POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => Positive Women => Topic started by: emeraldize on September 14, 2007, 11:24:44 am
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It's time to rethread our needle. Loads of loading time. The title echoes issues in recent posts that many of us are tackling.
ML: The job with your name on it is out there and I'm convinced you're going to find it. Your idea to enlist the realty co-owner in your search is excellent. That's a selling technique I learned in a class. In debrief mode, it is always okay to ask why you weren't selected in case there's anything to be learned. I think there's something extra good on the horizon for you.
GQ: I'm reading you closely as I'm 4 years in and realize there are no guarantees as to how long the med-free run lasts. I'm impressed with how you're moving through this first phase. I'm sure others are, too.
BT: Have a good date! No, take that back. Have a great date!
SS: You loggin' in any time soon?
CJC: Thanks for the well wishing. I'll give a brief State of the Date report on Sunday or Monday.
Drag, LG, Camille, Shotis and others whose names are on Part V and I can't flip over there mid-post....
Have a good weekend wherever you are whether that's "Stone" Harbor, the "Boo"tique, "Never" Nether Lands, or a couch or theatre near you.
Em
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Hi GFs~
Thanks for continuing to give me support. I believe that there is SOMETHING out there for me in the job department, there HAS to be. Why else would the wait be so long? I was unemployed in '98 for 4 months, and again in '04 for, gosh 6 months, now that I think of it! Its usually easier for me to get a job, though. Dammit.
I am going to the HIV Support Group here in town tonight. The second Friday of the month is women only, so its a good starting point. I met the facilitator briefly yesterday at the Health Dept, too. She's nice, so I feel more comfortable.
I go back to the Health Dept. today to finish paperwork. For what? So I can have a file created on me in case I ever need help? I guess that's how it goes. I'm not that bad off, at all, I certainly don't need their services at this point, esp since they can't even help with housing, but its nice to know I have someone to turn to in case trouble arises. I don't even want to go back there today. I feel so out of place in there, its irritating to me.
Drag~ You wrote about joining forces with Stone. Well, weeks ago I mentioned to him that he could rent my basement if it came to it. We had only just met each other then, but I like to help where I can. He is very pissed at the apt complex where he lives. There is a chick upstairs who is most likely a prostitute, and the cops are at her door all of the time. Last Sunday Stone and I walked out, and there she was with two other guys, smoking weed in public down the sidewalk. What if Stone had had his son with him and was taking him to dinner? These people don't respect the area, they break beer bottles at the playground, they just loiter and hang around with nothing to do. I just wish they would drink and get high behind closed doors and respect their neighbors some. This place is actually a nice apartment complex, but these bad apples are making it look like crap. Stone, and even his mother have called management. Belive me, Stone would like nothing better than to go get in their faces, a huge muscular 43yo man, talking down to a young person who doesn't give a shit about themselves or life. He's afraid of retaliation. I told him when the day comes for him to move out.....oh yeah, you get the idea. I'm glad colder weather is coming, it will keep these people inside where we don't have to see them. I find myself wanting to call the cops on them and saying, "Get a job already" but hell, I can't even get one.
So, long story short, cause I was venting there, I would like Stone to move outta his hood and share my house, its just that I am 20 miles up the road, and traffic is a bitch. Its too early for he and I to make that commitment to each other, as I don't even have the title of GF yet, but I'll know better over the next few months. Stone is mostly concerned about traffic for when taking his son to school one morning a week. To go 30 miles, it would take about and hour and a half. Its awful. We were talking about this the other day, and I gently explained that his son would benefit from living in a better neighborhood. Not only because Stone would be more at ease, but rent would be cut in half for each of us, and wouldn't it be worth the "sacrifice" with the traffic one day a week?
Well, that's all cart before the horse, I am daydreaming. Yesterday Stone said he and his son were going to the mountains to visit his mom and sis and did I want to come along? I am planning on it, but I am nervous.
Right now I am mostly nervous about the support group tonight because I am pissed at what has transpired this week, with no job and no financial support with housing. I hope there is at least one woman in there who is like me, HIV aside. I went through this shit years ago, going to a support group and not being able to identify with anyone's lifestyles. Sigh........
Oh, and Betty, good job on not smoking! Keep up the good work!
Queen, check in and let us know how last night went. I am worried about that tummy of yours....
~Cindy
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As I reported in my thread, last night was totally crappy. My sugar dropped to 71 so I ate some roarin strawberry jello. I know that is at least safe to eat with Atripla. Then on top of that, I had a hard time going to sleep and once I did go to sleep, I had 2 nightmares. Which means I really didn't get to sleep til like after 5 am. So today I feel like a total zombie. I will be getting a nap in sometime today. But I will hope for a better night tonight.
As for Boo, when I talk to him next I will give him your suggestions. He said he likes milkshakes but hates ensure. He also said he doesn't exercise much. I told him to start or chase his kitties around... ;D
I am really liking the M theme with this thread. Good Job, Em. Cindy, I'm hoping you are feeling a bit better today. Let me know how the group goes tonight. I hope it works for you. Sorry about the Health Dept and Welfare but they are that way here too. Remember I went to them for help with moving and was told they only help those that are homeless, in a shelter or in eviction stage. They want you to be at rock bottom before they will even lift a finger. Sad, isn't it? As far as Stone goes, to me, it seems like you are getting closer to being gf, meeting the family is definitely a good sign. Don't give up and maybe one day he will take you up on the offer to move in but it is still a bit early for that. Hang in there, girl.
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Love you, Queen. I hope you feel a little better after some rest. I am stressed out, so I am going by Chik-fil-A before I go to the Health Dept. ;D I'll post tonight.....
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I don't know what is going on with me today. I took my son to get his first check (he was so proud) and run his errands. I came home posted to you guys then caught about an hour nap. I feel a little better but a bit sluggish. I check my sugar and it is 274, oh hell....But am wondering why it is so high when I have eaten very little. Remember last night it was only 71. I'm wondering if the Atripla/Ziagen has anything to do with this? Anyhoo, I dragged my ass to the kitchen and decided to cook a roast. I've been craving one for the longest. Other than that, nothing eventful has happened. Tonight, I will watch some wrestling and just chill. I hope you girls are having a better day than me...*sighs*
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Hey girls:
A gay friend of mine from my church took me to Outback Steak House tonight in celebration of my quitting smoking. Then we went and cruised around Barnes & Nobles for awhile, looking at books, movies etc. So it was a good night. He gave me a disco music CD that he burned. There's over 100 songs on it. They take me waaay back. Wish I still had the dancer body I once had.
Queen, I'm not sure what the effects, if any, of Atripla would be on sugar. Mine goes up and down, but I probably need to see a diabetes educator. When I became diabetic, 6 or 7 years ago from what happened when I was in a coma, I was never really educated on what to eat, how much etc. I was just put on Insulin and shown how to inject myself in the stomach. I really need to get my sugars under control. I hate it when my sugar crashes, like you said yours did the other day. I start shaking and sweating. I just love sweets so much, especially chocolate. And I like pasta, which I know is carbs. It's hard sometimes isn't it.
Cin, just hang in there with Stone. It sounds like you're really close to being, if not already, the GF. If he wants you to meet his family, it's not because he's planning on dumping you anytime. Things will work out. Just take it slow. I also know you will find a job. Like I said before, you put out good karma, so something good is going to happen. It always work out that way-what people put out comes back. I believe that and try to live by it.
Em, thanks for starting a new thread. I guess we need to do that eventually.
Cristy, I'm thinking of you and sending peace your way.
I hope the rest of you ladies are having a good start to the weekend! More later-
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Dear Queenie-
I'm sorry for the confusion at the rite aid....they are everything but a "rite aid", I've changed my pharmacies to CVS for similar reasons. its so frustrating I know...but I'm not sure if I should be writing on this thread regarding that because I'm so far behind.
Cindy- hang in there. It's not so bad. I mean this in all the love of my heart......you're beautiful....really...and you're dating....and moving on with your life...I give you kudos for everything you've been through. You're a champion....and when you're feeling bad just think there are people out there saying "I'd give what she's got." Keep going.....a job is a job, but you are strong girl and don't let that neg voice get you down. Be a voice for all of us...tough with vehemence.
Betty- I smoked for years. I went to art school in NYC and never smoked. Long story short, I started around 23 and stopped at 30. It's tough, but I did it and I am the poster child for addiction so you can get through this.
Promise to be here, I hate being out of all the chat.
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HI GFs~
Wow, TY Queen, Betty and Cam......sweet words from all of you, which is what I really need right now. I am doing pretty good tonight, calm but teetering on the edge of excitement. I spoke with Stone earlier and we will head towards WV tomorrow afternoon. I will follow in case Stone and his son decide to stay overnight and I want to go home. Its supposed to be absolutely BEAUTIFUL weather here tomorrow, high near 70, bright and sunny, winds breezy at 25mph. Feels like Fall to me! I see myself sitting with Mom and sis, maybe 14yo niece, and talking girl talk. It would be nice if Stone sat with us too, but all of that estrogen might scare him off, he'll prob be playing with his son.
I went to the support group tonight. It was the leader, me and only two other women. A guy showed up but we told him it was "Ladies' Night" and he had to leave. LOL Interestingly enough, the topic was dating and disclosure. I had a lot to share. It was a cozy atmosphere and I felt good. Sadly, the founder of this local organization died from resistance complications just this past March, very sad. I hope I can make a difference for some people. Already tonight I learned that there are new stages of meds due to be released this year, 5th and 6th stages/groups, I believe. It makes me hopeful! :)
Well, I am mellow tonight, thinking about tomorrow's journey, over the river and through the woods to "mom's" house we go. I am happy to be meeting some women and members of Stone's family. Yes, this DOES say a lot about him, doesn't it? I think his mom and I will hit it off pretty well, and I am looking forward to that. I don't know what women they are used to meeting from Stone, but I am confident I will make a good impression tomorrow. I like it when I feel GOOD!
Just trying not to think about unemployment and food stamps yet......save that for Monday.
Sweet Dreams All,
~Cindy
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I thought about myself tonight and this is what I came up with and I was happy to see the chronology, and i put the health issue last, to me that is great.
I am a girl
I am a woman
I have a strong faith in God
I have a strong faith in myself
I am a good friend
I am a good person and would help anyone
I am a woman who is struggling through my own devices
I am a person who knows literature and poetry
I am a person who know art
I am a person who has a house
I am a person who is creative
I am a person who knows loves
I am a person with HIV
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I also want to add this is my personal experience
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Hello ladies. . Em, like the new thread title. Not much going on new here but lots going on in my head. will be anxiously awaiting the update on your date . Queen, sorry you haven't felt well. Having diabetes and HIV together must be a bitch. Yes, a little exercise would help Boo but he may just have to force himself to eat. I have to do that a lot , even the green doesn't make me very hungry anymore. I have lost 25 Pd's since February and i think it's all my ass. My shorts fall down my hips when I'm walking around, It's kinda funny. Mind, I still weigh 165 so it isn't like i look like I'm starving. Hope he improves. ML, you will find a job soon. I hope you have fun in WV with Stone and his son. Sounds like a good idea, ya'll joining forces. It would help both of you and probably be quite pleasant. Betty, sounds like you had a great time out with your friend. I have been trying to get my cousin to go out but she has a fairly new baby so it'll probably be awhile. Thank you for sending peace my way, I need it Okay, I said i am talking to Florida #1 again, lets call him J. So that's going okay, he's talking about flying up here in October and us spending the weekend together. I am really attracted to his personality and He's got that black hair, blue eyed thing going on that I like. It's a wait and see thing. I was going to drive down there in late June but he pissed me off and I told him about it , then he went back to his ex. When he called back, I told him that I couldn't talk to him if he was with her so I didn't. Now he's home and we're talking. Trying not to get my hopes up to much but I am soooooo lonely. I need friends and a social life as much as I need a man but it's hard. I have ya'll but we can't go to the mall or a movie, we are all too far away. there is this guy at work that has been chasing me, subtly, for months. I have been telling him , I don't date, I have serious medical issues. So, Thursday, I finally told him I have HIV. Actually I stood there and gave him hints until he figured it out. I am kinda nervous about this, even though I have been able to trust him with everything else I have told him, If he had repeated any of it, I would have known, but this is huge, I could lose my job over it if he said anything. This is the first time I've told anyone other than family and medical staff. I saw him Friday for a minute when I went in for lunch shift and he told me I'm not the only one in this boat. Anyway, big step for me. My oldest son keeps calling but we won't answer the phone. He is trying to run the same game as always but we are very tired of it. So, no calls, no canteen, no letters, no nothing. I am not gonna be 50 and catering to him for the rest of my life. But it's eating all of us up. we want to do for him but he acts like he's entitled and it's old. Just venting on that one. Obviously I can't sleep. Too much in my head. I will update again soon. Love ya'll. Cristy
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Good morning ladies:
Cin, have fun with Stone. Sometimes it's good for all of us to get away from our usual circumstances for awhile. I'm sure you'll hit it off with everyone in his family that you meet. Just relax, be yourself and have fun!
Cristy, I am so proud of you for not giving into your son's demands. That's a hard thing to do. It's like on one hand, you love him and want him to "get better;" and on the other hand, you know what'll happen if you give into him. Just keep hanging in there. Maybe he'll get the message. Or maybe he thinks he can wear you down. Just remember, if nothing changes, nothing changes.
Love the post, Cam, where you describe yourself as different things and living with HIV comes in last. That's really great. Hey, I am the poster child for addiction also. But you know what, I had an easier time (mentally anyway) kicking heroin and later Methadone than these damn cigarettes. I smoked for 30 years. But the results of quitting are almost instantaneous, so I'm hanging in there.
Today I'm going to see about a little part-time job delivering papers. I usually have a hard time trying to get a job because I have tattoos on both my hands, which was a dumb move. When I got them, I figured I'd never look for work again in my life. But with the new meds, I really want to work part-time while in school. A little extra money never hurts. Maybe I can get the job delivering the papers, because I don't really see where tattoos would make a difference there. But who knows. I always have to worry about covering being out-of-work since 1993 or '94 (it's been so long, even I forgot. :D). I also have to study. Yesterday I wrote my paper for my philosophy class, so that's done. All I have to do is study my Counseling Theories book. I might go to Goodwill and see what they have and try to get a few things for my fall wardrobe. Like Cin said, fall is in the air. I'm going to take the air conditioner out of the window today, as I don't think we're going to get anymore really hot weather. Another summer is almost gone.... Hope everyone's doing alright. More later-
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Just remember, if nothing changes, nothing changes.
thanks Betty. That is so true. If we keep giving him everything,then he will continue to take everything for granted. love Ya'll. Cristy
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Christy- That was really courageous telling your co worker and I happy that he took it well. I have to say that is the hardest thing about HIV "for me". Its tough. Accolades to you.
Betty- Yes, I know people that quit heroin years ago and still struggle with smoking. Me thinks there is something going in those horrible little sticks.
Has anyone heard from christine lately? I don't think she posted on our hen house threads. I was just concerned, haven't heard from her in awhile.
Hope all you GF's have a great Saturday. Kind of rainy here, but nice and dreamy, nostalgic of fall mornings.
