Author Topic: Southernness (Read 8401 times)

bluelove · « **on:** June 29, 2006, 08:33:04 pm »

I know some of you are from the south.Pleae don't hate me for posting this. Putting on my riot gear to be ready for the fall out....

Southernness

Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them.
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Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess."
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Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."
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Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, ... as in: "Going to town, be back directly."
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Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.
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All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.
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Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin!
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Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.
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Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.
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No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
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A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.
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Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, ... and when we're "in line," .... we talk to everybody!
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Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.
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In the South, y'all is singular, . all y'all is plural.
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Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
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Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
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When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
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Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.
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And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say,"Bless her heart" ... and go your own way.
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To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southerness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your heart!
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And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, ... bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language!
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And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long time, all y'all need a sign to hang on y'alls front porch that reads "I ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I could."
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SOUTHERN WOMEN

Southern women appreciate their natural assets: Clean skin. A winning smile. That unforgettable Southern drawl.

Southern women know their manners: "Yes, ma'am." "Yes, sir." "Why, no, Billy!"

Southern women have a distinct way with fond expressions : "Y'all come back!" "Well, bless your heart." "Drop by when you can." "How's your Momma?"

Southern women know their summer weather report: Humidity Humidity Humidity

Southern women know their vacation spots:The beach The beach The beach

Southern women know the joys of June, July, and August: Colorful hi-heel sandals Strapless sun dresses Iced sweet tea with mint

Southern women know everybody's first name: Honey Darlin' Shugah

Southern women know the movies that speak to their hearts: Fried Green Tomatoes Driving Miss Daisy Steel Magnolias Gone With The Wind

Southern women know their religions: Baptist Methodist Football

Southern women know their country breakfasts: Red-eye gravy Grits Eggs ! Country ham Mouth-watering homemade biscuits with momma's homemade jelly

Southern women know their cities dripping with Southern charm: Charleston (Chawl'stn) Savannah (S'vanah) Fort Worth (Foat Wuth) New Orleans (N'awlins) Atlanta (Addlanna) Tylertown ( T-Town)

Southern women know their elegant gentlemen: Men in uniform. Men in tuxedos Rhett Butler, of course!

Southern girls know their prime real estate: The Mall The Country Club The Beauty Salon

Southern girls know the four deadly sins: Having bad hair and nails Having bad manners Cooking bad food Wearing too much makeup in the summer

Southern girls know men may come and go, but friends are fahevah

Basquo · « **Reply #1 on:** June 29, 2006, 08:45:54 pm »

For the most part, pretty much on the mark!

allopathicholistic · « **Reply #2 on:** June 29, 2006, 08:56:34 pm »

Quote from: bluelove on June 29, 2006, 08:33:04 pm

Southern women appreciate their natural assets: Clean skin. A winning smile. That unforgettable Southern drawl.

"After all, a woman's charm is 50 percent illusion"

-Blanche duBois, from A Streetcar Named Desire

Dachshund · « **Reply #3 on:** June 29, 2006, 09:01:49 pm »

Girl, I am proud of my southern fried roots...I also enjoy being from the south.

H

AlanBama · « **Reply #4 on:** June 29, 2006, 10:28:32 pm »

I'm fixing to drink my chocolate milk and go to bed.....

goodnight y'all !

tnboy · « **Reply #5 on:** June 30, 2006, 12:34:18 am »

Well Doggy!!

I reckon this bout says it all.

Y'all have a good one, you hear now!

( don't even try the spell check, it aint gonna help nun)

Lwood · « **Reply #6 on:** June 30, 2006, 08:45:01 am »

I aint had this much fun since the Hogs ate my little brother.

Lwood
who is fixin up a mess of greens and a Brisket for the 4th.

TedEBearNC · « **Reply #7 on:** June 30, 2006, 10:36:43 pm »

HEY! I resemble those remarks!

Dachshund · « **Reply #8 on:** June 30, 2006, 10:42:54 pm »

Quote from: Lwood on June 30, 2006, 08:45:01 am

I aint had this much fun since the Hogs ate my little brother.

Lwood
who is fixin up a mess of greens and a Brisket for the 4th.

A brisket? Get a rope!

Teresa · « **Reply #9 on:** June 30, 2006, 11:24:44 pm »

LOL..To steal TedEBearNC's post...I resemble those remarks more than id like to admit.

Teresa

GSOgymrat · « **Reply #10 on:** June 30, 2006, 11:36:12 pm »

I can identify with all the comments above. I was listening to a recording of my voice the other day and I don't know what happened to my Southern accent. I was raised outside of Asheville, NC and people there have a thick accent. I only lived outside of N.C. for 3 years but somewhere along the line my accent has been watered down to nothing. I'm no longer colorful.

AlanBama · « **Reply #11 on:** June 30, 2006, 11:50:28 pm »

Ford, you're very colorful! Also very easy on the eyes, and I'm sure you're easy on the ears as well.

I do tend to have that S-L-O-W Southern drawl, ask anyone who has spoken to me....picture a turtle crawling through some sticky molasses......

J.R.E. · « **Reply #12 on:** July 01, 2006, 08:54:15 am »

Being a BIG FAN, of the "Golden Girls. I am reminded of some of the hilarius conversations that take place between the charactors.

There was a time once, when Dorothy was kind of slamming Blanche, because of her "southern type" comments that she was making.

Blanche replied, well Dororthy, we all can't be from a place as socially acceptable as "Brooklyn"

There was another time when Blanche was attempting to join the Daughters of the Confederacy. After researching here ancestry, they refused to let her in.

Seems she had a "Feldman from Buffalo" in her past. After refusing her in, Blanche replied, "oh get over it, you lost the war"

I love watching those reruns. Gives me my much needed laugh everyday !!

Ray

Teresa · « **Reply #13 on:** July 01, 2006, 09:14:41 am »

I love watching reruns of them too...I just love Sophia!

Teresa

Lwood · « **Reply #14 on:** July 01, 2006, 09:56:33 am »

'Sweet Milk' was a new one to me, Im also adding sweet potato Pie to the menu. WITH bourbon whipped cream.

Teresa · « **Reply #15 on:** July 01, 2006, 10:21:14 am »

My granny who was 94 when she died 3 yrs ago always called milk sweet milk.

DanielMark · « **Reply #16 on:** July 01, 2006, 03:29:46 pm »

Funny stuff, BlueLove!

bluelove · « **Reply #17 on:** July 01, 2006, 03:48:30 pm »

Glad you all liked it was worried you were going to lynch me.

MoltenStorm · « **Reply #18 on:** July 05, 2006, 01:37:21 am »

How nice, how very very nice!

I was rolling in tears. Thanks!

kcmetroman · « **Reply #19 on:** July 05, 2006, 10:02:54 am »

Don't forget that the tooth brush was invented in the South. Anywhere else it would have been called a "teeth brush."

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Author Topic: Southernness (Read 8401 times)