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Author Topic: A year ago today  (Read 8921 times)

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Offline Jnm594

  • Member
  • Posts: 111
  • Fight! Fight! Fight the Good Fight!
A year ago today
« on: December 17, 2006, 03:22:20 pm »
A year ago today I found out I had AIDS after finally going to the hospital and had a 104.8 fever, weighed 126lbs, had PCP, and was given last rites. I had 15 cd4 cells and a vl of 1,549,000.

A year ago today I was told I was going to die. They told me to sign a will, a living will for my medical decisions, make any arrangements necessary and that I wouldn't leave the hospital. My Dad flew out to sit at my death bed and told me that he loved me. My friends all crept in silently and wept. My Mother put a flower in my hand and said she wouldn't leave until it was over.

A year ago today I gave away my pets through tears and kissed them goodbye after my Dad snuck them into the hospital (I still don't know who he had to bribe but it was worth every cent).

A year ago today I thought of all the people I owed forgiveness and whom I needed to ask for forgiveness.

A year ago today and thought of all the times I said "someday".

A year ago today I cried because I wasn't ready.

A year ago today I made my peace with God and said it was time to go home.

A year ago today I closed my eyes and awaited death.

A year ago today a bitch nurse came into my quiet room filled with love and sorrow and said "He won't make it" and told my friends and family they might as well leave, I finally spoke up after feeling sorry for myself all day and said "Fuck You"

A year ago today there were plans for me I knew nothing about.



Today I weigh 183 and have 137 cd4 and vl undetectable.

Today I woke up to two squirming dogs licking my face because they had to go outside.

Today I watched a huge bull elk walk across my front yard in the snow and appreciated the simple beauty.

Today I called my Mom to wish her happy birthday.

Today My Dad told me he was proud of me.

Today I took a shower and really felt the warm water.

Today I took five pills that are saving my life day by day.

Today I won't say "someday" but "today"

Today I will go and anonymously deliver the toys I've accumulated for the children affected by this disease so they can have good memories of this Christmas.

Today I will be grateful for this event that shook me to my core.

Today I'll try not to bitch or complain or tell someone else what they should do or think or feel and I'll try to not let the people that do that affect me. And I'll also try to understand the other person when I get attacked for whatever reason.

Today I'll slip a ticket into someones pocket at my ASO so they can go home for Christmas.

Today I'll stand in the snow and catch it with my tongue.

Today I'll take the food people have given to my ASO so others can eat.

Today I'll go to my church and listen to the Reverend who has lived with this disease for 25 years.

Today I'll have dinner with friends and truly appreciate them.

Today I'll be grateful becuase even though this has not been a walk in the park, and my life and being have forever irrevocably chaned, my attitude is mine and my peace of mind is my responsibility.

Today I'll do what I need to do to be happy and to enjoy my humble little life, and if that offends someone then I will understand that's none of my business and that eveyone has their own burdens to carry.

Today I'll remember it is not all about me.

Tonight I'll get into a warm bed with my squirming dogs and cry because I have been blessed because I now know what is truly important.....

And tomorrow I'm thinking of asking that cute guy out even though he might say no.....And if that doesn't happen then I've always wanted to go skydiving.
 ::) ::) ::)




When it gets hard I always listen to my favorite song of all time..........

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJEYu3KgWCE

Offline tryingforhope

  • Member
  • Posts: 64
Re: A year ago today
« Reply #1 on: December 17, 2006, 03:25:19 pm »
I am happy that a year ago today you stood up for your life! Your mom and I must share the same birthday!

Offline Blixer

  • Member
  • Posts: 712
Re: A year ago today
« Reply #2 on: December 17, 2006, 03:33:29 pm »
Thanks for sharing that JMN.    It is so great to see you here and to see how well you have bounced back.  You stated the comparison marvelously and expressed the change in the way you look at life in a great way!  Good luck with asking the cute guy out and if he says yes... All the better!!!!   Best wishes for your next year!
David
Diagnosed 1/9/06
8/27/2007 CD4 598, 29%, VL 58 (72 wks)
11/19/2007 CD4 609, 30%, VL < 50 (84 wks)
2/11/2008 CD4 439, 27%, VL <50 (96 wks)
5/5/2008 CD4 535, 28%, VL <50 (108 wks)
10/20/2008 CD4 680, 28%, VL <50 (132 wks)
Changed to Atripla in 2012
1/14/2013 CD4 855, 35%, VL <40

Offline Longislander

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,489
Re: A year ago today
« Reply #3 on: December 17, 2006, 03:54:02 pm »
HI J, beautifully written. You have incredible parents, and you are truly blessed
infected 10/05 diagnosed 12-05
2/06   379/57000                    6/07 372/30500 25%   4/09 640/U/32% 
5/06   ?? /37000                     8/07 491/55000/24%    9/09 913/U/39%
8/06   349/9500 25%              11/07 515/68000/24     2/10 845/U/38%
9/06   507/16,000 30% !          2/08  516/116k/22%    7/10 906/80/39%
12/06 398/29000 26%             Start Atripla 3/08
3/07   402/80,000 29%            4/08  485/undet!/27
4/07   507/35,000 25%            7/08 625/UD/34%
                                                 11/08 684/U/36%

Offline Basquo

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,385
Re: A year ago today
« Reply #4 on: December 17, 2006, 04:16:54 pm »

That is awesome.  Well done!

