POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => Positive Women => Topic started by: remo2008 on June 02, 2007, 10:39:58 am
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Has anyone really read any of the dating profiles? They read like applications for a job resume, demanding certain qualifications, such as education, social economic level, being of a certain religious category, having a certain height, weight, handsome, beautiful, petite, muscular, etc, etc, the list is just long too list. My view is if you have decided too date HIV+ your pool of potential mates is limited, yes, and with all these conditions and requirements you have further limited your pool! Imagine how many PHD's are in this 1.9 million HIV+ and remember one never see's even 2% of these 1.9 million post ads on HIV+ sites, Or how many rich, wealthy women/men exist in this 2% who do post? Now imagine how many saints exist on this 2%? Do you really wonder why your faced with disappointment, inability too find this "perfect person" who simply does not exist..., I like the old biblical quote, we all have fallen short of god's glory, and none not one has been good enough, but via his grace we all can be saved...! If one approaches love, romance like a business, one is already dooming ones self too failure..., love is elusive, and true deep love is rare and precious and cannot be quantified by wealth, education, social economic standards..., one can find truly in love people in all social economic levels of society, and same applies with unhappiness, 50% plus of americans who marry divorce, so one is handicapped too start off, with this statistic. Now further cut your chances by demanding such high standards that no one can meet them, and do your really wonder why your so disappointed in love? I have always viewed lifes benefits and failures as "but for the grace of god there go I", one usually associates this with misfortune, but it can also be related too success, but for the grace of god there go I, just as anyone can end up like us but for the grace of god, so can we find happiness, but if we demand of others such high standards of social economic, educational, status that we reduce our chances of finding that person, whom should we blame, those who we meet and do not meet our standards or us for setting such ridiculously unrealistic standards? I never view what one has materially, socially, economically, religious as a requirement for them being good enough or not good enough too be with me..! To me that is utter doom too failure..! Does not mean one has too accept a user or abuser, but remember everyone has capacity too be good or bad, and until we understand this we simply will not find anyone who meets any high minded standards. In any event this all being said, if one wishes too be alone all ones life, keep on setting your standards at the impossible too meet level.., this is my point and some will understand it, and some will not..!
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Oh, the dating game. I have stopped playing it. I agree with Remo on certain things but has not given up on love. It is sad that things have come down to stability basically. You want someone who has something to contribute besides love, I know I do. Love is a wonderful thing but let's be real love doesn't pay the bills. And as my mother use to tell me, I can do bad by myself, I don't need help. So, I can understand wanting someone who can contribute.
Despite that, I still believe in love, I just feel with the way the world is today, it is hard to find. It's sad that people are more into looks than what is in the inside.
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First, I must apologize if I missed a point or two in Remo's post... I find it difficult to read unbroken paragraphs, I mean it lovingly. My eyes just can't focus and I lose my place easy.
Dating in general is a horrible game, especially when it's being done on the internet. It's difficult to really narrow down the pool when you set higher standards. Personally, my standards are high, but I recognize the fact that we are all humans and no one is perfect.
I am one of the lucky ones who married till 'death did we part', we had a wonderful marriage of 12 years, and a 16 year long relationship. I believe in love at first sight, and I believe in a love that grows over time, be it a short or long period of time.
I'm a true romantic, yet I'm realistic. When I love someone, it's with my whole being and not half.
Once you have loved and lost, and you feel you are ready to fall in love again, your standards are based on the previous love lost. So, you tend to want that same feeling, but under better circumstances. Thing is, when love happens, it happens, like a slap in the face - wake up - good morning call, it happens!
Enjoy life, enjoy love... and yes, I'm sorry if this is all sappy ... but I'm finding myself falling in love again.
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IzPoz said: Dating in general is a horrible game, especially when it's being done on the internet. It's difficult to really narrow down the pool when you set higher standards. Personally, my standards are high, but I recognize the fact that we are all humans and no one is perfect.
I totally agree. Internet dating is like playing a game of craps. The best thing I do is stay real and true to myself and I look for men who are the same. I have some standards set also and no one around my area seems able to fit the bill. I must admit I haven't been in love in awhile so maybe I am being a bit jaded....
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Amen Queen!! Real and True to yourself always, and the right one will eventually fall into your lap!
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Hi everyone - I just want to provide a "positive" side of the dating game. I'm a 45 yo female who was diagnosed when my husband became very ill in 2002 - bad tattoo - anyways he did not deal well with his diagnosis and changed dramatically as a person - into not a very nice one so that was the end of that!!! I KNEW that I wanted somebody in my life - 2 teenage kids had to be balanced out somehow!!! I don't mean this to sound like a "pitch" or anything but I signed up on pozmatch.com and met a great guy. I live in Upstate NY & he lived in Atlanta. He suffers from neuropathy so is on SSDI and I have a decent job here and don't t hink I could move my kids away anyway. We talked on the phone for 100's of hours made a few trips back & forth and he moved up here in Jan 2005 - Maybe it's a heterosexual male thing but he to did not deal well with his diagnosis - told people the same lies my husband did - that he had stomach cancer????? But I have helped him work his way through this. I am very open about my status - everyone I work with knows and have had very few bad experiences. I did struggle about telling my kids - I didn't want them to think I was dying but I didn't want them to think that HIV was no big deal either so I did eventually tell them and they make the choice as to what friends they tell - sorry - I've gotten off topic. I never would have done the online dating thing without this disease and maybe I'm just one of the lucky ones but it's worked for me - I grant you he does piss me off at times but anybody would - positive or not!!!! Thanks for letting me share - Lori
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There are some success stories with online dating, you just don't hear about them as much as the bad ones. Glad you found someone...
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Heard both good and bad tales of dating, glad you got a great one!