Vaya con dios :D
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Quick note because I had thought of this before....
Betty, as far as the lapse in your job history, could you say you were raising a child? Your own or a niece, etc? Its really no one's business, but it might be easier than saying you had health issues. Just say you're returning to the work force after raising a niece, or your daughter, or whatever you feel works. A little lie is nothing when it comes to our personal lives versus a nosey employer. Besides, a lot of women return to the work force after raising kids for years. On that note, you could say you were a stay at home Mom, and that you were recently divorced....something along those lines, that's why you're returning to work.
What a beautiful breezy morning here. I have to go get ready. My luck, today will be the one day Stone gets out of the house early, but I doubt it!
I'll post tonight or tomorrow.
~Cindy
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Betty, I know how you feel about those tats. I have the same problem, I usually cover up (handy living in a cold country). I even invested a 100 pounds in body makeup, I was fooled by the advertisments, but it's not much of a cover. I don't know if yours are on your hands or on your arms. Although I didn't have much luck with the makeup yet, you might want to give it a try. I don't worry about work so much but I will when I move to spain, which is conservative, and also every time I meet my BF's parents - I try to make that happen in the winter, as the summer is so sweltering there no way I could get away with long sleeves.
Anyway once you get your degree I am sure they won't get in the way of becoming a councellor.
Great weather here today, real automn, colors starting to change.
Peace to everyone,
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According to my internal clock, Em is in her 2nd date with Mr Gent right about now, while Cind is befriending Family Stone. Good luck and good fun. And Camille when you have time, fill us in on that sweeping romance of yours. I hope you don't think I'm nosy, i like hearing happy stories, they give me hope and uplift me.
On a completely different topic, Cristy, I was somewhat like your son when growing up, I was a menace, I didn't get is as much trouble with the law, luckily, but I sure got in a lot of trouble, quit school, did drugs, etc. I work up to reality when i finally understood that I will suffer whatever consequences as an adult and not as a child anymore. By that time my parents had given up on me. So I hope very much this will happen to your son. It took me a long time to climb out of there though. If he shows real change of heart and an inclination to change he will need a hand. But you will know when it is sincere I imagine.
Queen, I am sorry your sugars are acting up, and what's this about your liver? I know you won't like me saying this, but it is possible that weed affects the liver like alcohol? I really don't know but it's worth looking up. I am sorry things are so tough. But I think once you get used to the meds, and your T cells will rise, you will feel better. It had a big impact on my mood (not that I am Miss Cheerful now, but compared to before...). Also when you get settled down and all the hassles of moving subside. So that is something to look forward to. Please take good care.
Hugs to all,
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I think you're all incredible. And, I wish I owned a magic wand that I would use and lend liberally.
Some serious doo-doo has hit the life fan and I gotta do something about it asap. And, former smoker that I am, I'm lighting up way too many AM E-Menthol 100's and then, I'm e-chaining once I've lit one.
The old physics adage " A body in motion stays in motion, a body at rest stays at rest." comes into play every time I park myself in front of the computer. I have to step away and get some major things accomplished. Fast.
And, I've decided that Mr. Gentle Man (yep, your clock is just about right Drag -- supposed to see him tomorrow, but may try to move it up to coffee tonight.) must be made aware of "the potential dealbreaker" as I no longer desire to fuss about the right time, place, how much heart/soul invested, etc., etc. I'm acceptable as I am and if this news frightens him off, so be it. I wish him well.
I can't waste any more precious minutes wondering about nor forecasting rejection. There are so few allotted. I was already ready to do this and Cristy's little collegial success at work was the karmic clue to move on it.
Chat atcha soon.
Em
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Well, aren't you ladies the busy little bees..Not to worry, I will guard this here hen house whilst you all are away... ;D You ladies are all inspiring and I often wish I could venture out like you all but I am just not ready yet. Night 2 of Atripla was ok except that my tummy kept feeling queasy. I hadn't eaten anything since 9:30pm and has designated 12:30am as the time to take my meds. I kept my balance but had a bit of a time going to sleep even though it seems I get tired shortly after taking them. I don't know what the hell is going on with my sugar and why it peaked like that. Woke up this afternoon, determined to sleep in and it was 91. The only date I have is with the Sci-Fi channel watching the Highlander movie....
Camille-- It's good to see you post again, was quite worried about you. I hope things are well with you and Ian which I'm sure it is.
Cindy-- As I have told you, I bet your trip today went just fine.
Christy-- Sorry to hear your oldest boy is up to his old tricks. You're doing the right thing. Stick to your guns, girl.
Em-- Sorry to heat about the shit hitting the fan, I'm sure you are handling it. I hope things work out for you on your date.
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*Sez Hello and hears an echo*.....Goes back to the front of the hen house with her 12 gage and stands watch...
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Saw a fox darting toward the cornfield. Must have heard you cock the trigger.
Last night, I left the site. Made the call. GM returned the call. We met. Walked. Great sunset. Talked. I explained my potential deal breaker. Walked. Talked. Sat on his porch. He explained his potential deal breaker. 10:30 went to dinner. Parted company. Everything is fine. No rejection. No tears. No fears. Laughter. Relief. Found some astounding common denominators. No, not +. Monday, he's making dinner for two. And, the steeplechase of life goes on.
To the practical...GQ, are you drinking enough water when you take your meds?
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Last night, I left the site. Made the call. GM returned the call. We met. Walked. Great sunset. Talked. I explained my potential deal breaker. Walked. Talked. Sat on his porch. He explained his potential deal breaker. 10:30 went to dinner. Parted company. Everything is fine. No rejection. No tears. No fears. Laughter. Relief. Found some astounding common denominators. No, not +. Monday, he's making dinner for two. And, the steeplechase of life goes on.
whooooohoooooooooo!
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But you know what, I had an easier time (mentally anyway) kicking heroin and later Methadone than these damn cigarettes. I smoked for 30 years.
Same here, Betty. I didn't even need methadone, but ciggies? Forget it!
I wasn't able to get Chantix in Liverpool (the primary care trust there hasn't given it budgetary approval) but I found out I can get it here on the Rock from my GP. I'm just getting over a chest infection and he'll write the script in a week or two. Trying Chantix is my last resort.
I was going to say that I haven't smoked for quite thirty years, but then I remembered how old I am and - yep, it's been thirty years all right! :o :P >:( Time flies when you're chain-smoking! ;D
Ann
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Saw a fox darting toward the cornfield. Must have heard you cock the trigger.
Last night, I left the site. Made the call. GM returned the call. We met. Walked. Great sunset. Talked. I explained my potential deal breaker. Walked. Talked. Sat on his porch. He explained his potential deal breaker. 10:30 went to dinner. Parted company. Everything is fine. No rejection. No tears. No fears. Laughter. Relief. Found some astounding common denominators. No, not +. Monday, he's making dinner for two. And, the steeplechase of life goes on.
To the practical...GQ, are you drinking enough water when you take your meds?
Em, I am so happy for you.I am sorry that you will not be able to spend quite so much time here but ecstatic that your life is going well and you are doing well. Personally, i have decided that if my coworker can be so accepting, then maybe I should come out of my safe little nest I have here(Home, Am, work) and live more. J is going to be kicked to the curb. I've spoken with him once this weekend so that tells me I am not a priority. ladies hope all are well. will check back in soon. I think I will round up my boy and head to Walmart. Later. Cristy
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Hi GF's
Just doing a quick check in to say hi. No much going on here except tired as can be. I am playing mommy for 5 days to my 8 month old teeting niece and my very active 4 year old nephew. So i am chasing and cleaning and cleaning some more. I will check in later in the week.
Hope everyone is doing well.
:) SS
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please help me l am confused
« Reply #12 on: Today at 05:47:53 PM »
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l met my boyfriend/partner on this site about nine months ago.... and we've been happy, although we quarrelled a lot first few months, as we were both new to this but have passed that phase now. l have been good to this guy doing things for him and vice verse, my problem is, the guy never mentions his family to me or me to his family, its like l am a guarded secret. l have asked several times about his family,he has told me that he has a sister who lives in the states and a brother in Canada, truth be told l have never heard him talk to his brother or sister over the phone,unlike me l am always open and talk to my relatives all the time and I've even introduced him to them.
today l asked him about our relationship, what he wants from this and when will he introduce me to his relatives, he tells me l am pushing him, then l said to him what do you mean? is it wrong for me to know your close relatives? He now thinks all l want is marriage from him,l love him but l don't know whether to continue with relationship with no future or get out before l get hurt further. Ladies do you think he has another girl out there?
what are the signs? Has anyone met a guy,partner,boyfriend or husband from these dating sites? what have you experienced?
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Shotis~~
First, is this a pm? And if so, is this person ok with you posting it here? I am assuming you got this person's permission. She has been dating the guy for 9 months and they look out for each other but she is concerned because he does not speak about his family....In anyway? I really don't speak about mine much either other than to warn someone how they are. Most here know my story with my family. Maybe it is the same with him, maybe he is not close with his family but he did say she needs to stop pushing, well maybe she should stop pushing. What is her need to meet his family? It sounds like to me that he doesn't want to talk about them til he is ready and if she continues to keep pushing she may just lose him. I kinda can relate to him not wanting to talk about them so maybe the other ladies will give better advice...
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Good evening ladies:
Well, it's day #7 without cigarettes! Ann, I really think the Chantix is working wonders. Am I was mentally ready to quit. I just got sooo tired of coughing up stuff, having constant sinus infections, my breath, clothes, house, car etc. smelling horrible, my poor cat having to live with second-hand smoke, and the cost. It just isn't worth it to me. I'm not one of those "happy reformed smokers" however, who go about preaching to the still-remaining smokers. I know how hard it is to quit and would never down anyone for smoking.
I'm getting ready to watch a movie, "Hustle and Flow," that I rented from the library. I've never seen it and heard it's really good.
I hope all the ladies dating on here are doing well. Cin, I will really consider telling a perspective employer that I was raising a niece. That's a really good idea. How's the time with Stone going? How did it go when you met his family? I know it probably went perfectly. Like I said, Cin, you put out good karma, so expect good things.
Em and Camille, wow, you guys are getting more action than I am. I hope everything's going well.
Queen- what's happening with your sugars now? You know, mine are still crazy. I've been eating a lot of things I shouldn't be eating. But with this grieving of my mom and giving up cigarettes, it's so hard to stay away from the chocolate and various confections. I hope you're doing alright. I'm glad your second night on Atripla went better. You know, when I get that "drunk" feeling from Sustiva, I just go with it. ;) I tend to like it.
Hope all you ladies are doing well. Hang in there!
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Betty~~ My sugar was pretty decent today. Just a high of 153, not overly concerned with that since my fasting sugar was 98. I ate some asparagus fried in olive oil for breakfast. If anything made it go up it was prolly the green tea I was drinking. I also had a beer while over my best friend's house washing some clothes. My next dose isn't due til around the time I take my Atripla so I'm pretty much ok. I am thinking the worst may be over with the Atripla side effects, keep fingers crossed.
Hustle & Flow was a pretty good movie. It's based off of one of the rappers from the group 3-6 Mafia so I was told by someone, prolly my son. But I always thought Terrance Howard (who plays DJ) was a good actor. And then my fave rapper Ludacris is in it too. I think I have watched that movie like 50 million times. At the moment I am watching Iron Chef America. It seems the other cable stations are playing the Resident Evil movies to death since Resident Evil Extinction comes out Friday. I will have that in my collection when it comes out on dvd, already has the other 2.
I have been kinda concerned about Cindy too. I thought by now we would've heard something. Maybe she is having the time of her life with his fam, that's the story I am sticking to it til she tells us something different. I am happy for Em and her dude too, glad there was no issues with disclosing.
I guess that leaves me and Christy w/o dudes even though I do have Boo online. I am just wondering what J did to piss Christy off so that she called it off again. But I don't blame her, life is too short for the games and the drama. As far as Boo, we talked last night but am really wanting to see him more than ever. I know this is because I have been concerned over his health and eating. I told him if I was there I would cook him a bunch of stuff that he could freeze and reheat later. As much as I would like to be there, I don't see it happening anytime soon. Just not financially possible and really don't like to travel during the winter months. That is all I have to report for now......
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meds, moving, madness and men...i think i can relate!
i've been reading through some of the the dating threads and would love to join in...this is such a positive place to be, it's great to see so many women here moving forward with their lives and finding happiness! whether it's with finding a partner to share life with, taking care of a child, doing something healthy for yourself (ie: quiting smoking!! good job betty!) or just plain living - it's a wonderful thing to see.
an update...i have a son who will be 5 in november...and as some of you may know we lost his dad, my husband back in may to suicide. my son has been having a very difficult time with things lately, he realized the other day that everyone else has a dad, but he doesn't...and he doesn't understand why he isn't coming back. plus, he is extremely worried that i am going to leave him and not come back - to me, that is the most heartbreaking thing in the world. i am going to be taking him in to see a child psychologist in a couple of weeks...i just want the best for him and i'm not sure i can do it on my own...
a little bit of madness...i was sick all weekend! i'm thinking it was food poisoning but can't be sure as everytime i eat since that incident it has come right out of me. plus...i'm so super tired. i even took a nap today...which is so rare but i couldn't funtion without it.
i hope to be here again soon...and i hope this finds everyone doing well.
'night
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Hi GFs~
I am alive and well, ended up staying at Stone's sister's place overnight last night. I met his son, mom, sis, brother in law, and niece. We had fun but I couldn't sleep at all, lol! By 730am this morning I finally dozed off, and got maybe two hours' sleep. Stone wanted to ride his kid around on the lawn mower, so then he ends up cutting the lawn -- about 2.5 acres! He kept stopping and saying he felt bad, for not hanging with me. I said it was OK, I was having fun with the kids and the dogs, all of which were on the trampoline. I was taking pictures of all of them and the weather was perfect, so I didn't mind at all. I figured Stone would be busy with something besides me, just didn't think it would be 2+ acres of lawn! LOL
His son was nice enough, but then started acting like any little boy would. He kept eating sweets and spoiled his dinner, and then he tried to pull that crap again this morning and I called him on it. Mom sis and I hid the chocolates and the son didn't eat any breakfast! Stone got ticked I guess cause we all ganged up on him, I dunno. It wasn't that the kid was looking for chocolate, but he knew he would get a rise out of us so he started playing games. Us women just looked at Stone like "What are you gonna do?" and he was indifferent, then he and his mom had a little spat. Nothing major, mountain out of a molehill thing, but I think it really bugged the two of them. Well, then Stone and his kid went to ride dirt bikes so that broke up the tension some. He was still a little "perplexed" by his mom when we left today.
My insulin pump ran out of insulin this morning while I was there so I had to start giving shots every hour with my pen, which I carry for back-up, but it worked out OK.
I called Stone tonight around 8pm and got voice mail -- I'm hoping he's not pissed at me about the issues with his son. I guess he felt maybe I overstepped my bounds or that we were all ganging up on him. Wait till the kid is 12, I say.......gheez.
So, I have been IMing Queen, wondering if I am getting the silent treatment from him or not. Somehow I don't think so. I think he was just really tired from the visit, as was I, so we'll probably talk tomorrow.
