Question of Numbers

[Life]

Talked with William tonight and he finally got his numbers back..   These dont make sense but this is what they have been coming back for along time now in as much as low vl and high %.  He has yet to see the Hematologist..

Cd4 86
CD4 percentage 28%
vl 28,000 - up 10,000 over the past six months..

His percentage has always been extremly high and his vl is nothing huge...   I hope they can figure this out.  He sees the Hematologist next week then Ben will review the findings..  Will is not on any anti-virals and has never been.

Eric

[Jeffreyj]

How come he's never been on meds. Think it's getting to be that time?
God bless Eric, I hope you two can find peace.

[Miss Philicia]

Yeah, I don't get it Eric.  Maybe you could provide a brief summary of the backstory here because I don't recall all of it, and I'm too lazy to go and research your old posts.

But whatever, he should have been on meds like yesterday.

[Life]

I feel he was trying to do everything healthy and trying to get his cd4's to come back over the past six months.  He was around 200+ in December and now at 86.  He has been under alot of undue stress with quiting his job, moving out of our home here and relocating as well as dealing with very ill parents.   I have tried my best to tell him that can only go so far.   Dr. Ben is still working on why his percentage remains high yet his cd4's are in the crapper.   But this has been consistnat.   CD4's around 300 and and his percentages over 30% and viral load at 1,500 for a very long time.   I have never seen numbers that dont add up like Williams...   At least he is now at the forefront of working with Dr. Ben and they are all over him with finding out whats going on.   He is probably in better care being where he is.   I still worry about him and I hope there is a good outcome to whatever treatment or whatever they find that is causing these numbers to be so inverted in relationship to eachother....  I am clueless....

Thats about all I can ofer in back story...

Eric

[Miss Philicia]

OK, but that still doesn't answer the question of why he's waited so long past the 350 cd4 count CDC recommendation for commencing treatment.  Or are you trying to say that this all plummeted in the past month or two?  I'm still confused on the timeline.

[Life]

Unknown why he did not go on meds at 350.   Either his cd% was showing he was in better shape.  He still holds a 28% marker which if you do the math does not equate to 86 cd4 counts right?  His platelett level is extremly bad right now and I know the office is trying to figure out what is going on without prior to meds.  He does not share everything with me unfortuantely..

Eric

[Miss Philicia]

Unknown why he did not go on meds at 350.   Either his cd% was showing he was in better shape.  He still holds a 28% marker which if you do the math does not equate to 86 cd4 counts right?  His platelett level is extremly bad right now and I know the office is trying to figure out what is going on without prior to meds.  He does not share everything with me unfortuantely..

Eric

I believe the CDC protocol is to look at total cd4 counts, not the %, when basing the decision to start meds.  He's way past due, and while he may not share everything with you obviously you know what his lab numbers are.  How insistent are you with the issue?  It's not really my place to offer an analysis of your relationship with your now ex-lover, but you know this is kind of a big deal.  And IIRC you're now funding his medical expenses and insurance, so in fact you have some leverage.  Whether you chose to utilize this leverage is up to you.  I know what I would do.

[Joe K]

I have tried my best to tell him that can only go so far.

Dear Eric,

You have told William how you feel about this and now it's time for you to learn to let go.  No matter how much you love him, you cannot force him to follow your advice.  I find the fact that he does not share all of his medical information with you, almost cruel, because you only have part of the picture.  However, what would bother me the most is the fact that he is so cavalier about his health.  With all that we know about treating HIV, I am dumbfounded that he has refused to consider antivirals, if for nothing else, to help increase his CD4s.

I know you love him and want what is best for him, but what about you?  Stuff like this will just keep ripping your heart out and at some point, you need to pull back and do what is best for you.  I am not suggesting that you stop loving or caring about him, just that you accept your inability to change how he treats his infection.  We can love someone, while not always liking the choices they make.  However, his decisions and any resulting drama, should be viewed from afar, because you know that every time you try to get too close, you get burned.

[Life]

Its not alot of fun letting go but I am working on it...   Thanks for your words of concern for me.   I am starting to realize that I can survive on my own.   Alot of people are kicking my ass up and down trying to shake me loose a bit.   I do not enjoy "change" and I get into a routine that is now gone.   Not that our lives together were that, they were just comfortable in knowing we had each other.   Now that he is in trouble, I hope he finds the resources he needs to survive.  I have seen alot in my short time in being hiv positive..  I want him to have the same opportunities I was given in the beginning.   I know he has one of the best doc's working on him.  I just hope he heeds his advise and gets started on a regimen that will at least keep us together for many more years even just as good friends who shared alot of time together once upon a time....

Hugs,

Eric

[Jeffreyj]

I really agree with Kill here Eric. It is time to start taking a stand for yourself so you don't get burned. I understand it's not easy to let go, but some times we must do what is best for ourselves. I hope the best for you ole bud.