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Author Topic: sad, why? i have it all?  (Read 2221 times)

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Offline dudeitsmedweeb

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  • Posts: 11
sad, why? i have it all?
« on: September 13, 2012, 12:45:47 am »
I was diagnosed last October, only one month into a fresh relationship, I decided to get both tested, I came back poz. He loved me enough to to stay around. We are both young healthy /26/27 yo. Its been over a year, we now live together.. My numbers are good, why am I still sad? He's really nice, not to mention really good looking. Why do I feel sad/ Why do I feel unworthy? Why do I wish I had died during my drug binging days on meth? Why can't I be happy? Help..
 :-\
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Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 13,455
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: sad, why? i have it all?
« Reply #1 on: September 13, 2012, 12:53:37 am »
Sounds like depression - have you been evaluated by a professional?
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“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline deibster

  • Member
  • Posts: 159
Re: sad, why? i have it all?
« Reply #2 on: September 13, 2012, 01:03:25 am »
Hello dude,
There are several things to consider: 1)Your drug use was just a symptom & the real problem was depression, which needs to be treated.  2)Are you active in a 12 step group & in frequent, open & honest contact with a sponsor. If not, do you have a therapist and/or psychiatrist?
I don't know how long you were on drugs, or how long you have been clean, but it is a long road. A road that Virtually everyone needs help with if they are to travel it successfully. My partner stopped drinking, while we lived together, and he/we went to AA 7 days a week for several years. It's been 25 years & he still goes to AA regularlly.

It is not a sign of weakness to ask for help with addiction. Please ask for some professional or real NA help. If you don't have insurance, go to a community mental health office, psychological graduate school clinic, or ASO (AIDS services organization) & ask for referrals to professional drug counseling. Best wishes & keep writing on here for support.
Hugs from Provincetown, Deiby
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Poz since Dec 1992. Meds since 1995. Disability since 2005. Constantly fighting the Lipodystrophy 'beer gut.'

Prezista/Norvir, Epzicom, Cytomel, Prevacid, Coumadin, pravastatin, Fenofibrate, Remeron, Zoloft, Concerta, Flomax, Allegra180, Nasacort, Centrum, Flax Oil, Fish Oil

Offline dudeitsmedweeb

  • Member
  • Posts: 11
Re: sad, why? i have it all?
« Reply #3 on: September 13, 2012, 01:23:11 am »
I am currently doing therapy with a local gay/hiv poz center.
The truth is I still have cravings, I have been drug free for over a year. During the time period I was in a very dark hole, I took it as far as injecting and having crazy insane sex.. When I started to get my act together I met my man, he is 14 months younger than me, he supports me, but that's all.
My therapist says I am doing well, I just need to give it time.
My mind gets really depressed, makes me wonder why I should live anymore.
I'm so sad. I love him with all my heart, he is the only person I have felt love for, but I feel like its too late.. I know I wont relapse, but the history of my bad phase will for ever be there.
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Offline dudeitsmedweeb

  • Member
  • Posts: 11
Re: sad, why? i have it all?
« Reply #4 on: September 13, 2012, 01:35:10 am »
i don't come on this website as much, if you are about  my age or older, and want to help me out find me on my facebook facebook.com/oastorga
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