It sounds like a lot of us have been venturing into the world of disclosure, and I say you can never get enough practice with that, as difficult as it is. I disclosed online one night last week to a guy I dated briefly back in 2001. He lives 75 miles away and we only saw each other once, but this year he showed up on IM again, after all this time. He is going through a messy divorce (what the hell else is new?) and seems kinda emotional sometimes, like he wants someone to chat with. I wanted to let him know I kinda had my own troubles, so I disclosed to him. He was all worried about me, and seemed to be OK with the pos thing. He's a good friend and I would hate it if this scared him off, but I don't see why it should.
Hi Belief, I saw you posted while I was. Hang in there, I know your story and I am so terribly sorry that things have gone this way for you, losing your husband as you did. All you can do is just give tons and tons of love to your little one, you know that. I can't imagine being that age and not having my father anymore. My parents divorced when I was 5, but mom did a really good job of keeping my brother and I happy, and its not the same as losing someone to suicide. I think the therapy is a great idea, to help deal with emotions on a very gentle level. Please let us know how you two are doing, ok?
Shotis, I read your post about meeting family, and I just met Stone's, as you've read. I think how two people feel about family will tell a lot about compatibility and how things will go down the road. I found myself talking about the virus many different times over the past two days with Stone's mom and sis, sharing my experience and also hearing it from them, about what they all went through. It was a very close call when he was hospitalized, and it brought a big family even closer together, as much as he hates the stigma. It was his wife who let him down back then, selfish of her, she left him over it, but I think they had trouble before, anyway. So, you may want to express your feelings and if he keeps shooting you down, cause I think its yourself you're referring to, not sure, then maybe look for greener pastures? Easier said than done, I know.
OK, post is way too long, as usual, and Sustiva is kickin', but congrats to Em for putting the cards on the table. I am so happy that GMs response was kind, same boat even? Its nice when two can relate like that, even if he's not pos. Reminds me that we ALL have things we deal with everyday, and they just make us who we are -- stronger, too!
Hi to Drag, Cam, Cristy, Ann, SS (good luck with those kids!) and BT. GF Queen has already got the play by play in an IM, so she's back out front guarding the roost, I think, lol.
Sleep well, all, and now I must COPY this thread, cause if it gets lost in computerland, there will be some really hot wings a flappin' over here, lol! :D
~Cindy
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Good morning ladies:
Got up early this morning to relieve Queen of her duty of guarding this roost! :D
Belief, my husband died in 1989 when I was in treatment. My daughter was five at the time, just like your son. I think the best way to reassure that you're not going to leave is to spend all the quality time you can with your son. That's such a young, confusing age when a tragedy happens. I am so sorry that it happened to you guys. My husband's death wasn't suicide, per say. He died from "acute alcohol intoxication." He was a stone-cold alcoholic and basically slowly committed suicide from his drinking. And he was only 29 when he died, so I really feel for you. I think taking your son to see a child psychologist is an excellent idea. They know best how to deal with things like this.
Queen, I'm glad the Atripla is going better for you. I wish I had my sugars under control like yours are. It's so damn hard for me to stay away from the sweet stuff. I don't know how you do it.
Cindy, I'm glad your weekend with Stone's family went well. I doubt Stone is pouting over what happened with his son. I know sometimes parents are extremely defensive when it comes to their children, but I'm sure he got over any bad feelings. Like you said, he was probably wore out and needed some rest. Maybe it was a bit overwhelming for him.
Well, it's day #8 for me being smoke-free. I'm going to exercise this morning. I wish I could do more when it comes to exercising, but, as probably some of you have read before, my left kneecap is broken and the cartilage in it it collapsed; and my right kneecap's cartilage is collapsing. That came from when the last man I had a relationship with pushed me down a flight of stairs. What an asshole he was. He ended up hitting me and I called the police after he went to bed and they woke him up and put him out. Anyway, I hope you ladies are all having a peaceful morning. I know, I'm usually the first one to post in the morning. ;) Don't know why I'm up so early this morning. Oh yeah! I'm relieving Queen! :D Take it easy everybody-
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I am so happy that GMs response was kind, same boat even?
~Cindy
Please see previous post. Gotta get ready for work. Please excuse brevity.
No, not +.
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Hello Ladies---
Nothing to report today really. Just sort of feeling let down today, can't really go into details about it but is just how I am feeling. But as they say shit happens, so I am feeling disgusted and thinks I am going back to bed.
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Please see previous post. Gotta get ready for work. Please excuse brevity.
No, not +.
Hi Em~ I know he's not pos, I was referring to "Found some astounding common denominators." Its these commonalities that made me comment "same boat."
C'mon, you think my post to you would've been that brief if he WERE pos!? I would be singing from the hilltops, GF! Wouldn't that be a coincidence! Nevertheless, I AM happy that you guys have shared some things with each other and are comfortable. Have a great dinner!
~Cindy
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Hello ladies. Glad to see so many checking in. Queen, I', sorry you feel bad today. Mentally or physically,either way feeling bad sucks(and not in a good way)!
I guess that leaves me and Christy w/o dudes even though I do have Boo online. I am just wondering what J did to piss Christy off so that she called it off again. But I don't blame her, life is too short for the games and the drama.
Yes, this leaves me without a guy. Basically, it's what you said, games and Drama. I talked to him once this weekend which pissed me off cause he said he would call. I hate it when someone says they are going to do something and then doesn't do it.there was already a trust issue from last time I was talking to him and he has several other things that are just too much to deal with. Something else was: I disclosed to one of my coworkers and it went over really well. I am amazed. I did tell him we can't date but I told him Why and he says he admires me for that. He says he will get me to change my mind . So maybe I will broaden my horizons. It's just kinda scary. Sunseeker, you have my sympathy. I only have 1( 4 YO) but he can be a handful especially if I were to be distracted with another child. He is opportunistic as all children are. Sugar free Popsicles are a good way to get my son's attention.We have Sugar free lemonade and Nesquick as well. I try to limit his sugar. Enjoy, they are precious even if a LOT of work. hope everything else is going well for you. Betty, Yahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!! Glad you are on day 8 now. You should be very proud of yourself. When i get ready to quit, I will try the Chantrix since it's working so well for you. Belief, glad to hear from you. I feel for you and your son. I know it must break your heart for him to be hurting.i like what Betty said, just spend as much Quality time with him as you can. Hope things get easier. I admire that you are getting him therapy. At least he still has you to take care of him. Sorry you had food poisoning over the weekend. It may be a stomach virus, though. Just a thought, you would know better than I since it is your body. Hope you get to feeling better. Em, hope work goes well today.I am actually off on Mondays and have been being lazy. I worked 4 days in a row so I am tired. Hope GM can cook and you really enjoy it. ML , sounds like you had a interesting weekend. glad you got to meet Stone's family. That sounds scary, running out of insulin(in the pump) and having to give yourself shots in the stomach.
I called Stone tonight around 8pm and got voice mail -- I'm hoping he's not pissed at me about the issues with his son. I guess he felt maybe I overstepped my bounds or that we were all ganging up on him. Wait till the kid is 12, I say.......gheez.
~Cindy
Exactly, if he is pissed he will get over it, I hope. People are funny about their children but it sounds like the boy was taking advantage. All children do that if they feel they can. Glad ya'll stopped him. I bet Stone will call you tonight.. Anyone i forgot, hope life is treating you well. Love ya'll. Cristy
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Christy~~
I am the same way, I hate when someone tells me they are going to do something then doesn't do it or just doesn't say anything at all. That's what I mean when I say I don't handle disappointment well at all. I'm feeling ok physically today but feels that I got fucked over mentally, I guess. I suppose it is my fault for trusting people at their word.
There are other things still in play here like neither school has gotten back with me about my son. My son is also driving me up a wall too because I am going out my way to do things for him but he acts like it is my job to make sure he gets to work everyday. For the past 2 weeks I made sure he got to work including letting him take my car which is already busted up and he comes back with more damage on it. His excuse, it happened at work and someone must've hit my car. In reality, I think he hit a pole or something in my car but I will never know. Most of the day I have just been disgusted and in bed. I will prolly stay in bed the rest of the day, I feel depressed beyond words...Hope everyone else is having a better day than me...
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Hi GFs~
Somber mood tonight, so I'm sorry this is short. I think I will have more to say tomorrow.
I got a call from an ad I replied to last week in the paper, and I have an interview set for this Friday -- GOOD!
Stone called at 5:30pm tonight in between jobs and didn't bring anything up about his son. I brought it up and I listened to him. I didn't agree with what he had to say, and said I'd like to talk about it later. He was/is more concerned about his mother trying to discipline the child. So, all in all -- GOOD!
My mother called and my brother was deployed again today -- BAD, very BAD!
This is why I am somber, I hope he comes home safely, but before he does, I hope he guns down some serious Taliban ASS from that Chinook helicopter!
More tomorrow, I have to be at SSA at 8am (OMG) to apply for utility assistance... :o
~Cindy
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Cindy~~ Sorry about your brother being shipped out. Glad Stone called. Good Luck with interview.....
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hi everyone...just wanted to pop in and say hello. i am still battling the stomach flu tonight...whatever i eat seems to come right on out. i just want it to stop - i can feel myself getting a little dehydrated and i'm not liking the feeling so much.
tonight i read my son the book "Oh, the Places You'll Go!" by Dr. Seuss...and i found it somewhat inspiring:
Here's a little bit of what i read:
i'm sorry to say so
but, sadly it's true
that bang-ups
and hang-ups
CAN happen to you.
you can get all hung up
in a prickle-ly perch.
and your gang will fly on.
you'll be left in a lurch.
you'll come down from the lurch
with an unpleasant bump,
and the chances are, then,
that you'll be in a slump.
and when you're in a slump,
you're not in for much fun.
un-slumping yourself
is not easily done.
you will come to a place where the streets are not marked,
some windows are lighted. but mostly they're darked.
a place you could sprain both your elbow and chin!
do you dare to stay out? do you dare to go in?
how much can you lose? how much can you win?
and IF you go in, should you turn left or right...
or right-and-three-quarters? or, maybe, not quite?
or go around back and sneak in from behind?
simple it's not, i'm afraid you will find,
for a mind maker-upper to make up his mind.
you can get so confused
that you'll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,
headed, i fear, toward a most useless place.
the waiting place...
...for people just waiting.
waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a yes or no
or waiting for their hair to grow.
everyone is just waiting.
waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their uncle jake
or a pot to boil, or a better break
or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or another chance.
everyone is just waiting.
NO!
that's not for you!
somehow you'll escape
all that waiting and staying.
you'll find the bright places
where Boom Bands are playing.
I guess to me it says a lot about living your life...what are we waiting for? the time is now...enjoy your night ladies!
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somehow you'll escape
all that waiting and staying.
you'll find the bright places
where Boom Bands are playing.
Belief~ I can totally relate to what you posted. I have often felt like I am WAITING for my life to start over since my husband died in '96. Hell, if I wait any longer, how much more will pass me by?
THIS....IS....life, and its what we make of it.
Pray for my brother, GFs, and sleep well tonight....
~Cindy
Hail to the Redskins!
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Hi Em~ I know he's not pos, I was referring to "Found some astounding common denominators." Its these commonalities that made me comment "same boat."
ML: I now understand what you wrote. Thanks for clarifying! We have writing, art and a bundle of other things in common. Congrats on the Friday interview.
CJC: Yes. He can cook! It was a New Mexican dinner and homemade salsa. Excellent!
Much to my surprise and delight, this is working out, and I suspect it will be so for a long time.
Em
Em
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Hello ladies. Not much new here. Ml, I will keep your brother in my thoughts and hope he comes home safely.Good luck with the interview and with SSA. Glad Stone was not mad at you. Take care. Queen, sorry you were feeling like that. I went through similar stuff with my oldest, he just acts like we owe him. Hope your son is not so bad.And I HATE feeling like someone has fucked me over!!!!!! Hope things get better for you. Em,
CJC: Yes. He can cook! It was a New Mexican dinner and homemade salsa. Excellent!
Much to my surprise and delight, this is working out, and I suspect it will be so for a long time.
Em
So very happy for you.Hope it is longterm and you are so happy that you can hardly stand it!!!!I feel your delight . Belief, like the doctor Seuss. Hope you get to feeling better soon. Try to eat some chicken noodle or something that will give your body the liquids you need. Well it's off to work for me, I have a lunch and dinner shift so I guess i will be working a 10 hour shift. But I asked for lunches, with Robert in school so my body will adjust. And then I can take the jeans I bought him back to Walmart and get him some that fit. He is a stocky little fellow and needs a 7 husky but they are hard to find within budget. Maybe I will set SSI soon, I am waiting for a hearing. My mom says I should get a lawyer, what do ya'll think about that Any advice on SSI or SSDI would be appreciated. Time to go, I will check in tonight after work. Cristy
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Hi Em~ Its great that you foresee this relationship continuing on into the future! What a relief it must be to have someone close that you can share things with, and learn more about.
I went to Social Services this morning and thank goodness I had phone numbers with me. I was there very early, at 8am, and there were 50 people in front of me. Turns out they were all applying for food stamps. I called my connection upstairs and she sent someone down to get me, so I didn't have to wait. I have been trying to email him my bank statement, but I can't get into Yahoo this morning to access email, weird.
I spoke to Stone a second time last night, it was nice. He wants to see me tonight. I am prob gonna crash and burn since I got up at 730am today. I am NOT used to that at all, in fact I had the alarm set for 630am and had kept hitting snooze!
I am going to go get my hair cut today, even though I can't afford it. I need to look nice for my interview this Friday. If I could just get a job......Social Services building is right across the street from where I'll interview on Friday. I walked along Carroll Creek in downtown Frederick. Very pretty because it runs through the entire downtown area, and they have recently "rehabbed" it, putting in fancy brick walkways etc.
It was nice to get some fresh air, even though it was 39 degrees here this morning when I left my house!
I posted in the 9/11 thread last night, since my brother has been deployed. I included a pic of him saying goodbye to his oldest. It just breaks my heart that I can't do more for him....
http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=15457.0
~Cindy
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PM en route
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Nothing to report.....Back to bed I go....
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Thanks to both of you for the PM/IMs.....I'll reply directly soon!
Damn, I hear an echo in here. Now I know how Queen felt the other night, lol! :D I'm so tired from getting up with the roosters today that I almost want to cancel tonight with Stone. He hasn't even called me today to say if anything is definite. He must have gotten some work lined up......
Going to shower and try to wake my ass up a little.....
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Hi Girls
Well, I have survived the kids and have dropped them off wit my parents. I came home and miss them already, but called and told them that Auntie misses them. I think that I will have to go over there tomorrow after work and put them to bed. Have not heard from Cop #1, its finally sinking in, and each day is getting easier but I don't know if I will ever get over him. I guess that we all have that one guy or girl that got away. But on a good note cop #2 texts me every day and today he sent me text saying that he was thinking of me and can't wait to have me come up there. Part of me does not want to go and visit him since I know at some point that dreaded conversation will have to come up, but EM has given me hope.
