POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => Living With HIV => Topic started by: ryeguy on January 22, 2007, 02:57:41 pm
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Hi everyone,
I am so unhappy at the moment I am not sure where to start, and if you don't want me to bore you to death with my self-sorrow then stop reading now.
TO start with I am starting to hate my F就 job and have been looking for something better, which I don't think will be very easy. At the moment I am working at the Dorint-Sofitel Am Gandarmenmarkt in Berlin. The richest area of Berlin but for a service worker not the best paid.... it's just about prestige and that doesn't always pay my bills on time. Still having a Countess as my boss in a 5Star hotel is good for my Resume. I think 1,5 years is enough in our 5 star stiff bitchy snobby breakfast restaurant.
Next is my boyfriend which I have had for 2 years, I do love him and that's a lot of my problem cause if I didn't I would dump him. Ask me if I am being unrealistic. He is 24, I am 32, we have had sex in the last 2 years( I mean the real deal about 10 times.) I am not asking for a lot but that is kind of seldom. I would love to at least 2 a week, but he is just happy with M and M. :-((((( It is hard to break up with him just for that reason, otherwise he is almost perfect!!! My oh my what does one do, He even gave me the green card to have sex with other men but I don't want to, I only want to F... my boyfriend, Is this strange in the year2007? Am I just too old fashioned? I think if he was pos too things would be so much easier.
Have I mentioned I am getting tired of living in Germany and consider moving back to the U.S., but I am so afraid that there I won't get the great level of health care that I get here.
There is little keeping me here, On the other hand I have nothing and no family in the U.S. Only memories of my childhood in California. God at this moment I feel alone on this planet. Anyone else ever feel like this?
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Hey cutie
Vent all you want here. In regards to your job, there is something better for you out there. Where? You gotta start looking. When will you find it? It can be a few weeks or a year. About your boyfriend. If there is real love between both of you then stick with him and talk to him about sex. Make it interesting for him. I been single for years now and have not found one right person for me. I have left a couple of guys because I wanted more sex but at the end of the day, being loved and spending your free days with someone you care about is what matters most. Sex is essential in a relationship but what do you need more now? Sex or Love? One shouldn't have to choose but being alone always is not so good either. If things get intolerable or worse then you need to decide one thing or the other.
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meh... I'd rather be alone than with someone who made me feel unattractive in bed, but to each his own. I'd definitely have a conversation (or three) and communicate. 2 years is quite a long time to harbor resentment about sex... hasn't this spilled over to other issues? I can't go 2 years without say what's on my mind... in fact 2 weeks. Good luck with things and happy job hunting.
What's "M and M"? Guess I'm not up on things.
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Venting is a good thing. I feel alone in a crowded room sometimes.
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Ditto on the M and M. If you find a job here that provides health benefits, you will be as well taken care of as anywhere. If you have to rely on the govt for care, ADAP for drugs etc - then be prepared to be frustrated - a lot. As for the bf, who's 24 and isn't into sex (an extraterrestrial?), perhaps it's time to move on, perhaps it's worth some couples counseling to get things sparking. His giving you the green light to have sex elsewhere is his way of saying that he can't be bothered and doesn't want to deal with it. Not encouraging. Also you might consider how hard it is to reason with a kid. If I were you and I found a good job stateside, he'd be auf'd.
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Thanxx for your responses. M and M is mutual masturbation :-* ::) ???
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If I were you and I found a good job stateside, he'd be auf'd.
ha ha... go Heidi Klum!
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hey, good luck to you
As for the bf, who's 24 and isn't into sex (an extraterrestrial?),
:D
If I were you and I found a good job stateside, he'd be auf'd.
:D
razor's extra sharp today :D watch out everyone, he's taking no prisoners :D
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There are days like this, and weeks and months like this. And we all do and need to vent. :) As for the job issue, have you been able to do more than look? Have you gotten your feet wet so you could see if you would like the water? Have you gotten close to cutting the rope so you could see/feel if it really was as bad as it sometimes seems? Is it about the money? The status? The area of work even? Can you see yourself doing something completely different yet? Have you talked to friends who do other things? The more proactive you can be, the more you will start to feel in control, even if control keeps you where you are.
