I can't get out of the way I am feeling. I am feeling like I did before when I wouldn't take my meds. I haven't taken them in a week & I don't want to anymore. I'm trying to hang on but I just don't see the point . It won't take me long before I develop pcp again. Since I have had it 2 other times the doc told me the next time I got it that I probably wouldn't live through it. So if that is what it takes so be it. I don't really care anymore.
I am not happy, haven't been for a VERY long time. Most of my life I have had self esteem issues and feelings of not being worthy. So the big failure is gonna throw in the towel and let hiv do what it should have done in the late 1980's.
Don't think I am going to go out and kill myself with a gun, or an overdose or anything. I've got the power inside my body & that is how I am going to go.
Please don't suggest I go get a shrink. I won't go. Or find a support group in my area. There isn't one.
I've posted something like this on the old forum before, but this time I mean it and there is no turning back.
You have all these people here (myself included) that you can reach out to. I know you want to, or you would not be posting here.
And Dan, for what it's worth -- Montreal is just around the corner...I hope you are there because there are those of us who would love to meet you and give you a HUG ((((((((((((((((((DAN))))))))))))))))). Whatever you decide to do Dan, and if that means giving up totally and passing on, I'm with you... but please try to make it to Montreal. Can you at least do that? I have a feeling that this trip will be the best thing that has ever happened to you...actually, I know it will do a world of good -- that's a fact!!!
The members of this forum are the only people I have that actually can understand where I come from.
Everything is going wrong because u let it & want IT.
NOW u need to LOOk at all these issues & say-now look here motherfuckers ... i have enough of u , & i want u out of my life, then u give them a bloody kick in the ass - voila
MAKE IT HAPPEN BABY don't expect to be served on a plate !!