EM: I miss IM'ing you. I am so glad that things are progressing nicely with your man and I may need a pep talk come October when I go see Cop #2. Not sure how to tell him. I may not even have to this visit. I saw a new thread that was started about when to disclose, and I am struggling with when to disclose. I waited and waited to disclose to cop #1 and part of me thinks the reason why he is not calling is because of my status even though he says no. But that is just me and could be paranoid and really the reason why he is not calling due to everything he is dealing with.
Moon: Sorry to hear about your brother. I will pray that he will be safe. I was glad to hear that stone was not mad at you. I know how hard it can be to be around kids that are acting out and not being able to say anything and then when you do its hard to know how the parent may react. Glad everything turned out and good luck with your interview.
Queen: I am sorry to hear the struggles you are having with your son. It sounds like he may need a swift kick in the butt. It sounds like you have bended over backwards for him and he does not get it. Now I am no parent and in no way giving parental advise so I hope I am not over stepping my bounds, but maybe when he has to hoof it to and from work he will have more respect for you, since you deserve it.
Belief: Welcome and nice to meet you.
OK girls must get things ready for work and pack my lunch. Made homemade corn and shrimp chowder tonight so maybe left overs.
:) Sun
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Good morning girls:
Cin, I am so sorry to hear about your brother. I hope our president gets his head out of his ass and can see this "war" for what it is. The troops need to come home already!
Cristy-I've been on SSDI for about 12 years. Since you mentioned a hearing, I'm taking it that they turned you down once and you're appealing it, is this correct? I was turned down the first time. But I won on the appeal. I didn't go to court though. But I'll tell you what I did do. I called my congressman's office and got them on disability's ass. I also called the White House, because they have a department for hardship cases. Now, of course, this was when Clinton was president and not the asshole that's president now. But I'm sure they would still have that department. I mean, that's what the government is (supposed) to be there for is the people! I wasn't working either when I appealed it. I was told that if you're working, you probably won't get it. I wish you luck on that. Social security can be such a hassle getting, but it's like gold once you have it.
Queen- I hope you're feeling better. I'm so sorry that your oldest son is taking advantage of you like that. Kids will walk all over you as long as you let them. How old is he?
To all the rest of you ladies-I hope ya'all are doing alright. It's day #10 for me without cigarettes. I still want one from time to time and sometimes the urge is strong. But I have some flavored chewing sticks and suckers that I use. Take care-
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Hello Ladies. went to the dentist today.I was so proud of Robert, no crying , minimal squirming, he was very good. We go at the same time since all our medical offices are a hour and a half round trip. Betty, Thank you. My mom says the same thing that if I'm working I probably won't get it. I have been denied twice and am awaiting a hearing
I was told that if you're working, you probably won't get it. I wish you luck on that. Social security can be such a hassle getting, but it's like gold once you have it.
I am able to work parttime but would go down pretty fast if I had to work full time. The SSI would be a huge help but I don't want to give up my job.I wish I could take a leave of absence but they already gave me a month off for my hysterectomy. I think I will call a lawyer and see if they can help. Thank you again for the advice. I am doing well. Been shopping for school clothes for Rob and finally feel confident he has enough. I immediately change his clothes when he gets home so that keeps them nice a little longer. Sunseeker, hope things go well with cop # 2. Probably # 1 is just caught up in his own stuff. I understand doing the "what might have been " stuff but it will get easier with time. I kinda feel like that with the one I just stopped talking to but he doesn't know how to act so is not for me. Anyway, hope everyone is well. Later. Cristy
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Hi GFs~
Short post tonight as my mind is elsewhere. SS, so glad to see you post and happy to hear of your adventures with the little ones! I like being "Auntie" myself, but don't know how I would do on my own, prob too strict, lol! Remind me, does Cop #2 know your status? I don't think he does but I can't recall....You need a distraction from #1, for both your benefit and his, until the dust settles, so to speak.
Cristy and Betty~ I too have been struggling with the job thing, as you know. Only very recently, this week, have I tried to figure out another possibility for my game plan. I DO have insurance coverage with full help from MADAP until 9/30/08. So, if I can't land a FT job with benefits, I have the option to work a couple of PT jobs and still have my coverage. I could have flexible schedules and still have time to search on the side. When I think of it, landing 2 PT jobs offers a world of possibilities and is prob pretty easy. It would give me variety and would be FUN, while I get back to a day routine! I just might try it. My former catering boss offered some hours, and Bath & Body Works needs PT help at the mall by me. Sounds like fun to me!
I hear you both, I have been wondering about SSDI too, but I would seriously compromise my lifestyle if I did that. I just can't do it now.
I figured out that Stone is still on dating websites and I guess I knew that he was, but it hit me hard today. There was so much jealousy and I was sick to my stomach. I feel that I have invested a lot of myself in the "both" of us. I don't IM the guys I used to, I have been loyal to Stone even though he hasn't asked me to be. I have put him on a pedastal and have respected him, have been a confidant, you all know, we are very close. So, it just hurt to think that he gave his IM out to someone. I tracked her ass down on the internet, too. LOL On many pos websites. I just want he and I to see where this will go. I finally had to call him today and lost my composure on the phone. I was crying and trying to be so strong. I didn't realize I had felt so strongly about him until I saw "her" add request on his computer. I just met his family this weekend, and thats what really made it hurt. He says just because he IMs doesn't mean he'll date, he said he thought we would both see where things would go with the two of us.
I really care about him, GFs. I see great things for us, I really do. Oh man, I am going to go watch "Sex and the City" and try to have a good laugh. He said we would talk later but he hasn't called again yet. I miss him tonight. Sigh.....
Thanks for the kind thoughts regarding my brother.
Queen~ I am thinking of you tonight, will be on later if you want to chat. Q and I are in the dumps, life can be so hard sometimes. She and I just need a timeout already.
~Cindy
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Cin, I hope you didn't misunderstand me. I am an SSDI. Yes, it does put a serious crimp in a lifestyle someone can become accustomed to. I've been on it for 17 years. I'm just looking for part-time work now to get some extra cash. I don't know what to tell you about Stone. You need to somehow detach from that. Take a personal day or something and just be good to yourself without that involving him. Let him know you're getting on with your life and then do that. It does seem odd that he would have you meet his family if he's still going to date others. But then again, maybe he won't date that girl. But I'm always suspect when it comes to others in the game of love.
Cristy, I'm so glad your little one's dentist visit went well. That can be a very frightening time for the kids. I used to absolutely hate going to the dentist. Now, since I have dentures, I haven't seen the inside of a dentist's office since 1989 and I can honestly say that I haven't missed it at all. But dental health is important, so I'm glad your kid's experiences can be pleasant.
Queen I hope you're doing alright. Haven't seen anything from you today. It's so hard to be in the depths of depression. You know you've got us. I wish we all lived around each other so we could all get together for a real hen party!
I hope all you ladies are doing alright. It's quiet around here-
Edited to add: Still no smoking!
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Hi Betty~
Yes, I realize you're already on SSDI. Still the job thing for all of us is a pain in the ass, isn't it? LOL
No call from Stone tonight......Shit.
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I tell people not to go on social security until it's absolutely necessary, because I only make 1/4 of what I made when I was working.
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Hi Girls
Nothing new here but got my new Vitamixer. its a high powered blender that you can juice fruits. make smoothies from fresh fruits with not adding any liquid, make sauces, soups, breads. It has basically taken over my Cuisinart and regular blender.
Moon: My advise to you with the Stone situation is stick to your guns. My last two boyfriends were cheating on me via the internet. They were talking to other girls and when I asked them to stop they did not. To me this was disrespectful to me since I was not IM'ing other guys and when I asked them to stop I got the same old story that they were just talking, but it did not set well with me. My last boyfriend I met on Poz and when I caught him the first time he told me it was not cheating, it was just a precursor to cheating. He kept on doing it, and I turned into a mad women checking his email several times a day to see who he was talking to and would even delete emails before he saw them. Now keep in mind we were in a committed relationship and I don't know where things stand with you and Stone so you may need to establish that first. I am sorry for telling you my story and I am sure Stone is innocent but I know what you are going through and feeling. I will never let another guy stay on a dating website or IM other women unless they are friends prior to us dating and that it one of the conditions if I am going to be in a committed relationship. I hope things get ironed out.
Going to bed, my Atripla kept me awake till 3 am and had to be up at 530 am
SS
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Good morning ladies:
How is everyone today? I am concerned about you Queen. Haven't heard anything from you. I hope things are going better.
Today I have to take a drug screen for this part-time job I might be getting. If I get it, I'll start in a couple weeks. It's a telemarketing job, but everyone there gets paid an hourly wage, so it's not strictly commission. If it was, I wouldn't do it. And if I work there, it would be 9-3 Mon-Fri. Just something for some extra money. Liz called me last night and asked me if I wanted to come over and watch a movie, but I was dragging ass, so I declined. We're supposed to do something this weekend, maybe Friday night. I also have tons of homework I need to get done. I have been in such a procrastinating mood lately, and not sure why. I do miss my mum an awful lot. We used to play Jeopardy over the phone on the nights I'm not in school, and I miss that. She always said that was one of the reasons her mind stayed so sharp. Anyway....
I hope everyone's having a peaceful morning. Talk later-
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Betty, Betty, Betty
You're such a good lass... your big heart just shines through the screen (though this sounds more dramatic in English than what I am thinking this is what I mean)
Whe are you graduating? Can you become a councellor then?
I do hope things work out btw you & Liz and that you have a great weekend.
I'm here reading, not always with good (or any) advice, but I care. You hear that Queen?
Back to the spreadsheets...
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Thanks for the concern ladies. I have not been responding because I have been stressed but has been following the posts. I know, you all are prolly saying when isn't she stressed about something? I put my son out yesterday. I just could not take it anymore and since he thinks it so easy out there, let him try to make it on his own since he thinks he is grown. Let him have to deal with the things I have to as an adult. He did stop by today to get something but not his clothes which he says he will get later. As far as his job, he is prolly fired already for calling off and his quick answer for that is to sell drugs. He doesn't care about getting caught or going to jail, to him it is like a badge of honor. I made him aware that they are doing drug stings out there, be careful. So more power to him.
I am also stressing about Boo but due to my tude with my son I snapped on him. He has had a fever for a few days and is not eating anything. He is taking in fluids. I suggested he talk to his doctor about this but for some strange reason he doesn't think his doctor will do anything but I think he just doesn't want to go into the hospital. I made suggestions to him such as a cold compress to try to break the fever but he had an excuse for everything which just pissed me off more. Then on top of that he knows the situation with my son but says I shouldn't give up on him...WTF? But I'm suppose to continue to let him take advantage, well that threw me into a fury and I just shut down my yahoo and went to bed. So there it is in a nutshell but am feeling a bit fragile...Maybe I will chat with you ladies later..
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OMG Queen, I am so sorry to read this. I had no idea... and about Boo is there anyone you can talk to about this, I mean about your son? Is there anyone who might be able to talk to your son that he might listen to? A friend or an older guy or relative?
I wrote here once that I was acting out as a kid, I was really bad. I didn't sell drugs though. This is so tough.
Like I wrote before I am sorry I haven't any word of advice but I can just hear you out.
Maybe the guys would have some advice, I don't know.
I am thinking of you & wishing you all the strength.
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Drag~~
I am his last resort or it's going into a home. I called a caseworker from CYS and he told me there is nothing they can do that I would have to go to motion court and get an order of some sort. I'm sure you all are wondering where did he get selling drugs from, well that gift would've come from my sister, she use to and she also asked someone that was close to her to show him how. Yep, tis true. In some respects, I feel this is also my fault because I gave my sister custody of him. When I say he is not your average 16 soon to be 17 yr old he is not. The only role model he seems to have is my cousin who just got out of jail not long ago from doing an 8 year bid. He will not listen to anyone, I have tried talking to him til I was blue in the face. It does no good. The only thing I can do is wait for him to get in some type of trouble where he will have to be put in the system. Sad, I know but I see no other choice.
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Queen,
i am so sorry to hear about what you're dealing with with your son. as a mother, i can only imagine how hard that would be...but like drag said - is there someone, a positive male role model he trusts that he can talk with? someone who will help him through this stubborn time in his life? i remember all too well that when i was a kid i didn't want to listen to my mom or god forbid, my dad...but an aunt, uncle, friend...that would have felt better.
if there is no one...we can only hope and pray that he will make the best choices and the right decisions. i pray that he is safe tonight...and i will also pray that strength will get you through this.
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Queen, I am so very sorry to hear about this turn of events. It is so hard to make them act right and when it really comes down to it, we can't make them do anything. You are correct, there has to be a point where you say Enough.I hope it doesn't come to him being put in the system as a criminal. Wish I knew of some way to help but you know how mine is doing. I am thinking of you and your son and hoping everything turns around. As far as Boo, I don't think it's fair for him to make you stress by being stubborn. He obviously needs to do see his doctor but you can't make him. Maybe it would be better to let him stew for a day or 2 then try again. Best of luck. I will write again tomorrow ladies. Cristy
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Oh Queen- I am so sorry about your son. But there's really nothing you can do to change what he's doing. He sounds like he's pretty head-strong with what he is going to do. If he does get into trouble with the law, maybe that would be the best thing for him, I don't know. It's too bad that kids think they can get by in life by selling drugs, but I suppose they never think of the consequences of that. You know, my second ex's brother got busted for selling over 1000 lbs of marijuana and had to do federal time, where there was no day-for-a-day. That broke him from selling. About Boo, there's nothing you can do there either. If he wants to get better, he's going to have to decide that and do something about it. I can detach from people pretty easy because I have a big acceptance level of where someone's at.
Where's ML? Girl, haven't heard from ya! That makes me a little worried, because you're a usual checker-in here! Hope you're alright.
As for the rest of you girls, I hope you all are o.k. It's early here, as it usually is when I post. I read my paper in my philosophy class last night and it went alright. Today makes day #12 without a cigarette. I can't believe it. I think I'm not smoking now just to prove to people that I can do it. I still get cravings, but now they are psychological. I have some chewing sticks (tea tree flavored) that I use. Other than that, I really don't have a very exciting life I guess. Hope everyone's o.k., at least hanging in there.
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GQ: I am sorry to read of the struggles your son is going through and those you are going through, too. I know you know it will get better. Meanwhile, take good care of yourself in every way possible.
ML: Good luck on your interview...if I recall correctly, it's today. And, regarding the heartsick stuff, I can feel the stinging sensation through your posts. I hope you have relief soon.
BT: Congrats on the paper and isn't it wonderful you read it smoke-free?
CJC: Looking forward to your next post.
BELIEF: Still enjoying the " Oh The Places You'll Go" how apropos
DRAG, TENDAI, and those who are new, I hope everyone has a peaceful weekend. I thought I would post far less this week because something went sideways with the adoption. I enlisted help and now must wait. Very long and often frustrating process. Otherwise, all is well which includes GM. Hopefully, new work is soon in the mix, too.
CAMILLE, where be thee?
