Tested positive

[pittman]

I read that most people stead away from atripla because there are major central nervous system problems for most patients. Is there any meds proven to work great but minimize side effects. I do realize side effects are different for each persons case.

It is inaccurate to say most patients on Atripla suffer central nervous system problems. Most in fact do not. *Some* do.  You really don't have a way to know how you will react.  There are plenty of first line treatments to work with,  so *if* the one you start with does not work for you, be greatful that we are currently living in a time where we can try another.

Talk with your doctor about your side effect concerns. He or she can discuss options and speak factually about what to expect or monitor for.

[Ray3164]

Went to dinner with the ex last night. Although it didn't end well, she did show me the proof she tested negative. Argument ensued because I accused and even asked to see the paperwork for proof in the first place. 

I don't want to be a part of this club anymore. I feel like I have hit the floor. I'm so down I can't even pull myself out of bed in the morning. I feel as though nothing in life has meaning anymore.  I've lost all feeling, passion and desire to conquer life. Everything I ever wanted, wife, family is all gone. I don't care for anything anymore.

Now I'm even afraid of taking medication. The worst part is death is on the horizon if I choose not to partake.

It isn't easy being hetero, male and positive. The hetero positive community seems as though they are dormant. At least the gay community has plenty of support for the positive community.

[GoForIt]

Now I'm even afraid of taking medication. The worst part is death is on the horizon if I choose not to partake.

It isn't easy being hetero, male and positive. The hetero positive community seems as though they are dormant. At least the gay community has plenty of support for the positive community.

As someone recently diagnosed as well....I can tell you that the medication is the best part of this all.  Only 20 years ago there was no medication.  Now you can pop 1 pill a day and it will slow your virus progression to nearly nothing and have no side effects.  I've been taking my medication for about 4 months now and it is very easy to take.  I don't feel anything after taking medication so I don't have any "medicated" feeling.  It simply took my Viral Load down below 20 or Undetectable.  This gave me back a lot of energy and appetite. 

You have a virus running rampant in your body...you gotta put it in check.

Luckily science is advancing fast with technology and new therapies and medications are being developed to really put HIV in check as a functional cure or complete cure.  All we have to do is take the best medication science has to offer and wait for the advances. 

[Ray3164]

I've got to overcome the depression first. If only we could all rewind time. I took things I had for granted. Now there's no way of getting things back. I've reached such a low in my life that I could easily walk away from everything. I feel like burrowing in a corner and allowing the virus to ravage my body.

Why do I feel this way? Life used to be so great? I used to smile and enjoy things.

[GoForIt]

I understand what you are saying and feeling.  But we can only go forward and your still here to make important choices and live out your life.  Your simply lucky that in this day and age we have tests to diagnose problems before they arise.  You can potentially block AIDS from ever occurring now when just years ago you would HAVE to let it occur.  Now you have the choice to stop it in its tracks.

You could see a psychiatrist to talk things out more if you really feel your too depressed.  But the important thing now is simply get yourself in healthy mode.  Go to the doctors, get labs done every 3-6 months.  Check up on yourself and take the medication.  Think about it....20 years ago there was no medication.  Now there is 1 pill you can take with 90% efficacy that it will reduce your infection.  Think of what they will come out with 5-10-20 years from now.  Your depression might end up being unnecessary if they cure this thing.  Until then you want to stay as healthy and in the right mind-set as possible...for your own good.  Don't just give up on everything and everyone...that won't benefit you in any way.

[Ray3164]

Thanks for the advice. It's just been tough making the transition. I can't get out of the funk. I work and I lay in bed the rest of my time. No energy to get out of bed. Everything is suffering. I've even lost weight because my appetite isn't there anymore.

Just curious how starting meds can change energy levels. I can't feel the virus in my body. My issue stems from the depression not the virus. Doesn't it take years before the virus begins wearing you down.

[mecch]

Depression about a diagnosis is pretty standard.
It goes away by going through he motions.  So, yep, drag yourself to work. Get out of bed and do stuff like you did before you had HIV. Even if you don't feel like it. I mean it is fine to rest, too.  But really, eventually you'll see that the dark filter you currently have about your future isn't mandatory.  You can have your job, your love live, get married, have kids.  It's all possible.
Don't expect everything to fall into place right away. Be patient with yourself. 
If you want support about living with HIV, in real life, not here, you'll have to explore what's available. Don't assume there is nothing just because you are male and hetero.
 
Also if you feel yourself really depressed talk to your doc about treatment for depression. You might benefit from a course of ssri.