One Man Show...

[Tower311]

So, this is officially the last day of the last part of my life.  Being that the next chapter opens tomorrow at the Dr.'s office - I'm anxious.  I'm certainly full of questions and I'm not afraid to ask them.

I'm just putting this out there, I believe that I have it in me to care beautifully for myself.  I believe that I have the courage and the will to live all the days of the rest of my life with joy and optimism.  I believe that love has only begun to show me all of his colors.  I believe that my spirit will continue to bloom and that my confidence will only grow more sure.  I believe that one day I will thank the universe for teaching me these things and that I will be grateful for this journey.

I hope we all manage to continue to carefully navigate our way through this life.  Let the days of losing control and being powerless be a thing of the past.  Take ownership and responsibility of each step - from now on.  Bless.

[dtwpuck]

Tower...  It's good to have a positive outlook, so to speak.   Transitions are difficult things.  But, it seems like you've taken the right attitude.   Remember to acknowledge all your feelings and allow them to be what they will be, even the less pleasant ones.

I hope you have many rays of sunshine to help you deal with whatever comes your way.

Big hugs.

Scott

[leatherman]

So, this is officially the last day of the last part of my life.

ROFL if there's one thing that I've learned living life (I just turned 47 a few weeks ago) is that just about the time you think things are settled down in your life, everything can get stirred back up. Unless you're about 90 years old or so , if you want to keep that positive attitude going, I suggest you quit thinking that this is the "last part" of your life.

I thought like that when I was in the hospital in 97 with PCP; but even the doctors thought it was the last part of my life and told me to call my family. Now, here it is, over a decade later, and I'm actually feeling healthier than I ever have. I'm nowhere near the "last part of my life". And I can say all this as I'm about to remember the one year anniversary of my second long-term partner to pass away. Every time I think I'm about to get settled down into the "last part" of my life, everything gets stirred up, and I head off into yet another (but not the last) part of my life.

I understand that right now all this is new for you, you're worried about your future, and this diagnosis has brought about a lot of changes into your life; but unless you're 90+ or texting from the hospital with a sky-high viral load, I seriously doubt you're into the last part of your life yet.

But you knew that. I can tell by the rest of your post. You just needed some re-assurance. I hope things go well with seeing the new doctor.

[positivmat]

Bravo david. Good stuff. I like your style. Hope to follow in your positive outlook as bravely and completely. Be well
Matt

[Tower311]

ROFL

You laughing at me, Leatherman? 

Check it, I'm optomistic.  And here's the thing - that LAST part of my life is over.  The other man I that I WAS, is different today.  And I suppose it could be argued that I will be different tomorrow.  I'm just saying that I'm moving forward in a new way. 

BTW, you can go ahead an laugh at me, if you want.  Sometimes, I'm pretty stinkin' funny.

[leatherman]

oops. i see that i misread you.
sorry sorry sorry

I didn't see that you wrote "the LAST day of the last part of your life". I read your statement more like that old quip of "today is the first day of the rest of your life". Doh! So you didn't faux pas and speak as if this was the start of the last of your life.

Sometimes people with a recent HIV diagnosis can think those things even though the meds and side effects are drastically different than from over a decade ago. Some of your other posts clearly seemed to make me think you might be of this mindset.

I'm prepared to say NO to the doctor is they recommend treatment right away.

Since refusing meds (if needed) would be a sure path to death, I wondered why the rest of your post seemed so upbeat while you were thinking you were entering some final phase of your life. So I offered you some encouragement, or that's what I thought I was doing. LOL

You laughing at me, Leatherman? 
BTW, you can go ahead an laugh at me, if you want.

I hope that you weren't really offended by what I said. damn! I could have sworn I had put in enough fricking emoticons to avoid the miscommunication of ideas through the inept channels of web forums. ROFL

by the way, how was the visit to the doc? Did you get any lab results?

Best wishes and good health to you!
mikie
(who obviously really needs to go see an optometrist. I guess things are falling apart now that I turned 47 just a few weeks ago.)

[Tower311]

Ha ha ha.

Heck no, I wasn't offended.  I knew you misread me.  No problemo. 

My doctor's visit went well.  I got no results today, just a meet n' greet.  It was nice, the facility here in the city is nice.  It's very comprehensive and they seem to take every aspect of what I'm going through into consideration.  There are Kleenex all over the place - yes, I did make use of them at one point. 

I'm looking forward to finding out what is happening inside me.  I've taken to calling my blood, including ze virus and all its friends, my juice.  I'll find out what's going on in there in 2 weeks.  At that point, I'm sure there will be a recommendation regarding meds - to medicate or not to medicate - that is the question.  In the meantime, I'm going to get my head shrunk every Monday morning.  Which I'm not sure I love, but I definitely do need.  It will be good to have someone to talk to.