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Just to update, I saw my son last night. He stopped by for something or other. What he was telling me was not good but hey he wanted to be grown. He did complain of being hungry so I gave him some food to take with him. I made some calls yesterday to see about him being emancipated but he doesn't fall under the scope to be emancipated. Meaning he doesn't have a job because I am sure by now he got fired and he doesn't have his own place. I told him this but I guess it means now that he will be doing other illegal things to get by.
I haven't talked to Boo at all last night. I don't know if he is mad about how I left the other night or not. I sent him an IM explaining my actions and even apologizing to him but has heard nothing back. At the moment I am too upset about other things to even care really. I am stressing with a bill collector about payment on a bill that was suppose to have been taken care of last week but even that has fallen through. As Moon would say, I am in a dark place right about now and feeling depressed. I just feel like saying fuck everything and crawling in a corner somewhere to die. I wish I had more pleasant news to report or to just be able to crack a few jokes but things right now just isn't funny...
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Hello ladies. Queen, sorry to read that you are in a dark place. Hope things get better soon. ML, sorry about that stuff with Stone. I wouldn't be happy with it either.Hopefully you can talk with him about it and work things out. Really tired today. Took robert to the doctor and got him some Zyrtec for allergies. He has been coughing and all that. We also went to Walmart to get my medicines. And buy some hairspray. Yes, I have a wonderfully interesting life ;). i wanted to go see my cousin but I called and she wasn't home. I have suspended my personals account for right now but might reopen it if I get real bored. Since I'm off all weekend, I might get that bored.. Nothing new. I will check back in later. Hope everyone is having a good night. Cristy
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Queen, i'm sorry you're there. I prayed my way out of it. It's a scary landscape....I'm praying for you. And if you don't, you woke up today,..it's cliche I know...but a co worker died at 55 this week from a heart attack. Life sucks I know but you're still with us:)
'
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Yeah, this is true, Camille. Things are getting a little better with my son. He has been stopping by to see me and there is no bad blood. I still keep trying to talk to him and he still tries to tell me that it is not on deaf ears but we will see. Since he is no longer working, I have been trying to talk him into going to night school or join the job corp, just to get his education and a trade. We checked out the site together and he put their number in his phone. I guess that is a start. I am trying to get him to go to night school on Monday, he says he will but you know how that goes. I will remind him on Sunday but one can only hope. So,the hurt is lifting a little bit but I still worry about him out there.
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Queen, you need to get a guy who will be a good mentor for your son. I hope i'm not being cliche but that are a lot of smart (connected people) in your area. Think think think and it will come to you.
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Can I buy a clue? I don't know anyone in my area that could be a mentor to my son. I got your pms, tried to respond but the site is acting stupid...
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So this is my life so far:
I got blood work after 8 months ( I know you will all "gw-fall" or gasp but yes my doctor told me 6 months and it just turned into 8 months. So the i'm waiting. Trust me my doctor is one of THE BEST. life is not all cheery and wonderful with my new boyfriend. There are a lot of issues....he's from South Africa (british) and feels a need to do everything for me. I am constantly asking what can I do , what can I effing bring...its asburd cause its always nothing. I can't set the table or clear the table (you guys are thinking this is great) but when I went to the bathroom he was upset because I ddn't offer him a beer when I got up....is it me or what?
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Hi GF's
Nothing new to report here, just really tired and work is very crazy. Queen, I am very sorry to hear of troubles you are having with your son. As far as a role model goes for your son what about a preacher or school counselor? I am not sure if he is still going to school or not. I have not idea about this, what about Big Brothers/Big Sisters. I am not sure if he is to old for that program or not. Well, I think you just need to know that you have been a good Mother, Mentor and Friend and have you have done everything you can and you should be commended for that. I am sorry to hear about Boo. Maybe he just needs to be in his dark space for awhile and I bet that he will come around. Hang in there we are all pulling for you. :)
Cristy-Sorry to hear about Roberts allergy's. I hope he is feeling better. I wish I had a Wallmart near me, I love that store. I just was in Oregon a few weeks ago and made my Cousin go to Wallmart everyday. Got to love that no sales tax.
Betty - Good luck with the potential new job. Have fun with Liz this weekend.
Camille07 and Drag- Hope you guys are doing well. Its raining here in CA and I guess winter is in the air.
EM: How are things with you? So anymore dates on the horizon for you?
Has anyone heard from Moon. I hope she is alright.
Talk to all of you girls soon. I hope every one has an enjoyable weekend.
SS
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I think it time to use a new thread : ladies, lyrics, and lullabys
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Good morning ladies:
Queen, I am so sorry to hear about your troubles, especially with your son. Maybe now that he sees how life is without mum, he will start behaving and appreciate what you do for him more and decide to get his education. And girl, I know about over-due bills. I have some credit card bills that I'm not paying. What can they do-they can't touch my check.
I wonder where Cin has been. I hope things are going alright for her. Cin, my metal friend, where are you?
Em, I hope things go well with that adoption. When do you think it will be finalized?
Cristy-how is your son (the one that's locked up)? Has he been calling less? It's funny how some people don't get the message isn't it. Sad, really.
Yes, hopefully fall will be starting here soon. Thought it was going to about a week ago but then yesterday it was 87. I hate it when it's hot. Guess that's all part of the global warming thing. I really should do my part and recycle more than I do.
Cam, why don't you start the new thread? It sounds like a good title to me.
I hope everyone else is doing alright. I'm still not smoking, but last night I came close. Oh well, I guess coming close doesn't mean I did, so so far so good. I'm not doing anything this weekend besides studying. Does anyone have an exciting weekend planned?
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GQ -- SS' idea about Big Brother/Big Sisters is Excellent. Have you tried it? I was actually a Big Sister to a young man for four years. He was in an institutional setting and a ward of the state. I would take him to dinner, to airshows, to movies, to my home and on and on. A male friend of mine was a vital influence for years to the young male brother with whom he was matched. The kid is now headed to college.
CJC - You bought hairspray. No way. You like so live on the edge, girl.
BT - Big snag. US Customs is asking for some paperwork that, hopefully, will not set this back too far. No way to estimate. Have decided to just meditate and do all the homework I'm supposed to do. It will happen.
RE ML - I think she's more than okay per a PM and I suspect she'll chime in soon.
CAM - New thread title you offered is good! This cultural differences stuff with you and Ian MUST be discussed. It sounds as if it will be the ruination of coupledom if it's not. It struck me as slightly passive/aggressive of him that you were turned down when you offered to help or contribute edibles, yet you did something as mundane as go to the bathroom and you were told after the fact that you should have offered to get him a beer? He's making all the rules from the description you offer. You're not a psychic and can't be expected to act like one.
SS: Yes, GM is making dinner for me after work this evening. He knows I'll be exhausted and that I have to head home not long afterward. He reports he's happy to have any time with me, duration is not an issue. Pinch me.
Em
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CAM - We're averaging about 115 replies before starting a new thread. We're at 74 right now. You might want to wait a tad longer. Em
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Today is a new day and I am feeling more like my old self. It is nice and breezy outside. A perfect chill day. Indeed. Thanks for the advice for my son ladies but I don't think those programs would work for him. I am feeling better about my decision of putting him out at such a young age, at first I thought maybe it was a bit harsh but now I feel it was the right thing to do. He seems to show an interest in the job corp so I am gonna try to move him in that direction. I want him to see that there is more to life than what is just here.
I am concerned about Cindy too. I usually talk to her on Yahoo daily. I have left her IMs but has not heard anything back yet. I have her cell number but it's hard for me to talk to her on phone because of my hearing aids. I know they charge her but I will try to send her a text message. She can yell at me later. Oh, just saw where Em talked to her per a PM, no text message then. I guess we are stuck waiting.
Camille-- I think you and Ian need to sit down and have a heart to heart, sister girl. I think there is some type of culture clash going on. It seems stupid to get pissed about a beer maybe there is something else going on that has him miffed. Tsk tsk for going so long w/o getting your bloodwork done. Now do it and don't worry. That is a nice title for the next thread, why don't you start the next one?
That's all for me about now. I am a bit buzzed and am going to enjoy my high and wait for the munchies to kick in. Have a good one, ladies...
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Hi GFs~
I am down and out about this job thing. Does the market REALLY suck that bad now, or is it me? I had my interview and it was good, maybe even really good, but I am tired of getting my hopes up. I think part of the problem is that Frederick has mushroomed over the past few years and is growing rapidly. Also, more people are moving to West Virginia and driving 20 minutes to Frederick and taking all of the jobs for lower pay. Here I am, used to working for upper 30's as far as salary and I am getting offers for $25K? I can't live off of that. $32K might do it, but its a significant cut and it would be tough.
I spent all yesterday looking for jobs everywhere on the internet. Even applied for a receptionist position which I am way over-qualified for, but its right up the road, and its for a tax accountant group (I love numbers). So, I thought I could get my foot in the door. Not even two hours after emailing my resume, I get a reply saying I'm not what they are looking for. I am telling myself its because I am overqualified. I have a mind to put on my very best suit, drive over there and ask for the bitch who emailed me. I'd love to know WHY she doesn't think I can answer the phone and schedule conference room usage, ship packages.....My goodness, this has me sick! I have hoped that I could keep my small balance in my savings account and not live off of credit cards. Now, I am changing my way of thinking and I guess I have to be grateful that I have a back-up plan. Those cards will never be paid off until I sell this house, and thats not happening anytime soon.
So, I am highly pissed at not getting a job. Also, working two PT jobs is not going to pay $18/hr, more like $10, but I will try to look for PT bookkeeping, at a higher rate. Maybe do that for two companies and make ends meet. COBRA and MADAP have me covered until next September, but this is frikkin ridiculous, this damn job market! Ugh!!!!!! >:(
I saw Stone last night and everything is pretty much back to normal. I tried to have a talk with him last night, telling him there was nothing for him to be concerned about. I told him it was more that I wanted him to listen to me, about my feelings for him, and anxiety over the website dating stuff. So, I guess I'll just have to be patient and see where this goes, I can't blame him for wanting to take things slow, based on past relationships he's had.
Also, he makes good money even though he struggles and here I am, clearing my damn cupboard down to nothing. Hell, at this rate I can wipe down the shelves when there's no food left on them! I already did that with the freezer!
Sorry, I'm not starving, I'm somehow making ends meet, but this job thing has GOT to give! I have even started applying to jobs 20 miles down the road, which means about an hour and fifteen minute commute one way. That is going to totally put a strain on my neck, but like I said, I am looking everywhere now.......
Forgive my 'tude today. I'll reply more to everyone's posts later tonight, just so tired right now from being stressed out.
~Cindy
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Cin, hang in there. I know there is a job for you. Sometimes things just don't happen as fast as we would like. I know that one, believe me. I am the type of person where I wanted it to happen yesterday. That's when I say the serenity prayer. Or bitch, whichever one works.
Queen, good to hear that you feel alright about the decision involving your son. Maybe that's the kick in the arse he needed. Tough love is just that-tough.
I hope everyone else is doing alright. Notre Dame lost again today, so their record is 0-3. There's going to be some pissed off people around here. I don't really care. I like the Chicago Cubs. I was raised on them. And right now they're 2 1/2 games in first! Lovin' it!
Have a good evening ladies-
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Hi GFs~
I'm home tonight, was too tired to do much of anything, anyway. I was up a lot last night with Stone's doggie, the new diabetic. Poor thing. I got on Stone's case for buying her new treats which have corn syrup listed as an ingredient. I told him it prob had her sugar up, she was drinking so much water all night and was very lethargic. I did call Stone around 8pm when I thought he would be home from work, but he was prob in the shower or sleeping. He has been fighting off a cold, so he needs the rest. Its not like this is my weekend, since I don't have a damn job! Grrrrr, lol.
I just talked to my HS GF who lives in Colorado now. We spoke for about an hour and a half. She is newly single and we were just sharing stories about crap. My biggest concern is the job thing, of course. Thanks to all of you for being concerned, I really appreciate it. I am trying not to panic over this entire thing. I'll be OK, I've got to be, got to get a job......
GQ~ Its nice to read that your son has dropped by some and that you are speaking with him. Sometimes I think it takes someone trying to do something on their own and failing before they realize how good they had it with you. Whether it be a BF, family member, your son, you know? Perhaps the true world outside will help him find his way back to you, where you can keep him under your wing some. I keep thinking about that, that your son will get the shock factor and come back. I hope its the case with you two, I really do. As for Boo-Man, I agree, you have bigger things going on, but I know you can't help but be concerned for him. Has he gone to the doc? I guess you haven't heard much, though. I am hoping that his own discomfort will finally get his ass in gear and push him to seek treatment for himself. You can only do so much for the guy through the computer, esp when he is being stubborn.
Camille~ As for Ian and his beer, lol, I would've asked him why he expected you to get him one, when everytime you offer to do other things he refuses your help? Remember what Em said about my doorbell ringing friend? We teach people how to treat us? That's what Ian has done to you, so what does he expect? Hopefully he's not being moody, nothing is worse than a moody man. I hope you're doing OK, but have a talk, it does wonders, trust me!
BT~ So many posts from you and no smoking!!! I hope you're not lighting up now on a Saturday night, lol! Does food taste better already? Do you feel a lot better? I bet you do, and I'm happy for you! How are things with Liz? Oh, btw, I don't say the serenity prayer, I just bitch sometimes! :D I could go for some Iron F-ing Maiden right about now with this job thing! They don't call me "The Trooper" for nothing, GF!
Cristy~ I have been tired, too, to say the least! Only a few hours' sleep Thursday night (damn Sustiva) and then up at 730am Friday for the early interview. I didn't even take a nap yesterday. At least you weren't too tired to go to Walmart the other day. I am afraid to go in there cause I don't want to use my savings for anything yet if I don't have to, but that time is coming. How's lil Robert? Maybe ragweed down there now? Or are we past that time of year? There hasn't been much rain at all so I can see why allergies would be a real pain. BTW, I think you are doing the right thing with your older son, keeping the distance, and I am so sorry that you've had to endure all of this with him. You and Queen have had a rough go with your boys, that's for sure. Come to think of it now, I am low on hairspray, too. LOL
Em~ So you have to get more paperwork together for Customs. I bet you have gone through a lot, and I can't imagine how patient you have been! It will all be well worth it when you have your daughter with you! I am very excited to hear of the progress and hope that it won't be too much longer for you! How is GM doing? Very nice that the two of you are getting along so well. I still want to call him Bakery Man, tee hee!
Drag~ Hi GF. :) How are things in your corner of the world? I hope your wrists are OK. How are you and your BF doing? Stop by and see us sometime! ;)
SS~ What's up with the men in uniform? Anything new with Cop #2? (Hey that rhymes.....) I told you that you need a distraction from #1! ;)
ZM~ Yes, I still think of you! Do you lurk? Pop in sometime and say Hello, we'd love to hear from you! How is your back? Mine is doing better since I have been getting massage therapy all summer, but there is still a lot of fatigue, I just don't know what its really coming from. Sustiva, neck, stress, hormones....prob a mix of everything at this point, and diabetes, too.
OK, Sustiva will be kicking soon and I am so tired, I HAVE to fall asleep soundly tonight! Who knows, though? I could be back online here at 3am tonight!
~Cindy "Oh Unemployed One" ;D
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All's well.
