POZ Community Forums
HIV Prevention and Testing => Do I Have HIV? => Topic started by: toyoungtodie21 on January 04, 2007, 12:20:36 am
-
college student here... I have done a few things I regret, but something recently has been bothering me. I have been having sex with this guy for a few weeks now. It's been going well, but recently he told me that he had cancer and that it was from having a weak immune system. He said it was hereditary but I'm afraid he might be HIV+ I am getting tested in a few days but even if I'm negative now, I might already be infected if he has it. He is a nice guy, I don't see how someone could knowingly give someone else HIV on purpose, that is just wrong. What should I do? I'm too young to die!
-
Don't assume anything. You don't know if the person has HIV or not. Just because he has cancer doesn't make it, he's hiv positive.
-
You don't report if it is unprotected or not but if it is unprotected then getting tested now then again at 13 weeks from the last time you had unprotected intercourse is necessary to determine your own status.
Your personal health is your responsibility, not some other person's and you need to come to grips with that. Inferring someone else's sexual health on the basis of what they say is not sufficient. The only really effective way to stay safe is to use condoms consistently for at least 3 months, get tested, and keep using them until such time that the relationship has matured enough so that both of you are committed to not having unprotected sex outside the relationship.
Don't presume anything from your partners statement. Get tested and go forward from there. If it's been unprotected intercourse then get tested again after 13 weeks has elapsed.
-
too,
You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL STIs together. To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with a sexually transmitted infection. Sex with a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.
Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.
Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.
If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results. Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.
Ann
-
Thanks for the feedback. I have learned from my mistakes. Weather the test results come back negative or positive this has defenitly made me more aware of the dangers of sex. It seems fun and harmless at first but afterwards its just not worth it. Man, it seems like the stress from not knowing is enough to kill you. lol.
-
Lately I've been finding this gooey white substance forming in my mouth in the mornings. It forms around my gums and the side of my mouth... is this HIV or STD related at all? It almost looks like semen. I don't know what it's from, this never used to happen. I take creatine monohydrate w/ water in the morning to build muscle so I thought that might be what it is, but sometimes it forms even if I don't take it. Anyone know about this? :'(
-
What risks have you had in reference to HIV?
-
I had to scroll down to find out why you are asking this--you are supposed to keep it all in one thread. You had unprotected sex with a guy. Well, you never really said either way, but I am assuming by your tirade you had unprotected sex. You need to test for HIV out to 3 months to have a definitive test. Other STIs are much easier to get than HIV, you need to go for a full screen of those as well. As for your symptoms, I'm not even gonna speculate on that over the internet. Symptoms have nothing to do with HIV and if you are worried about a particular symptom, go see a doctor who can diagnose you face-to-face.
-
tooyoung,
I've merged your new thread into your original thread - where you should post all your additional thoughts or questions. It helps us to help you when you keep all your additional thoughts or questions in one thread.
If you need help finding your thread when you come here, click on the "Show own posts" link under your name in the left-hand column of any forum page.
Please also read through the Welcome Thread (http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=220.0) so you can familiarize yourself with our Forum Posting Guidelines. Thank you for your cooperation.
If something about your mouth is worrying you, you need to go see a doctor or dentist about that. What you're describing isn't specific to hiv.
Ann
-
I am almost certain that I am HIV positive. I was tested last week and the results were negative but I just found out today that my ex-boyfriend is HIV + and he didn't tell me.
My main concern is, how much is this going to cost me? I've read things online but I don't know how accurate they are so I was wandering if there's anyone out there that knows for sure. I heard it was like $1500 a mth. I don't even think I make that much in a month! I don't even have medical insurance and I don't know if that covers the cost at all.
If there's anyone that is on meds, can u please tell me what this would costs and if there's any help or source of info I can aquire so I can be prepared when I find out that I am positive.
-
Each state has an AIDS Drug Assistance Program (ADAP) though income levels to qualify vary depending on where you live. IF you test positive, and so far you have not, you will go to a local AIDS Service Organization (ASO) and they will provide information on how to tap into this, etc.
-
Thanks man. I hope I qualify... I am a poor boy.
-
I am almost certain that I am HIV positive. I was tested last week and the results were negative but I just found out today that my ex-boyfriend is HIV + and he didn't tell me.
My main concern is, how much is this going to cost me? I've read things online but I don't know how accurate they are so I was wandering if there's anyone out there that knows for sure. I heard it was like $1500 a mth. I don't even think I make that much in a month! I don't even have medical insurance and I don't know if that covers the cost at all.
If there's anyone that is on meds, can u please tell me what this would costs and if there's any help or source of info I can aquire so I can be prepared when I find out that I am positive.
Hey 2 Young,
I'm sorry to hear about the obvious stress you are under. If you have tested negative already you could very likely test negative and be fine. I know guys that have been in relationships with mixed status for a decade and the other partner never got it. I'm glad you are getting tested and know the stress you are under.
