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Main Forums => Living With HIV => Topic started by: mpositive on December 07, 2010, 02:00:41 pm

Title: Thowing in the towel.....for now...
Post by: mpositive on December 07, 2010, 02:00:41 pm
I am just too tired of trying to find someone.  Poz Personals & PositiveSingles.com have been exhausted.  Anyone know of another place a Heterosexual Poz Male can find a mate? 
Really just tired of it.  I mostly just want to give in and accept the fact that I will most likely remain alone, maybe then I can just move past this "topic".   So much has changed, I find myself not as able to be flirtatious with women because it can't go anywhere.  Anyhow, this is not the place to mope...I am just tired of this already.
Sorry....needed to vent somewhere.
:)
M
Title: Re: Thowing in the towel.....for now...
Post by: sam66 on December 07, 2010, 02:13:21 pm
 
     Hey Mpos,
                    Know how you feel , in the same boat, 3 years now,
                    Let me know if you have any luck. only tried poz personals

                    May be we should just go and get drunk , :'( 

                              all the best man

                    sam
Title: Re: Thowing in the towel.....for now...
Post by: Jeff G on December 07, 2010, 02:17:00 pm
If I may make a suggestion ... Perhaps you should consider not throwing in the towel and giving up , rather just put it on the back burner for awhile .

There came a time when i was faced with the same dilemma as you are and found my self feeling isolated and upset with the situation . It wasn't pleasant but I found in time that I could be just as happy as a single guy as I was partnerd .

I can also say with certainty that if I ever do find a special person again it will be all the better because of what I learned living single .    
Title: Re: Thowing in the towel.....for now...
Post by: sam66 on December 07, 2010, 02:26:50 pm
   Thanks jg
               
                I got use it now, look on the bright side,  I can leave my underpants and socks lying around
        as long as I want.  8)

         Mops may be we should start a hetro male section           
Title: Re: Thowing in the towel.....for now...
Post by: jkinatl2 on December 07, 2010, 02:55:10 pm
   Thanks jg
               
                I got use it now, look on the bright side,  I can leave my underpants and socks lying around
        as long as I want.  8)

         Mops may be we should start a hetro male section           

As a gay guy living alone, I can tell you that many of us leave our socks and underwear lying around. That clean gene does not trickle ALL the way down :)

I've often wondered whether POZ Personals ought to have a forum for discussion about dating (only that). Sometimes when people open up to each other, they might be able to forge alliances and who knows, form social groups for mingling with/meeting people of the opposite sex. Not sure such a forum would fly here, but it's something to consider.

Title: Re: Thowing in the towel.....for now...
Post by: wtfimpoz on December 07, 2010, 02:56:06 pm
There's a rule that me and mine have had for some time, long before I tested poz.  "He'll always show up when you're not looking".  HIV notwithstanding, no one wants a partner who looks emotionally desperate.  For better or for worse, nothing looks more emotionally desperate than allowing yourself to become caught up in the ebb and flow of whoever happens to be online at the moment.  I'm not saying "throw in the towel", but I am saying that sometimes the best way to find someone is to dial back your engagement in the search.  Keep checking those websites, and whatever alternate forums you use, but check them less often and invest yourself in something else for the time being.  You'll probably find that you happen across that special lady when you're just looking for a hookup after a long day at work.
Title: Re: Thowing in the towel.....for now...
Post by: sam66 on December 07, 2010, 03:04:12 pm
As a gay guy living alone, I can tell you that many of us leave our socks and underwear lying around. That clean gene does not trickle ALL the way down :)


   good to see that smile JK    ;D

     any way I was trying to make this a hetro thread,, but ur welcome
Title: Re: Thowing in the towel.....for now...
Post by: woodshere on December 07, 2010, 04:01:42 pm
    any way I was trying to make this a hetro thread,, but ur welcome

Surely you didn't just say that!!  I don't doubt that it is more difficult for a straight male to find someone, but don't discount the difficulty some gay men have.  I can tell you that as a negative and now a poz gay man I have had extremely bad luck in the dating department.  And for all practical purposes have accepted that having a meaningful relationship is probably not in the cards for me.  And I am not saying that as some naive twink but a guy whose been around awhile.  Straight or gay we all face our difficulties in dating.
Title: Re: Thowing in the towel.....for now...
Post by: hope_for_a_cure on December 07, 2010, 04:37:42 pm
I mostly just want to give in and accept the fact that I will most likely remain alone, maybe then I can just move past this "topic".   So much has changed, I find myself not as able to be flirtatious with women because it can't go anywhere.  Anyhow, this is not the place to mope...I am just tired of this already.
Sorry....needed to vent somewhere.
:)
M

mp - Vent away buddy.  By the time you read this, I would hope the pity party is over.  Keep in mind that its not easy to find a suitable significant other regardless of our HIV status. 