Offline Andy Velez

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 34,126
Re: A year ago today
« Reply #5 on: December 17, 2006, 04:27:35 pm »
What a year and what a journey, JM. Glad you're here to tell us about it.

Enjoy those pups and rock on!
Andy Velez

Offline PositivelyYours

  • Member
  • Posts: 133
Re: A year ago today
« Reply #6 on: December 17, 2006, 04:40:21 pm »
Hello Jnm594,

Man, this is awesome!  I don't know you, but I am so happy that you took control over your life.  You are truly an inpiration to all of us out here who have been on an emotional rollercoaster.  Man, YOU ARE AWESOME AND YOU DESERVE A CROWN!!! YOU ARE DEFINATELY MY KING!!!

PositivelyYours


A year ago today I found out I had AIDS after finally going to the hospital and had a 104.8 fever, weighed 126lbs, had PCP, and was given last rites. I had 15 cd4 cells and a vl of 1,549,000.

A year ago today I was told I was going to die. They told me to sign a will, a living will for my medical decisions, make any arrangements necessary and that I wouldn't leave the hospital. My Dad flew out to sit at my death bed and told me that he loved me. My friends all crept in silently and wept. My Mother put a flower in my hand and said she wouldn't leave until it was over.

A year ago today I gave away my pets through tears and kissed them goodbye after my Dad snuck them into the hospital (I still don't know who he had to bribe but it was worth every cent).

A year ago today I thought of all the people I owed forgiveness and whom I needed to ask for forgiveness.

A year ago today and thought of all the times I said "someday".

A year ago today I cried because I wasn't ready.

A year ago today I made my peace with God and said it was time to go home.

A year ago today I closed my eyes and awaited death.

A year ago today a bitch nurse came into my quiet room filled with love and sorrow and said "He won't make it" and told my friends and family they might as well leave, I finally spoke up after feeling sorry for myself all day and said "Fuck You"

A year ago today there were plans for me I knew nothing about.



Today I weigh 183 and have 137 cd4 and vl undetectable.

Today I woke up to two squirming dogs licking my face because they had to go outside.

Today I watched a huge bull elk walk across my front yard in the snow and appreciated the simple beauty.

Today I called my Mom to wish her happy birthday.

Today My Dad told me he was proud of me.

Today I took a shower and really felt the warm water.

Today I took five pills that are saving my life day by day.

Today I won't say "someday" but "today"

Today I will go and anonymously deliver the toys I've accumulated for the children affected by this disease so they can have good memories of this Christmas.

Today I will be grateful for this event that shook me to my core.

Today I'll try not to bitch or complain or tell someone else what they should do or think or feel and I'll try to not let the people that do that affect me. And I'll also try to understand the other person when I get attacked for whatever reason.

Today I'll slip a ticket into someones pocket at my ASO so they can go home for Christmas.

Today I'll stand in the snow and catch it with my tongue.

Today I'll take the food people have given to my ASO so others can eat.

Today I'll go to my church and listen to the Reverend who has lived with this disease for 25 years.

Today I'll have dinner with friends and truly appreciate them.

Today I'll be grateful becuase even though this has not been a walk in the park, and my life and being have forever irrevocably chaned, my attitude is mine and my peace of mind is my responsibility.

Today I'll do what I need to do to be happy and to enjoy my humble little life, and if that offends someone then I will understand that's none of my business and that eveyone has their own burdens to carry.

Today I'll remember it is not all about me.

Tonight I'll get into a warm bed with my squirming dogs and cry because I have been blessed because I now know what is truly important.....

And tomorrow I'm thinking of asking that cute guy out even though he might say no.....And if that doesn't happen then I've always wanted to go skydiving.
 ::) ::) ::)





