Teens Dealing With Having HIV

[tednlou2]

I just read this Q&A and it broke my heart.  I cannot imagine being 16 and having to deal with learning you have HIV--and had since birth but didn't know it.  Well, she actually has AIDS.  Plus, she's having to deal with her mother having AIDS and lymphoma.  This comes just a day after reading another question from another teen.  I've had (and still have) issues dealing with my status.  Hell, I picked up my latest labs last week, but I am too afraid to look at them.  Like always I think they are going to be bad, so I think I should just wait for my appt later this month to find out.  So, I can only imagine how a teen dealing with school and teenager problems can deal with the news of HIV, CD4 counts, viral loads, etc.  It appears both are facing this head on and seeking answers and not putting their heads in the sand like I did when I knew I was probably poz but didn't test for several years and still afraid to face things today.   

Question from 16 year-old girl:

http://www.thebody.com/Forums/AIDS/Meds/Current/Q211184.html

Question from 15 year-old:

http://www.thebody.com/Forums/AIDS/Labs/Current/Q211165.html

[Ann]

Ted, you're gonna suffocate if you don't start pulling your head out of the sand and start looking hiv square in the face. And besides, while you're bent over with your head in the sand, you never know who's gonna come up behind you and ... well, you'll be fucked.

[jkinatl2]

You know what they always say on airlines: In the event that the oxygen masks drop, secure YOURS firmly around your head before assisting others.

You will NEVER be any good for anyone else until you come to terms with your OWN infection. You think people cannot smell fear? Please.

Work on your issues. There will be plenty of world to save when you are ready. Don't do it "instead." People who do that, die.

[Rev. Moon]

Hell, I picked up my latest labs last week, but I am too afraid to look at them.  Like always I think they are going to be bad, so I think I should just wait for my appt later this month to find out.

What?  You've had them for over a week and you are afraid to look at them?  What difference do you think it would make?  Still, you are OK with reading all sorts of HIV stories and questions from/about other people.  It is time that you own your issue instead of hiding at the body or Gallant's website.  You really need to start moving on and ahead, Tedderz.

If I recall correctly you told us once that you were seeing a counselor for your anxiety.  Is this is still going on?

[Joe K]

Hey Ted,

I don't know what anyone can say, to help you understand that your infection is yours and yours alone. I remember the fear, when I tested poz and denial seemed to offer some comfort, however, it was very short-lived. I lived in a world of fear, not understanding exactly what is was that I feared. Maybe that is where you find yourself. I will not tell you what to do, rather I will make a wish for you. I wish, that someday you will be able to overcome your fear, of your own infection, because until you do that, you will never find peace.

[mecch]

The numbers you post don't look bad. What is it exactly that you fear. Maybe if you can spell it out in a nutshell here, you can unpack it with us and get over this fear.

[newt]

So you got a new jet tub and the bug is doing your head in.... The jet tub is more important than the bug.

I appreciate time is needed to get your head round this, cos HIV does have, how shall we say, a massive social valuation as viruses go, and it's easy, perhaps even necessary for a while, to let this soak through your soul, but in the end, who's in control, your jet tub side or the other one?

- matt

[tednlou2]

I thank you all for your thoughts.  You are all right that I'm still not dealing with this very well.  I'll get there with more time.  Ann, your comment was too funny.  I honestly didn't mean to make this all about me.  I really wanted to point out these questions from such young people about life and death matters.  I just can't imagine dealing with such things as a teen and wondering if you'll make it to college.

[eric48]

Hi,

I beleive tednlou2 wanted to make a compasonate post about those who have to suffer a complex health and social condition at a very young age.

then the thread kind take a turn about tednlou2 himself...

While this is , I guess, not what the original intent of the OT, this unexpected turn also shows people care about each other... I do not know if realizing this helps tednlou2 a bit, but I know for a fact it helps ME a lot...

With love (of us all) Eric   

[tednlou2]

Hi,

I beleive tednlou2 wanted to make a compasonate post about those who have to suffer a complex health and social condition at a very young age.

then the thread kind take a turn about tednlou2 himself...

While this is , I guess, not what the original intent of the OT, this unexpected turn also shows people care about each other... I do not know if realizing this helps tednlou2 a bit, but I know for a fact it helps ME a lot...

With love (of us all) Eric   

Yes, I can't tell you how much it means to me that I have people here who care about me.  While I didn't mean to make it about me, I suppose it was about me, too.  When I mentioned I was afraid to look at my labs, everyone was right that I'm still not where I need to be almost 2 years post diagnosis.  It meant a lot to me that people cared enough to comment and ask questions. 

The lab thing is a great example of how I'm not where I should be.  My doc moved my appt to 4 months instead of 3--which won't happen again.  I was near the clinic, so I thought I would just pick up my labs then.  Then, fear set in and I didn't want to see them.  I thought my appt is Oct 18th, so why not just wait until then to get my labs.  I'll deal with it then was my way of thinking.  But, that obviously shows I'm still letting fear run my life.  Again, I continue to work on it and I think I'll get there.  I realize everyone got the point of my thread, but were concerned with what I said about myself.  It helps to know people care about you.

[Theyer]

If you take a global view off AIDS, children living with the virus is not in the least bit unusual.

t