Today was the day...

[leese43]

...I told my parents. What a relief, I feel like a weight has been lifted.

I had no doubt that they would react the way they did..which was loving and supportive, I just didn't want to see the pain in their eyes. They took it even better than I thought, funnily enough my mum had sat and watched a documentary on HIV and meds just yesterday and she was really very cool about it. She did say that she was pleased she had watched it now.

Just thought I'd share.

[Miss Philicia]

Good for you sweetheart.  Yeah, my parents reacted the same way -- obviously shocked by the news, but immediately and unquestionably supportive and loving, and to this day remain my primary cheerleaders.

I'm very happy for you.

[Rev. Moon]

That's great news Leese. It is always important to have the support of those who love us most.  You'll see how this is only going to make things better for you (less stress, no hiding, someone to count on, etc.). 

[leese43]

I'm very happy for you.

Thank you

[leese43]

That's great news Leese. It is always important to have the support of those who love us most.  You'll see how this is only going to make things better for you (less stress, no hiding, someone to count on, etc.). 

You know, I already feel it and my dad said exactly the same thing. Thanks for the words

[skeebo1969]

 Glad to hear it went well, must have been such a relief for you.

[bocker3]

I'm very happy for you.  One can never have enough support in your corner -- sounds like your parents will be that for you.  It's always a good thing when we can lessen unnecessary stress -- and keeping secrets from those we love add stress!

Hugs,
Mike

[phildinftlaudy]

Great news and glad to hear u have their support.  My parents are supportive - albeit quite, but they, in their own way are supportive.  The trouble I am having now is that I am participating this Sunday in an AIDS walk -- I have asked for donations on my facebook page and have gotten a few; however, I know that many of my extended family members would donate if they knew I was infected -- but, out of respect to my parents - I have not told extended family members --- It doesn't matter to me if they know, but it does to my parents.  I just talked to my mother about it again and her suggestion was that I say I have lost friends to AIDS and have friends infected --- I was hoping to get her over the hump to say go ahead and let other family members know.  It would be easy to do and I probably would get support - it is the parents who have the fear and apprehension about me disclosing to extended family.  I am of the belief that if someone has a problem with it, that is their problem, not mine.  But, I guess that sometimes we can't act selfishly and have to take other feelings into consideration.  Hope this didn't seem like a hijack --- just trying to expand my disclosure outside of immediate family and friends without disrepecting the feelings of others (the parents).

[kev72]

Hello Phildinftlaudy,

I can understand you feeling a weight being lifted. This is all very new to me and I was going through the same thing. I actually told my father yesterday. I had been avoiding it because he is still grieving the loss of my older brother who died unexpectedly this past year at 42 while on vacation with Bahamas.
I was afraid my news would throw him over the edge. He knows I have been feeling like hell for months and kept saying it was all in my head.

We were out to dinner and I was feeling crummy. He started in that he was worried about me and thinks stress from work is causing my symptoms so I finally explained what was going on really. I could tell that the news hit him hard, but he listened and seemed interested but concerned. I did not overwhelm with all the details. His wife called me today and said he cried when they got home, but he was on the internet today researching everything.

I am lucky because my mother who already knows is in the healthcare field and is a great support system because she deals alot with it. I can call her with questions and she is a good sounding board.

I am happy all worked out for you. Kev

[tednlou2]

I haven't told my parents yet.  As I said before, my brother found out because a nurse outed me.  I feel something has changed with him.  Over the last year, he has argued with me more over minor things.  I wonder whether it is his way of punishing me somehow.  I asked him about this and he said no.  It could be something subconscious he is doing. 

I'm so glad things went well with you.  I think it is good to tell people who you know will be a support system.  And, it helps to reduce the stigma.  If we had cancer, we would tell the mailman. 

[YaKaMein]

@ Leese43: Glad that worked out for you
@ Miss Phillicia: Parents? I thought you sprang out fully grown like Athena ... but happy went well for you

[mewithu]

I am glad for you tha they support you. Mine are not suportive at all.

[darkerpozz]

Leese43, that's great that your parents are supportive.You can't ask for better news than love given regardless of circumstance.

[Angel-Ronnie]

Disclosing to parents are never easy, but once done it is like a weight lifted from your shoulders. Awesome that they are so supportive. My dad was just as supportive and mom still is just as awesome and understanding towards it.

My partner is the best he supports me emotionally and i must say i take my hat off to him for being such a good man to me.

[bocker3]

I haven't told my parents yet.  As I said before, my brother found out because a nurse outed me.  I feel something has changed with him.  Over the last year, he has argued with me more over minor things.  I wonder whether it is his way of punishing me somehow.  I asked him about this and he said no.  It could be something subconscious he is doing. 

I'm so glad things went well with you.  I think it is good to tell people who you know will be a support system.  And, it helps to reduce the stigma.  If we had cancer, we would tell the mailman. 

You know -- it could be that he is struggling (subconsciencely or not) with having to keep your secret.  I know that he shouldn't know (meaning you hadn't planned on telling him), but he does.  Keeping secrets can be stressful.  I know that my brother has asked me not to tell anyone in my family about his HIV diagnosis and it is hard -- especially because I'm open about my own diagnosis.