Regarding the adoption process, which I initiated in Dec of 2005, I've been patient and persistent and I'll be that until she is here. It is interesting if one wants to bear a child, no issues raised, no questions posed. If one wants to adopt, one must lay one's self bare to scrutiny beyond compare. This is an unexpected setback, but I remain optimistic.
GM is fine. He made dinner for me again this evening. He's quite a good cook! Table was set complete with candles, flower in vase. Nice ending to a long day. Only to be topped by stopping by here!!
Take care all!
Em
edited: because of sleepy-time typos
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Morning ladies-
Cin, no, no lighting up even though it was Saturday. I didn't go anywhere because I was craving a smoke real bad and had I gone out anywhere, I surely would've stopped by the nearest tobacco store! It's hard, but I know it will be worth it. I'm sure the physical is past now; it's just the mental that keeps those cravings going. Food does taste better, but my sinuses have not stopped running. A friend of mine who quit smoking like 10 years ago said that the body is cleaning itself out. Whatever. It could of course be fall allergies also. But I am breathing better. Every time I talk to my dad, who still smokes, even with emphysema, I get re-affirmed in my choice not to smoke. Of course, with my dad, I don't think it would make a difference if he did quit. He's 80 yrs old and has been smoking for like 62 years. When my oldest sis has a family get-together at her house and my dad comes, he has to bring along his portable oxygen tank. That makes me think "would I want to cart around an oxygen tank like that?" Of course the answer is no. How is Stone's dog doing? Poor thing. I hate being diabetic and I'm human so at least I understand what's going on. Must be tough being a dog and not knowing.
Em, I know everything will work out with the adoption. Do you know how much longer it will be?
I hope all the rest of you ladies are doing alright. I'm going to get ready for church.
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BT No way to tell when, but hopefully all parties involved will move into ever-higher gear as a result of this recent turn of paper events. It's nearing the point of the ridiculous and my daughter-to-be is well aware of the pending process. Thankfully, she has no idea of the gyrations required. We've spoken seven times and she's more patient than most adults I know. Thanks for the affirmations. Em
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Well, before anyone gets to scratching their head about my avatar or thinking I went off the deep end, let me explain. It is a Major Arcana card from The Witches Tarot Deck. And it is Death. In tarot, death does not actually mean a physical death but the death or end of something. Whether it be an idea, situation or whatever. I'm sure Aztecan can give you a more detailed meaning but this is what it means to me. Due to what has been going on in my life lately, I welcome death, in my life it means death of certain situations and a change is soon to come. Man, I wish I had my tarot deck, I want to do a reading on myself... ;D
Em-- Sorry, that you are playing the waiting game when it comes to the adoption process. I'm sure things will be fine. It is good to know that your daughter has the patience of a saint. I'm sure I could use a few pointers in that area. Glad things are working out with your Man, not sure of his nickname on here, sounds like you are getting spoiled and he is making up for lost time. Speaking on when he was away.
Betty--- Good job with sticking to your guns on not smoking. I would love to quit but my doctor says Chantix has some side effects that affects hearing. If I was to try cold turkey, I would definitely pick up weight. Although lately my cigs have been tasting a bit nasty to me. I am wondering if any of my meds have anything to do with that?
Cindy--- Don't give up on the job search. I know it is frustrating, it would seem that some place would love to have a person who is overqualified or am I missing something? Must admit I haven't worked in 5 years so I am sure things have changed a great deal.
Nothing planned for today but to maybe glance at some football games. My squad plays tonight...GO DALLAS!!! Sometimes I think I am just too butch for words.... ;D
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Hi Queen~ You know I changed my avatar cause of that crazy Forum member bugging me, lol!
Yes, I know about the "Death" card. I always seem to get it when I do a reading, I think its a Scorpio thing. I am always going through changes (Betty it reminds me of that Tesla song, lol), I might have to dig my cards out tonight.
http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=11194.0 Reply#89, for BT!
I am not doing so good today, so I am taking Cheech out for a ride and a hike to clear my head. I swear this loving doggie is THE best form of stress relief!
~Cindy
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Hello ladies. I have been lurking but haven't much felt like posting. Queen,
In tarot, death does not actually mean a physical death but the death or end of something. Whether it be an idea, situation or whatever. Due to what has been going on in my life lately, I welcome death, in my life it means death of certain situations and a change is soon to come.
I like the concept of that. With that being the definition, I would welcome death.I need a change.I feel stagnated, like am stuck but don't have the means to remove myself from this life I have made. After December is over will have the money to change things but am not sure if I have the will. I will have to think on it. Em, sorry the adoption has ground to a halt. That must be extraordinarily disappointing. I hope the gears grab soon and things get moving again. Glad that GM can cook so well and you are enjoying your time spent with him .Betty, glad you are still smoke free. that is a wonderful thing. Hopefully your allergies will clear up soon. I started little Robert on Zyrtec Friday and so far have not noticed a improvement. But i believe it takes a couple days to get in his system, so I will keep at it. As far as My oldest, he sent us a letter but we are not going to respond. I really hate that it has to be like this and it breaks my heart but the cycle has to end. Moonlight, sorry that you are having such a hard time finding a job. Keep your chin up, you will find what you are looking for, it will just take time. Hope your brother is well. I also think it's really great that you are helping to take care of stone's dog. Sunseeker, there is no sales tax in Oregon. damn, i need to go there. Walmart is the closest place for us to go shop. and I like it so.... Sorry work is busy, I would think in your line of work, the slower , the better, Mine is just the opposite, more the better. But I am a waitress, not a member of law enforcement. The local sheriff's and police officers come in where I work. The ones I have met seem real nice. and I like having them there. If they are around, there is less chance of us getting robbed. Nice perk of having them come eat. how are your niece and nephew. Do they miss Auntie.? I bet you are a fun aunt. Stay well. Okay, if I forgot anyone, hope everyone is well. If I can come up with anything interesting , I will post again soon, otherwise I will just lurk
CJC - You bought hairspray. No way. You like so live on the edge, girl.
Em
Yes Em, I soooo live on the edge. Think of all the wondrous things I can do with Hairsray. Hell, next week, I might even put on some makeup. I love you. Cristy(edited cause i need to think before I post)
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Queen,
you can do a tarot reading online on http://www.free-tarot-reading.net/. I did it just once. It sounds like I am promoting this site, but I am not affiliated in any way. Anyway am glad you feel better and that your son's keeping in touch. I hope so much he will have an eyeopener experience and realize he can do much more with his life.
I have been sick with a throat cold-type thing. I blame a coworker who knows that I am poz yet thinks it's funny to sniffle all over me when he has the cold virus and call me a hypochondriac when I back off >:(. Who was it on here who said 'nothing worse than a moody guy'? this guy is moody big time. Even my work roommate says so. He just has these sensitivities and bec omes all offended if I don't want to enjoy his proximity when he is visibly sick. Anyway have not been a 100% functional b/c of this thing, was supposed to meet a poz friend and her new man, but backed out. When I am sick, I don't feel like meeting new people. I always feel like I have to impress.
I have a hell of a week ahead, work piling up, volunteered to teach at a local school, and hospital appt after which I suppose I will get to the bottom of being detectable the last 3 times. Did I mention PMS? ;D
ML, try not to despair too much. I know easier said etc. I understand about the overqualified thing, they might think that you will not be there a 100% and will be on the lookout for something better.
Had a big talk with my BF friday night which was awful, cried a lot, but now things seem to be resolved. It was so intense (and normally we're anything but) that it's hard right now to find the words about it.
Good luck to everyone, with everything. Whether kids' allergies, adoptions, or dating... Have a good week.
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Hi GFs~
Today was "different." I am doing OK now, but it was stressful, I just don't feel much like posting about it. I keep saying things are happening for a REASON, and that I'm right where I'm supposed to be.......WTF? Sometimes I just don't get it. I took my dog to my parents' place while they were out of town, so he could run. I just tried to clear my head and my heart. I was walking and walking around my parents' property, beautiful sunny day, low humidity, breezy....talking to God. Out loud. I have a beef with him of late. Tears were streaming down my face, and I asked for courage, I asked why I was in this position in my life, WHY? I just needed to walk and walk until I felt this pressure and heaviness in my stomach subside. Then my phone rang, Stone asked if he could come to Frederick to take me to dinner, and I was down the road at my parents' house. I agreed to meet him and we had a nice time. My Redskins lost, dammit all, we should have WON!
I am definitely going through "Death" here, lots of changes brewing, stressful yet exciting as I don't know where this will all lead. I just want to come out with my head above water. Sigh......
Drag~ It seems we all have some heavy shit going on now, what the hell is going on with us women? Do we take on the weight of the world because we can handle it? Do we seek it out? Do we ASK for this? I know I have been so confused with everything of late, and the more I try to make sense of things, the more exhausted and frustrated I get. I hope you and your BF are OK. I told you long ago that its better to cry and let things out, he's in your corner, really, and its OK to be confused, upset, scared.....whatever it is, every once in awhile. I am sending my good vibes YOUR way, as mine aren't working on me lately!
Cristy, thanks for your concern. I think I just am smitten with this guy and want very much for things to work, but I just have to slow myself down before I implode or something! I need to take things one day at a time! I am hanging in there. I wish I was with my brother and that he wasn't overseas, I just want some peace, happiness and contentment in my life.....It will come, I know it will, it has to, it just has to.
BTW, since mid-June I have applied to 75 jobs, 30 of them just since last Monday, and only 6 interviews since being unemployed! I couldn't believe the numbers when I saw them. I save all of my emails to potential employers in a job file on my computer. Found a couple of high-dollar jobs this weekend, applied to them ASAP, so I am hoping for some calls tomorrow.
Peace out, GFs,
~Cindy
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Really nothing to talk about....I am just freakin BORED...There is nothing on tv of interest...Even though I am buzzed at the moment, I really don't feel like playing my PS2. Even though I am due for a new game...But as you know with the PS3 out, they really aren't making games for the PS2 unless it is sports games like Madden '08. So, now I am forced to try to track down some older games such as the earlier Resident Evil games, Final Fantasy or BloodRayne. This is not an easy thing to do...I have tried the mall, places that sell older games, and even Ebay but nothing.
I know many of you are saying, Queen really needs a life. In all honesty, I do but I just find there aren't many things around me that interest me. I go to friends' houses from time to time but even that gets to be tiring because they are basically doing the same shit I am doing which is NOTHING.
Sighs...Oh, well.....2 tears in a bucket, motherfuck it, girls.....
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Hi GF~
I looked in the basement for my cards tonight. I opened up all of my boxes of stuff that I had boxed up for my "move." Yeah, shit on THAT idea, I know its for the best. I just want my happy ending already, I'm not asking for much, justa little something. maybe my cards are in my hope chest......gonna go look.
~Cindy
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I have been sick with a throat cold-type thing. I blame a coworker who knows that I am poz yet thinks it's funny to sniffle all over me when he has the cold virus and call me a hypochondriac when I back off >:(. Who was it on here who said 'nothing worse than a moody guy'? this guy is moody big time. Even my work roommate says so. He just has these sensitivities and bec omes all offended if I don't want to enjoy his proximity when he is visibly sick. Anyway have not been a 100% functional b/c of this thing, was supposed to meet a poz friend and her new man, but backed out. When I am sick, I don't feel like meeting new people. I always feel like I have to impress.
I believe I was the one who made the remark about moody men, lol!
I am posting again because it just dawned on me.....Wouldn't this be considered harassment, if Mr. Sniffles keeps getting closer to you, just to piss you off when he is sick? Even if he didn't know you were poz, and/or you were negative, wouldn't it still be harassment because he is "taunting" you? I would talk to your boss, or if you need to be discreet, someone in the medical field that you can trust. Kick the fucker right in his ass, and the hand him a box of tissues and tell him to back the hell OFF already! I went off on someone at work (in my previous life) who always sneezed and made a big production out of it. She would make a big noise and wouldn't cover her mouth. This was last fall, and finally I said, "You need to cover that, please." It started a riff in our department, but I stuck to my guns. She started to cover her mouth, as flu season was approaching. I reminded her over and over that I was diabetic and that a cold could knock me out for a week or more, nevermind the HIV, which she didn't know about.
BTW, last January I was out for an entire week with an awful cold. That was 2 weeks after being dumped by my exBF, but still, just goes to show.....lol.
~Cindy
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Hi GF~
I looked in the basement for my cards tonight. I opened up all of my boxes of stuff that I had boxed up for my "move." Yeah, shit on THAT idea, I know its for the best. I just want my happy ending already, I'm not asking for much, justa little something. maybe my cards are in my hope chest......gonna go look.
~Cindy
What deck are you working with? Just curious....The Witches Deck called out to me when I had them...Asshole hubby did something with them to spite me...I bought The Angels Deck after that but had to give them away because I just wasn't vibing with them. What spread do you use to do your readings? I know a lot of questions but it's nice to be able to talk to someone who reads. Before doing your reading try to meditate first to clear your mind because of your recent frustrations in different areas may cause an inaccurate reading if you don't. To be honest, I am surprised you own a deck of cards...
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All this talk of tarot cards. My daughter used to own a deck (not sure which one) and used to do readings. She told me she gave them to one of her friends and does not do readings anymore as she doesn't really want to know what's going to happen in her life. She says that if she knows, she tends to try to rush it along. I have never had my cards read, nor do I really know anything about tarot. I'm not sure that I would want to know my future either.
Saw a good movie yesterday. "Pans Labyrinth." It was excellent. I would definitely recommend it. Liz came over and we watched that and "Easy Rider" which I haven't seen in eons. It was a pretty relaxing day.
Cin, you've just got to hang in there. Can you venture out further to look? I mean, is there anything further than the vicinity that you've been looking in? Try not to get too worked up over it. Stress plays such a nasty enough role in our lives, I know. I still believe in karma, so you've got something good coming, I feel it.
Cristy, this must be so awfully hard with your son (the one who's in jail). Just hold your position. Maybe it will wake him up.
All the rest of you ladies, take care. I don't have a very exciting day planned. Just have to take some movies back to the library and study. I hope everyone's doing alright.
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What deck are you working with? Just curious....The Witches Deck called out to me when I had them...Asshole hubby did something with them to spite me...I bought The Angels Deck after that but had to give them away because I just wasn't vibing with them. What spread do you use to do your readings? I know a lot of questions but it's nice to be able to talk to someone who reads. Before doing your reading try to meditate first to clear your mind because of your recent frustrations in different areas may cause an inaccurate reading if you don't. To be honest, I am surprised you own a deck of cards...
Queen~ I can't find my cards in this house! LOL I remember just buying a simple set at Borders Books, called "The Enchanted Tarot." It came with a nice book so I could learn about the cards. I did readings in college and then when my husband ggot sick, I pitched them. Catholic girl in me, I guess. I eventually went back and bought another set.
My house is a mess, I should really clean it up, but I am too tired. Everything is boxed up and should be unboxed, so that I can feel like I am living again. I have lots of books and CDs, but no stereo or bookshelves anymore -- sold them in June '06 in case my "other" house was ready in the Fall. I have so many bills and things to file away -- I am already worrying about tax time. I like to be very thorough when I itemize, so I can get the best refund. I bet I will owe this year since half of it has been living off of unemployment with no taxes taken out.
