Atripla my Dr and other things....

[jlynnstrong]

ok so its 2:27 a.m. and i have been on atripla a little over a month now, the side effects i feel very strong totally disorienates me.  My Dr when I went into the visit today asked about my heart rate being a little high i think it was like 97, I get anxiety real bad at Dr's anyway, but went on to accuse me of being on meth and seemed to not want to get off that subject, (i am not on meth) pretty much after the third time she asked if i was using meth and i replied no i shut down, I didnt discuss anything I had planned to discuss with her, when she asked me how I was feeling I just said fine and rushed the visit as fast as I good, Im in pain, my abdomen hurts to the point I double over and cry, which she does not seem to care about and i just told her today I was fine and all that had gone away just so I could get the f out of her office.  I've been having suicidal thoughts, i dont think i would actually go through with them, but its just any little thing I think i should just kill myself. I am sitting alone in a room whiich I have torn to pieces from throwing everything off the shelves to try and calm myself, this is not normal behavior for me.  I've been chain smoking cigerettes and I can not sleep.  I feel I am going crazy and just once would like some one to listen ... going to stop now cause my tears are in the way and i can only hope that i am with few typos I dont even think this is the right place to post this I am new to the forum and jsut recently diagnosed.   

[Miss Philicia]

You need to immediately call your doctor and relate the suicidal ideation and insist on changing to another HIV regimen. In fact, print out this post and read it to her or email it to her. She should also be made aware that falsely accusing a patient of using meth has caused the patient to hesitate in relating a life threatening situation to the physician. That's inexcusable.

[jlynnstrong]

The suicidal thoughts are really not something im worried about as I know these are just whims and thoughts that pass through my head and no real plan or purpose will be put in forth in carrying out killing my self, I am TG MtF, and have grown up with suicidal thoughts/few attempts my whole life, recently before being diangosed is when i came out fully as TG and decided then and there I would never end my life by my own hand, its the other things that are getting to me, not being able to sleep, the pain (which no pills will be prescribed for me) reason being is that during my first ER visit i tested positive for Marijuana which i do and still smoke it helps me feel better all around, and opiates (lortab-hydrocodone) which i was taking (illegally) for the pain in which I went to the Dr for. i dunno i just feel so lost in space right now and i have to be in bed up and awake and ready to be at work in 5 hours which is a total energy drain on me... I wish I could just cry myself to sleep