Weird situation (for me)

[Rhaegar]

On Superbowl Sunday I met up with friends for the game, or at least until the end of halftime. Once Madonna finished doing her thing, the consensus was to go out to a bar or two. I met this guy that was out with us. He's the roommate of 2 of my friends that were also there that night. Throughout the night he and I were flirting and kissing at whatever bar we were in at the time. It was pretty much a given that he was coming back to my place. Before that happened, I made it a point to let him know that I was HIV+. He said that he already knew, and that he was cool with it.

We fooled around that night, a bit drunk, but penetration wasn't involved. The next morning, I wake up because he's dressed and ready to leave. So I say goodbye, and he pretty much runs out of my place without even giving me his number, which I thought odd. I look in the mirror and saw that I had dried blood beneath my one nostril. I go back and look at my pillow, and there's a small spot of blood on it. I had a nosebleed while sleeping. The dry forced air heating is murder on my nostrils, so this happens from time to time.  Clearly, I need a humidifier.

So, I imagine that he freaked out about that. I messaged him on Facebook (easy enough since we had mutual friends) and asked if everything was okay since he rushed out. He said that everything was fine, and that he thought he had to be at work or something.

Fast forward to last night. I find out that he had gone to a clinic to get tested, and decided to start prophylactic treatment for HIV.

I have no idea how to feel about this. I disclosed to him, and he knew beforehand from his roommates. I can sorta understand it, but why say you're cool with it but then freak out like this?

Has anyone else had this happen to them?  It makes me want to just stick with other poz guys, and not both dealing with negative guys.  :/

-Kevin

[spacebarsux]

Hey Kevin,

I can understand why this may be weird and mildly upsetting for you.

I think you should just tell this guy that he doesn't need PeP at all as he was at no risk whatsoever but if still wants to go ahead then that's his business.

Also, I just hope you don't feel guilty or anything about it since you didn't do anything wrong or anything of the sort. Just forget it.

It seems to me this guy thought he was cool about fooling around with poz guys but he's obviously not. His problem, not yours. Don't let it get to you.

Good luck

Edit: He went to get tested like right after the incident??? He's obviously clueless. LOL

[jkinatl2]

Send him to AM I INFECTED and let us deal with him.

He sounds absolutely delicious.

[Rhaegar]

Thank you, spacebarsux.  I did text message (when he eventually text messaged me with his number) and let him know that I've been undetectable for nearly 2 months, and that if I wanted to talk I was open to it.  I doubt it will make a difference though. 

Send him to AM I INFECTED and let us deal with him.

He sounds absolutely delicious.

How evil.   

[Buckmark]

Throughout the night he and I were flirting and kissing at whatever bar we were in at the time. It was pretty much a given that he was coming back to my place.

Ah, public displays of affection!  How cute!  I'm rather fond of them myself (insofar as I can recall -- it's been a long time for me).

Before that happened, I made it a point to let him know that I was HIV+. He said that he already knew, and that he was cool with it.

Good for your for disclosing up-front!   

We fooled around that night, a bit drunk, but penetration wasn't involved. The next morning, I wake up because he's dressed and ready to leave. So I say goodbye, and he pretty much runs out of my place without even giving me his number, which I thought odd.

"OMG, look at the time!  Gotta go!"   Haven't we all used that excuse at least once?   

I look in the mirror and saw that I had dried blood beneath my one nostril. I go back and look at my pillow, and there's a small spot of blood on it. I had a nosebleed while sleeping. The dry forced air heating is murder on my nostrils, so this happens from time to time.  Clearly, I need a humidifier.

Nosebleeds definitely happen -- especially in the winter.  Doesn't sound like it involved excessive bleeding.

So, I imagine that he freaked out about that. I messaged him on Facebook (easy enough since we had mutual friends) and asked if everything was okay since he rushed out. He said that everything was fine, and that he thought he had to be at work or something.

Yep, sounds like he freaked out!   Kudos to you for following-up with him, because it's possible there could have been some other explanation.  But his response doesn't sound very forth-coming.

Fast forward to last night. I find out that he had gone to a clinic to get tested, and decided to start prophylactic treatment for HIV.

I would have loved to hear the story he told his physician to get the prophylactic treatment!  Oh, the drama....

I have no idea how to feel about this. I disclosed to him, and he knew beforehand from his roommates. I can sorta understand it, but why say you're cool with it but then freak out like this?

Lots of neg guys *say* they are cool with poz guys -- until it comes to having sex with a poz guy.  People think they have to be PC, when what they need to be are honest with themselves and with others.  Plus, that evening both he and were under the influence of all those endorphins and hormone rushing around.  Remember?   

You did make an overture to him, asking him if he was OK, and offering to talk.  It's up to him now to be mature and to tell you if he wasn't.  You deserve someone who can talk openly about difficult subjects like this, not just run away.

Has anyone else had this happen to them?  It makes me want to just stick with other poz guys, and not both dealing with negative guys.  :/

This is one reason why many poz guys prefer to be with other poz guys. 

Remember what spacebarsux said above:  You didn't do anything wrong, you don't need to feel guilty, and you don't need to apologize.  He has the problem, not you!

Regards,

Henry

[Ann]

and let him know that I've been undetectable for nearly 2 months

It wouldn't have mattered if your VL was five million - he still wasn't at risk from of blood on your nose/face or pillow. Or HIS pillow, for that matter. Or face.

The doctor he saw must have been as clueless as he was - otherwise he never would have been prescribed PEP. No way.

Yeah, send him over to Am I. Jonathan and I can divvy him up for breakfast.

[Ann]

Edit: He went to get tested like right after the incident??? He's obviously clueless. LOL

It's actually standard protocol before PEP is prescribed, in order to rule out a pre-existing infection.