I think that's what I'll do each day, just clean one yard of a room, little by little. Eventually things will brighten up more in my home. Maybe just a corner here, a corner there, clear off a table, empty out a box and try to start LIVING here again. My ultimate goal is to re-do my place for MY comfort and also to ultimately have it market-ready. I am thinking Spring '09. Where will I go from there?...........The exciting adventure continues......!
Mellow today, glad that the season premieres are starting tonight! I am a TV junkie in the fall, with 2 VCRs rolling sometimes, in order to catch all of the shows!
~Cindy
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Yeah, I got my DVR set to record some shows tonight too while I am watching wrestling. It's about time they are putting on the new shows but am anxiously awaiting Nip/Tuck. But has my eye on JourneyMan, simply because I like the leading actor who played on the HBO series Rome, just something about him. I also have my eye on the Bionic Woman which comes on Wednesday on NBC but will also be on SCI-FI on Friday. Yeah, I really watch too much tv, I know.
I am surprised that the tarot card topic actually carried on for a few posts. I expected it to kinda be blown off. Tarot Cards are more of a guide, not really telling the future as in being able to avoid something from happening but maybe making a person aware...Not sure if any of you are following me and am not trying to confuse anyone. It is what I believe. I don't really like doing the online tarot readings, it's too impersonal among other things. Cindy, don't go tearing your house up looking for them. You'll come across them one day.
I did see Pan's Labyrinth, it was a good movie but kinda hard for me to follow with the subtitles. I was wondering why it wasn't in English, was it because the director, can't think of his name is Latino? I think another good movie to see is The Libertine with Johnny Depp in it. I do warn that it does have strong sexual overtones but thought it was a good movie.
Nothing exciting going on in my neck of the woods either.........
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BTW, since mid-June I have applied to 75 jobs, 30 of them just since last Monday, and only 6 interviews since being unemployed! I couldn't believe the numbers when I saw them. I save all of my emails to potential employers in a job file on my computer. Found a couple of high-dollar jobs this weekend, applied to them ASAP, so I am hoping for some calls tomorrow.
Cindy
You mentioned you were going to make a networking call with the real estate agency owner (the husband of the couple). Did that occur? I ask because it's been my experience and has been a long-term trend that jobs are most often found and gotten through networking as opposed to application submissions.
I have several friends who are Human Resources consultants/recruiters and they see this as key to landing what one wants. Further, researching where and with which company you want to be and finally, what position(s), helps you to isolate, narrowly, rather than using a buckshot approach.
I seem to recall that you mentioned in a post that you want to be an office manager and that you've got a strength with numbers. If that is what you want to be, what setting do you envision as ideal? A manufacturing company? Business services? and so on. Cold calling to various firms, although frustrating at times, can be a very fruitful use of one's time. Going to networking events, chamber of commerce events, etc. can be another great resource for leads.
It's better to know what one or two things you'd like to be doing and know or meet someone vital to hooking you up, than to send 75 resumes for a range of positions that are likely netting upwards of a couple hundred resumes per position.
If you've saved all of the e-mails, have you ever gone back to ask the status of the position? Sometimes, the top candidate bails and they have to scramble again. Even if it risks a standard turn-down note, you might hit pay dirt.Of the six interviews to date, have you yet asked for a debrief on the phone to gain insight as to why you were not selected? It can sometimes yield helpful information.
There are several ways to go at this " over-qualified " description of yourself to which you keep referring. If you know, flat out, you're over-qualified for a position. Why apply? The person hiring is going to be thinking, holy cow, this person is desperate and as soon as something good comes along, I'll lose her after I've dumped a bunch of dough into bringing her up to speed. Why would any savvy business owner/manager take that risk? Would you? If you're as good with numbers as you claim to be there's no way you would intentionally invest in an employee who would likely end up leaving.
If you're just slightly over-qualified, write a superior cover letter that addresses how you see your qualifications, how they (the h.r. person or owner) might view them and then make salient points as to where you see the fit and where you might offer a little more than the average applicant. Illuminate the advantages where they justifiably exist. And provide examples if you can give specifics.
If you simply believe you're over-qualified, for almost everything in the geographic range you're targeting, then you're helping to make it so. I don't believe it's of your making entirely, hence my use of the word " helping" but I believe the thought process definitely contributes.
I will share with you that I want purpose-driven employment, that is very important to me at this stage in my life. But, it took me a while to get clear about what I wanted and what I wanted to do. Then, I had to look for specific places I could possibly fit and start making inroads. I'm on the path and hopefully soon, I know the outcome.
Next time you're walking Cheech, at your parents' place on a gorgeous day, why not take some time to envision what it is you want to do employment-wise? With or without Stone in your life, you want to be working, and need to be working.
Almost all of us could tell you we know you don't want to work 60-70 hours a week (which slices out big-paying jobs and, evidently, car sales), you want a commute time that won't stress out your neck, you want to work with a caliber of people who are mindful enough of others, for example, to cover their mouths when they sneeze, and you want to be in an office management position, preferrably using your affinity for working with numbers. Further, you want to be compensated fairly with access to a good benefits program. And, you're available tomorrow! All of us are able to hold this vision on your behalf because of what you've taught us. What else do we need to know about what you'd like to do so we can complete the vision? Tell us. You have a golden opportunity to enlist us and you are not using it to your advantage.
I think your idea about unpacking and settling in is great! Using this wonderful block of UEC-paid time to do so is good time management. You'll have the decks cleared when you land the new job. And, you can come home to an attractive setting that restores you.
The past, whether in boxes that need the light of day and airing out, or in your mind in the form of memories of all sorts needing to be freed, is weighing you down.
I don't need Tarot cards to offer this insight.
Let go.
Pacem
Anne
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Hi EM~
Thanks for the lengthy post, I appreciate your concern. I read it as a checklist for myself! :D
Yes, I called the Realty company back the day after they called me, which was Fri 9/15 and said the greatest compliment would be that they share my resume with other businesses in the area, if they heard of anyone who was looking.
Unfortunately, I don't have the luxury of finding what I really want, but then again, what I want is pretty broad. I can take my skills anywhere, and I have. I want to work in a small office with maybe no more than 10-12 people, doing the books and managing it. I have managed a dental office, a catering office and an architect's office, to name a few. I have really taken an interest in the building, land development, construction, engineering fields (LOL), as I touched on all of that just by working for the architects. I have even looked at working at the Permit office, because I spent so much damn time there applying for building permits myself -- no openings yet, though.
I liked your idea of going to the Chamber of Commerce events, that type of thing. I need to see if my father still belongs to the Frederick Business Owner's Association, and I could network that way. I have also thought about calling all of the engineering firms that I used to deal with while I worked for the architect. I met a lot of nice people, it would be a good way to get the word out. One even had an ad in the paper in June, and I wrote a personal cover letter to them in addition to my regular cover letter, but I didn't get the position. The interview I went to this past Friday with the IRA company was actually in the same building as some of those engineers, so I dropped a few names and made small talk.
You're right about some of these positions getting a lot of responses. Bookkeeping jobs around here are very competitive, so I have applied to HR positions as well, since I have done that, as well as payroll, at most of my jobs. I haven't asked for the debriefs yet, I guess my pride is a little hurt, and you know I have been consumed with this job thing lately.
Maybe the overqualified description isn't totally correct, I don't know. It seems that the jobs I used to do are paying less now and employers go that route to save money. I think people see my experience and maybe think that I will ask for too much, because my resume is pretty impressive. I agree, I may have to start tweaking my cover letters some, to really show what qualifications I can bring to the position. Good point there. I've started doing that already, but not every time. Seventy-five is a lot!
I have started going back to my roots, so to speak, by applying to jobs down the road which would be a long commute, and also trying to branch into another area that I always enjoyed, and that was banking. I was a teller for eight years and then the position just didn't pay enough and I topped out. That's when I got more into the office role and learned bookkeeping. I applied to a bank yesterday, to be a head teller, and they emailed me today. I have tried to reach the contact and have left voice mails. I have to go take a basic teller test, which I am sure I will pass with flying colors. If I get in, the training process is 60 - 90 days before I am in the branch. I wonder if the pay is any good these days? I'll know more when I reach someone directly.
Believe me, all I've been doing is envisioning what I want to do with a career. It always comes back to numbers, organizing, making the office run to its full potential, being efficient. I'm a machine when I work. I thrive in a fast-paced, structured environment. I should really go back to school and get my BS in Accounting, maybe someday go for my CPA. Too bad the PA job cut my pay, because even though I had a nasty supervisor, I enjoyed the work I did. High volume AP and AR, and there was even a cash window, so I got my banking in too. Also lots of young people with questions about payroll and benefits, so my HR experience helped as well, too!
What else do we need to know about what you'd like to do so we can complete the vision? Tell us. You have a golden opportunity to enlist us and you are not using it to your advantage.
Not sure exactly what you mean by that, I know I do better when I can see the results of my efforts. Planning parties for the caterer, the end result was a success. Staying on the City Permit Dept to get that permit after months of waiting and talking and communicating to my boss what was needed, and I was the bookkeeper! LOL I got satisfaction knowing I could help people, explaining the process to the client, letting them know what they needed next to move the permit along. So many times we aren't rewarded by our bosses for our achievments, so its nice when you can see for yourself the goals that you've reached by sheer virtue of working hard and persevering.
Yes, I am actually looking forward to straightening up around the house, getting my things out of boxes, so I can feel more like myself again. I think its a healthy idea, and I feel great about it already. I know, clutter can be stressful!
Thanks again for your thoughts tonight! I am fighting the good fight over here, that's for sure!
~Cindy
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I have managed a dental office, a catering office and an architect's office, to name a few. I have really taken an interest in the building, land development, construction, engineering fields (LOL), as I touched on all of that just by working for the architects.
I have also thought about calling all of the engineering firms that I used to deal with while I worked for the architect. I met a lot of nice people, it would be a good way to get the word out. One even had an ad in the paper in June, and I wrote a personal cover letter to them in addition to my regular cover letter, but I didn't get the position. The interview I went to this past Friday with the IRA company was actually in the same building as some of those engineers, so I dropped a few names and made small talk.
I haven't asked for the debriefs yet, I guess my pride is a little hurt, and you know I have been consumed with this job thing lately.
If I get in, the training process is 60 - 90 days before I am in the branch. I wonder if the pay is any good these days? I'll know more when I reach someone directly.
I should really go back to school and get my BS in Accounting, maybe someday go for my CPA.
What else do we need to know about what you'd like to do so we can complete the vision? Tell us. You have a golden opportunity to enlist us and you are not using it to your advantage.
Not sure exactly what you mean by that, I know I do better when I can see the results of my efforts. Planning parties for the caterer, the end result was a success.
I know, clutter can be stressful!
Thanks again for your thoughts tonight!
First, you're welcome and last, you're welcome. And, thank you for receiving it in the spirit with which it was intended. Knowing a bit of what you're going through, I figured it might be good for me (and hopefully you!) to get my thoughts out rather than revisit them one more time.
What I meant by enlisting is that if all of the women who are following your posts have a better idea of what you want, they can be thinking of you, on your behalf, maybe one of us has a friend or cousin in the MD area, maybe they'll come up with an idea, run into something on Monster.com and on and on. That is enlisting. Telling people what your intentions are and it enables them to support you in a much more direct way. You expand your radar immensely.
Now that you have mentioned architects, engineers, etc. I want to encourage you to find the local SMPS chapter (Society for Marketing Professional Services- which involves architectural, engineering and construction firms sometimes even accounting and legal firms, but mostly the first three) and get to one of their lunch meetings for two reasons: first, I think a lot of your skills are applicable and you shouldn't let the marketing word throw you because the positions typically have a LOT to do with the creation of proposals and second, if they don't have positions available in marketing you can find out if any of the members' firms need bookkeeper/office mgr. positions. It's a nationwide organization, typically attracts friendly, professional people, and it's known for being very network-oriented!! Some bosses kid that the only reason their staff are members of SMPS is so they can be job-hunting. Another group to check out, is CREW, which is women in real estate, development and related services. They're strictly a female-only group and very network-oriented.
Second, I'm so glad you brought up school. I was going to, but thought I'd already brought up enough. I agree --- an accounting degree would be a great career maker for you and usable in myriad industries. And, school will be easier to attend once you've got $flow going again.
The fact that you like to see visual results certainly isn't prominent in accounting, but you could get those sorts of needs met at home or through hobbies. I am the same way to a high degree. Consequently, I like to weed, mow, rehab, design, paint artistically, etc. and it's the before/after visual stimuli that does it for me. I've never left an apartment, house or job without doing something to make the processes or environment better or more attractive.
I truly have my doubts that teller money has changed much over the years. I was a teller a gazillion years ago. With so much electronic banking, the demand for tellers has lessened greatly from what I see in the banks I've been in. For men, it's often a methodical, stepping stone to management. Most of the women hired, stay on for decades---for some it's pin money while for others it's the best job they'll ever have.
Oh yes, the debriefing issue. I understand the hurt pride stuff BUT if you do that, as often as you can, it is a really cool process. It show the person with whom you've interviewed that you're confident enough to learn more about yourself through their eyes, you might find out the candidate bailed or bombed already, you might hear them say a colleague down the hall has a new position coming up, the possibilities are endless!! A young lady did this with me when I hired an assistant once and she so impressed me, I immediately called a fellow staffer in another division who ahd a position open, told her she had to interview this bright, spunk-filled college student. She got the job!
Turns out that what initiated this was during dinner with her family she told them she didn't get the job with me. Her father gently encouraged her to call me and inquire as to why. She did. I told her she was neck and neck with the first candidate. It was some minor sliver of a difference. If I'd had two positions, I would have hired her. I'll never forget what a powerful interaction it was for both of us. Her father gave her great advice.
You might be similarly rewarded for your interest.
Em
edited to include new info and correct typos
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Hey Ladies-
Queen- my doctor gave me the pass for the long period for the blood work cause my numbers were so good. I get the results on Monday.
Ian and I are no more. Sunday I went to church, called him afterwards and told him i was going out with my girlfriend and husband for food and drinks. He was happy to hear it. My friends and I had a great time, went back to their house and really started talking about some serious stuff. I get a voice mail at 8:00 from Ian saying "Thanks for effing calling me, thanks sooo much, just stay away from me!" The next morning he calls me and says he's really sorry.....I call him and said that really think its a good idea that we don't see each anymore. This isn't the first time something like this happened. Now this is the 3 rd time and this drama should not be happening in two months. >:(
I opted not to change the thread just yet because of the madness and men!
Be well everyone.
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Hi Camille
I am so sorry to hear this... why do some men just flip like that?!
I try to think in reverse, what if it was you who went all wacko and insecure (or me for that matter), should the guy give you a second chance? That's a tough one. You obviously decided enough is enough. If he is so possessive and insecure now, what would he be like later. The difference I think is that we ladies can be jealous and insecure, discuss with our friends, but most times the guy will only see the tip of the iceberg. If he had just acted differently, if he had just said "I wish you told me so that I would spend time with you or make other plans", or simply "I missed you tonight", things would have been so different! The difference between acting like a basket case and showing your true vulenerabilty is so thin sometimes, but I find that I never look wierder than when I try to bury my human, weak, natural emotions under a mask of cool or anger. But i am learning. Obviously, you can't hang around for him to learn what he may never learn.