Just a thought.........

Mike

[leese43]

You know -- it could be that he is struggling (subconsciencely or not) with having to keep your secret.  I know that he shouldn't know (meaning you hadn't planned on telling him), but he does.  Keeping secrets can be stressful.  I know that my brother has asked me not to tell anyone in my family about his HIV diagnosis and it is hard -- especially because I'm open about my own diagnosis.

Just a thought.........

Mike

Yes Ted..this may be it. I told my sister 2 years ago, she's been very supportive and has often tried to encourage me to tell my parents. They would have conversations about me and smoking..i had given up after being in the hospital for 3 weeks but was diagnosed a couple months later and took it up again. They could never understand it as they felt i'd almost died and should know better (which is true) Those conversations were hard for her as she had all the details, knew I was suffering with depression but could never say anything. I told her the news last night and could hear the relief in her voice.

[leese43]

Thanks everyone for your words. I really believe becoming a part of this community and reading others stories has helped with where I'm at now.

[StacheBC]

Leese,

Your story gives me courage, since my family doesn't know about my HIV status. Not because I believe they wouldn't be supportive, but as you stated: "I just didn't want to see the pain in their eyes".   I worry that they would worry. 
As time goes by it becomes harder since I also need to explain why I waited so long... it becomes a vicious circle.

When you told your parents, how did they react regarding the fact that you didn't tell them sooner?

Thanks for sharing this.

[Dale Parker]

Leese I'm glad that your parents took it so well. Since they were somewhat educated on the subject I'm sure that it made your news easier to take. Family can be surprising supportive even when you least expect it. My sisters husband is super homophobic. I was really worried about his reaction when he found out. He's done a complete 180 with me. It's like I'm his new best friend.  

I've never asked any of the people that I told to keep it a secret. I have told them that I really don't wish it to be public knowledge out side my immediate family but I made it clear to them that if they did accidentally tell any one it is OK. All I asked was for them to let me know who they told so if they started to ask questions I could decide how much information I could give them.

Phil:  I'm in the same boat as you. I want to do a aids charity ride this summer. I'm sure most of my family has put 2+2 together to = I'm gay and that if I tell them I'm doing a Aids bike ride they will put 4+4 together to know I'm positive. I really don't care if they know as I'm sure they will be supportive. I really don't them to worry about me as my health at the moment is quite good. So I'm going to tell them that I'm doing volunteer work in a food bank where most of the clients are positive and they suggested I do it as they know how much I like to ride my bike. Good luck with your walk.

[leese43]

When you told your parents, how did they react regarding the fact that you didn't tell them sooner?

Thanks for sharing this.

They didn't make a big issue out of it, my dad just said...you should have told us, we're your parents, you can talk to us about anything.

In my mind I'd made it one of the hardest things I'd have to do when, in actual fact,  it was the opposite.

I think one of the nicest things about it was that I didn't leave on a "down" note. We had normal conversation after about life in general, what the kids had been up to that week etc.

I would never tell anyone that they have to do it, but I will say for the last 2 days I have felt so much better within myself.

Leese I'm glad that your parents took it so well. Since they were somewhat educated on the subject I'm sure that it made your news easier to take. Family can be surprising supportive even when you least expect it. My sisters husband is super homophobic. I was really worried about his reaction when he found out. He's done a complete 180 with me. It's like I'm his new best friend.  

It's great to hear that your brother in law is there for you, we shouldn't have to say we're lucky to have supportive family as all should be just that, but unfortunately for a few that isn't the case. I do believe that's a minority though.

Leese

edited to allow you to breathe  

[Dale Parker]

My brother in law turned out to be one in a million. He really blew me away. Prior to my diagnosis there was a picture of the gay pride parade in the paper. His comment was "They should put a canon at each end of the street and keep firing til all the fagots are dead." One of the few times that I have cried since becoming positive was when I thanked him for his support. I know that it can't be easy for him. He's helped me out with money, doing my taxes and just being there for me. He's just amazing.

[David_CA]

Lesse43, I'm glad it turned out well.  My own disclosure went fairly smoothly about 3.5 years ago.  (I actually typed 2.5 years ago and had to correct it; it sure doesn't seem that it's been that long.)  I think my mom was somewhat relieved when I told her.  She knew something was wrong, and I found out later actually suspected it might be HIV.  Like Mike mentioned, reduced stress from eliminating having to keep secrets is good.

[betonet]

leese43, good to hear! I told my parents the day after I understood I am hiv+.
Although a year passed, they are the most supportive people. But there is a minus - knowing your son is positive devastates you... And now I am both glad and sorry that I did that.

[azprince]

I amm so happy for you , I wish I could share with my parents, but I know it will kill them to know, I guess different cultures react in different ways, sometimes I am about to spit it out when I am so down , and I know they will not be mad at me, they will just be very sad, and this has made me always worried, what if they know, what if , what if ...
still I am happy for you 

[tommy246]

Well done leese that must of been difficult but now you have extra support and no secrets . I havent told my parents only my wife and brother and intend to leave it that way. There in there mid seventies and live in the uk and me in spain . i feel i have enough support and im doing well now im 15 months down the road from diagnosis. Im very happy for you you obviously have very loving caring parents.