Like a wise friend of mine once told me and I now see it as being true... dont try and it will happen.  That sounds like crappy advice but it does seem to be true.  She will not come knocking on the door out of the blue, you have to get out and about but dont make it the focal point of your day. 

I hope you dont mind me responding if this is intended to be a Hetero only thread.   ;)

Title: Re: Thowing in the towel.....for now...
Post by: Matty the Damned on December 07, 2010, 04:51:02 pm
     any way I was trying to make this a hetro thread,, but ur welcome

Good luck with that.

MtD
Title: Re: Thowing in the towel.....for now...
Post by: WillyWump on December 07, 2010, 08:34:04 pm
I am just too tired of trying to find someone. 

You're looking too hard. Just let it go and one will come along.

-Will
Title: Re: Thowing in the towel.....for now...
Post by: odyssey on December 07, 2010, 10:48:26 pm
You're looking too hard. Just let it go and one will come along.

-Will

Yeah, its kind of like when you try so hard to remember something and you can't, then you stop thinking about it and it comes right to you. Keep your cosmic self open to the possibilities, but maybe for now, let the women come looking for you?

odyssey

*As for this being a hetero only forum, isn't that a tad discriminatory?
Title: Re: Thowing in the towel.....for now...
Post by: daysleeper on December 07, 2010, 11:04:37 pm
I've been trying to rock the whole "it'll happen when you're not looking" approach for the past six years -- hasn't gotten me very far.
Title: Re: Thowing in the towel.....for now...
Post by: skeebo1969 on December 08, 2010, 12:33:35 am


  Hey Mpos, I know this is bothering you because you've brought this up before.  I wish I had an answer for you... you know my deal and situation, I wish it was the same for you.  Is your profile just not getting any hits or is it just a matter of not meeting someone compatible?

  I would think being in New York would give you some advantages over someone living in Dresden, Tennessee. 

   
Title: Re: Thowing in the towel.....for now...
Post by: mpositive on December 08, 2010, 06:52:36 am
Thanks for all the responses folks.  You are all right in every way.  Yea, I am over it, I vented when the frustration overflows a bit, then I reset. 
Gay or Hetero, it's all tough. 

:)
Title: Re: Thowing in the towel.....for now...
Post by: sam66 on December 08, 2010, 06:54:33 am
   Matty, Woods,
                       I'm just just trying to make light of an issue that does  bother me, so don't take too
    seriously any thing I say on this thread. ( you know laughter is best medicine and all that, just my way )

    Any how, someone said don't look desperate, women can sense it, well I have a shower, clean shave, tidy
    my hair( that doesn't take too long   :( )  look in the mirror , every thing is perfect. But soon as I step
    out side the front door this F.....g big sign appires above my head that says " he's desperate " which every woman can see.. ???
Title: Re: Thowing in the towel.....for now...
Post by: sam66 on December 08, 2010, 07:08:06 am
   What about these support groups , MPOS,     have you tried those places
Title: Re: Thowing in the towel.....for now...
Post by: smiteler on December 08, 2010, 11:35:07 am
i haven't completely givin up
but i'm at the point i could really give a shit anymore. 8)
what makes me be that way isn't from being able to find them,
its seeing whats out there!  :o
Title: Re: Thowing in the towel.....for now...
Post by: mpositive on December 08, 2010, 12:59:11 pm
Well, have not had much luck with support groups for POZ folks, because they are normally geared to specific sexual orientations or gender.  IE: TS, Gay, Women but VERY and I mean VERY rare to find a selection of groups geared towards hetero men.  I did go to one once...it was at 3pm in the afternoon at the Gay Men's Health center in NYC. 
That was the only one available.  So if you don't work, great, but if you did, you were shit outta luck.  But I went once and did not feel it for myself. 
What also troubled me, the gentlemen leading the group was not a Poz himself.  I did not realize it until the end and was kinda put off.  I guess because he made it seem like he could relate, but I could not see that as possible.  However, he was a real nice guy, good heart and obviously cared a lot.

:)
M
Title: Re: Thowing in the towel.....for now...
Post by: Oceanbeach on December 08, 2010, 03:40:19 pm
Hey Mpos,

Are searching in POZ dating sites only?  That in itself seems limiting.  On TV commercials they have eHarmony which includes the involving process of personality profiles and does not accept gay clients.  There is another which offers more and better dates, more relationships and more marriages than the other sites.

I heard on the radio the other day that 87% of all people who have profiles online have exaggerated their profile information.    Guess I'm not really a millionaire...

During the holiday season, we have 3 personality types:
1.  The happy couples with plans and families
2.  The singles groups of friends who already have plans
3.  The single person with no place to go and someones dad sets a place at the table
The holiday season leaves no room for singles meeting other singles.