I'm sorry.
Big hug,
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Hi Camille,
Gee, sorry to read of this sudden change, but also relieved that you seem to relieved. And, ready given this is a third-time-not-a-charm incident
I agree with Drag in wondering what would it have been like to become further involved?
Apparently, you are stronger than he and you don't have the same trust issues. Rather insurmountable for him unless he wants to change.
You'll know it if he has undertaken any steps (such as counselling) and attempts to re-contact you.
Meanwhile, you're a fun person and have friends and by golly, you are on the threshhold of changing the thread with a delightfully uplifting title. For whom the thread changes... we who are the fiber ever spinning.
Em
We're nearing the thread change threshhold and
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Hi Ladies
Well, I have been reading but finding it difficult to post over the last few days. I have been trying to keep my self busy. Saw cop #1 for a second on Saturday night and that sent me into a tail spin. I had a little liquid courage in me, thanks to 3 chocolate martini's and was going to tell him that I could not see him any more and that did not go well. I only got a chance to say hi then he had to go to a call. He called me that night to make sure I got home OK and was going to tell him on the phone but, just my luck he had to go again. So for now I think that I will just leave it alone and not call him and do my best not to think about him. Cop #2 is great and I am trying to focus my energy on him, but getting scared since in two weeks I will be with him. I am not sure when the right time to tell him about my status is and my friend said just wait and see how things go since I am not going to sleep with him anyway when I am there. But I feel like I am lying to him in a way. I guess that is because I am such an upfront person and know that I am hiding a secret. I guess I go back in forth and think is it fair to keep things from him when I know he likes me and he may not want to be with me after I tell him. But then on the other hand two negative guys have wanted to be with me after they found out. I guess I am just torn on what to do. I guess in part because I don't know him well enough to know how he will react if and when I tell him. I have planned to only tell him if it turns intimate but I keep playing back in my head of the first guy I told who said he was OK with it, then slept with me, then said he had a kid to think about and could not do it anymore. Oh I hate this. Well, sorry for rambling.
Cam- I am sorry to hear about you and Ian. I think no matter how much we want to be in a relationship we all hit a point where we cannot and or not willing to put up with someones behavior or bull shit. I know it must hurt but I am sure you feel better knowing you don't have to deal with that anymore. I know that is what I need to do to deal with Cop #1 to feel better and be over it.
Em- As always you know that I am thinking about you and how your adoption is going. I am praying for your daughter to be in your arm soon. How is the love life going?
Queen- I am with you. I watch way to much TV and have my DVR set for all of my programs as well. I am also looking forward to JourneyMan and Bionic Women. I love the old Bionic Women so we will she how this compares. CAN'T WAIT FOR NIP TUCK.
Drag- Thanks for the posting of the free Tarot Card Reading. I did it and loved it. I did my first reading last year at the Ren Faire and I thought it was pretty right on. It told me that I was going to fall in love with someone who is or was in the same profession as me and I was holding a deep secret that I have not come to terms with with. ETC. I guess that hit home since I have not come to terms with my status and that time I was dating my ex who use to be cop and is now a fireman. But maybe she was not talking about my ex. I would like to think that she is talking about someone new that is on the horizon. But nonetheless the free reading was great and I had a great horoscope so that was just what I needed to get out of my funk for the day.
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Hi Em~ Thanks again for all of the advice!
Hi Cam~ Goodness, I didn't know there was drama going on, but hell, we've all been through it. I'm so sorry that its gotten to the point where you wanted to end things. I know, sometimes the signs are there and you just have to nip it in the bud. I hope you're doing OK, please post here so we can see how you're doing. It will be good for you. On a funnier note, you'll have more room with just one great dane in the bed, right? ;) Hang in there!
Hi Sun~ Weird how you didn't have a chance to talk to #1 because of the work calls. Things happen like that for a reason. I wonder if you could just not talk to him at all, but I think you're in too deep, since you've known the guy for so long. As for #2, you can't forecast what his reaction will be. I used to date a lot in 2002 and the nicest guys would be the first ones running away, whereas a couple that I thought would run, actually stayed. One turned into an LTR in 2003, so just get those first words off of your tongue, "I've got something I want to share with you tonight."....and go from there. Did you mention that this guy live hours away from you as well? I thought I had read that somewhere before.
Hi Drag~ I wonder about the "reverse" thing, too. I know that in the past few years, I have given guys a second chance. I try not to say its over immediately, I certainly put myself in their shoes and try to understand. A lot of times its just nerves and part of the getting-to-know-you process that is evident in the early part of a relationship. You think a lot like I do! I did my Tarot reading July 20th when you first posted the link, and I did it again last night. I got the Death card back in July, my reading was pretty much a downer. My head is clear today, maybe I'll go do a 3-card and see what's happening.
I got up todat at 930am, determined to get up a little earlier each day and make the most of it. I ate my breakfast and crashed in the chair for 2 hours! I couldn't believe it! I can always try again tomorrow. Time to go check the job listings!
~Cindy
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I can't write tonight, too many things, I just wanted to say I love all of you... :-*
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Drag- thanks, I agree and also question, what's up with the two faces of Ian. I also learned today that the catalyst for the outburst was that he thought I was screwing Jack. I was really disappointed that he didn't he didn't think more highly of me. Jack, btw, is on the otherside of the state. Its really bringing me down the whole break up it just STINKS. And if today was bad enough, when I was at the dreaded RITE AID my car just died. I have a 2005 mercury mountaineer that has caused me such grief. Thankfully, my sister was able to help me out. Her partner is out of town so I could use her car until Mercury's roadside picked up the beast. I will also have the luxury of using it tomorrow for work.
Oh, my acyclovir wasn't ready because the doctor keeps forgetting to fax the right paper work? By the vicodin for my leg was ready, whoo hoo.
Betty- So glad that you're still not smoking. That's really terrific. Glad you had a chance to relax with some good flicks. I too saw Easy rider decades ago. It's a classic.
Em- How's the adoption? Its been awhile and it seems you must have the patience of a saint. You 're child is lucky to have a mommy like you. I just wish they could speed things up!
SS- Did you disclose to cop #2....and how is that romance blossoming? I know its tough to let go of cop#1 even though you had strong feelings over him, but it will make you stronger and you deserve the best.
Queenie- how are you feeling these days, and have you seen you son since you last posted?
what's happening with boo too! BTW- Love the Resident Evil games on PS2. I was a gamer for a couples months. I became so addicted about 8 years ago I had to just walk away..LOL
Parasite Eve, and Abe were some other games I loved....The first person point of view are my games. Oh wait, silent hill was really challenging also.
Cin- That job will come along. I know you've heard it before but just when it seems like you can't take it anymore it happens. I will definitely pray for you and employment if that's the direction you want to go. Going back to school maybe an option, as you mentioned.
As for Stone and his internet accounts, you did the right thing by confronting him. My co worker almost lost her mind.....her bf was on match.com and she would constantly check. It became "all consuming" and really counter productive in her life.
Christy- Sounds really different regarding your son. My heart goes out to you. Try to take it easy on the hairspray, we don't want you reeling out of control.
Belief glad to see you posting again.
Be well GF's my love goes out to you all.
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Camille--
Well, whoever Jack is, is besides the point and not an excuse for Ian. I am sorry that it had to end but be glad you saw this side of him early on. It sounds like to me,he has a lot of issues including anger and the best thing for that is space and plenty of it. Rite Aide is dreaded for you too, huh. I am thinking about switching to CVS. The Rite Aide I just switched to never has my scripts on time and also has put the wrong instructions on one of my bottles. And let's not forget about the pharmacist who thought I was selling my Haart medication because the faxed scripts came back illegal. I think I have had enough of them and has barely been dealing with them for a month.
I seem to see my son on a daily basis since putting him out but the route he is taking is not good at all. He tells me today that he got into with one of his cousins at a pool party for another cousin. Words and blows were exchanged and I guess my life got threatened in the process. The cousin lives directly across the street from me. I guess I wanted to test that theory because I purposely took the garbage out when said cousin was outside and nothing was said or done. My son keeps looking for fights or so it seems to me. I got a call from a friend who said my son kicked the cousin's car today for no reason other than to aggrevate him. My son seems to have blown caution to the wind and seems to be working on his street rep and nothing else. My words are once again falling on deaf ears.
I have not talked to Boo since the words were passed between us. I sent him an IM the following day apologizing but still not changing my mind on things. I have not heard back from him since, so I don't know how he is doing. I am pissed with him because he seems to have just given up and maybe I am wrong for that but if he doesn't care then......I can't make him do anything he doesn't want to do. I guess we are at a stale mate.
I love my first player games for the PS2. I need to find those games like Parasite Eve and Silent Hill. They seem harder to me than the Resident Evil games. But like I said, it is hard to track them down. I would like to get for my collection all the Resident Evil games, Silent Hill, Parasite Eve, Final Fantasy, and BloodRayne. Those would hold me for awhile cause I believe in getting my money's worth out of a game by not beating it in a week. The only game I have beaten is Resident Evil 4 and has moved to playing the after game. I also have Resident Evil Outbreak and Code Veronica but am stuck towards the end of the game...Grrrrr.
I am watching Hustle & Flow cause there is nothing else on at the moment. I will end here for now...*sings to herself*....It's hard out there for a pimp..... ;D
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Good morning ladies:
Cam, I'm sorry things didn't work out with Ian. You know, I have never really bought that saying "we all have someone out there." But maybe that's because of my age (42) and continued singleness. I'm not looking, however. I do date Liz occasionally, but I never try to hurry things into the relationship stage. Liz and I hug good-bye, but have never even kissed. Which is alright, because sometimes the things attached with a kiss are too deep, and may not be something I'm really into right now.
Your Highness, I will check out that movie you mentioned. I just love Johnny Depp. You know, I was thinking about Tarot cards while reading the posts, and I was wondering, is there like a certain one made for folks who are just getting started with it? I was wondering, because I was actually thinking of getting one. And how do you know that it's working? Is there like a special ceremony you do first? I'm asking this because years ago, I used a ouija board, and I talked to a witch first, and she said to "baptize" it with holy water. She went on to tell me that the holy water only comes out of a cemetary. I used the board only once, with my daughter, since she's pretty good with those kinds of things. I swore that I would never use it again, because the spirit of my first husband came out and he was a mean, abusive prick. Someone told me once "if the person was an asshole when they were alive, they're an asshole when they're dead." I guess that's true.
Cin, I'm getting frustrated with the job thing also. The telemarketing place called me and said they only had full-time jobs available and if I wanted it, they would give me one. I told them I couldn't. I said it was because I'm in school, but actually, my doctor doesn't want me to work full-time, I know I couldn't handle it, and I can't lose SSDI. You just hang in there and start the networking thing, like Em was talking about. I'll bet you find something before you know it. I agree with you about getting the things out of the boxes and making the house comfortable again. I change my apartment around every once in awhile just to try to make things more comfortable. This fall, I'm thinking of buying a futon and getting rid of my bed (I live in an efficiency apt). That way I'd have more room in here. I would eventually like to get a bigger apartment, but here I don't pay any utilities, they're included in the rent, and it's hard to find a deal like that. And I just signed another year's lease.
I hope the rest of you ladies are doing alright. I definitely have to get working on papers that are due in my classes. Where I go to school, the classes are eight weeks long. There's still a 15-week semester's workload in them though and I have four papers that are due in three weeks. Other than that, things aren't very exciting here. But, I guess it's better to be noneventful than having a lot of stressful things happen. Have a good one ladies.
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dont u wish u could make a man out of plasticine and make it to your exact specifications physically and then programme it so it acts exactly the way u want it to. that would be fantastic
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.....or break open a Fortune cookie and land the job of your dreams! LOL :D
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Betty==
When I started out with tarot, I had a deck called Rider - Waite. I think I am spelling that right. Most decks come with the instruction book. You can also do different spreads too. LOL@ how do you know it's working. I wish I could explain it better to you but I just don't have the words.... I don't know how to explain it to you is what I am saying. I messed with a Ouija Board once but it was when I was a kid. It's something I don't really mess with or take lightly because it is consider a "door" and if it you are not experienced can cause some problems, let's just put it that way.
Getting back to one of the themes of this thread....Men...They say women assume things and jump to conclusions, I beg to differ. As I said in a previous post, I kinda snapped at Boo about not taking care of himself the way he should. I send him an IM the very next day apologizing for being bitchy but he knew what was going on with me stressing about my son. And I explained my concern for him as well. After the IM, I figured I would just back up for a few and give us both time to simmer down. Why do I get an IM saying that he guess I considered it all to be a game. I am like WTF? Where did he get this from? I could've flown off the handle but explained instead how I felt and why I backed off like I did. I am at a loss because I am trying to figure out where he got this from. If I didn't care then I wouldn't have been begging him to do things to try to lower his fever or to call his doctor...Sigh. men, can't live with them, want to choke the shit out of them. How come gay men can figure us ladies out but to straight men we seem to be a freaking mystery.........
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Amen to that, GF! Sorry that Boo is still in his feverish state and not thinking clearly where you are concerned. Oh just shit on it , I say sometimes. Sigh.
As far as my cards, I totally agree with having your mind clear, so as not to influence the reading too much one way or the other. I usually do the "Celtic Spread" which I love, in order to get detailed views on past, present and future. Sometimes, I'll do a quick 3-card reading.
Ever since Drag gave us that link, I've signed up to get emails each month from the site. Its been more like every week, though. They email you a description of a card. So, I've kept all of the emails in a folder in my email to refer to. Pretty neat.
Got the frikkin Seven of Swords yesterday in the online reading. I always get that damn card, with the lightning bolt coming down at me and all. Too much emotional turmoil, lol!
I have an interview tomorrow with a head hunter who does direct placement, and not temp placement. She advertised a position that is way down the road for me, BUT the hours are flexible! I could possibly work 10am to 630pm and miss rush hour both ways! Yippee! The recruiter is also a diabetic with a twin sister and a brother, too. They are all diabetic and I told her about my pump. Glad to help where I can! :)
~Cindy
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Good morning ladies:
I don't know what I am doing up so damn early.(only 6:00 a.m. here). Just couldn't sleep anymore. I did get a paper for school done. Three more to go. There's only three weeks left of the classes I'm taking now. At the school I go to, classes last eight weeks. There's still a 15-week long semester's worth of work in them. It makes them go by fast.
Queen, sorry to hear about Boo. What to do. Did he say if he was feeling better yet and able to eat. Sometimes it seems like if guys don't get a woman's constant attention, they lash out.
Cin, glad to hear about your job interview. I have a question for you-why did you have to get an Insulin pump? Did regular injectable Insulin quit working or something? And the pump, is it actually "in" your skin? I'm just wondering, being diabetic myself and all.
I hope the rest of you ladies are all doing alright. I'm going to look around here for awhile.