PositivelyYours

Diagnosed: 08/10/2006
08/31/06 CD4:240/VL:39,000
09/12/06 CD4:359/VL:50,000
11/16/06 CD4:509/VL:76,000 (Flu Shot)
02/13/07 CD4:270/VL:69,000
02/17/07 Developed the Shingles
02/20/07 CD4:326/VL (Not Tested)
03/20/07 CD4:484/VL:54,000
06/19/07 CD4:488/VL:51,000
09/18/07 CD4:372/VL:27,000
10/09/07 Took Flu Shot
12/18/07 CD4:408/VL:85,000
03/18/08 CD4:394/VL:116,000 (Still No Meds)
05/22/08 CD4:412/VL:63,000
08/13/08 CD4:362/VL:67,000
09/23/08 Took Flu Shot
10/15/08 CD4:340/VL:54,000
11/14/08 Started Atripla @ 9:45 p.m.
1/30/09 CD4:641/VL:<48 Copies
5/07/09 CD4:667/VL: Undetectable
12/02/09 CD4:759/VL: Undetectable
03/05/10 CD4:537/VL: Undetectable
03/16/10 Rec'd TB Skin Test, Pneumonia & Hep B Vac
04/15/10 Hep B & Tetanus Vac
6/10 CD4: 748 VL: Undet.

Offline water duck

  • Member
  • Posts: 404
Re: A year ago today
« Reply #7 on: December 17, 2006, 05:10:57 pm »
What an inspiring thread !!

Thank you for sharing such a beautiful ' GIFT '

Offline DanielMark

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,475
Re: A year ago today
« Reply #8 on: December 17, 2006, 05:32:01 pm »
What a great post, Jnm594!

I love your attitude. It speaks volumes about who you are, and shows you have a strong and beautiful soul.

Thank you!

Daniel
MEDS: REYATAZ & KIVEXA (SINCE AUG 2008)

MAY 2000 LAB RESULTS: CD4 678
VL STILL UNDETECTABLE

DIAGNOSED IN 1988

Offline Alain

  • Member
  • Posts: 679
  • I am.
Re: A year ago today
« Reply #9 on: December 17, 2006, 07:04:13 pm »
JNM954,

Today I am so thankful to you and your post, because I needed it so baldy.

Great post and wonderful to read.

Thank you for sharing. :)

Offline allopathicholistic

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,258
Re: A year ago today
« Reply #10 on: December 17, 2006, 07:13:45 pm »
Wow, wow and more WOW ... What difference one year makes!! Congratz on the weight gain and all that good stuff. Oh goodness, so inspirational - Bless you honey!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 :)  :)  :)

Offline Queen Tokelove

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,031
  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: A year ago today
« Reply #11 on: December 17, 2006, 07:14:41 pm »
That was very nice. You have come a long way.
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

Offline ndrew

  • Member
  • Posts: 695
  • ....-.-.-.-.-.....
Re: A year ago today
« Reply #12 on: December 17, 2006, 07:22:25 pm »
Tonight I read your post and tears rolled down my face.

I think I am fighting too hard with life.  You have made it simple and full of love.  I am trying to prove something and it makes me selfish.

You remind us that WE ALL HAVE THE SAME THING TO BE THANKFUL FOR.

Luv and support,
Drew

Offline Eldon

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,664
Re: A year ago today
« Reply #13 on: December 17, 2006, 07:48:08 pm »
Hello Jnm594...

Truly, you are a living, able and walking testimony for others.

Truly, we all have a lot to be thankful and grateful for.

Truly, there is a positive outlook on our future lives.

Truly, there is a reason that we are all here today to share with one another.

Truly, our hearts are filled with joy and inspiration.

Truly, it was a blessing for you to share your story with us.

Truly, there is a message that is within your post.

Truly, Truly, Truly.

"Don't Give Up, Don't Give In... Cause it is ALL within you to WIN!"

Offline Amosboy

  • Member
  • Posts: 156
  • Music is the panacea.
Re: A year ago today
« Reply #14 on: December 17, 2006, 09:33:32 pm »
You are one beautiful person!  Many more years to you and your willingness to say "Fuck You" when appropriate  ;D
"Love isn't love unless it's not painfully absurb."

-Charlotte Martin

Offline catwoman

  • Member
  • Posts: 111
Re: A year ago today
« Reply #15 on: December 17, 2006, 10:55:53 pm »
Thank you!!  You are wonderful.  I was diagnosed a year ago December 9.  You have put into words exactly what I went through with some details changed but you spoke about me as you spoke about yourself.  Thank you for such beautiful words. 

Offline Robert

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,658
Re: A year ago today
« Reply #16 on: December 17, 2006, 11:39:54 pm »
you've got a great outlook.  And it only gets better.  I had the same prognosis 3 years ago and all I can say is that life is good.

robert
..........

Offline suzieque

  • Member
  • Posts: 61
Re: A year ago today
« Reply #17 on: December 18, 2006, 04:25:18 am »

     Best, best wishes to you!! So happy to hear you are doing so well...long may you continue!!
                      Love and hugs,
                              Suzie ;D

Offline Nadine

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,253
  • Member since: August 2005
Re: A year ago today
« Reply #18 on: December 18, 2006, 05:40:57 am »
Today you touched my heart. Thank You!

