At my wits end

[carelessidiot]

Hi
I am writing because firstly I just need to get this off my chest, and to see if I can get some advice. Here is the story so far. I am currently travelling around the world on a trip of a lifetime. But on my stop in Thailand I did something so foolish that I think I may have ruined not only my trip but affected the rest of my life as well. When I was on one of the islands I went out for a drink and ended up sleeping with a Thai girl I met in one of the go go bars. She was basically a prostitute in place to make western guys like me spend my money at the bar. Anyway we went down to the beach and we had sex and neither of us had a condom and I was so drunk I just did it anyway. Damn how could I have made such a  bad decision? Anyway first of all I was worried about the usual stds, and it didnt even cross my mind about hiv. This was four weeks ago and I havent displayed any symptoms of any of the other stds, thats not to say I havent contracted one. After reading on the net about acute hiv I have convinced myself I have hiv. I realise that reading on the net is a bad thing to do as it conjures all kinds of things in your mind. Symptoms so far? I think in my mind I have had all of them but its so hard to tell. About a week after the incident, one day I had a really sore throat and a temperature but it only lasted about 4 hours and has never come back. After that I kept checking my body for rashes, swollen glands which I have managed to convince myself i have but I think from all the prodding and pushing they become swollen anyway. But more recently and more alarming is the constant headache I have had for the last 5 days which has now pretty much gone and the diahrea. I am currently in south east asia and have had lots of diahrea so thats not so much of a concern. But this headache and the fact that I dont feel generally 'right' is a concern. There is a possibility that is could be a tension headache but I have had some feelings of nausea as well. Again this could be put down to the fact that I am very stressed and upset and because I am away on my own have not been able to talk to anybody about this. I feel I have let everyone down including my beautiful girlfriend who I was planning to propose to when we meet in new zealand. Now I don't even want her to come and I feel i dont ever want to see anybody i care for at the moment because I feel like such a failure. I am in such a dark place at the moment I have even considered doing something to end it all although I know I probably couldnt go through with it. I am so scared to even have the test at the moment.I don't want any sympathy as I know its all my fault and I made the choice therefore I should live with what whatever consequences that come. As I said I am feeling a bit better now but just dont what to do with myself and am shutting myself away in hotel rooms and not enjoying my trip at all. I just wish I could turn the clock back but I can't. I am so tired from not sleeping and not eating because of the worry, it is actually making me ill just thinking about it all the time. I just want this whole nightmare to end. I have never done anything like this before and neither will I again. I guess I am just asking for someone to talk to it through with and maybe give me some confidence to go and have a the test. I dont think I can wait 3 months is there another option? What would I do if it was positive? Have I got acute hiv? Could just haiving a headache mean I have it without any other symptoms? Thanks for anything anyone can tell me. I really am at my wits end and dont know what to do anymore. I come from such a loving background and have lots of great friends and a lovely girlfriend who loves me so much. I have let everyone down from this stupidity and not thinking I dont think I could ever face them and tell them, the truth. Thanks for listening.

[RapidRod]

Symptoms or lack of is no way to diagnose HIV. Only a test at 3 months will give you a conclusive result. Sympathy, you aren't going to get it here. You can test at 6 weeks and get your conclusive results at 13 weeks. As for the rest of your story it is just like everyone here. We come from loving families and good backgrounds so you don't own a copyright on that. Next time you have a question, just get to the questions and leave all the other unnecessary information out.

[Ann]

careless,

Have you ever heard of the concept of paragraphs? It's difficult to read a huge block of print on a computer screen.

You have had a risk - not only for hiv, but for all the other STIs as well. Some of them also do not necessarily have noticeable symptoms.

Hiv is a fragile, difficult to transmit virus and more so from a woman to a man. While the odds are firmly in your favour of testing negative, you do need to test.

The vast majority of people who have actually been infected will seroconvert and test negative by six weeks. A negative at six weeks MUST be confirmed at three months, as only a three month negative is a conclusive negative.

