POZ Community Forums
HIV Prevention and Testing => Do I Have HIV? => Topic started by: JohnJames0427 on October 20, 2012, 04:40:01 pm
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Hello,
I'm not proud to say that last night I had sex with an escort. I have a Gf and I know I have been irresponsible.
Anyway, I was finishing our second penetrative session (everything was ok on the first one) when I pulled out and noticed that the condom had split. The escort was not sure so she suggested pouring water through it to check....and I was unfortunately proved right.
Now I'm completely petrified I may have caught something and ruined my life. It really put it into perspective how stupid I have been. I love my Gf and I don't know why I did it.
The escort did a decent job of reassuring me and was extremely insistent that she had her latest health checkup two weeks ago, with her being given the all clear. I do realise I only have her word on that though.
I'm going to get tested, 100% for everything but I have two issues.
Does anyone know the realistic chances that I have caught something serious? I did ejaculate but it would have been a miniscule amount, as it was the second time. I guess that doesn't matter?
I DON'T want to admit anything to my Gf (for obvious reasons) until the testing is complete and I see if I have anything. I'm NOT going to put her health at risk and if it comes down to it I will have to admit what I have done, but is there any other valid reason I would tell her I need/want to use condoms for the next 3 months?? Do I have any options?
Is it better for me to get tested after a few days, or at 4 weeks?
Thank you very much in advance.
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In the ten-ish years I have been answering questions on this forum, I have yet to see a penetrative partner test positive after a condom break, for what that's worth.
Still, you pretty much should test to be absolutely sure. A test at six weeks is all but definitive, but a test at three months is still the "gold standard."
That same testing window, by the way, also applies to syphilis.
I certainly wouldn't tell you to have unprotected sex with your girlfriend, as I do think that would be putting a lot of faith in the absence of other STDs like gonorrhea, chlamydia, HPV, herpes and the like. Those STDs often go unnoticed by men, but can really mess up a woman's chance for fertility, among other unpleasant things.
I seriously doubt this is an HIV situation, but to be certain, I recommend the testing protocol. And this does mean that the responsible thing to do with your girlfriend is to use condoms in the meantime.
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Thank you so much for your reply!
You have helped to put my mind at rest. Im going to try and relax bit over the coming weeks as much as I can but as you can imagine I have been running through all the negative thoughts this past 24hrs.
I suppose my main worry now is how I explain my sudden use of condoms to my Gf. We haven't used them for months. My friend has suggested I just make excuses to her for the next six weeks then treat that as an all clear if those tests come back negative. That just seems immoral to me and I don't think I could do that.
Is there an 'infection' or something that could give me an excuse?
Sorry but I'm kind of at my wits end on this element of my problem.
EDIT - Since posting the above I have noticed some red spots on parts of my shaft. I don't remember seeing them there a few days ago so am naturally worried. Could something manifest like this less than 48hrs after exposure? Any ideas on that one.....worth waiting a few days to see if they go away or is it clear there is a related issue here?
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John,
If you're worried about the spots on your penis, show them to a doctor. We would be remiss to speculate as to their cause - although I can tell you that it's nothing to do with hiv.
The earliest you can test for other STIs is ten days to two weeks following this incident. You are far more likely to end up with something like chlamydia after a condom break and as Jonathan noted, it's totally possible to have something like chlamydia or gonorrhea and not experience any obvious symptoms.
As far as your dilemma concerning condom use with your gf, well, to be honest, you should have been using them all along, unless you two have tested negative for ALL STIs together. Rather than inventing an excuse as to why you want to use condoms, maybe you should just try the truth. A solid relationship is built on the foundation of honesty.
You're highly unlikely to end up hiv positive following this condom break, but you must test at the appropriate time to make sure. Hiv is nothing to guess about.
Ann
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Thanks Ann.
I know it would be very easy to judge me based on what I've said so far. I haven't covered myself in glory but this really is out of character for me. My Gf and I have been together for over a year. She got tested before we had unprotected the first time and got the all clear, as she had few partners before me. I had only been with one woman, my ex wife, before her but got tested anyway and also got the all clear, so we weren't irresponsible.
I'm the only idiot here. I can't tell her what I have done if I can at all help it, it would really hurt her. But I'm also not going to put her heath at risk for anything. If that means I am put in a position of having to tell her then I will.
Perhaps I can claim a urine infection or something, I just don't know, but then that is my problem for being such a stupid idiot to begin with. Thank you both for your replies you have been helpful.
If anyone has any suggestions at all I would of course appreciate it.
Ps - Ann is that your cat? Looks just like my own, very cute!