There are drug assistance programs available. Depending on how much you make and what state you live in will determine what portion you may be liable in the event that you did test positive.
I don't know where you live, but see if you can get the 20 minute tests so you don't have the anxiety of waiting 2 weeks for results. I am actually positive of course, but I'd been in your situation years ago and I was as scared as you are and didn't end up positive.
Hang in there, keep getting tested for a good 8-12 weeks after the last potential encounter. If you end up negative then make sure you don't risk it again. That was a long time ago for me and unfortunately I let my judgement lapse a year ago.
I've got my fingers crossed for ya, but if you do test positive it's not the end of the world. Don't jump the gun cause you may have just gotten a wake up call and dodged the bullet!
-
Your test that was negative--how long post exposure was this? Test out to 3 months past your last unprotected intercourse for a definitive HIV result. Luckily HIV is not an easy thing to transmit, so while you are not out of the woods until 3 months, the odds are also very good for a negative result. Luckily HIV transmission isn't 100%. So lets find out your HIV status first. HOpefully you will never have to worry about this issue!
-
You need not to worry about medication if you haven't tested positive yet.So let us know when you finalize with the tests then embark on the next step.Meanwhile, if you have tested positive on the first test, then the odds are that you are most likely to test negative again.
-
2young,
Don't worry about crossing that bridge of stress unless/until you have to. Get tested again at 13 weeks past your last risky exposure and if it's negative congrats. If it turns out that you are positive just be aware there are programs that can help you with medical treatment and medicines.
I hope everything works out for you and I hope you continue to test negative. If you do let this scare be a lesson.
Thomas
-
The cost of meds is astronomical, but you should be more concerned about testing reliably positive before getting worried over the cost of meds.
13 weeks past your most recent unprotected exposure is the appropriate time frame. If you test positive, then we will worry about the cost.
-
2Young, while I appreciate your concern, you have not thus far tested positive and hopefully you won't.
So for now you need to stay out of the LIVING WITH HIV section and stick to this part of the Forums.
Your first negative result is encouraging. I am assuming you had unprotected intercourse with your ex-boyfriend although you don't say so. To get a reliable result you should test at 13 weeks past the most recently unprotected intercourse.
Make sure that anyone you are with now or in the future always uses a condom when you have intercourse. No exceptions. It doesn't matter what you think you know about someone's history or how great he looks, a condom is a must. Only when you are in a securely monogamous relationship in which both partners have tested negative together can you consider giving up using condoms.
Read the lessons on transmission and testing if you haven't already done so. There's a link to them in the Welcome thread which opens this section.
Good luck with your test result and keep us posted.
-
Can I ask why you are using different usernames while posting to our forums? Thus far, you have also used toyoungtodie21 (http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=7451.0)
Please realize that this kind of activity is disrespectful of other forum members, as well as our moderators. People spend a considerable amount of time helping others in these forums. Using multiple accounts is at the very least annoying, if not deceiving and disrespectful of others. It is also against our Terms of Membership (http://forums.poz.com/Terms.htm) which you agreed to when you became a member. This information is also contained within the Welcome Thread (http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=220.0), which you should have read by now. So really, you have no excuse.
You must realize that the answers won't change, no matter how many names you post under.
I would appreciate a reply to this message, and I hope you will commit to using just one account - preferably your original one. If not, you will be banned from further access to the forums.
And make sure you read the Welcome Thread - and learn to abide by our posting guidelines or you're outta here.
Ann
-
Ann, I'm sorry for disrespecting. I forgot my old name... I thought it was toyoungtodie... forgot about the 21 so I made a new one. I'm so sorry. But I like this one better so if I can keep it and stay here I would appreciate it.. I didnt mean to disrespect.
First, I want to thank all of you for the positive feedback. Yes, I did have unprotected sex with me ex whom I know now (not at the time) is HIV positive about a month ago. I have had no symptoms and I've taken 2 test... one blood, one saliva. I am going back in a few weeks for another. When I first found out he was infected I freaked out and I told myself I had it so that's why I asked about the cost of meds, since that would be my first priority.
My new concern (after calming down) is: What if I know this person is with alot of people (and I mean alot) and tells them he is clean. Yes, I know it is a risk they take, one that I took so it is our fault as well, but I have proof that this person is trying to infect others that are clean who don't want to get infected. I feel that he needs to be stopped. Should I try to do something about it or just keep my mouth shut. Should I warn others about him? My morals tell me I should do something so he doesnt do this to anyone else. I would appreciate any feedback.
-
Hey 2Young,
Chances are if he tested positive then the Health Dept. would already have him on record (which means nothing) from my own personal experience.
I feel strongly as you do. My case was much different because the individual kept denying he had it. It took 3 weeks to get the truth out of him and yeah he still lies to people to this day.
