POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => Living With HIV => Topic started by: ACinKC on December 04, 2006, 11:02:18 am
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Well, it was supposed to be a big weekend for me. My Huskers were playing for the Big 12 Title game and I had tickets to go with my wife and 10 friends. Well the day started out fine enough, family pictures were taken and then the wife and I hurried off to the game to meet up with friends. We arrive and prepare for the big game!
I had made a 5 gallon jug of an interesting concoction consisting of vodka, gin, everclear, OJ and redbull. It got everyone pretty hammered pretty fast. We played some football in the parking lot for a little while and continued to drink and watch TV. It starts to get on into the evening and my wife, myself and the best man from my wedding all start to talk about serious things. My family, of which he is heavily involved in, my job and our friendship.
Long story REEALLY short, I tell him "Look man you don't know everything I'm going through. My heart just isnt in the job any more. I have OTHER things that I find more important right now." And he replies he does know. My wife and I look at each other and kind of say... "what do you know?" He dilly dallies. "And I say you don't know about my health" and he replies "Yes, you have AIDS" To which I say, "NO I dont. Actually I have HIV, the AIDS diagnosis doesnt begin until I am under 200 CD4 cells, but we will get back to that. In fact I call it COOTIES. And by the way, who told you?!??!"
Now, right away my wife starts to cry. She knows I have wanted to tell him for a very long time. But disclosure is a personal thing and I have only revealed my secret identity to my wife and immediate family. My EX-wife has revealed my status to about 8 of our friends including one of my best friends from high school. This guy was a SERIOUS homophobe and I know my ex told him how I had come upon my lovely parting gift and it kept me from talking to him for about 2 years because I dreaded how he would react. Only when his dad died, who i was VERY close to, did I pick up the phone and call him. Lots of tears later we are fine again. But it wasnt ME that got to tell him and for this i was hurt. Now, back to this weekend.....
It turns out that my mom, who he works for, told him almost 2 years ago. Now, the UPSIDE is, he knew and he stayed by me. And he made a point of telling me this ALL NIGHT. ANd he was offended I didnt tell him sooner. And I said, I NEVER HAD THE CHANCE APPARENTLY!!! Which we had a good laugh over.
Anyway, my Huskers lost the big game and I was in SHOCK almost all night. I think it was actually better for HIM to get it off HIS shoulders than for me. I still don't know how I feel about all this, and I'm pretty sure there are ALOT more people that know than I want to know. I am still in shock and all I could think of was you guys. HOW PATHETIC!!! LOL So here I am spilling it to my "other" family.
No point to this story. Just sayin' it was one hell of a night, and the game sucked TOO!!!!
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Once you tell one person secrets are difficult to keep. Your friend's response and reaction speaks volumes about his character, and his love for you. It's another brick in the road my friend.
Would you feel better if I made fun of you? I am willing to make that sacrifice. ;D
Hal
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Thanks Hal. ANd yes it does speak volumes about him, which is why he was my best man.
I guess I just feel cheated. There has been only one person I have told on MY terms. And that is my new wifey! With my ex, the fucking state of KANSAS called and told her. With my parents my hand was forced during a rather heated arguement with my dad/boss about me not understanding what stress was!!! And my two best friends were told by someone other than me.
Goddamnit its MY virus and I should be allowed to choose who it talks to!!!
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If more than one person knows(excluding medical professionals and spiritual pros)everyone will know.
Once it goes past your wife,all bets are off.
I found this our early in my business career. Never,ever tell anyone anything unless you are prepared for the world to know.
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Your Best Man was (is) certainly the best kind of friend to have. But I'm not surprised. You're a really nice guy and nice guys have nice friends.
So you lost the game. I watched and thought of you. By the way, what happened to the Big Eight? I'm a Colorado fan and you all were part of the Big 8. What happened to Colo? Are they in the Big 12? Or did they join some dinky ass group with Utah and Colo. State, Wyoming?
robert
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Colorado is in the Big 12. They just fell off the map this year!
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Man, you had an action packed day.
The best was learning yet again what a stand up guy your best man is.
As for others knowing you not being the one to make the choice, let the chips fall where they may and get on with what otherwise sounds like a pretty fine life these days.
I'll also note that you must have a cast iron stomach to withstand that brew you tossed together. I got queasy just reading about it.
Cheers,
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I know you're a bit pissed right now, but it'll pass. Maybe you can ask those who know , to let you be the one who decides who will know from here on in?
And you're right I bet it was a big load off your buddies shoulders.
And AGAIN-You're a lucky SOB!!! ;D ;D ;D
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Hey ACinKC,
What a day/night that was and the content of the conversation.
Happy Holidays!
Now Playing: Rare Earth - Get Ready
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Oh i told my mom the next day. I said hey, Im not mad or upset or hurt but I would have really liked to have told him on my terms. I think she felt kinda bad, which I didnt want.
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As my mom use to say, "I brought you into this world and I can take you out!"