Thanks for being sensitive to my feelings, Leatherman, but as long as I can tell that it's all good natured ribbing, I'll take it - and probably dish some back. 

Ps.  I LOVE emoticons.

[leatherman]

I knew you misread me.  No problemo.

ah, good! Doh! what a "homer" I was. I'm just going to lay the blame on my age and failing eyes. ROFL

My doctor's visit went well.  I got no results today, just a meet n' greet.

My next bloodwork is due at the end of this month, and in two weeks after thar, at my next appt with my doctor, I'll get the 51st test results that I've tracked since March 1998 when I was in the hospital with PCP on my 36th birthday and didn't think I'd live to see my 37th bday much less my 47th. WooHoo!

There are Kleenex all over the place - yes, I did make use of them at one point. 

Nothing wrong with that. Emotions will do that to you. Things will settle down and you'll get a grip on all this. It just takes some time. However, a word of warning about crying in medical places like doctor offices and hospitals.

It was just this time last year that my partner was in the hospital and it looked like I would soon be bringing him home with hospice care. I learned the hard way to not cry and then rub your eyes after having used that hand sanitzer stuff. Yow! See, I had been crying and had all those used kleenexes in my hand. I threw them away and the hand sanitizer seemed like a good thing to use. I mean, who knows what germs oozed out of my nose while crying and wiping. LOL I sure didn't want to pass anything on to my already very sick partner. But then I wiped away a few last tears. YOWIE! That sanitizer has alcohol in it, and I ended up with red, puffy eyes the rest of the day. And definitely not red from crying but red from being irritated. Thankfully my own doc was at the hospital and when we bumped into each other in the McD's in the hospital lobby (isn't that just too weird of a place for a MickeyD?), he checked and said he didn't think I had done any permenant damage.

I'll find out what's going on in there in 2 weeks.  At that point, I'm sure there will be a recommendation regarding meds - to medicate or not to medicate - that is the question.

You haven't mentioned any reasons behind why you tested at this time; but you didn't mention that you were having health problems either, so on the good side, if this is early after being infected, medication may be a ways off in the future. But if things aren't as hunky-dorey as you had hoped, the meds are WAY much better these days, and many people don't have serious or long-term side effects.

Also keep in mind that at sites like this, many people come looking for answers because they are having health problems. All those people who are taking their meds and having NO problems probably don't ever have a reason to visit a site like this. For example, that other thread about lipoatrophy. All the people taking those meds and NOT having lipo will never need to post a thread about lipo. So things here are probably always going to be tilted towards people who are having more health problems from HIV or their meds.

Thanks for being sensitive to my feelings, Leatherman

I hope yout get good results back; but do keep in mind that it's the trends that happen over time with multiple test results that best show how your "juice" is doing. Never freak out on the first bad result - unless you're already in the hospital. LOL (I only kid about that cause I've already been in the predicament twice myself )

sorry again for my own misunderstanding and I hope to chat again soon

[Tower311]

Just saw my doctor today for the results of my lab work.

Boy am I relieved.  Not knowing was so hard for me.  I have good numbers and my doctor (who is wonderful - I love him) is optomistic.

My viral load is 26350
My CD4 is 832

I feel good today.  The sun is out.  I have some stuff to do.  I'm gonna put on some good music and go out and conquer my little challenges today.

[Dale Parker]

Hey Tower311:
I'm glad (and a little jealous) that your numbers came back are are good.  Having a bright sunny day and good music can lift anyones spirits.
Take care
Dale

[leatherman]

WooHoo! Glad to hear that you got good numbers back and I'm glad you're having good weather to tackle some projects.

I just had blood taken yesterday and will get my results back in a couple of wks, at my next appt (5/13) with my doc. I would imagine that my cd4s will be around 250ish as usual. It's been exactly a year since the last blip in my VL, so I'm hoping it's still undetect.

But no projects for me today. I had yardwork on my to-do list today - until it started to rain and dropped into the 40s. Sometimes it just takes a while for Spring to really come to Ohio.

[DancingFool86]

Hey!

Great to hear that your numbers are good, and that you really like your Doc. I am hoping that all that positive thinking rubs off on others on this forum. I am trying to keep my head up as well, my numbers are pretty good as well and I really love my Doc, we've been working on this together for a couple months now, and I always feel comfortable and that I am in good hands. Way to go! I just thought that your first post was very inspirational for those of us who are newly diagnosed. My numbers proved to the doctor that I was living with it for about 4 years unbeknownest, and I am still in pretty good shape. Here is to being proactive, from here on  out! Good luck to you and take care of yourself!