POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => In Memoriam => Topic started by: daddysgirl87 on September 19, 2012, 03:05:54 pm
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Thomas J. was my father and he was one of the most loved and cherished people i knew. He was kind and generouse with a heart of gold. He raised 2 kids single handedly and lived with aids for almost 20 yrs. He was raised by a military father and catholic mother and believed he needed to get married and have kids like the rest of his family has. He did this for awhile and had my brother and me which he always said was his greatest gift he could have ever recieved. He finally came to a point where lying to yourself was unexceptable and came out to his family and wife. Obviously they divorced and he got custody of us and mom bailed. He never asked for child support he said his kids were all he needed if life and now that he was free to be himself life was great. A few years later he contracted HIV but did not find this out until much later. When he was diagnosed it was already full blown and he was given 2 years max. Doctors were very wrong because he lived for almost 15 aditional years with this illness. My dad was a fighter, hard worker and honorable. He loved to cook and loved his friends dearly. He was such a kind person that when we had 90 degree days he would find the mail lady in route and give her bottled waters and a portable fan. He was a amazing person and my best friend in the world. He was the person i shared everything with and now that hes gone i feel lost. Unfortunaltely it was him that took his own life i still dont completly understand why he did this but i guess i have to respect simply because as close as we were ill never understand what he was truly going through. My dad was also good at keeping a smile on even when he was suffering inside so noone knew when he was in pain or uncomfortable or just down in the dumps. I was usually able to tell just because i could feel it(if that makes sense). Me and my father were very intune but even i didnt see his passing coming. I wish i could have done something or changed his mind somehow but i didnt and i couldnt and now hes gone. Im not blaming myself but at the same time what if he was reaching out and i didnt realize or i just missed the signs... either hes gone now and the pain is unbarable. I dont get to have my daddy at my college graduation or wedding or the birth of my 2nd child ect. theres so many things that hes going to miss out on that I always imagined hed be there for. I can picture our father daughter dance in my mind. we use to practice it even when i was a kid. we had the song picked out for years, regina belles if i could. anyway not trying to have a pity party here but i cannot express these things to my friends or family because i get to emotional and maybe its a pride thing but i just cant have people staring at me with sorrow in their eyes. Thanks for listening and im sorry for everyone elses losses aswell.
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The love you have for your father is evident and touching in your post . Your father is surely a very special man and your post goes a long way to honor him .
I want to thank you for sharing his and your story with us , its a touching reminder for all us to remember those we love and have lost with kindness and an open heart .
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Daddysgirl,
Thank you for posting about your father. I can tell how much you loved him, and how much you will miss him. And I urge you to keep talking about your father as much as you need to. All too often, when someone takes their own life (as my mother did years ago), family and friends don't talk about it, ignore what happened, or pretend it didn't happen. And that can make you feel much worse. While there will always be unanswered questions about why your Dad acted as he did, you can still talk about him, and honor him.
Hugs,
Henry