POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => Living With HIV => Topic started by: odyssey on December 22, 2011, 09:50:00 pm
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Yes dear friends, I am writing you from the glorious keyboard of the same research hospital I wrote you from about a month ago. I spent the last nine days at my local hospital in their mental health care unit just waiting to get a bed here. Why? Because my depression has reached a point where it is either it or me.
Here I can receive ECT (electroconvulsive therapy for you noobs out there). If I get approved for it I'll have a good chance to shed water weight, look more toned and defined.... oh wait, that's something else. I'll have a good chance to see drastic improvement in the depression I've been dealing with since I was ten years old (I'm 25 now).
Sorry I haven't been present on the forums much. I'll hopefully keep you updated as things go along. The earliest I'd go under the electrodes would be Tuesday. They need to taper me off some of the meds I'm on now because apparently they prevent seizures (d'oh). So its Christmas in the hospital for me.
I'll probably be here for a few weeks if I get the okay for ECT. Fun fun. Behold, instant budget deficit!
Love ya all peeps, and happy holidays!
odyssey
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I won't even pretend to completely understand all you're dealing with, but I am thinking about you and sending strength your way. There are a lot of people here who have dealt with these types of issues and I'm sure they'll be around shortly to offer their individual support.
Take care and holler out if you need a "lay person's" support.
Wolfie
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I hope you get a handle on all of this soon, depression really sucks ....I stopped taking my doxipine it's just not working for me anymore :-[
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denb45-
Have you tried everything in the SSRI class yet? What about some of the SNRIs? Wellbutrin is supposedly pretty awesome, although I had an allergic reaction to it. Effexor is pretty decent too, my mom has had great success with it. Sometimes boosting an anti-depressant with the newer drug Abilify has good results. Hopefully you'll not end up like me and have to try everything before turning to good 'ol AC/DC!
Hugs!
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denb45-
Have you tried everything in the SSRI class yet? What about some of the SNRIs? Wellbutrin is supposedly pretty awesome, although I had an allergic reaction to it. Effexor is pretty decent too, my mom has had great success with it. Sometimes boosting an anti-depressant with the newer drug Abilify has good results. Hopefully you'll not end up like me and have to try everything before turning to good 'ol AC/DC!
Hugs!
I have tried just about every kinda anti-depression med that's been out for the last 12 yrs. off & on and none of them work, i was on prozac for about 3 yrs. and when i moved to ABQ, one day I was @ the very end of my rope, so i wanted to jump-off the I-40 freeway and end it all back in 2002, i had a melt-down, and was put into 72 hours mental health hold, I don't recall most of it, but all i recall was Bob crying and telling me, that he loved me, and please tell what we need to do for you to get better :-[
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I'm sorry to hear you're dealing with all this, but I'm glad you're being proactive and not ignoring it. Well, ignoring it isn't the right word as I don't think anyone ignores it. I'm glad you're not just giving up on trying to treat it. All the best for a better 2012!
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Ody,
Sorry to see you back in the hospital and at Christmas. Nevertheless, rather than succumbing to difficult depression, you continue to put up heroic resistance. I am keeping my fingers crossed that this upcoming treatment will help you "turn the corner." We want you to join us in Washington DC next summer!
Gary
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Oh, Ody! I'm so sorry to hear you're back in the hospital; but if you need medical help, then you need medical help. ;) I'll keep you in my thoughts during the holidays and hope this latest treatment really helps you.
Though it sucks to be in the hospital for Christmas, what a great Christmas gift this will be when it works! ;) I'll be celebrating my Christmas gift from 19 yrs ago - learning I was poz - so I'm sure your Christmas gift of better mental health will be a much better present than mine was. LOL
best wishes for a great and swift outcome! Keep us informed as much as you can cause we'll be thinking of you. :-*
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Sorry you're going through all this Odyssey. Hope you feel better real soon!!
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!
(((HUGS)))
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Odds, your a brave soul and you will be in many peoples thoughts this Christmas .
I hope you keep access to a computer so we can all keep in touch with you. I hope that the Hospital has all that you need and you get your self a good gang to be with.
Although I do not understand the AC/DC approach there is no denying the benefits I have have seen people gain from it.
Now for the last off my 3 hopes for you that is next year is free from the disabling depressions
Take Care
Michael/theyer
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Sending you my best !!
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Thanks for the support everyone!