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL STIs together. To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with a sexually transmitted infection. Sex with a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through all three condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results. Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

Symptoms or even the lack of symptoms mean nothing when it comes to hiv infection. Testing at the appropriate time is the ONLY way to know your hiv status.

Ann

[carelessidiot]

Rapid Rod

Firstly I would like to apologise if I offended you, I guess I was in such a state of turmoil that I needed to get those things of my chest. As I said before I am alone in Asia and didn't have an outlet. I realise everybody here has loving families and it wasn't my intention to say otherwise so I am sorry.Secondly I wasn't looking for sympathy as I said in the post. I guess just some kind of reassurance which I realise now you can't really give me. So I am really sorry about that.  I realise now this isn't a counselling service. I hope you can understand where I am coming from.

Ann

Yes no excuse for my lack of paragraphs. I was going out my mind and was typing away like a madman. So again apologies for that. Thanks for the info as well.

I have now got myself out of the state of mind I was in and am determined to enjoy the rest of my trip. When I get to Bangkok I will go for my 6 week text and hope for the best.

I realise that symptoms don't mean diddly squat when it comes to HIV but my one question is about this damn headache. Would it be theoreticaly possible to suffer just a headache if I was infected?

What I mean is, could you experience just one of the symptoms of acute hiv without any others? Its just a dull ache in the back of my head which is better now. I do think its was a tension headache as I was shaking like a leaf and going through stages of what I can only describe as OCD. Sweating etc.

Anyway, this is a great service you provide for alot of very anxious people and I thank you for putting my mind at ease with your replies.

Apologies again Rod.

Careless

[Ann]

Careless,

A headache is sometimes just a headache. However, symptoms or even the LACK of symptoms means nothing when it comes to hiv infection. NOTHING. Only testing at the appropriate time will reveal your hiv status.

Ann

[carelessidiot]

Well, I tested at 8 weeks and the result was negative. ALso neg for all other STDS. My last possible exposure was early August.  The question I have is, that I have become concerned about a weird colouring on my hands. I have these little white spots under the skin. THey arent spots or a rash they just sit underneath the skin on my hands and dont hurt or itch or anything.

COuld this be related to HIV? Its worse on my palms where it is very noticeable, like red and white patchy. It goes away when I lie down and when I am in the shower. Gtes worse outside etc. I have only noticed them for a couple of weeks. I suppose I could have alwayshad them, just noticed them more because I am so terrified that its HIV related and like many others I am convinced I have the virus.

Please could someone just reply and help get rid of some of my fears.

Do rashes occur later than in seroconversion?

[Matty the Damned]

Thank you for returning to your original thread.

Your 8 week negative result points to an excellent outcome at week 13. Given that the majority of people who test positive do so by week 6 I fully expect you to test negative at the end of the window period.

Your symptoms are not related to HIV and, as we have told you previously, symptoms are not a reliable indicator of HIV status. Only testing at the appropriate time can do that. If you're having skin problems, I suggest you raise the matter with your doctor.

Once again, I expect you to test negative at 13 weeks.

MtD

[carelessidiot]

Well today is the day I get my results. I am so worried about the outcome. It will be almost 6 months after my 8 week test and will hopefully put my mind at ease.

[carelessidiot]

Well guys. I would like to thank everybody on here who have offered their words of advice and encouragement. Yesterday I went to collect my definitive HIV test results. Around 7 months after my first exposure. It came back negative. I was so convinced that I would be positive. Its so strange as I can't believe its true, bu I do feel much better now I know.

All I can say is all of the people who are worrying about it. Just get a test its the only way to be sure. I was so obsessed by this whole thing(I am going to see someone about my obsessive tendencies), that I had pretty much every 'symptom' that has ever been heard of. Partly due to my obsessive internet searching about and all the conflicting information that is around. All I can say is leave it alone and go and get the test. I could havehad this final test about 3 months and it would have been over then, I just wish I had done it then. Anyway, I ampleased with the result and can now actually start getting on with my life,without worrying about that. Hopefully the CBT will help with that.

Thanks again, Mods and keep up the good work. All you worried wells, relax and get a test. If I only I had listened to that advice.

Stay healthy and thanks again.

Regards

Careless