Told my closest friends

[jackfrost]

On March 1st, I found out I was HIV positive. On that day I told one of my closest friends and my boss, because I knew she could relate and understand. My other close friends I told yesterday morning. I have been grappling for the last two months (I can't believe 2 months has gone by this fast, it feels like I just found out yesterday) on how to tell my friends. When to do it, how to say it. Well I cheated and e-mailed them, I couldn't find my balls to tell them in person lol.

One of my friends I knew it wouldn't be an issue, I knew she would be supportive no matter what. The other two I wasn't sure how they were going to take it.  I sent them the e-mail Saturday morning just before 5 am.  It took me almost half an hour to click on the send button. I remember clicking the send button and then panicking and wondering if I did the right thing, it felt like my heart was going to jump out of my chest. I flopped around on my bed lying a dying seal. I layed in bed running all the different scenarios through my head. What if they don't want to be my friend anymore? Needless to say, it took me a while to fall asleep and I was very tired at work the next day lol. So all day Saturday, I am constantly checking my phone  to see if they e-mailed or text messaged me. It's ten hours later on Saturday and no one has responded. Panic mode kicks in, I'm like omg they don't want to be my friend anymore. They are ashamed of me. I call my friend that knows, I tell her they haven't responded, I say, maybe they are mad I didn't tell them in person or they don't want to be friends with me. She says, at least they got an e-mail, you text messaged me - we burst out laughing. Then she reminds me that they are probably in shock and aren't sure what to say and are working on responding. Of course she was right.

At midnight, one of them responds. The first thing she says is we love you, we support you, we are hear for you. She goes on to say how me and our other friends are like family to her and how we are like siblings to her and that she is always there for us, and she understands that I feel embarrassed and ashamed (I told her I felt like that in my e-mail),and that she won't press me for any details, that I can tell her if and when I am ready.

The next day my other two friends respond. The one talks about how she kept writing the e-mail over and over because she can't express what our friendship means to her and that she is there for me and that if we never speak about it again that is fine, as long as I keep hanging out with them. My other friend tells me the same thing and says "don't forget we are non-sexual life partners for life - you can't avoid us" lol.

I should also mention, in this e-mail, I had to tell them I couldn't go to Kelowna with them at the end of June because I couldn't afford accommodations and taking time off work because I am filing for bankruptcy (I felt especially guilty because they bought my plane ticket for me for my birthday coming up - because they knew I was having money problems). She mentions that not to worry about having to back out of the trip and that if I still want to come they would cover the accommodation costs, because they really want me to go.

Holy shit, I must say I have the most amazing friends in the world. I am so very thankful I have them in my life. I am very thankful that I have the support of my friends and my boss. I had to come out for a second time in my life and should have remembered how awesome my friends were when I came out the first time.

I know my post is long, but I just had to share. Thanks for listening.

[vt5john]

Hi Jack:

Just want to say hello and I'm glad you had the courage to tell your friends and they positive responds you received.   Also glad that you seem to have a positive outlook on this and I believe that's the way it should be.

Like you I've just found found last february - my partner knows about my status and he's been supportive and so far I've only told 1 friend who also happened to on the same boat - and he too has been very supportive.   I'm going to take my time to let people (close to me) know about my status.

Cheers
j

[tednlou2]

I admire your courage and I'm glad everything went well.  The only people who know my status are my partner, my brother, and his partner.  I debate whether to tell my parents and others.  I haven't told my best friend, because he can't keep a secret.  If I tell him, everyone will know.  I may get to where I don't care about that. 

I actually almost told my parents a couple of times.  My dad will complain over the smallest things and act like the world is coming to an end.  He has made me so angry that I wanted to say, "Well, at least you don't have a potentially deadly virus."  I've experienced this when people have told me I couldn't possible understand what it is like to have this problem or that problem.  I think they look at me and think my life is perfect without any problems.  I realize this is my fault for putting up a front that I'm just fine. 

I know most people with cancer don't hesitate to tell people.  I guess the issue with HIV is the stigma and fear you'll be treated differently--people afraid to kiss you or share a dessert.  Or, some family members may be afraid for you to be around their children.  I also think part of my issue is people thinking I must have been a whore.  I shouldn't care so much about what others think.  And, I realize that if we all told everyone, it would helped to get rid of the stigma.  So, I'm sure I'll tell more people eventually.  Right now, I'm just not sure I can handle any kind of negative reaction as I'm coming to terms with being poz.  Again, I'm sure as I come to terms with being poz, I won't care what others think or do.   

Again, I'm so happy to hear it went well for you.         

[blackwingbear]

On March 1st, I found out I was HIV positive. On that day I told one of my closest friends and my boss, because I knew she could relate and understand. My other close friends I told yesterday morning.
Holy shit, I must say I have the most amazing friends in the world. I am so very thankful I have them in my life. I am very thankful that I have the support of my friends and my boss. I had to come out for a second time in my life and should have remembered how awesome my friends were when I came out the first time.

I know my post is long, but I just had to share. Thanks for listening.

I'm glad to hear they are going to be there for you, and it is a very difficult thing to do - you never quite know how someone will react. I was surprised to find out that my straight friends were generally more supportive than many of my gay friends - a couple of my gay friends actually quit having anything to do with me because I'm a "AIDS-carrier" (not my words for it...).

[mecch]

glad to hear it

[David_CA]

I'm glad it worked out for you.  I had similar reactions from family and friends when I disclosed.  So often, the fear or anxiety of disclosing can be worse than actually doing it... at least in my experience. 

[weasel]

                    Hi Jack 

                      I am glad it worked out well for  you !

                    I also told everyone when I was diagnosed  Full Blown AIDS !

                   It seemed like the right thing to do . And it was  and has been .

                   People have to know !   We need to have a face !

                   I do my part to tell  most people  that  i trust will not be mean   

                      wishing you the best of luck ,as time goes on it gets to be natural

                    Not sure what that really means anymore ?   

                   I have more issues with being  56  than   HIV POZ .

                                    Be well ,
                                                     Carl

[skeebo1969]

    Thanks for sharing your story with us.  I am glad your friends are who they are, supportive.  It brought back memories of my own disclosure to my best friend-Mike.  His wife and he held me up in their home that first week, and his wife stayed home from work.  I'll never forget that, EVER.

[jethro]

Congrats on all the positive responses when you disclosed. For me, I told one friend, whom I was sure would not be judgemental. I was NOT planning on telling my family, but that was done for me. The reactions from  them have been across the board. But, now they know and I move on. It is a great lesson on live and let live. We can't change others responses. Hell, we can't control  what others say. We learn who our friends are.
My friend that I trusted and told, well, he just passed away from lymphoma. At the service, which was packed, I realised to have friends, you need to be a friend. He was a friend, always had the time to listen, joke, laugh and share. It was an Ebenezer scrooge moment for me, I hope it sticks.