Need Advice On Relations

[LivingFree1989]

So, I have been knowing this guy since before I was +. I told him 4 years ago but we were just friends so I never thought much about it. Fast forward to this year. We started talking as more than friends. I asked about the possibility of taking it further he said he doesn't understand HIV and he is scared that he may "forget" and not use a condom and get infected. He doesn't really say yes or no. I try to explain to him when he brings it up. Of course he is still scared. He says this but every action shows that he wants to move forward with me. I guess my question is should I just move on and remain friends or should I still try and pursue it because I don't want to  be hurt in the long run. We have never been as close as we are now. I mean like talk everyday... We have conversations that happen between ppl who are trying to be in a relationship...We go out on dates too. Im so confused anyone ever been in this situation.

[Ann]

If you are interested in pursuing a relationship (more than friends) with this guy, it sounds like you two need to sit down and have a serious discussion about hiv. From reading your previous posts, you're on Stribild now and once your VL is undetectable, you're more likely to win three multimillion lotteries in a row than to pass your virus on to him.

Explain to him that all you need to do to protect his negative status is to use condoms for intercourse. And speaking of his negative status, you would be wise to urge him to have a complete sexual health check up before you ever get intimate. Unless he's in the habit of regular hiv and STI testing, he could already be poz himself and not be aware of it.

As for his fears of "forgetting" to use a condom - just reassure him that you won't let that happen. Read through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can be sure you're using them correctly. A correctly used condom rarely breaks and even if one does, he's highly unlikely to end up poz as the insertive partner. That's with or without an undetectable VL.

You might also want to explain to him that poz/neg couples today are having babies the "old fashioned" way, without the negative partner or the baby getting infected. This is when the poz partner has been on meds and undetectable for at least six months, and neither partner has any other STIs.

It may also be helpful to take him with you to one of your doctor appointments so he can discuss his concerns with your doctor.

Good luck hun! Poz/neg relationships can and do work. Any relationship takes effort and the only extra effort a relationship of this nature really needs is a bit of hiv education. And condoms.

Keep us posted!

Hugs,
Ann
xxx

[LivingFree1989]

Thanks! I will use this information!

[Ann]

You're welcome! Good luck, and let us know how it all turns out.

xxx