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How awful to spend the holidays in the hospital. Having battled depression for decades I can only imagine what you may be experiencing and I hope you find some relief with whatever treatments you may choose. Fortunately you still have your sense of humor and the desire to help yourself.
I will keep you in my thoughts and if you ever just need to talk to someone, let me know.
Happy Holidays!
Joe
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Wishing you the best of luck to get you to a better day .
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Best wishes, I hope youŽll be better soon. Take care !!!!
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Sending positive thoughts your way Ody -
While it sucks to be in the hospital over the holidays, I am glad that you are committed to getting things taken care of - that goes a long way to getting to better health and feeling better.
I am also glad to see that you are doing your best to keep your sense of humor - that also goes a long way to feeling better.
Will keep you in my thoughts! Get better soon - and keep us updated.
-Phil
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Wishing you success with this Ody! Merry Christmas and I hope you have great new year. Feel better!
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Hope you're getting the help you need to start a better and happier New Year!
Cheers!
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Thinking of you Oddy and sending you huge hugs, I hope 2012 will be a much better year for you.
Love always
Jan :-*
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Sending good vibes your way Ody and I think your strong desire to get better is more than half the battle. You may be spending Christmas in the hospital but it is to get better for 2012.
Jody
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I widh You a Merry Christmas.
I' ve gone through this some years ago, too.
Have You tried Zyprexa (Olanzapine)? It has helped a lot. Please ask Your Dr.
Good Luck
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Happy Holidays to you!! Hope you get well soon!!
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I hope you feel better soon.
Ford
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Hi odyssey,
I hope you are feeling better today. I also hope that you are considering ECT as your last option. I work in a state facility that is approved to do this procedure but we rarely use it because of the negative effects it can produce. Now, granted it is not as violent of a procedure as depicted in the movies ( Francis Farmer) because you will be sedated but you will still be receiving a rather large amount of electricity racing through your body.
Peace,
Billy
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Hi odyssey,
I hope you are feeling better today. I also hope that you are considering ECT as your last option. I work in a state facility that is approved to do this procedure but we rarely use it because of the negative effects it can produce. Now, granted it is not as violent of a procedure as depicted in the movies ( Francis Farmer) because you will be sedated but you will still be receiving a rather large amount of electricity racing through your body.
Peace,
Billy
Thanks for your input Billy. Yes, I am making this choice as my last stop treatment after attempting to treat my severe, chronic, life threatening depression for the past fifteen years with almost every drug on the market.
I am aware of the potential risks as well as benefits. What I find interesting is that our society has no problem with the concept of people having their hearts defribrillated when they are in cardiac arrest, but when they are suffering from depression, ECT is treated as such an awful thing. Both are electrical forms of therapy, one for the brain, one for the heart.
Billy, feel free to take a look at my previous 'I'm in the hospital again' thread (see below) and see just how despondant I've been. Have you witnessed the before and after of ECT? I actually have. I was in this same hospital a month ago and saw a certain patient early on in his ECT treatment and frankly the difference is astounding. I'm willing to take the risks if this might change my life. I mean, us pozzies are risking things every day with hardcore meds just to stay alive, right?
http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=40733.0
Merry Christmas to pozzies everywhere!
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Merry Christmas Oddy. :-* We'll be thinking of you!
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My partner's grandmother would have ECT done, and they all say she was much better for several months after. They all said it really worked--at least for her. I've heard today's treatments are even better. Wishing ya the best!
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Hello Odyssey
Just wanted to say I was thinking of you.
A
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I am aware of the potential risks as well as benefits. What I find interesting is that our society has no problem with the concept of people having their hearts defribrillated when they are in cardiac arrest, but when they are suffering from depression, ECT is treated as such an awful thing. Both are electrical forms of therapy, one for the brain, one for the heart.
Hiya Odds, I hope you had a decent day yesterday, despite being in hospital. You were (and still are) in my thoughts.
I think ECT still has a bad reputation in the general public's mind because of how it used to be used pretty much without a patient's permission and against their wishes. At least that's how it's always been portrayed in popular culture. It was also a much cruder procedure many years ago and there has been much improvement (and understanding of how it works) in more recent years.
I have a cousin-in-law who was treated with ECT when she developed severe, chronic post-partum depression after the birth of her twins. They tried talk-therapy and many different meds, but she ended up hospitalized after putting herself in danger.