Three years ago, I bought a 1 year membership on gay.com.  I ran a search of all available men within 50 miles (which included San Francisco).  From that list, I eliminated everyone who for any reason would not be compatible so 1200 gay men became a list of 4 who may be interesting.  Everyone says they are looking for someone with personality and a sense of humor.  Each of those 4 got an email from me.  The one who read, "I am bold, brash and obnoxious in public" responded, we made a date and are still dating.  He is HIV negative- go figure   ;D  Have the best day
Michael
Title: Re: Thowing in the towel.....for now...
Post by: odyssey on December 08, 2010, 06:33:25 pm
Hey Mpos,

Are searching in POZ dating sites only?  That in itself seems limiting.  On TV commercials they have eHarmony which includes the involving process of personality profiles and does not accept gay clients.  There is another which offers more and better dates, more relationships and more marriages than the other sites.

I heard on the radio the other day that 87% of all people who have profiles online have exaggerated their profile information.    Guess I'm not really a millionaire...

During the holiday season, we have 3 personality types:
1.  The happy couples with plans and families
2.  The singles groups of friends who already have plans
3.  The single person with no place to go and someones dad sets a place at the table
The holiday season leaves no room for singles meeting other singles.

Three years ago, I bought a 1 year membership on gay.com.  I ran a search of all available men within 50 miles (which included San Francisco).  From that list, I eliminated everyone who for any reason would not be compatible so 1200 gay men became a list of 4 who may be interesting.  Everyone says they are looking for someone with personality and a sense of humor.  Each of those 4 got an email from me.  The one who read, "I am bold, brash and obnoxious in public" responded, we made a date and are still dating.  He is HIV negative- go figure   ;D  Have the best day
Michael

Hey choof-

Hate to point out where you're wrong in an otherwise excellent post, but eHarmony does accept gay clients now. They lost a lawsuit allegedly discrimination based on sexual orientation and now allow gays and lesbians on their site. Just thought everyone should know so they know eHarmony is an option even if they are queer. Though I don't know why a queer person would want to give their money to people who hate them anyway?

odyssey
Title: Re: Thowing in the towel.....for now...
Post by: Oceanbeach on December 08, 2010, 07:23:14 pm
Hey choof-

Hate to point out where you're wrong in an otherwise excellent post, but eHarmony does accept gay clients now. They lost a lawsuit allegedly discrimination based on sexual orientation and now allow gays and lesbians on their site. Just thought everyone should know so they know eHarmony is an option even if they are queer. Though I don't know why a queer person would want to give their money to people who hate them anyway?

odyssey

I didn't know that... Although I am a fan of personality profiling, I did a lot of work to find the perfect match on gay.com.  A gal from days gone by found a man on eHarmony but after 3 years of a relationship that was second best to a warm bath and a good book, her sister talked about suing eHarmony because the man lied and misrepresented his intentions.  He was really in love with his mother.  The point I was trying to make was a person who is living with HIV should not limit themselves to poz dating sites.   ;D  Have the best day
Michael 
Title: Re: Thowing in the towel.....for now...
Post by: AuroraCOGuy on December 09, 2010, 02:06:43 am
Well, have not had much luck with support groups for POZ folks, because they are normally geared to specific sexual orientations or gender.  IE: TS, Gay, Women but VERY and I mean VERY rare to find a selection of groups geared towards hetero men.  I did go to one once...it was at 3pm in the afternoon at the Gay Men's Health center in NYC. 
That was the only one available.  So if you don't work, great, but if you did, you were shit outta luck.  But I went once and did not feel it for myself. 
What also troubled me, the gentlemen leading the group was not a Poz himself.  I did not realize it until the end and was kinda put off.  I guess because he made it seem like he could relate, but I could not see that as possible.  However, he was a real nice guy, good heart and obviously cared a lot.

Isn't that the truth. Painfully frustrating. I'm still barely past having my HIV cherry popped and I'm debating not going through with my divorce for this very reason (which is actually pretty damn unhealthy mentally) but it's an interesting dilemma. And I'm sure gays and straights do struggle in a number of common areas but there are also differences.

I won't pretend to know what it's like being a gay male with HIV but I have quite a few gay friends and at least within that social circle, HIV is not the social stigma that it turns out to be in the heterosexual world. Not to mention the assumptions/stereotypes that dog the heterosexuals. Don't want it to turn into a flame war though, dating is difficult enough without HIV, this just puts a new wrinkle in it.

