully you guys can put the condom incidence behind you, I don't know how long you stopped being in touch but hopefully you can still build something beautiful.
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i totally agree with Drag, he's just nervous. give him a bit of time, hopefully he'll soon adjust mentally and relax.
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Sexy, I call it with Queen and Drag. Think if it was the other way around (you were neg, he was poz). I think what he did was a perfectly natural reaction. It's easy for me to feel comfortable having protected sex with someone else without being nervous, but if I was the negative one, I'm sure I wouldn't be so relaxed.
You might want to give him the benefit of the doubt. He did take things to the next level with you at least. Some guys won't even do that. If you guys really get along well, I wouldn't write him off. Just give him time.
For the record, since I tested poz, only one guy has wanted to use a condom; and yes, I've informed all my sex partners about me being poz.
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Maybe it was soooo good to him that he thought it came off..... ;D
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The fact that he did not run away from you or did not stay away from sex completely shows he has a thing for you somehow. If he is negative he is bound to be nervous especially if you are his first encounter who is poz. I have realised its us the poz who are well informed about the transmition and hiv things but the outside world doesn't know that much. Think he needs encouragement and assurance that the condom wont break. If it was the other way round for me I would definitely be checking the condom. Its not that he is looking down upon you. i think he has gone a long way to take that action. Give him a chance please, my thoughts
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Wait, ladies, and thank u for ur encouraging responses, but it's not me that's running he stopped talking 2 me. I have tried 2 talk 2 him and Educate this man, but right now he is running. He said that we are like fire together, and he cant resist me when we are 2gether. maybe I got carried away, it had been 7 years for me and I admit I tried 2 kill the man, :o but damn don't stop talking 2 me just say girl u took me 2 far. And he feels like the condom is not going 2 protect him fully, I don't know what else 2 say or do?
Very funny Wishful!!!!!! If it was that good where is he???
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Ah, well glad you made things a bit clearer. Maybe he is just scared, I dunno. How long has it been since he has talked to you? If it hasn't been that long, give him a bit of time, maybe he is trying to process it all. If you feel you have waited long enough then all you can say is that you tried.
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Ok, Queen it has been a month now, how much time are we talking here. A month is long enough for me get the message, if I'm wrong enlighten me, I'm new 2 this dating game of poz verses neg. Hell I'm just getting back into the dating game since i was diagnosed which was 5 years ago. HEELLLPPP!!!! :-[
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Sexy, if it has been a month since he's communicated, then I would say he tucked tail and ran. I've been with a couple negative men, but they weren't concerned about becoming infected, to the point where they wouldn't wear condoms (but they were idiots anyway).
I would say you're a lot better off than had it gone on further. Some people just can't handle it. I'm sorry you had to go through this, but trust, it's nothing new. You'll be alright, really.
Luv,
Betty
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Ok, Queen it has been a month now, how much time are we talking here. A month is long enough for me get the message, if I'm wrong enlighten me, I'm new 2 this dating game of poz verses neg. Hell I'm just getting back into the dating game since i was diagnosed which was 5 years ago. HEELLLPPP!!!! :-[
LOL@Sexy....A month, well, I honestly would have written him off too. I was just asking, gf. And I am definitely the wrong one to enlighten you, my ass is single(well technically married but has been separated for about 7 years) and haven't had any ass since December, ok. I wish I could be lucky enough to find a man who would accept my poz status. So, it's a b.o.b. for me though nothing beats a good hard one...*snickers* But then I look at friends who seem to have such messed up relationships and thinks at times I am lucky to have my b.o.b. because he doesn't get his nut off and leaves me hanging, no nagging, and I can get mine and roll over. :D
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Say That Queen, I have 3 myself ;D. And I agree, just thought I would give the dating scene another try. 2 hell with it, stick a fork in me, I'm done !!!!! Thanks girl ;)
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I've got one also. Watching a little porn doesn't hurt either.
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Sexy: dont worry too much about it..well try not to anyways..another one will come along...trust n believe..
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I guess it's just me then because I have come across so many men who don't even consider wearing a condom. I think it is refreshing that he cares enough to be cautious.
I agree with Queen and Drag, Give him some time to relax and adjust,It could work out in your favor.I see your side of it as well,i have been there along with all of the other women on here. Most men I meet dont care!! you found one who does that speaks volumes about his character.
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I would have to agree with Queen. There are two ways to look at this. First, he is concerned not only for himself but for you as well. I respect each one of the men I have been with who take the time to put on a condom and make sure it stays on. Second, he freaked out. That will go away with time and education.
Reason why I know was because of my horror date. I explained to him I was POZ, but instead of being a ok reaction, he lied to me and flipped. After a while he read up on POZ about HIV and now he and I are cool.
So I would say this. Since it has been a month he may not come back, but don't let that stop you. There are plenty of men both POZ and NEG that are looking for a strong woman and in all honesty living POZ has made me even more strong. I can tell you are also very strong. ;D
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hi girl friends, nice joining and and am so happy i could be part of this. in my opinion, i would rather say you take things easy. don't be too hard on him at the same time, don't just hang in their waiting for him. make friends as much as you could, some day, some one who appreciates you will come along. poz or not.
best of luck
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Hey Abbey, welcome to the forums. Please join us in the "ladies thread." That's where we talk about daily stuff etc. We'd love to have you. :)
Luv,
Betty
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Hi Abbey. Here is a link to the thread where we are chit chatting right now.
If you are interested.
http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=22806.msg290049#msg290049 (http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=22806.msg290049#msg290049)
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I really don't think he was wrong for checking for the condom...so that doesn't make him a jerk. He was most likely nervous.
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HI LADY I AM IN THE SAME SHOE I NEW MY FRIEND FOR YEAR BUT I WAS MARRY SO WENT ME AND MY MAN BREAK UP I STAR BACK TALK TO MY FRIEND AGAIN AND I TOLD HIM I WAS POZ IT WAS NOT THE SAME BUT I UNDERSTAND I GUESS IT CRAZY BUT REAL BUT ONE DAY GOD WILL SEND ME SOMEONE MY MAN OF 24YEAR TRY TO GET ME BACK BUT ONGO I BEEN SINGLE FOR 3 YEAR NOW AND HE HURT ME VERY MUCH I DO NOT AS TO BE POZ SO DATE IS SO SO SO SO HARD FOR ME ONCE I SAID I AM POZ BUT IT OKAY BUT SOMETIME I WANT TO CALL HIM BUT I JUST SAID FU..IT KEEP YOUR HEAD UP