Her doctors carefully explained the pros and cons of ECT to her and her husband and she consented to give it a try. The procedure was VERY successful and to this day (about fifteen years later) she has not had a single recurrence of PPD or any other severe type of depression. She gets down or "blue" just like anyone, but it's not debilitating/dangerous depression, it's just the mild type of being blue like we all get from time to time.
Good luck Odds. I hope this works for you too and that 2012 is a much brighter place for you. ((((((Odyssey))))))
Hugs,
Ann
xxx
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I have a cousin-in-law who was treated with ECT when she developed severe, chronic post-partum depression after the birth of her twins. They tried talk-therapy and many different meds, but she ended up hospitalized after putting herself in danger.
Her doctors carefully explained the pros and cons of ECT to her and her husband and she consented to give it a try. The procedure was VERY successful and to this day (about fifteen years later) she has not had a single recurrence of PPD or any other severe type of depression. She gets down or "blue" just like anyone, but it's not debilitating/dangerous depression, it's just the mild type of being blue like we all get from time to time.
Good luck Odds. I hope this works for you too and that 2012 is a much brighter place for you. ((((((Odyssey))))))
Hugs,
Ann
xxx
Thanks for telling me your family's personal story of ECT treatment. It helps my seemingly endless anxiety to hear about the successes of others under this treatment. I'm hopeful I can have a more full life including finishing college and even grad school when this treatment helps me.
Hope everyone had a wonderful holiday!
odyssey
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Hi Ody . I have a personal story to share with you also . I have an aunt Sara who had ECT . My aunt has suffered from depression all of her life and this procedure really helped her . She used to sit at family functions all by herself or go into another room to be alone if she was able to make it there to begin with . The last time I saw her was a couple months after ECT and she came up and gave me a hug and asked me to sit with her for dinner , this was the first time in years she spoke to me and it was a wonderful feeling .
I'm thinking of you and wishing you the best for the new year . Jeff .
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That's great Jeff! So glad your aunt is doing better. Thank you for sharing too.
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Might I recommend the book "shockaholic" by Carrie Fisher? She speaks extensively about her experiences with ECT - and has had great success. It's also a great read.
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Just wanted to update everyone before I go for my second treatment this morning.
I had my first treatment on Tuesday morning and it went just fine. Except maybe for the meltdown I had when I got back to the unit, saw the doctor I would be meeting with was different, and just lost it. Not sure what part the ECT had to do with that and what was just an amalgamation of all the shitty stuff I've been dealing with piling up, but I was crying a ton and yelling and all that.
The actual procedure was easy. Just lay there, go to sleep, and wake up a few minutes later. Given, my muscles were all tense Wedneseday, but it wasn't too awful. I was only in recovery for a little while, mainly because the transportation people took a long time to come and get me. Point being, there wasn't any residual drowsiness like after surgery.
I haven't noticed any improvements to my depression yet really, although my thinking seems a bit clearer... meaning I can read a book without getting lost and have to reread the same sentence five times. Or maybe it just seems this way. Anyhow, it normally takes several treatments to see marked improvements in depression.
Hope everyone here is doing well.
odyssey
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Hey oddy that's great news :D I mean you mentioned that your only 25 yrs. old, so that tells me that you still have your whole life ahead of you, you also mentioned that you would like to return to school, I'm glad that your thinking out-side-the-box, and setting some real goals for yourself GOOD FOR YOU Oddy, I wish only the best for you :)
HUGS
Dennis in ABQ ;)
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Continued success buddy. Take care and best wishes.
Wolfie
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Hey Ody,
Sorry I've been out of pocket recently and I am very sorry for your hospital part 2.
But, I am encouraged that the treatments seem to be going OK and I will keep very positive thoughts headed your way.
HUGS,
Mark
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Thinking off you Odds
with love
Theyer
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Awww shucks! Just wanted to let my friends here know I'm home now and will be finishing up my last few treatments as an outpatient.
And in other good news, my VL is down to nearly 400 after two months on meds. My CD4 is back up to 523 as well and 29%.
Happy New Year all!
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Ody,
This is good news indeed! May 2012 continue to be good for you.
Gary
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Good to hear the news Ody.
A healthy New Year to you and all our posters here.
Jody
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Good to hear that you're back home. Continue to take good care of yourself and best wishes on a good 2012 :-*
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Continue to take good care of yourself and best wishes on a good 2012 :-*
Zackly !!
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Thats great Ods , impressive way to start NY
all the Best you brave soul
mhtv