Keep your head up M. I actually am talking to 3 different women from Poz sites, just strictly casual stuff since I'm not ready to date and unsure about my long term status with my "wife" but I know they are out there.
Title: Re: Thowing in the towel.....for now...
Post by: sam66 on December 09, 2010, 08:06:01 am
    I think , hetro male is a forgoten minority when it comes to HIV, never really here much about us,
    I'm sure it's around 28%  of the +ve population in UK
Title: Re: Thowing in the towel.....for now...
Post by: Matty the Damned on December 09, 2010, 08:27:23 am
    I think , hetro male is a forgoten minority when it comes to HIV, never really here much about us,
    I'm sure it's around 28%  of the +ve population in UK

Ah yairs. The plight of the heterosexual male, that most maligned and disempowered group.

And you know, our hearts would bleed for our straight bloke brethren if y'all didn't run the fucking world.

Check out who's running the government in any given nation, chances are it's a straight fella.

Health services, insurance companies, the pharmaceutical industry, FOX news and any other locus of power you might care to mention and I fancy you'll find it's a red blooded man of the straight persuasion calling the shots.

If, by some lucky happenstance, there should be an individual of the non married male variety at the head of things, I've got no doubt that there'll be some ferociously heterosexual bloke behind the scenes calling the shots.

My point? Arrange for more straight men to become HIV positive, get them to join up here and form the majority.

Then you'll be set. :)

MtD
Title: Re: Thowing in the towel.....for now...
Post by: mpositive on December 09, 2010, 08:56:59 am
Ya know Matt, this is why I hesitate here.  The hate and bigotry that folks like you portray.  You are no better than those you berate Matt.  Sorry to say.  By your words, it appears that BECAUSE I am straight, I am "evil" or just bad.  I know you did not use those words, but it is extremely obvious to anyone with a half a brain what your intentions are and it really sucks.  I see you said Fox News, as a way of being negative.  Right, sure Matt. You are exactly part of the same problem as with any ignorant and small minded bigot, racist, anti-semite or extremist.  If I am coming off hard, well, too bad.  I am straight...so freaking what!  Do I not deserve the same respect?  Because a straight person pissed you off, therefore all straight people are evil or bad in your eyes?  If you say that you don't feel that way, well, that also makes you a liar based on your generalities above.  Personally, I have such respect and admiration for everyone here and in the small world around me, of all colors, preferences and religions.  As long as they do no harm to others, they are good in my book. 
Hmmmm...I wrote this, then was going to delete, as it is written in anger.  However, the hell with it, I won't quietly sit by and let someone rip me up because I am not like them.  So, let the chips fall where they may...get over yourself soon Matt.
By the way, I am not a "maligned and disempowered group".  I am me and am part of the same human race that you are.  Like it or not.



Title: Re: Thowing in the towel.....for now...
Post by: mpositive on December 09, 2010, 09:02:38 am
My apologies to everyone else for my last post.
Title: Re: Thowing in the towel.....for now...
Post by: Jeff G on December 09, 2010, 09:06:22 am
I'm still looking for the evil straight man part of Mattys post but I just cant find it .  
Title: Re: Thowing in the towel.....for now...
Post by: Matty the Damned on December 09, 2010, 09:11:19 am
Ya know Matt, this is why I hesitate here.  The hate and bigotry that folks like you portray.  You are no better than those you berate Matt.  Sorry to say.  By your words, it appears that BECAUSE I am straight, I am "evil" or just bad.  I know you did not use those words, but it is extremely obvious to anyone with a half a brain what your intentions are and it really sucks.  I see you said Fox News, as a way of being negative.  Right, sure Matt. You are exactly part of the same problem as with any ignorant and small minded bigot, racist, anti-semite or extremist.  If I am coming off hard, well, too bad.  I am straight...so freaking what!  Do I not deserve the same respect?  Because a straight person pissed you off, therefore all straight people are evil or bad in your eyes?  If you say that you don't feel that way, well, that also makes you a liar based on your generalities above.  Personally, I have such respect and admiration for everyone here and in the small world around me, of all colors, preferences and religions.  As long as they do no harm to others, they are good in my book. 
Hmmmm...I wrote this, then was going to delete, as it is written in anger.  However, the hell with it, I won't quietly sit by and let someone rip me up because I am not like them.  So, let the chips fall where they may...get over yourself soon Matt.
By the way, I am not a "maligned and disempowered group".  I am me and am part of the same human race that you are.  Like it or not.

Le sigh.

Yeah I get it. You're a good guy. You don't wear orange on St Patrick's Day,  you don't drink cappucino with your steak dinner nor do you smack your girlfriend around when she gets uppity.

And if only all straight men could take a leaf out of your neatly ruled book, then the world would be a better place.

The thing is that I'm not talking to you the really decent fellow. I'm talking to you as a member of the hegemonic group.

So allow me to soothe your white hot rage with a rather tedious anecdote.

