What Would you do...In my case

[busara]

Hello Everyone
I hope you all doing fine in here and standing still and fit everyday.

Here is my little story about my girlfriend of almost three and half yrs.
A little after we started dating I was discovered with HIV where I told her to have tested as well
since we both didn't know from the start who has what in terms of health where I decided to be tested just in case we would like to have a kid, where I admit that in the beggining we should use protection.
Unfortunately resurt came positive. I told her to do the same but she became very ignorant and refuse to have tested. Well since I had no way to convice her more but for me to play safe game the relationship went on, I started taking my meds and now I'm undetected, as well time to time I'd convice her to consider testing but she is i very much confortable with condom usage thought sometime I kind doubt about it.

A few monthy ago I have started to surspect that she has been cheating on me and after having serious talk finaly she agree that she has a brief affair whith that guy and in the mean time they are just friends where I kind hard for me to agree. especialy my concern to them in what if she is also infected and this poor guy doesn't know.
I end up trying to talk to the guy that if he can stay away of this, where I kind think he is in love with my girlfriend ( I know this might sound famillia to some of you).
I have choice of breaking up and let them continue with whatever they up to but at the same time I feel for this guy on what he get himself into.

Now I'm in a dilema that what I should do to have her go tested before she make farther changes on her life or I should let the guy no what he should espect on his desire whithout puting myself in bad sport, like he might think I warn him because I'm kind jeoulous or whatever he might think.
All I care right now is me my health and making sure that I am not the contributor to this virus to others.

I realy need your opinion on this....

[dtwpuck]

Hello busara, and welcome to the forums. 

There are a lot of issues that you raise here and there are no easy answers.

But, understand that your girlfriend's reluctance to get tested is normal.  She's afraid of finding out something negative.  It's not ignorance, it's fear.  Without knowing her personally there isn't any good advice I could possibly give you on how to make her see that it's in her best interest to know the truth.  But, some of the things that have helped others in this regard are helping her see things like:

This is a dangerous disease, and you have to know you have it in order to manage it.
You might infect others.  If you case about them, you need to know what to do.

There are quite a few lessons and articles on this website about issues like this, and I encourage you to read them.

As far as telling her new guy.. you are right.  You might be perceived as jealous.  And, I while I feel that it is wrong to expose someone else to HIV, I do feel that there probably are alternatives.  In any case, do you know him well enough to be certain that he wouldn't fly into a rampage and possibly endanger her?  There are many variables which you cannot predict.

In the end, I would suggest that you focus on yourself.  Maybe try to forgive her for the awful things she's done to you, because it will probably help you heal yourself.  There are no easy answers to a situation like yours.  Keep focused.  talk to people who can help you. 

Best of luck to you.

puck

[busara]

Thank you for your time puck
Knowledge on this is not a problem I've been learning a lot and in my case I'm not scared anymore for what ever will happen.
my only worrying is to this girl, and I use the term "ignorant" because fear its more dengerous than anything else so far on this case, if she wouldn't know what I do have may be I'd say fear.
I don't know the guy that well ,but I was just trying to be concern that if she has it and end up exposing him to this, that will make me fairule to stop this from happening.

Bus ara

[Queen Tokelove]

I think Puck pretty much covered all the bases. If you would like to see that she gets tested maybe you should go to the Health Dept and explain that you are poz. They usually would like to know who your partners are. That way you could give her name. But even that will not guarantee that she will go. Since she knows you are poz, how does she feel about that? Are you still together or just friends because of the cheating? That's a really tough situation. I will keep you in my prayers...