About your boyfriend, lot's of things also come to mind. Do you know, have you directly talked about, your being positive and his being negative? We have had a number of threads in which we have heard from others that the positive/negative difference has led to problems, such as exactly yours. MM is sex, that said. Have you asked him about why it stops where it does? Have you tried to push things farther along. Is he, perhaps reasonably, concerned about your topping him since you are positive? He is 'almost perfect.' What does that mean to you? Is it just the sex aspect or other things?
About Germany versus the U.S., isn't the grass always greener on the other side of the whatever we are talking about? The boyfriend you don't have better than the boyfriend you do have? The job you don't have better than the job you do have? But this is what times such as you are going through are like for all of us. Win
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Its ok to vent, we all get frustrated sometimes (and some of us quite frequently)...
Have you told your boyfriend that you dont want to sleep with anyone else but him? If you have did he try to change the subject or ignore the problem (if so then maybe he doesnt want to deal with this issue...he probably cares but just one of those people who rather ignore than deal). If you talk openly/honestly with him try asking him why he doesnt want sex? maybe hes just one of those few that isnt all that sexual. maybe hes afraid of getting infected, maybe he just doesnt have that spark even though he loves you....could be many reasons but you should try to figure it out. Once you find out what it is then you can try to work/deal with it (if he doesnt want to deal with it then you have to decide if you can accept that:-))....
and as a poster above said reasoning with a 24 year old can be difficult hahaha its true (but not impossible)
Hope you find a job that makes you happy...i know the feeling im sick of my job but ill be changing soon enough
good luck
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Your saying all the right things... You know what you want.... AS others have already alluded to, talk to your BF and explain to him your needs... Then at least you will know what he wants....
Hay, its just a job... I to work in the god forsaken hotel business... 19 years to be exact. I still find the good stuff in it.. But I can also certainly dwell on the pompas assholes that pay my mortgage, drug, and electric bills - but I don't.. Wouldn't have a clue about what a real wordily job would be like... ;D
Whatever you do, put first things first. A talk with the bf would be a good start. Then brush of the resume and come back to this freaking USA if you want.... ;)
Love,
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Thankyou everyone!
I have taken some time not just to consider what I really want, but also to be honest with myself and the things which I can change and the thing which I can not.
With my boyfriend I think everything will work out. We had a couple of good heart to hearts and without being too indiscreet I am sure we are on the right track. :-))
As far as my job I have decided to do a distant learning program and invest time and energy into my future. I did not know it was possible to get a degree in Tourism, but here in Germany it is. With this degree and a whole lot of hotel experience I might just land in a General Managers chair:-) I plan to stat my study in Feb:-)
Not ready to leave Germany just yet, I guess Berlin is home for me:-)
Lots of love to you all in the States:-)
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I've said it before... a relationship without intimacy is not a relationship. I left men I loved because of it. I would rather be alone than with someone who doesn't want to have sex with me.
As far as moving back to the US goes... the healthcare is fine as long as you have a job which has insurance.
However, keep in mind, that lots of people leave their boyfriends and live in places where they don't know anyone. This would be no different for you. You can choose to stay in Berlin and just meet new people. Think of it as an opportunity, and stop wasting time. Life is too short to remain in unhappy relationships.
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"I've said it before... a relationship without intimacy is not a relationship. I left men I loved because of it. I would rather be alone than with someone who doesn't want to have sex with me."
This is true for me too. Having said that, I also accept that people have different priorities, different needs. I could not be in a sexless relationship. But I know several couples who are and who seem to be perfectly OK with that state of affairs.
Glad you're talking things through with the boyfriend.
Jay
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My last one kept trying to fist me... had to give him the heave ho
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Hi Rion,
I have been so happy to see you of late, despite your heartfelt need right now.
You have always struck me as a man who is confident, capable, and conscientious.
I have a dim memory of being as wrapped as you are right now.(read;trapped)
I hope you can come to an agreeable mindset.
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All this talk about sex. Sex,sex,sex. Ill be back in three minutes ;D
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Hey R,
It's been a while! Glad you've popped in for a visit.
I remember when you took this job you were pretty happy, Now it sounds like you need to grow and move forward. I think the schooling will be a good thing and, like you said, maybe land you in the general manager's chair.
One of these days, I must visit Germany. I loved Fassbinder's films and always had the Querelle fantasy, but that's another story.
Visit more often, please.
HUGS,
Mark