When I was at university way back in the 1990s, we had a thing called a "Womens' Room". It was a single space on campus reserved for women students. They ran it and they decided who could and could not cross their delicately scented threshold.

Inevitably some "heterosexual males" objected to this outrageous affront to the status quo and fronted up to a meeting of the Students' Representative Council demanding a "Mens' Room".

Because, y'know, turn about is fair play.

For a good two hours we debated the question "why isn't there a mens' room on this campus?" until a big ol' dyke finally rose up and answered it.

"Because every fucking room on this campus is a fucking mens' room."

You can draw from that what you will.

MtD
Title: Re: Thowing in the towel.....for now...
Post by: skeebo1969 on December 09, 2010, 09:18:22 am
I'm still looking for the evil straight man part of Mattys post but I just cant find it .  

 was it advice to the problem Mpos is having though?  Perhaps a little compassion towards a problem that is very real to him may have come across a little better.
Title: Re: Thowing in the towel.....for now...
Post by: Matty the Damned on December 09, 2010, 09:25:22 am
was it advice to the problem Mpos is having though?  Perhaps a little compassion towards a problem that is very real to him may have come across a little better.

Heh.

Speaking of neatly ruled books, I was wondering when you'd pop up. :)

MtD

Title: Re: Thowing in the towel.....for now...
Post by: sam66 on December 09, 2010, 09:29:10 am
            Matty , you guys been running the show since Adam n' Eve,  I'm sure Adam was gay


, FOX news and

MtD
                  I give you that one Fox news ;D , yeh I doubt anybody gay there.

   Edward Heath, primnister UK 1972,   Peter Mandleson,( who really was in charge behind Tony Blair )

All great historical characters :  Alexander the Great , Most of Roman Emperors ( Nero most famous ) Julius Caesar, King Edward II, ( half of UK royalty ) Lord Nelson ( most of great military leaders )

 Michelangelo ,Leonardo  da Vinci, Oscar Wilde, Peter Ilyich Tchaikovsky,Sir Francis  Bacon,
 Any Artist writer of note,
         Sir Isaac Newton.      God knows how many Popes  List goes on and on. ;)


    Things are so bad I'm seriously considering batting for the other side
      >:(
           




Title: Re: Thowing in the towel.....for now...
Post by: Matty the Damned on December 09, 2010, 09:32:59 am
            Matty , you guys been running the show since Adam n' Eve,  I'm sure Adam was gay
                  I give you that one Fox news ;D , yeh I doubt anybody gay there.

   Edward Heath, primnister UK 1972,   Peter Mandleson,( who really was in charge behind Tony Blair )

All great historical characters :  Alexander the Great , Most of Roman Emperors ( Nero most famous ) Julius Caesar, King Edward II, ( half of UK royalty ) Lord Nelson ( most of great military leaders )

 Michelangelo ,Leonardo  da Vinci, Oscar Wilde, Peter Ilyich Tchaikovsky,Sir Francis  Bacon,
 Any Artist writer of note,
         Sir Isaac Newton.      God knows how many Popes  List goes on and on. ;)

You left out Oprah. I hear she's a fearsome crack-snacker.

Quote
    Things are so bad I'm seriously considering batting for the other side
      >:(
           

Drop Skeebo a line, he'll give you some pointers. :)

MtD
Title: Re: Thowing in the towel.....for now...
Post by: skeebo1969 on December 09, 2010, 09:33:43 am
Heh.

Speaking of neatly ruled books, I was wondering when you'd pop up. :)

MtD



Oh please Matt, you know this isn't common for me.  I've very rarely come to the defense of our straight brethren, so back off that insinuation.   The fact of the matter remains straight HIV+ males are judged with suspicion on the outside (neg. pop) and  shown this kind of attitude you display above when they talk about it.  It's a problem is all I am saying.
Title: Re: Thowing in the towel.....for now...
Post by: Matty the Damned on December 09, 2010, 09:38:38 am
Oh please Matt, you know this isn't common for me.  I've very rarely come to the defense of our straight brethren, so back off that insinuation.   The fact of the matter remains straight HIV+ males are judged with suspicion on the outside (neg. pop) and  shown this kind of attitude you display above when they talk about it.  It's a problem is all I am saying.

So what, now you're a fudge packer?

That to one side, my point remains. Heterosexual men are firmly part of the enforcing group in society and the fact that the positive ones find life a little challenging is neither here nor there.

Because last I checked having HIV is no big deal.

MtD
Title: Re: Thowing in the towel.....for now...
Post by: mpositive on December 09, 2010, 09:53:48 am
It really is incredible.  Matt, you took my original post and turned it into a hateful thing.  
Even your reply to me again, was all nasty and sarcastic.  You need to get over it already.  Not EVERYONE that is straight is like that.  Oh, and Cappuccino does not go with Steak, eggs and bacon, yes, but steak no.  