((BIG HUGS))

Offline poet

  • Member
  • Posts: 934
  • Poet living and working in Central Maine
Re: A year ago today
« Reply #19 on: December 18, 2006, 05:48:24 am »
Great post, Jnm, for the season we are in, for you and everyone.  If we remember the thread about how hiv positive Americans have been lost in the press, you have answered what I meant when I said that now that the famous lives which ended early are no longer in the news, 'our' efforts should be focused on showing, daily, weekly, monthly, yearly, the value of what people with hiv who are given the chance to continue their lives can do.  If each of us picked up and followed through on your second list in our own ways, each of us would be building something wonderful.  Best, Win
Winthrop Smith has published three collections of poetry: Ghetto: From The First Five; The Weigh-In: Collected Poems; Skin Check: New York Poems.  The last was published in December 2006.  He has a work-in-progress underway titled Starting Positions.

Offline Razorbill

  • Member
  • Posts: 622
Re: A year ago today
« Reply #20 on: December 18, 2006, 06:21:56 am »
What a great post to read in the morning - thank you. 

Offline J.R.E.

  • Member
  • Posts: 8,207
  • Positive since 1985, joined forums 12/03
Re: A year ago today
« Reply #21 on: December 18, 2006, 08:12:20 am »
Hello Jnm,

I am very impressed, and moved with your post, and just want to thankyou for sharing.It placed me back in earlier time for myself back in 2003. It shows your charactor, strength, and determination, and willpower !!



Wishing you the best------Ray
Current Meds ; Viramune / Epzicom Eliquis, Diltiazem. Pravastatin 80mg, Ezetimibe. UPDATED 2/18/24
 Tested positive in 1985,.. In October of 2003, My t-cell count was 16, Viral load was over 500,000, Percentage at that time was 5%. I started on  HAART on October 24th, 2003.

 As of Oct 2nd, 2023, Viral load Undetectable.
CD 4 @676 /  CD4 % @ 18 %
Lymphocytes,absolute-3815 (within range)


72 YEARS YOUNG

Offline ACinKC

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,994
  • Bring it VIRUS! #2 Ranked In-crowd Member!
Re: A year ago today
« Reply #22 on: December 18, 2006, 12:27:21 pm »
simply AMAZINGLY put!!!

BRAVO!  One of the best reads of the year for me!  NICE JOB!

LIFE is not a race to the grave with the intention of arriving safely
in a pretty and well-preserved body, but, rather to skid in broadside,
thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming--WOW! WHAT A
RIDE!!!

Offline AlanBama

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,670
  • Alabama: the 'other' 3rd World Country!
Re: A year ago today
« Reply #23 on: December 18, 2006, 12:35:37 pm »
A beautiful and inspiring post, JNM.   Thank you, and congratulations for still being here!

Welcome to the survivor's club.

hugs,

Alan
"Remember my sentimental friend that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others." - The Wizard of Oz

Offline Jnm594

  • Member
  • Posts: 111
  • Fight! Fight! Fight the Good Fight!
Re: A year ago today
« Reply #24 on: December 22, 2006, 05:29:29 pm »
Thank you all for the kind replies and for the numerous PM's. You are all winners in my book..

Keep Up The Good Fight! ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
When it gets hard I always listen to my favorite song of all time..........

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJEYu3KgWCE

Offline Eldon

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,664
Re: A year ago today
« Reply #25 on: December 22, 2006, 08:09:32 pm »
Yes, I AM Supporting You

Hey Jnm594...

You too are also a winner in our book. Your characteristics and your traits are totally admirable. AWESOME outlook!

Enjoy your Holiday Season.

"Don't You Dare Give Up, Don't You Dare Give In... Cause it is ALL within you to WIN!"

Offline northernguy

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,347
Re: A year ago today
« Reply #26 on: December 25, 2006, 05:33:03 pm »
Thanks for the post Jnm, it was inspiring.
Apr 28/06 cd4 600 vl 10,600 cd% 25
Nov 8/09 cd4 510 vl 49,5000 cd% 16
Jan 16/10 cd4 660 vl 54,309 cd% 16
Feb 17/10 Started Atripla
Mar 7/10 cd4 710 vl 1,076 cd% 21
Apr 18/10 cd4 920 vl 268 cd% 28
Jun 19/10 cd4 450 vl 60 cd% 25
Aug 15/10 cd4 680 vl 205 cd% 27
Apr 3/11 cd4 780 vl <40 cd% 30
Jul 17/11 cd4 960 vl <40 cd%33
April 15/12 cd4 1,010 vl <40 cd% 39
April 20/12 Switched to Viramune + Truvada
Aug 2/12 cd4 1040, vl <40, cd% 38
Oct 19 cd4 1,110 vl <40 cd% 41

ChicagoMike

  • Guest
Re: A year ago today
« Reply #27 on: December 30, 2006, 10:44:06 am »
WONDERFUL POST!!!!

THANK YOU!!!!

 


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