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Main Forums => Living With HIV => Topic started by: yodaman123 on December 21, 2006, 11:44:02 pm

Title: When should I tell the person?
Post by: yodaman123 on December 21, 2006, 11:44:02 pm
Ok, I've had HIV ever since I was born. Now I'm 16 years old, and I'm talking to this one girl. I'm pretty sure that we're going to be dating soon, and I'm wondering when, if at all, I should tell her. I'm not really interested in doing anything beyond making out and neither is she, so its not a real safety issue, but I'm worried because I'm not sure how serious this relationship will get. If its just going to be a few weeks or a month or something quick then I don't see any need to tell her, but if I get myself into a serious relationship I kind of think that it would be best if she knew. But I also don't think that she would really like it if I told her after we've been going out for a long time. So I'm kind of confused right now. I know there's no way she can catch it as long as we don't do anything beyond making out, but for some reason people seem to think that you can catch it by kissing. And if I told her now it would probably just make her not like me, and if I told her after we were going out for a while it would just scare the shit out of her. Please help. Thanks.
Title: Re: When should I tell the person?
Post by: petsu on December 21, 2006, 11:48:59 pm
Wow is that tuff... I would not mention it until getting to where you two are ready to do ANYTHING else but kiss. Til then see where it goes, prolly not a good "ice breaker" ya know? lol Good luck!
Title: Re: When should I tell the person?
Post by: Longislander on December 21, 2006, 11:54:57 pm
Hey Yodaman,

Good luck with the girl. ;)

Considering the age of HIV/AIDS, there are plenty of kids with HIV reaching dating ages. Our schools should have a yearly assembly (what we called it in my day) on the subject to break the taboo for them.

I wish you all the best,
Paul
Title: Re: When should I tell the person?
Post by: Life on December 22, 2006, 12:02:37 am
Your a smart young man with good sence..  I think you will know when the time is right...   There is no right, there is no wrong in how you proceed.    I think as you begin to get to know this girl, and through meaningful conversation, you will find that time.   I would not set a definate until she gets to know you..

Title: Re: When should I tell the person?
Post by: yodaman123 on December 22, 2006, 12:04:10 am
Thank you, all of you. I see what you're saying about not telling them unless i'm going to do anything sexual. That seems like a good way to go. But again if I get really close to her I might want her to know, but I guess if that time comes I'll tell her and see how things go from there.
Title: Re: When should I tell the person?
Post by: Eldon on December 22, 2006, 12:19:15 am
(http://i119.photobucket.com/albums/o134/forfun_06/KikinBack.jpg)
Supporting You

Hey Yodaman123 ...

In this situation, it is BEST for you to lay your cards on the table and be straight forward with her. The reason behind this is because IF the relationship does develop into a serious monogamy and you held back from telling her, then this would put you in the position of a trust issue which is something that a relationship does not need to have within it.

The choice still remains with you.


Take care of YOU!



"Don't Give Up, Don't Give In... Cause it is ALL within you to WIN!"
Title: Re: When should I tell the person?
Post by: IzPoz on December 22, 2006, 01:33:15 am
I semi agree with Eldon.  But on the other hand, you guys are still young.  Unfortunately, teenagers can be harsh.  You will need to judge how well you think this person can handle this type of news.  Judge how the friendship goes at first.  No kissing, no cuddling, just friends for now.

If you feel that you would like to take it further (i.e., kissing, holding hands, etc) then I think you should tell her.  Although we all know you can't infect anyone by kissing them or holding their hand, that doesn't mean the receiving party knows this (they SHOULD this day in age!! but they don't).  You want them to be able to make an informed decision of their own.

Again, you will need to use your best judgement in these situations.  Only you will know if it's right to tell her, and only you will be able to decide if you feel she can handle it.

Good luck Yoda!
Title: Re: When should I tell the person?
Post by: red_Dragon888 on December 22, 2006, 06:24:09 am
If you really like her, tell her.  You are young but can not see what will happen if you make out, get serious and then drop this on her.  Be honest and be ready for rejection.  Life is full of it anyhow, but if you are honest with her and set limits, that is if she still want to be with you, then you will feel happy that you did not, in a way, lied to her. 
Title: Re: When should I tell the person?
Post by: poet on December 22, 2006, 06:28:41 am
I think the answer is connected to your 'talking to this one girl.'  Talking is ok.  There is no real or feared risk from talking to someone.  The minute you think about crossing that line, however, there is no real but there can be feared risk, as you seem to know.  So if you feel things moving more toward making out, that would be time to think about disclosure.  At the same time, think about what would happen if everyone at school knew that you were postive, if she, for whatever reason, overreacted and starting telling everyone what you told her.  If you were older, I would consider it less of a potential problem, but given your age, it could add a lot of stuff for you to handle. Win
Title: Re: When should I tell the person?
Post by: Robert on December 22, 2006, 12:53:15 pm
hey yoda.

LIke izpoz said, teenagers can be harsh.  YOu know if you tell her it will no longer be a secret.  You should just assume everyone in school will know.  Even though she promises, "not to tell" don't count on it.  She'll tell her best friend and from there the word is out.

Now there is a great book out callec My Pet Virus.  The True Story of a Rebel Without a Cure. by Shawn Decker.  He's a blogger here at AidsMeds.  He's older than you (30 +/-) but he straight and he also grew up with the virus.  He talks about his hish school days and going out with girls.  He's really funny with a a great sense of humor.  I think you'll like it.

Good look yoda. You've got a great life ahead of you.

robert
Title: Re: When should I tell the person?
Post by: yodaman123 on December 23, 2006, 09:53:39 pm
Well, even though most of you said to tell her, I don't think I will. I know for a fact that we won't go farther than making out. She's really big into church and as weird as it sounds I just don't think I want to do anything like that with her. I'm not sure how serious it will get, but if it does and I think I should tell her then I'll slowly break it to her and see how she takes it. And if she takes it bad then oh well, its just a highschool relationship. And she doesn't even go to my school so its not like my whole school is going to find out. They basically already all know anyway.
Title: Re: When should I tell the person?
Post by: Longislander on December 23, 2006, 10:45:38 pm
Sounds to me like you're a pretty bright kid. I think you've got it right. And of course you know yourself enough to not pressure her into anything more than she's willing. And at that time, you'll tell her. You've got a great attitude, I wish you the best.

Paul