[tednlou2]

He may have exaggerated to the doc about what happened, and that is why the doc prescribed PEP.  I would hope the doc didn't do it for a bloody nose.  Was he so intoxicated that he thought you guys had bareback sex?  I'm sorry he ran out on you like that.  I know many guys often like to hit the road fast afterwards, but this is obviously more hurtful. 

You did everything you were suppose to do.  It is his problem.  I hope he isn't using PEP as prevention.  I know there wasn't an issue with you, but I wonder whether he does this often--possibly barebacking with guys and then running for PEP.  But, not your problem.   

[contagion]

Thinking from his point of view I could see why he would be freaked out - considering the fact that he seems to be ignorant about how transmission occurs. I don't think you should take it to heart and move on. If he really liked you despite the silly incident, he would message you back. As unlikely as that is, I hope it works out for you!

[Rhaegar]

The only reason I cared this much is because we have mutual friends.  He seems to be pretty immature from what I know of him.  So, if anything, it's his loss.

[buginme2]

Based on your post you sound like someone who has it together, is mature, and is comfortable with themselves.m

He doesn't.  It probably wouldn't have worked out anyway.  There's plenty of fish in sea!

[mikeyb39]

That is unfortunate sorry that happened, but the reaction isn't surprising.  Their are very few negative guys that can deal with being with a poz guy sexually.  I was that way until it happened to me, sorry to say.

I try to keep most of my sexual experiences with other pozzies  it just seems easier for me to not have to deal with these type of issues/reactions.  I know that your experience is a little different.  I'm not a big condom fan either, i know that is shocking to some, but hey it is what it is, being truthful.

[jkinatl2]

That is unfortunate sorry that happened, but the reaction isn't surprising.  Their are very few negative guys that can deal with being with a poz guy sexually. 

That has not been my experience. All my long term and most of my short term relationships have been serodiscordant.

[Rev. Moon]

That has not been my experience. All my long term and most of my short term relationships have been serodiscordant.

Same here.  And I think I've only had one openly poz trick.

[denb45]

That has not been my experience. All my long term and most of my short term relationships have been serodiscordant.

Same here, at least my current LTR is, Bob has been my 1st and 18yrs. later here we still are 

[Ann]

So, if anything, it's his loss.

Absolutely!

[Hellraiser]

I dunno what you guys are talking about.  At least here in Louisiana there is so much HIV-phobia as to be ridiculous.  Nobody is ok with it unless you go to where New Orleans where everyone is poz already anyway seems like.

[Miss Philicia]

Nobody is ok with it unless you go to where New Orleans where everyone is poz already anyway seems like.

What's that mean in non-Cajun standard English?

[AdonisSMU]

Many neg gay guys like to think they are progressive or are okay with poz guys but they dont want to be seen as having dated or had sex with a poz guy.

[Hellraiser]

What's that mean in non-Cajun standard English?

Please refer to the "I'm Tripping!" thread.

That makes no sense even to me.  Also that's a good example of the confusion/fogginess problem sustiva induces.  Yes, I am shamelessly blaming my HIV Meds.

[AdonisSMU]

On Superbowl Sunday I met up with friends for the game, or at least until the end of halftime. Once Madonna finished doing her thing, the consensus was to go out to a bar or two. I met this guy that was out with us. He's the roommate of 2 of my friends that were also there that night. Throughout the night he and I were flirting and kissing at whatever bar we were in at the time. It was pretty much a given that he was coming back to my place. Before that happened, I made it a point to let him know that I was HIV+. He said that he already knew, and that he was cool with it.

We fooled around that night, a bit drunk, but penetration wasn't involved. The next morning, I wake up because he's dressed and ready to leave. So I say goodbye, and he pretty much runs out of my place without even giving me his number, which I thought odd. I look in the mirror and saw that I had dried blood beneath my one nostril. I go back and look at my pillow, and there's a small spot of blood on it. I had a nosebleed while sleeping. The dry forced air heating is murder on my nostrils, so this happens from time to time.  Clearly, I need a humidifier.

So, I imagine that he freaked out about that. I messaged him on Facebook (easy enough since we had mutual friends) and asked if everything was okay since he rushed out. He said that everything was fine, and that he thought he had to be at work or something.

Fast forward to last night. I find out that he had gone to a clinic to get tested, and decided to start prophylactic treatment for HIV.

I have no idea how to feel about this. I disclosed to him, and he knew beforehand from his roommates. I can sorta understand it, but why say you're cool with it but then freak out like this?

Has anyone else had this happen to them?  It makes me want to just stick with other poz guys, and not both dealing with negative guys.  :/

-Kevin

I think it's good to get to know someone early. Now you know what kind of person you were dealing with. You can let them go. They'll be back or attempt to be back rest assured. Thats when you get to say drop dead.

[numbersguy82]

I see the flip side to this coin. Maybe this guy isn't the one night stand kind of guy. Further complicate that by him knowing you were positive. Imagine waking up after a night of drinking and being afraid because you slept over at a guys house. Add to that the knowledge that his partner that evening was known to him as being positive. Maybe he was just scared. And for good reason. HIV is scary. We have all learned to cope because we were forced to. I think you should give him some space and accept that this perhaps had little to do with you, and more so was an internal shame that he felt for his own actions. I hope you can remain in contact with him, and hopefully educate him a bit more about his actual risks in this situation. Afterall that one night together you both were on the same page.... perhaps you will be again. Good luck!

[Rhaegar]

I have reach out to him.  He wants to get together this week to talk, so things won't be awkward with our mutual friends.  I'm all for it, but he keeps flaking out. 

From what my friends (his roommates) tell me, he has a revolving door of guys.  He also doesn't strike me as the relationship type.

[Dr.Strangelove]

Still, it might be a good idea to talk things over with him.
And if it's just for your peace of mind...