I can only tell you that I pursued it until I got finally a half assed admission. By that point, I'd let 2 of our mutual friends know. One was his prior girlfriend years before and she ultimately got tested herself and was negative so now she believes his lies. The other was a friend I was concerned was at risk. The situation spiraled out of control and the one who infected me went berzerk. I turned him into the Health Dept. as well.
He ended up making threats against my life. Not like I cared, but while dealing with the trauma that was the last thing I needed. I confronted him a month later in public after he grabbed me at a club when I was with my new boyfriend. Since he's on the down low when I fired my threats to plaster his face and name all over town and call his family up he agreed to stay the Hell away from me and my friends. We agreed to just drop it and have zero contact, but to this day he's out at the clubs with men and women doing just what your talking about and there is nothing I can do.
Would I do the same thing again? Probably. I'd definitely warn my friends and I don't regret that, but just realize it can backfire on you.
Had you tested positive my opinion would be that you need to just take care of yourself and move on. After all that drama I'm not sure it was worth it and anyone who tests positive has enough initial trauma to deal with. Take care of yourself first and foremost!
-
Right now the main thing is to clarify about your own HIV status. Hopefully you will test negative.
Once that is established you can consider the issue of your ex's status and whether you want to pursue the matter. It's a very difficult and touchy thing to do. If you're in touch with him, going beyond suggesting to him that legally and certainly ethically he should be advising his partners, (and practicing safer sex with condoms), is highly problematical. Whatever you decide to do I suggest that you first contact either an AIDS service organization and/or a lawyer for an informed opinion of how to proceed, if at all.
-
Thanks Austin and Andy. I have been reading up about the leagal issues and I found that you can be prosecuted for not telling someone about your HIV status, however it is a difficult case (one thats never been done in KY for that matter). It's just that my friend has these messages from him saying horrible things, but I cannot prove that he never told me his HIV status so I guess I can do nothing but just let it go.
Last night I asked him why he didnt tell me, and his response was that he told me when we first started talking, which is not true. I would never have met him if I knew, which is obviously why he kept it a secret. What makes me most mad is that he came in me knowing he was infected, gave me a fake name, and was seeing other people behind my back.... and yet he said he loved me. lol.
Anyways, what I'm trying to get at is.. is there anyway to get a list of people who have HIV and are on file/reciveing meds. so if I meet someone I can check to see if there on the list? I know its probably confedintial but I have heard of some people who have access to it.
-
OMG! No there isnt a LEPER LIST! That was just appalling. I am backing out now before I get myself in trouble. ANN/ANDY, this is all yours!
-
Ok, that was a dumb question. But it was just a question... you made it seem like I killed someone or something. :'(
-
Hey 2Young,
I understand your anger and fear, but relize those of us here are predominantly positive and some are very sensitive to questions like this.
There is no way you can tell who's pos and who's not.
Hell, no telling how many don't even know so you need to treat every potential partner as if they already have it.
Wesley
-
is there anyway to get a list of people who have HIV
This is EXTREMELY insulting to those of us that have HIV. Trust me the government wanted a list of us so that we can be excluded from society. You are basically asking for the same thing. My wife would tell you that she never would have dated me had she known ahead of time (i told her 3 months in) that I was HIV positive and she said that would have been the single biggest mistake of her life. Dont exclude those of us that have it for the simple fact we have HIV.
Off my soapbox. Apology to the mods for getting on it. but i had to.
-
I'm really sorry.... I totally understand what you guys are saying. I was just upset. What is appauling is that there are HIV+ people that want to spread it and I know that not everyone is like that and that some people don't even know if they have it. This just happened to me recently so I'm really stressed and not thinking right. Didn't mean to offend u guys.
-
No, there is no way to get a list, and frankly it is none of your business anyone's private health record. It is certainly unethical for HIV + people to not disclose, but that does not excuse you from your responsibility to protect your own health. In this day and age, I am surprised at anyone who will have unprotected sex with anyone without getting a full STD panel done together. If you do not get that simple information and instead rely on blind faith, then you take your own life in your hands. If they won't do that, then you either keep the condoms handy or don't sleep with them. Simple as that. Getting tested and knowing your partner's status and your own is just the smart thing to do. I would never condone anyone not disclose the HIV status or have unprotected sex as an HIV positive person, but that doesn't mean you don't share in the responsibility as well.
-
What is appauling is that there are HIV+ people that want to spread it.
2,
It doesn't matter how much someone "wants to spread it", if you ensure condoms are used each and every time you have anal or vaginal intercourse, it won't matter. It is YOUR responsibility to protect your health.
You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL STIs together. To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with a sexually transmitted infection. Sex with a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.
Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.
Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.
If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results. Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.
Use condoms and avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple.
As for asking about public lists - I'm not even going to go there.
YOUR body, YOUR responsibility.
Ann
-
And by the way, I've merged your threads and disabled your second account.
Ann