Protected Anal Sex Paranoia

[dallas1000]

Greetings to all,

As a 22 year old male, I had sex for the first time ever and it was with a male who I communicated with via E-mail over almost a year. You can call this "me finally taking the steps to confront and discover my sexuality." When we got together, I exercised as much self-control as possible, and the events played out like this;

We engaged in naked frottage and mutual masturbation ONLY. I ensured that he ejaculated on my stomach ONLY which he did.

He performed unprotected oral on me for about three minutes then I stopped him.

I performed oral sex on him with a condom. He asked to ejaculate on my face. I allowed him to ejaculate in my hands ONLY.
 
When it came to the protected anal intercourse with a condom; by the time I decided to give this a try, I was quite nervous. So much so that I couldn't even maintain an erection. I placed the condom on and did the stroke test that Ann has warned about. When I finally managed to enter him somewhat erected for about 3 seconds, he quickly pulled his anus off of my penis. At this point I was just too nervous to continue so I then gave him a condom, which he put on properly, and did the stroke test also. He used some of the water-based lubricant, (I think he could have used some more however) and then entered my anus. He proceeded to penetrate me. As I was again nervous, and felt that he was penetrating a little too fast and hard, I stopped him after 1 minute, 1 minute and half at most! and told him, "that's the end of this, I'm done."

Some hours later, I inspected the condom for any break or tear, and I didn't see any. The only thing on the condom was fecal matter. I do not believe there was any pre-cum inside the condom because it appeared to be empty. I find some comfort in the fact that I didn't douche before anal as was suggested by this website.

After about three weeks to a month later, thoughts about my HIV risk suddenly started to flood in my head. At this time, I was having slight headaches for about a week and loss of appetite. I think the headaches were triggered by my lack of eating, and worrying all day on a nearly empty stomach. This I would assume, resulted in me dropping a few lbs. Also I've noticed one or two flaky, dry patches of rash-looking spots on my forearm, one or two on my hand, a few on my thighs and two or three on my buttocks. What could this be telling me?

Additionally concerning was the fact that some days ago I asked a nurse to check my blood pressure. After checking it, she gave me an alarming look. The very same look I fear from a physician when he must reveal to me my results. The blood pressure was 160 over 100 which is high. Not good! I had to be excused to the bathroom as my stomach just broke down on me at that moment.

So my questions are; what could these things/signs happening with my body be telling me? And what do you think about my HIV risk in this situation?

These events happened 8 weeks ago (I've managed to survive the anxiety this long without succumbing to a heart attack) and I will seek testing in the middle of march, as that will be the 3 month mark. This is the first time I engaged in sex, and the first time ever that I will be testing specifically for HIV. I feel very nervous about the testing experience, and maybe I have been suffering from irrational fears, anxiety and guilt for feeling gay. I must say that the sex has been a rather frightening experience as opposed to an enjoyable one because all I could think about was how that very little moment could have changed my life forever because of HIV infection due to the existing possibility of condom failure. Similar to what Ms. Ann has stated, sex is only for a few minutes and HIV is forever. I really don't know when I'll be able to do this again.


Your response, wisdom, knowledge and any assurance offered is greatly appreciated. 

[jkinatl2]

Absolutely nothing you have written in your posts indicates that there was any risk whatsoever for HIV in your situation.

[Ann]

Dallas,

You did everything right (although giving a blowjob with a condom is a bit of over-kill) and because you did everything right, you didn't have a risk for hiv infection.

What ever your body may be telling you, it certainly isn't whispering "hiv". It's more likely trying to tell you to stop stressing out and feeling guilty over being gay.

Being gay is perfectly normal and natural for some, just as being straight is perfectly normal and natural for others. Baby, you were born this way!!! (with a nod to Ms Gaga) Thankfully society is finally starting to catch up with that fact.

I won't go into my whole "you need to be using" spiel, because if you know about the "stroke test", then I know you've been reading this forum for a while. Your reading has paid off because again, you did everything right and you have NOT had a risk for hiv infection.

I suggest you find out if there is a GLBT organisation near you where you might be able to get some counselling to help you get over your negative feelings about your sexuality. I'll say it again, your sexuality is perfectly normal and natural.

I'd also suggest that if you really need it for peace of mind, don't wait for the three month point in March, test at (or over, I'm not sure where you are in the window) six weeks. A six week negative is not going to change particularly in your case where you didn't have a risk to begin with.

In addition, I'd also suggest you check out the website http://www.itgetsbetter.org/ to read the stories there and watch the videos. Your sexuality is nothing to be ashamed about and nothing to be frightened of either. The sooner you accept yourself and your sexuality, the sooner you'll be feeling better.

Ann