my partner has just received a positive test result

[dingoboy]

My partner of over a decade has just found out he is HIV positive. It totally turned our world upside down. We're waiting for results of western blot and the wait feels like an eternity. There are so many unknowns right now, and I'm using every ounce of strength to remain calm and keep it together for my darling's sake. We're both scared and in a state of shock and so stressed.

I'm doing my best to try and normalise it for us both, treating it as simply something we will have to and can deal with, and we will get through it. But I'm scared, so scared my heart is breaking for him having to deal with this.

He doesn't want anyone else to know and I'm respecting that, and if he chooses to tell anyone then I'll support that.

The hardest thing at the moment is knowing what to do or say. He told me he'd understand if I wanted to leave, I told him that will never happen I never considered it and told him when we found out that it did not change the way I felt about him.

I want to be here for him in every way and I was wondering if anyone has any advice? I don't want to keep on at him asking how he's feeling to the point he'll get sick of it but I want him to know I love and care and I'm here when he needs me no matter what.

He has rejected support from the organisation that provides counselling etc here, and again I'm respecting that and not pushing him to talk to someone if he's not ready. I just want him to be OK emotionally and mentally as well as physically and I feel so helpless.

I've always been the one who could fix anything and it's killing me I can't fix this.

Also thanks so much for having this site/forums

[geobee]

Finding this news out is difficult.  But what's not difficult is doing the things that show you love him.  That begins by expressing your love and support verbally and, of course, doing the things that show you care.  I was pretty numb for a while and maybe he is, too, but nothing can be done about that.

I would also encourage him to get his head around a plan going forward -- does he have a good doctor / clinic, start exploring/discussing medication, etc.  I found that by taking control of my situation little by little I came of the fog that came with my finding out.

I'd also encourage you to get professional help.  It might be too early for that now -- but this is a big shock and it needs processing.

Hang in there -- there is nothing stopping the two of you from living happy, long and productive lives.   You've found these forums, and that's a good start.

[dingoboy]

Thanks so much for your reply, we will be meeting with a medical team to discuss the results late next week, and then we'll have some answers and a plan. I'm going to seek some counselling too I hadn't really thought about me

[DrewEm]

I can understand him, I'm not much for the group setting or talking to someone else. I do better researching for myself and then later asking my ID doc. There is a bit of BS out there so be prepared to look at more than a few sources.

It also helped that I knewa few openly pos people prior to my diagnosis. One has bbeen on meds since the late 1980s.

You'll find a great deal of help here, I lurked a l-o-n-g time before I joined.

[captainjohn]

The way I have faced this in the past when close friends and sex partners were waiting for their diagnosis or knew it is to first be very supportive and give them time. As much time as they need.

They also need to hear from their 'family' ~ however you define that term ~  that no matter what, we will be there.  I believe trust is the foundation for any relationship, and I believe communication is vital.  So, sit down together and discuss your fears as well as your dreams.  You'll both be stronger for it.