JG - I specifically wrote  "I know you did not use those words, but it is extremely obvious to anyone with a half a brain what your intentions are and it really sucks" .  
Title: Re: Thowing in the towel.....for now...
Post by: Matty the Damned on December 09, 2010, 09:59:26 am
It really is incredible.  Matt, you took my original post and turned it into a hateful thing. 

Well I try not to hide my light under a bushel.

Quote
Even your reply to me again, was all nasty and sarcastic.

Maybe, but one man's "nasty and sarcastic" is another man's "witty and endearing". It's all about perspective, I suppose.

Quote
  You need to get over it already.  Not EVERYONE that is straight is like that.  Oh, and Cappuccino does not go with Steak, eggs and bacon, yes, but steak no.   

What about chorizo? Does cappuccino go with that? I hope so. I do love a good, spicy throbbing chorizo in the morning.

Amongst other places.

Quote
Sam, I specifically wrote  "I know you did not use those words, but it is extremely obvious to anyone with a half a brain what your intentions are and it really sucks" . 

No doubt. :)

MtD
Title: Re: Thowing in the towel.....for now...
Post by: skeebo1969 on December 09, 2010, 10:10:11 am
That to one side, my point remains. Heterosexual men are firmly part of the enforcing group in society and the fact that the positive ones find life a little challenging is neither here nor there.

neither here nor there? LOL (No I mean it, I actually laughed)  Are you implying it kind of makes things just?  You know kinda like sweet redemption.....  I'm sorry I can't find the helpful correlation between Mpos's difficulties and the Lord of Lords and ever so powerful straight male syndrome you proposed above, why don't we just throw whitey in there too?

Cuz you know they say the white heterosexual male is the most hated of all.  So they say...

But I digress, I know it's a combination of Mpos's own feelings regarding his  status, problems he's had with this issue, and comments like yours that make this even more of a problem for his psyche.  So where does he go?  I use to talk to myself in the mirror in these situations....

Mpos,

  I'll be honest.  I never had these issues and as a result never had to present them here.  I have seen this problem brought up by straight males quite often and I wonder how much of this problem was occuring before being diagnosed.  It's the reason I asked above "are you just having problems finding pos women?", because that would be something totally out of your control.

Title: Re: Thowing in the towel.....for now...
Post by: sam66 on December 09, 2010, 10:15:01 am
             MPoz,
                        Go easy bro, dont start a war , we'r outnumberd here, and my ammo is runnig low :-\
Title: Re: Thowing in the towel.....for now...
Post by: skeebo1969 on December 09, 2010, 10:18:01 am
             MPoz,
                        Go easy bro, dont start a war , we'r outnumberd here, and my ammo is runnig low :-\

  That's not true.... this mentality is part of the problem.


    Mpos, here look at this (with volume up).

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FYiB3-0V6Yg
Title: Re: Thowing in the towel.....for now...
Post by: Matty the Damned on December 09, 2010, 10:22:06 am
neither here nor there? LOL (No I mean it, I actually laughed)  Are you implying it kind of makes things just?  You know kinda like sweet redemption.....  I'm sorry I can't find the helpful correlation between Mpos's difficulties and the Lord of Lords and ever so powerful straight male syndrome you proposed above, why don't we just throw whitey in there too?

Are you sure you laughed? It might have just been a fart.

Who said anything about this being just? I never set out to make "helpful correlations" (going to community college has made you such a clever chap), rather just some pointed and prescient observations.

Quote
Cuz you know they say the white heterosexual male is the most hated of all.  So they say...

Glenn Beck speaks of little else.

Quote
But I digress, I know it's a combination of Mpos's own feelings regarding his  status, problems he's had with this issue, and comments like yours that make this even more of a problem for his psyche.  So where does he go?  I use to talk to myself in the mirror in these situations....

Then why not lend him your mirror? If you do, be sure to wipe it down first.

MtD
Title: Re: Thowing in the towel.....for now...
Post by: skeebo1969 on December 09, 2010, 10:24:06 am



  I'm sorry I was watching the video.... wow, I can type this with one hand!
Title: Re: Thowing in the towel.....for now...
Post by: Matty the Damned on December 09, 2010, 10:28:05 am
  I'm sorry I was watching the video.... wow, I can type this with one hand!

