Scared

[paranoid freak]

I am a 35 year old female. I had intercourse with a man of unknown status.  I made him put on a condom, but he took it off during intercourse and i didnt notice he did that until he pulled out.  I was so horrified because I am always so careful. I was angry, and he told me to relax that he's fine.  About 10 weeks and 3 days later, i was still unable to calm my nerves.  I was sleeping all day, vomitting every morning, and crying.   I was so nervous and angry. Searching the internet made things worse for me.  After I spoke to my friends, i decided to take a 3rd generation antibody test.  It turned out negative.  I was relieved but i keep researching the internet and wonrer if me taking the test 11 days shy of 12 weeks will result in a false negative.  Ive called the hotlines, theyve said i should be fine. I spoke to my doctor, and he thinks im fine.  Now, im asking you guys..do you think i am ok?

[paranoid freak]

I also want to add that I am a single mother and I guess this is why I have been so paranoid.  My daughter's father is not in the picture and may never be there for her.  I always protect myself, and im so angry this has happened to me. This should be the least of my worries.  I no longer trust anyone, it has been so traumatizing for me.  I am full of guilt and shame.  I feel that at my age, i did not have any business trying to have sex when i have a daughter at home that needs me.  I blame myself for putting me in such a situation.

[Andy Velez]

Do yourself a big favor and stop searching the net. All you will find there is more to feed your worst fears to no good purpose.

The average time to seroconversion is 22 days. With your negative result at 10 weeks +  it is more than very likely that you will test negative at 3 months for a conclusive negative result.

So you have a little bit more of waiting time to do that. Give yourself a break and stop beating up on yourself. Really.

I expect you to come out of this ok.

[Ann]

Paranoid,

Stop beating yourself up just because you (as a single mother) had sex. Sexual intimacy is a natural, normal human need. Yes, I said need.

Next time (there will be a next time, just maybe not with this particular selfish jerk) you can make sure he's still wearing a condom by reaching down and checking it from time to time, particularly after you've changed positions or he has withdrawn for a few seconds. You'll know it's still on when you feel the ring of latex at the base of his penis.

Like Andy, I also fully expect you to continue to test hiv negative. Make sure you also get tested for all the other MUCH more easily transmitted STIs. Many of them can be present with no obvious symptoms, so the only way to know for sure is to test.

Hang in there. You're going to be ok - provided you stop beating yourself up!

Ann

PS - you can also get yourself a supply of the female condom so you can rest assured he can't go bare without your knowledge. The only brand I know of is called Femidom, but there may be others I don't yet know about. A female condom goes inside of you and it's no more difficult than putting in a tampon. The first time may be a little tricky, but after that it's easy.