worried well - how to strike the balance?

[mecch]

Would like to strike the best balance this year - keeping concern about HIV health challenges to a low buzz behind everyday thoughts and activities.
Just got labs and had a blip, my first. CD4 rose to 850 but VL rose from -20 to 60.  Blood draw during a flu - Dr. says its "probably" that and to retest in 4 weeks.
Read the science paper on how blips are just blips - so I'm just venting I guess, but the theme of this post in Mental Health is --
There is education to decrease irrational fears (thus i read the paper on blibs).
There is distraction - just put it out of your mind with more interesting activities.
There is delusion - just pretend you don't hear the news.

When do you really totally chill out about such stuff -- ever? never?

[Andy Velez]

Mecch, it's good to hear that you have a doctor who is not only watching but also has a sense of balance about blips. Way too many times I hear of patients in all sorts of medical situations being alarmed and panicked by a callous or ill-informed doctor. Glad to hear yours doesn't function that way.

Having said that it seems to me to be a combo of things beginning with taking good care healthwise for starters. That means learning new things as they turn up and here I have found that useful information can sometimes come from the most unexpected sources.

Then there is just being open to filling your life with as much good stuff as you can. And I mean everyday making sure that you are doing at least one thing you really enjoy. That should include being connected with other people in your life, new faces and old. The kind of worrying you're talking about thrives on isolation.  Sometimes it's enjoyable to be alone but that is different than when old tapes start running in your head to no good purpose.

And talking about this in the way you have here today is a good thing. That kind of reaching out is exactly what I mean about not doing this alone.

Best to you today, buddy. 

[leatherman]

Hey Mecch!

There is distraction - just put it out of your mind with more interesting activities.

When do you really totally chill out about such stuff -- ever? never?

blips, blips, blips. it seems that's all I've had in the last 8 years with just a year and a half of actually staying UD in a row. But it's not about the blips, it's about the trends, so I don't panic too much. LOL
(see the chart in my sig line? as long as that red line is near the bottom and that green lines stays up as far as it can go, then I'm a happy camper.)

But I can't say that I don't panic at all. Just a couple months ago my tcells dropped back near 200 and my VL popped up near 150 and I was a little worried. But, then again, I've been in the hospital nearly dead a couple of times, and stuff like that stays with you, even 17 years later, and can make you a little anxious even when your numbers are trending well.
(Of course that tiny VL blip could have just been a bad count; but I was really only a little concerned about the 75 count drop in t-cells which put me back near the "bactrim taking zone". I just quit taking bactrim about a year and a half ago and still have some residual anxiousness for being off of it after having it in my regimen for over a decade. That's been the only med that I've ever been 100% compliant with, as Leatherman does not want to be hospitalized with PCP ever again!)

However, there are two things that will knock that worrying right out of my head. First, even with my low tcells right now, I remind myself that I feel just as fine as I did two days before knowing those numbers. It's not like I'm about to croak or go into the hospital (not by a long stretch), so there really isn't anything to worry much about.

Secondly, I get off my butt and go do something - anything! Find a project, do some physical activity, go visit friends. Anything to change the venue and change my mood. Oh, I almost forgot the best thing to do - have sex! It's very strenuous (if done right), it takes up some time, it takes you mind off other things (unless you have to think about baseball or something to make it last a little longer LOL), and is very life-affirming.

mikie
(who wonders why the spellcheck for an HIV site doesn't like "tcell" or "t-cell" )

[Ann]

(who wonders why the spellcheck for an HIV site doesn't like "tcell" or "t-cell" )

I fixed it. Spellcheck will now accept t-cell and t-cells.

[leatherman]

I fixed it. Spellcheck will now accept t-cell and t-cells.

You ARE my hero, Ann 

[darkerpozz]

mech,
My numbers are almost identical to yours and I've had a few blips over the years which I worried needlessly about because they do sort themselves out and proved that I wasted all that worry for nothing. Some of us get far too connected to the numbeers than how we are feeling which I think is a great indicator for longevity. Good attitude towards the future is always better than fearing the worst. I wish I could just find that consistent balance in love of life.

[Theyer]

Dear Meech,
                 I found out yesterday that my t-cells have dropped again BUT my  V/L is still neg so I am OK about it .My doc brought up the nifty graph showing the past 10 years off t-cells. it looked like a child's drawing off a dinosaurs back, up down up down and I remembered how little it represented how I ever felt and the only time it accurately reflected my health was when I was receiving chemo and they where down to twins.There rapid rise shortly after stopping chemo looked great , but I did not and I felt awful.
m