Make sure you give it back when you're done. :)

MtD
Title: Re: Thowing in the towel.....for now...
Post by: mpositive on December 09, 2010, 10:32:16 am
Sam, you are right ... sorta.... we may be outnumbered straight<gay, but I believe Matt is outnumbered "Common sense">MTD" .  ;)
Title: Re: Thowing in the towel.....for now...
Post by: mpositive on December 09, 2010, 10:32:40 am
Too funny,,,  ;)
Title: Re: Thowing in the towel.....for now...
Post by: sam66 on December 09, 2010, 10:34:34 am
                                  
                                http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FYiB3-0V6Yg

                                          
                                     wow, how does she do that :o
Title: Re: Thowing in the towel.....for now...
Post by: mpositive on December 09, 2010, 10:35:16 am
Ok, I am gonna drop this...thanks Skeebs.

Loved that video...I want one of those for Xmas!!  NOW!  Been too damn long....
Title: Re: Thowing in the towel.....for now...
Post by: mpositive on December 09, 2010, 10:36:18 am
sam, I was wondering the same thing....I am sitting at my desk, headphones on, with a privacy screen....shhh!  Wow!  What a bootie!
Title: Re: Thowing in the towel.....for now...
Post by: skeebo1969 on December 09, 2010, 10:36:41 am
                                 
                                http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FYiB3-0V6Yg

                                          
                                     wow, how does she do that :o

You boys never been to Club Rolex down in Miami, huh?
Title: Re: Thowing in the towel.....for now...
Post by: sam66 on December 09, 2010, 10:40:50 am
     
         Glad u pulled back from the brink, Mpos,  thought  my ass was dead, phew :)
Title: Re: Thowing in the towel.....for now...
Post by: woodshere on December 09, 2010, 10:44:13 am
Just want to clear something up.

I won't pretend to know what it's like being a gay male with HIV but I have quite a few gay friends and at least within that social circle, HIV is not the social stigma that it turns out to be in the heterosexual world.

Obviously you haven't checked out ads on Craig's List or other gay "dating" sites lately.  You seldom see ads that say I am HIV+.  As a matter of fact on CL in  my town most of the ads say that lovely word "clean" or "DDF you be too".  So to say that the stigma isn't as great is not quite true.  Anyone who has a problem with HIV have it against all of us gay or straight.  But of course as a gay man I got what I deserve.

In terms of being HIV+ this mentality of I am straight so I have it worse or I am a woman so I have it worse or I am gay so I have it worse or I am an African American so I have it worse or I am a biracial, transsexual, IV drug user, Republican so I have it worse is ridiculous.  I think any of us who are HIV+ should not think we have it any worse than our fellow posies. We all have issues to deal with and I will offer support to anyone that needs it but someone says I have more problems than you,  you will get no support from me, 'cause you ain't walked in my shoes or for that matter anyone's shoes on this site.
Title: Re: Thowing in the towel.....for now...
Post by: sam66 on December 09, 2010, 10:46:52 am
You boys never been to Club Rolex down in Miami, huh?


        skeebo thats one place I will for sure checkout , if I'm ever in the states,

         not sure if my hear could handle it though,

         see ya later, got to eat
Title: Re: Thowing in the towel.....for now...
Post by: skeebo1969 on December 09, 2010, 10:56:15 am
In terms of being HIV+ this mentality of I am straight so I have it worse or I am a woman so I have it worse or I am gay so I have it worse or I am an African American so I have it worse or I am a biracial, transsexual, IV drug user, Republican so I have it worse is ridiculous.  I think any of us who are HIV+ should not think we have it any worse than our fellow posies. We all have issues to deal with and I will offer support to anyone that needs it but someone says I have more problems than you,  you will get no support from me, 'cause you ain't walked in my shoes or for that matter anyone's shoes on this site.

Then why respond?  Sorry, while it may be an issue that most have encountered, I can certainly understand the problem Mpos has brought forth in this thread..  for the most part he and his infection will be viewed with skepticism and the lack of a pool of people to date from only compounds this issue for him evidentally.  That's the problem and some how he needs to find the solution.

Now whether that problem is self imposed or real remains to be seen... 
Title: Re: Thowing in the towel.....for now...
Post by: veritas on December 09, 2010, 10:57:29 am

mpos,

Have you tried all of these:

http://www.whispy.com/hiv-positive-singles-dating.html

Scroll down. It'll happen. Don't beat yourself down. Be safe!

v
Title: Re: Thowing in the towel.....for now...
Post by: mpositive on December 09, 2010, 11:17:03 am
Thanks Veritas, gonna check that out further too.

