POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => Living With HIV => Topic started by: Matty the Damned on September 16, 2007, 03:23:31 am
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Dan J and Hermie sent me some lovely photos of the AMG Memorial Service and I wanted to pause to remember a former AIDSmeds member who died in September 2005.
Goderator Jan (AnnieBC) organised this year's Memorial Service and before she left for San Francisco she rang me to say that she was making a special dedication for James, whose Forum name was Gecko31. I want to thank Janno for that. James and I were very close and the sadness comes upon me each year in September when I remember his death.
James joined AIDSmeds in May 2005 and from the outset it was clear that his time was limited. He had no treatment options left and was being ravaged by terminal lymphoma. He was devilishly funny and it was hard to tell he was so dreadfully ill.
But dreadfully ill he was. By the end of August 2005 his posts had dwindled (and too the salty PM's he and I exchanged) and early in September that year he posted his death thread in the old Living With Forum, telling us he could go on no longer, that he loved us and that would be his final post.
He was true to his word in every sense. Two or three days later his friend Mark logged in to inform us that James had died peacefully at his home in London. It was a Tuesday if memory serves, though I could be wrong, AIDS fog and grief blurs precise details.
There was much sadness over the next week.
I know that Goderator Ann was especially close to James and made his last few weeks much more bearable. I would close this post with her response to James' request that we not be saddened by his passing.
"We would do anything for you, but this time you ask too much."
Vale James.
MtD
(Who has nothing to add)
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Thanks for that Matty
I think we all need to pause and reflect about the friends we have lost in the past
Thanks
Scuddly
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James and I exchanged quite a fw PMs back in my days here online. I liked him, and he seemed to think I was an OK guy. We exchanged PMs about science and the dearth of critical thinking in a world that seemed to refuse or refute one or the other. We talked about the idea of death and the idea of living among increasingly depressing odds.
And one day, he said goodbye to me. And to the forums. And then he was gone. And I was utterly done. I did not know what to do.
I still do not know what to do.
For the people who day that HIV is no big deal, or who think that folks like myself are doome - sayers or gloomy gusses, I only ask that you re-read his brave postings, that you revisit this man's spirit and his words. That you place yourselves in some semblence of his shoes and re-enact his last few brave, astonishing, and inspiring months of life.
James was. Is. An inspiration. He lived and he died according to his own will, trapped as we all are within a world not of our own design. He took ownership of his illness, and of his destiny.
I would love to be remembered as a tenth of his spirit, as a fraction of his character. The man had three sets of testicles, and used them every one.
I am just saying.
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I miss James.
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It's good to remember James. He really was an inspiration -- dealing and facing what came up with courage, dignity and wit.
He left a space that will always remain his.
Here's to you, Gecko. It was good to share some time with you.
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And you're right, Scud. It IS good to pause and remember those who have gone on their way. So many wonderful, wonderful people.
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Thank you for this thread...
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I miss him very much and still think of him often. He was so happy when I gave birth to Malachi.
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Indeed, how does one grieve one who only existed virtually for so many of us, but his wit, his fighting spirit were gifts I will not soon forget, and like so many I have said goodbye to along the way; he was one of the most generous.
Enjoy the other side James.
Love,
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James was a beautiful human... He was also pretty naughty!!! LOL.. I think of him often and know that he still sees us , points, and laughs!!!
we are all very lucky and better off for knowing him.
much love Gecko31
lis
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What I remember most about James is that he knew his time with us was limited but he kept giving hope to others through his words on this forum until he just wasn't able to do so anymore. He holds a very special place in many of our hearts and I will never forget him.
Thank You James for touching my life.
Dan
[img=http://img182.imageshack.us/img182/5640/sanfrancisco028qy9.th.jpg] (http://img182.imageshack.us/my.php?image=sanfrancisco028qy9.jpg)
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bump......
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As long as those of us who knew and loved James draw breath he will never be forgotten.
James shared his last days with us, encouraging us to live life and not to be afraid, even in his last days his thoughts were not for himself but for us, he gave us strength ....many tears were shed the day James left us.
In love and respect.
Jan :'(
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James was a great guy. He was one of the first to welcome me to the forums. I miss him.
Jan did a lovely job of honoring him at our Memorial Service in San Francisco.
Thanks for including him, Jan. I know he was smiling at us that day.....
Love,
Alan
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I had just become a member not too long before James passed. I do remember him, but never had the chance to get to know him.
(((HUGS)))
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Indeed I do remember James and he is sorely missed...
especially his humor......