Hey all, I portrayed the issues and feelings I had, seriously, if you can't be helpful, don't be hurtful.  However, please don't think for a moment that if attacked I will cower.  I may be normally quiet and reserved here, but, I will not be attacked for my feelings without a response. 
That being said, I do understand where woodshere is coming from.  I gave you my experience however and as Skeebo said, it is just my experience and feelings, right or wrong.....or rather, justified or not.   I was looking for advice and helpful suggestions and of course I got that too.  The attacks ...  well certainly did not want that. 
This Forum has never let me down and the folks here , for the most part, are very helpful.  As always, I do aprpeciate it.
Much love to all!
:)
Title: Re: Thowing in the towel.....for now...
Post by: woodshere on December 09, 2010, 11:45:08 am
Do you seriously think YOU as an individual was attacked.  Cause I just don't see a personal attack directed toward you and I have reread the thread many times.  Regardless I think we all can agree that none of us have an easy way of it.
Title: Re: Thowing in the towel.....for now...
Post by: sam66 on December 09, 2010, 12:14:01 pm
 Mpos,
           I meant to ask you before,  are you looking for poz, neg or doesn't matter; partner

           In my case I want to meet up with a +ve lady  , none of my female friends knows my status,
           come to think of it none of my male friends knows my status either, ( that's why I like this site, feel at
           home here some how )

           Having one to one with a +ve woman is the only thing that I feel is missing   
Title: Re: Thowing in the towel.....for now...
Post by: Miss Philicia on December 09, 2010, 12:35:57 pm
This is one thing that confuses me with HIV+ males looking for (I'm assuming) other HIV+ females -- numerically you should be in a better position than most everyone else, for the simple reason that you, the HIV+ male, are in shorter supply.  So basically I don't get what the problem is with this.

Or maybe I'm just missing something.  There are significant amounts of HIV+ females in the city I live in.
Title: Re: Thowing in the towel.....for now...
Post by: sam66 on December 09, 2010, 12:44:50 pm
This is one thing that confuses me with HIV+ males looking for (I'm assuming) other HIV+ females -- numerically you should be in a better position than most everyone else, for the simple reason that you, the HIV+ male, are in shorter supply.  So basically I don't get what the problem is with this.

Or maybe I'm just missing something.  There are significant amounts of HIV+ females in the city I live in.

      Be grateful if You cold get them to drop me a line Miss P 8)
Title: Re: Thowing in the towel.....for now...
Post by: Inchlingblue on December 09, 2010, 12:48:08 pm
 There are significant amounts of HIV+ females in the city I live in.

Yeah, and you're one of them.

LOL

I couldn't resist. Sorry for the hijack!
Title: Re: Thowing in the towel.....for now...
Post by: Miss Philicia on December 09, 2010, 12:49:45 pm
      Be grateful if You cold get them to drop me a line Miss P 8)

Miss P ain't no pimp!  Seriously though, if it was me in your shoes I guess I'd forego the on line pursuit and join some HIV volunteering where you actually meet these women in person.  It might not result in marriage but at least you have the potential to make some friendships.
Title: Re: Thowing in the towel.....for now...
Post by: skeebo1969 on December 09, 2010, 12:58:07 pm
This is one thing that confuses me with HIV+ males looking for (I'm assuming) other HIV+ females -- numerically you should be in a better position than most everyone else, for the simple reason that you, the HIV+ male, are in shorter supply.  So basically I don't get what the problem is with this.

Or maybe I'm just missing something.  There are significant amounts of HIV+ females in the city I live in.

I agree.  I like to think it was because of my great looks and charming personality, but to be honest, this (above)  probably had something to do with my success dating after diagnosis.   I would think New York would have someone of the female persuasion who happens to also be pos...  I wonder what his profile says, maybe I can give him something slick to say to fool a woman into his clutching arms.... I dunno, just wanta help the guy get a piece is all.
Title: Re: Thowing in the towel.....for now...
Post by: skeebo1969 on December 09, 2010, 12:59:14 pm



  that was a joke by the way... can feel the hammer coming down.
Title: Re: Thowing in the towel.....for now...
Post by: sam66 on December 09, 2010, 01:08:54 pm
Miss P ain't no pimp!  Seriously though, if it was me in your shoes I guess I'd forego the on line pursuit and join some HIV volunteering where you actually meet these women in person.  It might not result in marriage but at least you have the potential to make some friendships.

                 Yes I know, there is on org. cater for straights in london strai8t talk I think.

                   I will make some time to go see them one day.  I travell around a lot , thats the problem,
                   I'll be chasing the sun(and women  :-*)  in a few days  , too damn cold here
                   
                   Time to head south 8)

                   thanks for the advice Miss P

         Skeebo I'm going to get u to do my profile ::)
Title: Re: Thowing in the towel.....for now...
Post by: skeebo1969 on December 09, 2010, 01:19:30 pm
                          Skeebo I'm going to get u to do my profile ::)

LOL.......  looking for friends works like a charm ;)  I got two divorces under my belt to show for it. ;)
Title: Re: Thowing in the towel.....for now...
Post by: sam66 on December 09, 2010, 01:26:34 pm

          U been reading my profile skeebo :o,      How do u who i am ???